|The Good the Bad, and the AWWW CRAP!
Author: Kitsune Foxfire PM
Naruto is suddenly in the Hellboy universe. Will Hellboy shoot first and ask questions later, or will Naruto go all demon on him? Randomness...based on Hellboy animated movies and Naruto manga. Mostly. rated T for now. Hiatus until further notice, sorry.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Chapters: 23 - Words: 41,871 - Reviews: 102 - Favs: 199 - Follows: 158 - Updated: 10-02-11 - Published: 07-15-07 - id: 3659940
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Kitsune here with the complete inability to spell right now (Migraine) But I wanted to get this one done and up. YAY to all my reviewers and all those who have faved this story, or added it to your alerts. Special thanks to Vampydarkangel for a review that had to be shared for sheer pick-me-up ness. Also hope this one is long enough for you narutorasatard.
As usual, any mistakes this, let me know so I can fix it, right? I give up predicting how many more chapters.
"Kushina wants me to tell you that she doesn't appreciate you having her son help in your 'research' by the way, Sensei." Minato smiled, "But, it's lucky for me you still love to write right now..." He swiftly pulled a pen and some paper out of Jiraiya's hidden pocket as he stood up. Furiously he scribbled a seal on the page before lifting up his-Naruto's shirt and placing it over the warped seal, "Sealing paper would be better, but this will have to do for now" he appied some chakra to the paper, setting it in place. Immediatly, the opressive feel of the room dissapated. "Now, Tsunade-san, Jiraiya-sensei, tell me, what the hell did I miss."
"Minato...is that reall you? Ah! quick! do you know a way to fix the seal?" Tsuanade asked, grabbing the man's arm.
"Not until I have a better idea of what is going on." Minato said, feeling the ears on top of his head, "Now, this is weird...is that...is that a tail as well? Geez, Naruto, what on Earth have you been up to with that overgrown furrball while your old man was away? Could someone get me some seal-paper and ink please? I think this is going to take a while and we wouldn't want the fox to take over in the middle of it. To be honest, I don't know how many more times I can switch with the fox, if at all." He looked at their worried faces, "No, not like that! I'm strong enough to make the switch, especially with Kushina backing me up, but it's really not good for Naruto physically or mentally for there to be too many switches."
"Your right of course," Tusnade put in, "I noticed a drop in his over-all health each time he and the Kyuubi switched places. YOU!" she pointed to an ANBU, "Go get the nessisary suplies! The rest of you, return to your posts!"
Hellboy sighed as he walked back over to the building Naruto and his team had been staying in, until Naruto was hospitlized that is. The others were already there, he was sure, but he had stopped by to let the pinapple-head they were going to visit Naruto if he wanted to come. Shikamaru had said something about it being troublesome and a VIP visiter coming before saying he'd see them all later.
It really was troublesome. Just the other day, right before that Danzo-asshole's attempt for a coup, they'd discovered a way to get home, only to realize the'd need the help of a Jinchuuriki to open the gate. Unfortunatly, that wasn't really and option with the only two friendly ones being Gaara, who lost his beast, and Naruto, who was lost to his. So it was back to square one. Not that they had been planing on leaving Naruto in such a way before he was better anyway. It might have been Naruto's village, but the girls had heard some uncomfortable things some of the adults said. Things like how the village would be better off without a certain blonde ninja.
If it wasn't for the fact that Father would kill him, he'd consider taking out a few of these jerks, show them a REAL monster...but no. It would be bad for interdimetional relationships and all that. Didn't mean he couldn't dream though, now did it?
"Hey, kiddies! I'm here, the lazy pinapple said he meet us there later." Hellboy called as he entered the building. He put up his stone hand, blocking the kunai Sasuke tossed his way, "Nice try, asshole, but you missed by a mile."
"Tch." Sasuke grumped as he caught the returned kunai. It looked like the visit with his brother today had been a little hard, the boy's eyes were a bit red, like he had been crying, but Hellboy wasn't going to bring it up. Had to be tough to find out that the guy that killed your family did it to protect everyone FROM said family. Of course, Itachi was still living under extreme protective custody with his shark-y friend. Turned out that they'd diched the Akaski group after Naruto had gone poof. The leader had gone into seclusion, and a lot of members had died crushed under the rocks when Naruto pulled down the cave. Of course, some had mysteriously turned up dead later too. "The girls are with Sai in the kitchen," the raven-haired punk spoke up, distracting Hellboy from his thoughts, "Something about a home cooked meal being good for the soul."
"Ahh, I see. And you're not giving them a hand, why?" Hellboy asked as he clomped over to the couch, taking a seat as Sauske made room for him.
