Title: The Companion’s Secret Handbook

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: Auntie Beeb owns it all.

Author’s Notes: Thank you to my five lovely reviewers! Your kind words meant so much to me, so thank you Reefgirl, Genne, PadawanMage, cirana, Cristinne Cullen, montypython203, Luna Lovegood5 and thecrystalkey.

Met him in Cardiff, he saved our lives from the walking dead. (2. Rose)

Pitt, Brad

The Doctor brought us to a movie premier on Earth when Queen Poppaea wanted to see what was considered to be handsome by Earth standards. He took quite a liking to her. (7 Poppaea)

Prince William

Me and Martha wanted to see someone who was famous in our time. We can’t brag to our friends about meeting Shakespeare or Queen Elizabeth I can we? But telling them we’d met Prince William… anyway…there was a mix up with the plants in the Windsor Castle gardens, but he didn’t get a chance to be heroic because his body guards got in the way. (6 Donna, and 5. Martha too I suppose)

Queen Victoria

Torchwood Manor. Werewolf. Queen Victoria. Me in a mini-skirt. We ended up being knighted and then banished from the realm about five minutes later. (2. Rose)

Queen Elizabeth I

First place the Doctor took me! He didn’t want to go but I’d been watching Shakespeare in Love…anyway. We didn’t take much of a liking to each other, I think I may have mentioned that she was a bit up herself… (6 Donna)

Monroe, Marilyn

I told him I wanted to see someone really famous. I wanted it to be Elvis really but the Doctor seemed a bit down at the idea of pulling on his blue suede shoes, so I made him take me to meet her. I don’t why he was so fed up about it all – he got snogged by her. I swear he does it on purpose… (6. Donna)

Shakespeare, William

Probably my favourite journey with the Doctor – and my first proper trip in the TARDIS. He wasn’t like anyone would expect though – I think the Doctor was more impressed with him than I was. (5. Martha)

Tips for everyday life on the TARDIS

The Doctor does get things wrong, whatever he says. He got Cardiff mixed up with Naples, parked the TARDIS so he couldn’t get out of the door, and dropped me off a year after he was supposed to. (2. Rose)

- He took us to see the famous gardens of Botanic Research Planet Six 300 years before they were created, and dropped us in the exotic silk markets of Eustacia 30 years after the planet had been flooded. (7 Poppaea)

Milk – he goes back to Earth to pick up three pints of milk every two days, even when we don’t need milk. Dairy makes me retch and he only has it in tea – even he can’t drink that much of the stuff. I asked why he goes, and he started rambling on along the lines of ‘Mumble-wumble-spacey-talk! That’s why!’ (6 Donna)

Chips – he seems to think that all humans love chips! Every time we stop off on earth its chips! (5. Martha)

The TARDIS – maps are useless when the rooms change around. The Doctor swears by following one wall until you come to something familiar but that could mean walking for about ten years. Just get lost and trust in the TARDIS. (2. Rose)

- Or carry a whistle to alert the Doctor in extreme cases, like me. (5. Martha)

No matter how advanced the technology, the TARDIS still runs out of hot water. (6. Donna)

DON’T PUSH ANY BUTTONS WITHOUT ASKING WHAT THEY DO. Although it all fairness I wasn’t to know that the gold button that didn’t seem to do anything in the bathroom actually defrosts the freezer. (6 Donna)

Don’t try and sweep the floors in the TARDIS. It makes the whole ship tremble. Is the TARDIS ticklish? (7 Poppaea)

The pinball machine in the Games Room is rigged, whatever he says otherwise. (2 Rose)

- And if you ever win that Who Wants to be a Millionaire game machine in there, for some reason it pays out coloured shells instead of money. (5. Martha)

Just because there are a lot of outfits in the wardrobe, don’t be temped to play dress-up. You can guarantee that the second you pulled on the floaty dress and purr seductively into the mirror ‘Why hello Mr. Darcy’, is the second the Doctor wanders in to change his tie and you won’t hear the end of it for weeks. He even found a way to work it into an anecdote he was telling to the Empress of Kardolax. (5. Martha)

For some reason time-travel makes soap bars all weird and melty. Buy shower-gel and hand-wash instead. (2 Rose)

The chips comment in this is actually based on a comment in The Last Dodo, where Martha remarks that he keeps feeding her chips despite her not actually liking them that much. So that bit is canon!

I know this was a bit short – but it’s Monday and I’ve been working all day.