Part Eight: Train Trouble

Part Eight: Train Trouble

The smoke and ash scattered in the air and spiralled with wind to make a smoke signal that looked quite rudely suggestive in the air. On the ground the explosions continued and fire erupted around the ruins of the warehouse, Christoph was upon his knees crying in anguish whilst Doppelkopf sat near her car further away giggling insanely. Christoph’s face was smothered in tears as he placed his face to the ground and prayed to god for the lives of his friends back. His moment of prayer made him ignore the shadows in the flame.

Like superheroes emerging with a crowd of people they’d saved, a troop of five men stepped out of the flames with heads held high and grins on their smug faces. Their bodies had no mark of soot, ash, or burn and they seemed to be quite unaware of the explosions behind them. They marched to Christoph’s side and stared at him blankly, what was so entertaining about the ground? With a few shrugs of their shoulders, four of the men began to march with narrowed eyes toward Doppelkopf, whose grin had faded by now. Paul stood beside Christoph grinning at him.

“You know, it turns out that you’re not a werewolf after-all! We thought you’d put us in there so that we wouldn’t be torn apart by you! But I’m glad that cheap booze was so cheap, we’d all dived outside to take a leak in a bush when the explosion happened. Useful things, bladders I mean!” Paul chuckled smugly and he looked curiously at Christoph. The drummer slowly raised his head up to look at them and gasped with surprise. Then he lunged forward and gripped Paul in a hug, which the shorter fellow did not necessarily enjoy.

“You’re alive!” Christoph beamed and then he started kissing the sides of his friend’s face. Paul managed to push him away and give him a smack round the face to help him focused. Christoph shock his head and then he heard a shriek and turned around. He and Paul stood nervously watching for a few moments as Till, Richard, Ollie, and Flake were chasing Doppelkopf around her car in circles. When one of them finally realised what was going on, Till was stopped and turned around with a fist raised. Then the next thing they know there was a loud smacking sound and crack where Doppelkopf’s face collided with the fist and she fell on the floor, heavily. Paul and Christoph galloped over.

“As a note Christoph, you mean more to us then an old woman, ‘Bros before Hoes’ right?” Paul chuckled as they slowed down on reaching the car, which was missing half a side due to some flying bits of burning shrapnel from the building. Paul’s eyes caught Christoph’s confusion and he shrugged in agreement. “I never understood that either! After-all, I thought that a hoe was a kind of gardening thing!”

“WOW! How’d have thought this girl was actually a bloke? Come over and have a look Christoph!” Ollie suddenly chirruped at the sight of the creature Till had just knocked out. Till was apologising gently until he also noticed what was going on. Where there had been the face of a pretty woman grinning at what was going on, a now very beardy fellow was sitting in a red dress on the floor with his legs open. Quickly Richard kicked him to close them and Paul chuckled at Christoph, but the drummer looked very unhappy.

“BLUUUAAEEEAARRRGGGGHH!” Christoph leapt behind his companions toward the hill edge and began to vomit violently. He seemed quite occupied so the others did not bother him, though Paul continued to giggle. Swiftly Till’s forearm lunged forward and gripped Doppelkopf around the neck, tightly. He lifted the bloke upward into the air and then leaned him against the remaining half of the car, if only because Till did not want be holding a guy up on his own for longer then was necessary.

“So, Doppelkopf, if that’s even your name, Hairy!” Flake screeched, though he had to jump up and down a bit to actually look Doppelkopf full in the face. Doppelkopf tried to keep a straight look on him, but as his face was starting to go blue and his cheeks were swelling, and his eyes were spinning crazily, Till loosened his grip a little. For a few seconds Doppelkopf gasped in as much air as was possible before staring at them nervously. But just as it looked as though he was going to say something, Christoph stood up from vomiting and was making a lot of noise.

“Oh mein Gott! I’ve been going out with a man! I Kissed a Friggin’ man!” Christoph was screaming as he began running up and down behind the five blokes. Till’s evil face slackened into one of annoyance and he looked toward Paul, ushering him to see to Christoph with a flick of his fingers. In the mean time Richard proceeded with the questioning.

“CONFESS! Who’s hired you to kill us?” Richard questioned, pointing a very rigid index figure right into the face of the strange being. His face was crumpled up as if he was chewing a wasp, but he was serious enough to avoid the strange sounds coming from Christoph. But the being said nothing and so Flake was ordered to get some form of torturing device to use. The simple mention of torture and the grins on the faces of the four band members, whilst Paul stood idly by watching Christoph, was enough to make Doppelkopf crack.

“There’s no real name for them! I just know them as the AA!” He pleaded suddenly, his voice amazingly deep and the screams from Christoph becoming much more intense. He hastily put a hand to his hip and fiddled around with a strange hole in the side of his red dress, which now just made him look like a drag-act. The others were nervous, that area was a dangerous place to stick your hand, and they were still not very sure of what Doppelkopf really was. But instead of anything worrying, a simple piece of paper with an address on was produced. “This is where I was told to report you dead, that building is where they’ve been working for a while now. Yargh, I’m not attractive now am I?”

