|What's Your Major?
Author: Val Evenstar PM
Daniel and Teal'c try to guess what on earth Mitchell studied at college. Humorous tags to several season 9 episodes.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor - & C. Mitchell - Words: 1,737 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 1 - Published: 07-08-07 - Status: Complete - id: 3644307
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Author's Note: A bunch of randomness and smart remarks. Read and REVIEW, please. Or else I won't unleash my further creative genius via long, tense, dramatic, action adventure episodes that I'm planning to publish. Not that anyone was waiting tensely for them anyway. Oh, and the ending my be weird on this, because i like unusual twists even if they're a little OOC.
"Well, this tells me absolutely nothing," he griped to Teal'c, who was casually examining some artifacts from a Goa'uld inhabited planet.
Teal'c glanced at the file. "It appears to contain a good amount of information," he commented.
"Well, it doesn't. I mean, get real, when was the last time you saw a guy with a perfect service record?"
Teal'c didn't need to respond. He didn't make a habit of reading Air Force personnel files. Neither did Daniel, but he needed to know a little more about Lieutenant Colonel Cameron Mitchell before going after Ancient treasure with the guy. Normally, knowing that the chap had saved his skin would have been enough, but he was so incredibly annoyed with the whole missing-the-Daedelus-only-to-get-stuck-with-a-clingy-woman deal. Not to mention an author-who-makes-overly-much-use-of-hyphens writing his story.
He continued griping. At least Teal'c didn't make absurd comments after his every sentence, unlike a certain leather-clad criminal. "It's not like he's a bad guy or anything - but since when was 'All-American Hero' a major at any university?"
Teal'c raised an eyebrow.
"A field of study," Daniel explained. "Like I did Archaeology, Philology, and Anthropology. Sam majored in Theoretical Astrophysics."
"Perhaps you should merely ask Colonel Mitchell what he ... majored.. in," Teal'c suggested.
"Nah." Daniel felt an evil grin spreading across his face. "That wouldn't be very much fun."
Daniel winced in empathy as the blade crashed down on the colonel's back once again. That had to hurt.
"Somehow I think we can rule out Fencing," he muttered to Teal'c.
"Perhaps he studied Art History," Teal'c said, earning a confused look from Daniel.
Daniel fidgited uncomfortably with the handcuffs, wanting to spring them right away but knowing better. Then the bad guys arrived and he did his best frightened-but-playing-brave-prisoner act. Sam was giving him weird looks, so he knew he must look something like a maniac about to have a seizure. He decided to drop the act. Instead, he watched Teal'c and Mitchell's much better performance and muttered, "Hmm... maybe Theatre?"
Sam shot him a quizzical what-was-that-but-shut-up-and-pay-attention look. He smothered a grin.
Daniel sighed. "He's doing the best he can," he told Vala, then ignored her next comment as he wandered over to join Teal'c. "Not diplomacy, eh?"
"Most definitely Subsurface Geoscience."
Daniel keyed the radio in his space suit, switching to a private channel with Teal'c. "I've got it this time," he announced, listening to Mitchell spouting off the capabilities of a Mark 9 Gatebuster. "International Relations with an emphasis on the coming nuclear crisis!"
Teal'c's calm voice held the slightest flavor of laughter. "It certainly was not Architecture in Urban Design."
"Yes, I'll admit that it was... unusual!"
Teal'c raised an eyebrow.
"OK, maybe even brilliant. But I wouldn't go with Advanced Mathematics because of it. More like, logical problem solving. With a healthy dose of 'Beam me up, Scotty'."
"Well, I don't know if the Air Force offers 'Survival' as a major, but he's got it down all right," Daniel said, relieved to see an uninjured Mitchell walk through the Stargate.
"But I believe he must have studied Ecology and Evolutionary Biology."
"OK, it is so NOT Ancient History," Daniel yelled.
Mitchell held his hands up in a what-the-heck-do-you-mean gesture.
Then a hibernating man flopped out onto Daniel.
Daniel dropped the report as if it were on fire. "Definitely Creative Writing," he said with conviction.
" I would certainly not hesitate to discount Midieval Studies," said Teal'c.
"Biblical History," Daniel exclaimed to the person he thought was his Teal'c. "You know, 'be fruitful and multiply'?"
Teal'c turned his head as three Mitchells walked past. "Indeed."
