“Yet another installment of Crossover and Out?” you ask, O Gentle Reader. “What gives?” you wonder.

Well, in a world with 36-hour days, I would have spun this one-shot into a full-blown story. Alas, our world has 24-hour days, and so, with other projects underway, not to mention my family and professional responsibilities, this is all I’ll be writing of this Kim Possible/Star Trek crossover.

Thanks to campy for his proofreading assistance.

Leave a review and I’ll beam a response to your email box.

KP © Disney; Star Trek © Paramount

STAR TREK

I.

There are two kinds of old men: those who are shadows of their past selves, echoes of lives lived well or poorly, and those who with the passage of time seem to gather up all the fierce majesty of the human experience, humbling those of lesser years and experience.

The first elicited sorrow, even pity; the latter, respect and sometimes fear.

Jonathan Archer, in his twelfth decade, was among the latter.

Montgomery Scott, like all Starfleet officers, had heard the stories of the legendary officer who saved Earth from the genocidal Xindi, made possible the very founding of the Federation, and, if the rumors were true, survived the Klingon prison hell of Rure Penthe. But the tales didn’t do the man justice, not by a light year. Scott could attest to that, having just received a priority one transmission from San Francisco.

Glowering on screen had been the centenarian, his whispy hair white, his aged face creased, but his jaw strong, and his eyes clear and filled with unquenchable fury.

“I want my dog back,” he demanded.

“I’m a workin’ on it, Admiral,” Scotty said nervously.

“Work harder,” the old man growled. “Or I’ll have you transferred off the Enterprise and back to Delta Vega faster than you can say haggis.”

“Aye—” Scott was replying when the admiral ended the transmission.

The Scot sighed. “It’s not as if I’ma not tryin’ to find yer wee pup,” he groused. Then, fired by a desire to placate Archer and an even stronger innate need to solve the problem at hand, he returned to his calculations.

II.

They had never taken him seriously, even if his ideas and schemes were every bit as villainous as those of the others. They focused on his appearance, on his quirks. They mocked his desire to be wise with his resources.

And yet it was he, Frugal Lucre, who had come within a hair’s breadth of crippling the world economy using nothing more than his computer smarts and a lowly can of Vienna Sausage. He would have succeeded, too, if it hadn’t been for Kim Possible.

Of course, he knew every villain could say that. So the way to gain the respect that was his due was to succeed where all the others had failed: eliminate Kim Possible.

Lucre gave the matter a great deal of thought, wanting to be sure that what he ultimately did was not only successful but definitive. And so he did his research, made his preparations, and, now, he had sprung the trap that would lead Kim Possible to her doom.

That Ron Stoppable would also be ensnared was an added bonus, a villainous bargain. Despite, or rather because of their shared love of Smarty Mart, Frugal Lucre despised Ron as much as he did Kim. While the redhead was the bane of the budget bad guy’s evil existence, her tow-headed sidekick had turned his back on the greatest dream a man could harbor: a career as Martin Smarty’s protégé. Instead, incredibly, Ron Stoppable had chosen to set aside retail glory so he could join his girlfriend as a Global Justice agent upon graduating college.

If Lucre’s plan worked, though, GJ would have to find itself two new recruits.

III.

Scotty reviewed his revised equations, then compared them to the ones he’d first used, the ones that had sent Porthos X where no canine had gone before. He sat back in his chair, folded his hands behind his head and grinned. All he had to do was make some minor adjustments to the secondary power conduits in the tertiary transporter baffle and he’d be ready to retrieve the admiral’s dog.

He grabbed his tools, rose from his chair, walked around the transparent steel divider and to the transporter platform. He knelt down, removed a panel and got to work.

IV.

“… He is so busted when we find him,” Kim growled.

“Hey, at least we got to pick up our pigskins,” Ron observed.

“Sheepskins,” Kim said with a fond smirk.

“You sure? I mean, I am the expert on pigskins,” Ron said.

“Trust me on this,” she said. “Besides, that’s so not the point. He ruined our dinner plans. Our fams came all the way from Middleton to see us graduate and now we can’t even celebrate with them.”

“At least we avoided whatever prank you know your brothers cooked up,” cracked.

Kim stopped, reached up and cupped Ron’s cheeks, and gazed into his eyes. “Always seeing the bright side, aren’t you?”

“Hey, when you’re the boyfriend of the amazing Kim Possible, how can you not?”

“And you wonder why I keep you around?” she said as he kissed him.

“Oh, puh-leaze,” Lucre gagged as he watched the two heroes on his monitor, which was displaying images from one of the video cameras he’d rigged throughout the cavernous building so he could watch their movements. He was relieved when Kim and Ron broke the kiss and resumed making their way deeper into the warehouse.

Kim once again looked at her wrist Kimmunicator, which she held in front of her to scan the surrounding area. “We’re must be getting close,” she said. “The readings are growing ferociously strong.”

