Wake Up Call

I felt weightless and waterlogged all at the same time.

What woke me?

Something was ringing. My leg? No, no it was near my leg.

My cellphone? Did I have a cellphone? I listened.

“…bit-sy spi-der went…” it sang.

Yep. I had a cell phone. And it was ringing. Now, if I could just find my hand.

I rolled around in the bed fighting with the sheets like an Amazon but shaming my tribe with my effort. “Who the hell put sheets on the bed?!” I screamed, but then started to giggle. Oh right. I did. “Sorry!” I yelled out. People put sheets on beds. That’s where the sheets went to after they got out of the dryer. That or they sat in the dark cupboard with the dust bunnies. I always closed the door on the dust bunnies. They couldn’t walk through doors. Very hard for them to escape. What was I looking for? My hand.

I giggled when I found it. Wriggled it. It was pretty. Oh my god! I lost a finger. I flipped it around and…

“What the hell is rinnning…rinninggg….ring-ing?! …went up the water spout…Grissom would like that song. He likes bugs.” I stood up on the bed and shook the sheets, tossing them away because they were green. Something dropped on the floor. Okay. Now we were getting somewhere. Where the hell did it go? I whistled for it, hanging off the bed half upside down and got a face full of dog slobber for my trouble. “Uggghh, Bruno…go brush your teeth for god’s sake! Here…I’ll get you a toothbrush.”

I stumbled to the bathroom and tried to find one. “Can’t see, Bruno. I can’t see. First I loose my hand and then I go blind.” I slapped at the counters the wall and suddenly there was light. “Coooooooolllllllll.” My words echoed in the bathroom so I tried it again. “Cooooooolllllllbitshy shpider…crap, there it goes again. Bruno did you eat my phone?” I slung my arms around his neck and listened to his belly. “No you didn’t eat the phone, did you baby? Did you? No, mommy’s baby wouldn’t eat a nasty old phone. No, you wouldn’t. No, you wouldn’t.” Bruno liked the baby talk and licked my face again to prove it. I fell onto my butt landing on something small but hard.

My butt was vibrating! Holy crap! I tumbled to my side and reached back there. “I found my phone,” I yelled. “You can stop looking now!” I flipped the lid and answered, “Kip’s Taxidermy. You kill ‘em, We fill ‘em!”

“Sara? Is that you?”

“Yep. Bye.” I hung up the phone and rolled onto my back. “…dried up all the rain so the itsy bitsy spi-der went up the…what the hell was wrong with him? That damn spout was dangerous. They should have posted a sign…” I flipped the phone open again. “Milly’s Brothel. We suck it, you f-“

“Sara! God, I’ve been trying to reach you for the last hour.”

“That’s a long time. Did you finally get me?”

“Sara, the dentist called, said they had to put you under…”

“I’ll take songs that are too whacky for words, Alex for 200. Doo doo doo doo do do dooo. BareNaked Ladies.”

“No, Sara listen-“

“Yes it is…seeeeee I’ll sing it…under there…I just made you say underwear! I love that song! Underwear underwear…it’s a classic.”

“Listen to me. I’ll be home soon, ok, I’m on my way home. Where are you right now?”

“I can see the ceiling…”

“Okay…annnd?”

“Annnnd?”

“What else can you see?”

“The dawn’s early light?”

“Shit, Sara. What are you doing right now?”

“TALKING TO YOU…you know, for such a smart man you are asking me some dumb…crap, lost my hand again. Probably left to go play with the dust bunnies. Dammit, Bruno…go brush your teeth!” I pushed the dog away for all the good it did me. He plopped down on me…backwards…sitting on my chest…all forty friggin pounds and I was pinned. “You think your butt’s an improvement on your face?”

“I hit a red light. Dammit!”

“Stop swearing dammit and get this damn dog off of me.”

“I will when I get there. One more street and I’m home.”

“You’re coming home? Why?”

“Because I got a call from the nurse telling me that you walked out of their office-”

“Shhh…didn’t walk…flew. Don’t tell anyone. Everyone will want me to teach them and I just don’t have the time for-“

“-they said they couldn’t find you…”

“But I’m right here. They didn’t look very hard.”

“I’m pulling in the drive now, Sara. I’ll be up in a minute. We’ll sort this all out when I get in there.”

“You’ll have to get Bruno to move first.”

Grissom shoved his key in the lock and was greeted by an over-enthusiastic Bruno when he opened the door. “Sara?” he called out. “Sara?” No answer. After a quick look around the main floor, he bounded up the steps and burst into their bedroom. There on the floor behind the bed lay his girlfriend, snoring loudly and muttering something about, “…dogs have poor hygiene.”

He leaned back against the door frame in relief and reached for his phone.

“Jim? Yes, I found her. At home. She’s asleep now. Did you find her car? No, it’s not in the garage. A cab I suppose. Hell, I don’t know. I’ll ask her when she wakes up but I don’t know if she’ll remember. Yeah, I’m not exactly sure. It’s in her medical files. She can’t handle pain killers or anesthetics. Yeah, well, someone screwed up. I know. I’ll deal with that later. I’ll call Catherine as soon as I get off the phone with you.”

He hung up and looked around the bedroom, belatedly noting the sheets on the floor, the mess in the bathroom, and the fact that Sara was completely naked but still had her phone open and pressed to her mouth. He sat down on their bed and shook his head. He hoped that Sara’s ‘drugged’ memory worked the same as her ‘inebriated’ memory. If it did then that meant that she would remember every single detail in living colour. He righted the bed and half-lifted, half-walked Sara to it so that she could slip between the covers. He placed a kiss to her brow, counting his blessings that she was safe and well and then slipped downstairs to call Catherine.

A/N: So here’s the deal. This started out as a post ep fic…enough said about that…and about two lines in went in another direction entirely. Quite frankly, I’m glad it did. I had a lot more fun with this angle. Oh and I borrowed a couple of the lyrics from BNL. I apologize profusely to the band for involving them in this madness.