Daniel puffed out a frustrated sigh/grunt. He watched Sam walk off to catch up with Mitchell, and vented his frustrations to Teal'c. "Not Law. And not military strategy. And most definitely NOT drug trafficking."
"Perhaps not. Have you considered Health Care Studies and Management?"
Teal'c caught Daniel just before they stepped through the event horizon. "Perhaps he majored in Asian Studies," he said.
Daniel could've sworn that the Jaffa was teasing him, but he was 43 million miles away before he could answer. "What about Fluid Dynamics and Transport?" he suggested lamely. Mitchell tossed him a quizzical glance.
Teal'c and Mitchell picked themselves up off the ground. The claymores had done their work, and it was not a pretty sight. "Perhaps you should have studied Mathematical Economic Analysis."
Mitchell looked as if he were having serious doubts about Teal'c's sanity.
The colonel gave him his I-have-no-clue-what-you're-talking-about look. Daniel traded glances with Teal'c. And then with Sam. She shrugged.
"You guys really don't know what's going on?"
Sam and Mitchell looked at each other, puzzled, then shook their heads.
"But in a contest between you and Teal'c, I'd go with Teal'c," Mitchell added.
Daniel looked insulted.
Sam intervened quickly. "What exactly is going on here?" She turned to Mitchell. "What, are the guessing the name of your high school sweetheart or something?"
"I don't get to say this often, Sam, but you're just as clueless about this as I am."Daniel smothered a grin as she pondered that.
"Daniel Jackson and I have been trying to guess your area of study at the Air Force Academy," Teal'c clarified.
"My guess stands as Creative Writing," Daniel interjected. He watched anxiously for a reaction.The colonel's face slowly broke into an incredulous smile. "Sorry, Jackson, that's so far off base you might as well be playing soccer. I wouldn't have passed third grade if the spellcheck hadn't been invented."
Sam did the math and corrected him. "Um, Cam, spellcheck wasn't even around when you were in third grade."
His smile faded. "Oh."
Daniel knew he was cracking up inside, though. He didn't do such a good job trying to hide his emotions. Or opinions, for that matter.
Teal'c submitted his guess - and Daniel got the distinct feeling that he had no idea what he was talking about.
"Environmental Analysis and Decision Making", Teal'c intoned.
Sam and Mitchell lost it.
Even Daniel cracked up.
Finally, Daniel asked the million-dollar question ."OK, so what was it?" He was tired of waiting. Not to mention he felt that Teal'c owed him a check.
"You really want to know? But it's so entertaining listening to your guesses!"
Daniel cleared his throat and raised his eyebrows.
Mitchell traded looks with Sam, then smiled. "OK, fine. I studied Military Intelligence."
Daniel looked up at him. "No. Way."
Mitchell ignored his half-insult and went on. "But I was a double major."
Daniel's eyes lit up. There was still a chance.
Mitchell looked again at Sam, who nodded encouragingly.
Mitchell shrugged and said," The other thing I studied was Applied Astrophysics."
The room was so silent Daniel could hear his jaw drop.
He looked at Sam, and she gave him her combination shrug-smile that meant, yeah, that's right.
He looked back at Mitchell. "Good try, now, what did you really study?" he said more than asked.
"I told you," Mitchell replied. "Air Force doesn't let Sociology majors fly their planes. You gotta get the grades and high marks to even think about flying their jets."
"OK, you've just destroyed my stereotype of fighter pilots," Daniel announced. Then he added, "Not that I stereotype anyhow."
"What? You guys really didn't know this? I think it probably says so in my file..."
Teal'c shook his head.
"Well, how else would I know Sam?" Mitchell asked.
"Maybe through the F-302 program and the Prometheus?" Daniel suggested.
"Yeah, but I met her at the Academy. She practically pulled me through some of those exams."
Sam rolled her eyes and reddened a little, muttering a disclaimer.
"Wait, so you can actually understand what she's talking about?"
"No, I just hang around in her lab for fun." Mitchell dropped the sarcastic tone then added, "Of course I don't. She's a doctor of Theoretical Astrophysics and I just barely got my bachelor's. Anything beyond, say, relativity and I'm lost."
"Riiiight," said Daniel, still trying to come to terms with all this. "So the whole hotshot pilot thing is just an act, huh?"
Mitchell looked taken aback. "No... I mean...no... that's not..."
Daniel smirked at the confusion on his friend's face. He laughed and strolled out of the lab. Best to quit while he was ahead. And before Teal'c could draw him into an argument over who had won the bet.