“Coolio. We’ll get the thingie, bag Francis, and get back to Collegetown for dessert,” Ron said, finishing his comment just in time for his stomach to rumble.

“Hungry much?” Kim asked with an arched eyebrow.

“Hey, sidekicking works up a guy’s appetite,” Ron replied with a shrug and a grin.

“You’re not sidekicking, you’re partnering,” Kim said seriously.

Ron’ stomach rumbled again. “Either way, the Rondo could use some snackage.”

“Then let’s find Lerhman,” Kim said. “Once we take care of him, we can jet and find something to eat.” The young woman looked at her Kimmunicator again, then gestured to her left. “It’s in there.”

Frugal Lucre watched with mounting satisfaction as Kim and Ron walked into the heart of his trap. He took another look at his equipment, made sure the cameras were rolling, then, chuckling, grabbed the instrument of his foes’ planned destruction and headed out to meet his quarry. He hurried down some stairs, along a corridor and around a corner, where he found the heroes.

“Ah, Team Possible,” he said in his faux Slavic accent. “You have stumbled into the waiting clutches of Frugal Lucre!”

“Forget the mustache, Francis?” Kim gibed.

“Vhat are you talking about?”

“Dude, you forgot to put on the fake goatee before going into villain mode?”

“Such the amateur,” Kim said dismissively.

Frugal Lucre reached up, touched his face, and scowled. “Fine, I won’t use the accent,” he said. “That won’t stop me from defeating you!”

“Look, Francis, we don’t have the time for this,” Kim snapped. “You’ve already made us miss our dinner reservation. Now give us the Pan-dimensional Vortex Inducer.”

“I don’t think so,” he said. “You see, I need it to power this!”

“A telephone?” Ron asked.

“Ron, that’s not a telephone,” Kim said. “That’s Dementor’s transportulator!”

“Dude, you’re stealing from other villains?”

“The lowest cost plan is the one that someone else pays for,” Lucre said smugly.

“I don’t know what you’re up to, Lucre—” Kim said before she was cut off by her boyfriend.

“I know!” Ron said. “He’s going to soup up the transportulator so he can travel to any Smarty Mart in the world and steal stuff!”

“Actually, that’s a pretty good idea,” Lucre conceded as he plugged the transportulator into the Pan-dimensional vortex inducer. “I’ll have to look into that after I’m done with you.”

“Us? What are you talking about?” Ron said.

V.

“You are confident that this will work, Mr. Scott?” asked Spock, who was intrigued by what the offbeat but brilliant engineer was attempting.

“Aye, I am. We’ll have the wee doggie back in the Admiral’s hands and him off my back,” Scotty said to the first officer before he focused on his controls. “Energizing.”

VI.

“You see,” Lucre said as he shifted back into his Slavic villain’s voice, pointing the PDVI-powered transportulator at the two heroes, “I’m not going anywhere. It’s you who are. Sayanora, so long, don’t bother to write!”

“Ron, look out!” Kim said as she shoved her boyfriend out of the way as Lucre fired his device at them.

“Looking out!” Ron said as Frugal fired off another shot, again just missing.

“Split up,” Kim said.

“Gotcha,” Ron said, heading away from her.

Frugal looked back and forth between the two, made a choice, and pointed the ray at Kim. “Farewell, Kim Possible!”

“Kim!” Ron cried out as the beam lanced out at his girlfriend, who, to his relief, dropped, rolled, and narrowly missed being hit.

“Phew,” Ron said, not realizing that Lucre had already swung back and targeted him.

“Ron!” Kim called out when she saw what was happening.

His eyes opened wide as he was enveloped by a penumbra of dancing light. “KP!”

“Ron!” she cried out again, hurrying to him. She reached into the light, hoping to pull him free. Instead, she, too, was engulfed by the shimmering aura.

Kim was gripped by concern for herself and her boyfriend as her body tingled and her surroundings began to fade from view. And even though she felt as if she were becoming immaterial, she tightened her grip on Ron’s hand, as he did hers, as the world about her was disappearing.

Watching gleefully, Frugal Lucre called out to the fading forms of his foes, “Ta ta, Team Possible! Come back – Never!” Chortling, he watched them vanish into nothingness.

VII.

“I’ve got a lock,” Scotty declared, nodding with satisfaction as he looked at the readings on his control panel –all of the data was as expected.

The transporter whined and a column of golden dancing specks appeared. Scott and Spock watched as the shimmering lights multiplied and began to materialize on the transporter pad.

It was immediately clear that Scotty had locked onto something other than a beagle.

“I dinna understand,” he said, perplexed as two shocked young people, one a red-headed woman, the other a blond haired man, rather than a beagle, appeared.

“Fascinating,” Spock observed as he settled his gaze on the unexpected visitors.