“OH GOD, WHY?” Christoph screamed in terror at the sound of the steadily deepening masculine voice. She as floundering about in circles so much that he quickly tripped over the top of a mole-hill, kicking the approaching mole in the face, and banged his head on the edge of the hill. Then he commenced to roll down the side of the steep hillock the band were parked on. More and more he rolled, whilst Paul watched curiously, until of course he landed with his head in the middle of the train track and the sound of an approaching train could be heard. Only then did Paul suddenly decide to take his duty seriously.

“Ummm…. Guys….” Paul whined. He looked toward his startled and dazed drummer, who was saying something about pretty colours on the train-track below, and then he looked to the actual rail-track. By his guess it would not be long before the train hit Christoph, and he began to jump up and down in front of his distracted fellows!

“Looks like we’ll have to go to that bank and….” Till had begun as he pawed the piece of paper Doppelkopf had given them. But he was forced to turn and look at Paul, who was making a few feeble gestures toward the train tracks. A look of bemusement was upon the faces of his fellow band mates, but on seeing the train and Christoph, all four of them gave Paul a little smack on the head and then they headed toward the track at full speed.

A good deal of running took place and Doppelkopf was left to make a clean escape into only half a car! The running also consisted of a good deal of tripping over Ollie, falling and then rolling down the hill with Flake being dragged behind. On reaching the train track they managed to grab Christoph and hold him aloft and out of the way just as the train went rushing past. But some evil villain must have seen them trying to save their companion, because a large net emerged from an open freight carriage and scooped them all inside and they were stuck on the train heading far away from Doppelkopf.

“How’d I get on the train?” Christoph murmured as he stood up beside the others. They all shrugged their shoulders and looked about them. The train was going by amazingly fast and they could only make out a few green hills and a random road every now and again. It was obvious though that they were just going around in a circle, but it was so fast they did not think they could just leap off the train. But worst of all Richard sat down and lifted a cloth away from something beside him that was ticking. This caused an amazing amount of panic.

“OH MY GOD! There’s a BOMB! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE IN A BIG BANG!” Paul and Christoph began to cry and ran in circles around the bomb, even Till looked a bit panicked by it and eventually found himself running around in circles with the two loons. But Richard, Ollie, and Flake were staring at intensely, surely with their combined intelligence they could come up with some plan to save the day?

“Don’t worry, in a situation like this, Keanu Reeves always come to save the day?” Richard stood proudly and raised his finger high in the air for making such a point. But though the silly trio paused in their running to look at him with hope, Flake shook his head in confusion. But Oliver felt confused as well, only he felt compelled to question Richard.

“Who’s Keanu Reeves? Is he that guy from Speed and then the Matrix?” The bass player questioned, scratching his bald head with confusion. Richard nodded his head slowly, but though they looked outside expectantly, there was no sign and they all suddenly realised that there was only ten minutes left to decide what to do. So Oliver volunteered his idea. “Don’t worry, I’ll call for help from the animal friends that we might have in the vicinity!” With a look of surprise claiming the face of the other band members, Ollie stood tall, though he bumped his head against the top of the crate-like carriage, and then he gave out a funny sound like a rhino in the mating season and thumped his chest like a mad gorilla. This of course was imitated by the others and they all ducked out of the way when Till got a little carried away and began making monkey sounds.

“What was that?” Paul asked, standing up after they had all ducked away from Till throwing things. Christoph shrugged his shoulders, but they still looked around hopefully. After five minutes they sighed deeply and began to huddle together, crying and sobbing gently as they prepared to die. Carefully they formed a circle and then became a heap as they group hugged, crying loudly and making puddles on the floor.

But hope was at hand for them once more. With a sound like something clopping along and then some odd-looking toes appearing along the nearby track, they all cried in joy. A llama with a familiar looking grin on its face leapt within the cart and bleated at them all to hop on her back. Swiftly Ollie hugged Lucy and got on first, and then the others did as quickly as was possibly, thanking the llama but then giving shrieks of surprise as she leapt off and ran for it.

A little later, a figure dressed in black leather and sunglasses was bouncing happily against the hills along the train track. He got into the crate where the band had been and made a tu-dah sound, expecting to hear applause. Yes, Keanu Reeves had turned up to save them from this terrible doom, but he gave a grunt of annoyance when he realised they were not present. Then he turned to check the bomb, noticed it said two seconds, and managed a quick gulp before being blown up with the train.

Next time: Part Nine – Bank Heist

Well, Doppelkopf’s given them the information they need to clear their name, so, what are the band about to do? Not many people break into a bank they’ve already been filmed breaking into as part of a music video, but this time Rammstein have a bigger reason for it, only why are they not even trying to cover themselves? Why the long speeches? Plus, why’s Till playing around with a news camera when they’re about to be attacked by some of their doubles?