"That would be because he can't cook" Abe called, exiting the kitchen with some sodas. As he handed them off he continued, "Much like yourself, he's a bit dangerous in the kitchen."
"Oh yeah, fish-face? what about you?" Growled the youth.
Abe just shrugged, "Different ideas of what is tasty, is all. Liz won't let me help cook anymore."
To Sasuke's perplexed look, Hellboy explained, "This guy here? His favorite snack is ROTTEN eggs. Seriously, we're talking BLACK they're so bad. So no, you don't want him cooking for you."
"Riiiight...So, anyway, Mr. troublesome said he'd meet us there. Something about some VIP and the council, I wan't really paying any attention. Do I smell Muffins?" Hellboy sniffed the air appreciatively, "Mmmmm Muffins..."
"They're not for you~" came the call from the kitchen.
"Stingy, Sparky. Anyway, I figure we'd head over as soon as the ladies are done."
Kate came out from the kitchen with Sakura in tow, "Well then, it'll just be a minute, Liz is finnishing with the Muffins. It's so much faster cooking with a pyrokinetic then an oven."
"Tsunade-sama we're comming in!" called Sakura, full of false cheer. She was almost hating these visits, hating the fox's mocking laughter and Naruto's empty eyes equally. She refused to give up hope though, and Team seven would be DAMNED if they abandoned Naruto, they'd all agreed on that, even Sasuke.
"The other's are leaving a message at the front desk for Shikimaru..." the site that greeted her was odd. Naruto wasn't tied down to the bed, in fact, he had been apparently looking over the charts making notes. Jiraiya was leaning against the window, most likely waiting for Kakashi, and Tsuande was resting in a chair. It was very surreal. "Na...Naruto?"
The blond looked up, bright blue eyes slightly confused for a second as he looked at the three teens, "Ah! You must be Sakura-chan Sai-kun and Sasuke-kun...Let's see, Sai is the slightly more pale one, right?" The teen stood, putting the charts down, "I'd like to thank you for takeing care of Naruto..."
"Why are you speeking in third person? We discussed this last time," Sai put in, "YOU are Naruto. You. Not the Kyuubi. We don't listen to the fox, Naruto..."
The blond just stared at them as Kakashi appeared at the window.
"Hokage-sama, may I ask why my student is out of bed?" Kakashi waved off Jiraiya, choosing instead to grab Naruto and turn him so he could look at the boy, checking his eye color. "You shouldn't be out of bed yet. You're not well." He said kindly.
"Oh! Kakashi-kun, you've grown so much!" the blond smiled, "Wait, no, it's that Naruto is shorter then I was, though I'm sure he'll grow a bit more. But still, you've gotten so much taller. And you have your own team of students!" He hugged Kakashi, "I'm so proud of you!" Kakashi for his part, froze, being seriously creeped out.
"Ok, this is just weird. What kind of crap is the fox pulling this time?"
"I'm not the Kyuubi, Sasuke-kun, but I can understand the confusion, he's been playing havoc with everything, according to the charts," He looked pensive, "Just what the hell is that furry bastard up to?"
"Ano..." Sakura begain, "If you're not the fox, then you're Naruto, right?"
"No" The blond shot a look to Tsunade and Jiraiya, who just shrugged.
"Well, there's really no point in hiding it, since the fox has made such a mess of things anyway, I guess." The blond formally bowed to them, "I'm Namikaze Minato, it's a pleasure to meet team seven."
"Cut the bullshit, Naruto, that's not funny," growled Sasuke.
"No, really! I'm the Namikaze!"
"Then why are you in Naruto's body? Didn't the fourth..."
"Die when the Kyuubi was sealed? Yes I did, But I ended up sealing part of my soul and Kushina's into Naruto as well as the Kuuybi." He looked at Kaskashi, who had sat down, heavily, on the bed, "Totally dilberatly of course."
"I think...I need to sit down."
"You are sitting, Kakashi. Just take some deep breaths, I know it's a bit of a shock." Tusanade came over to the distraught captain, "It's true though."
"Knock Knock! It's Your friendly inter-dimensional visiters, and we braught Muffins!" Liz Popped her head in, muffin basket swinging in to veiw.
"Oh. My. God! The Fourth Hokage? HERE? In Naruto?"
"Wait, what?" Liz frowned, then noticed Naruto standing in front of Sakura, Sai and Sasuke. His blue eyes met hers and she frowned harder before stomping into the room. "Hold this," She growled, shoving the basket of muffins at Sasuke before getting into the fox-boy's face.
"Yeah, I heard. 'The Fourth Hokage', right?" She slapped him, hard. "Jackass." Liz stepped to the side, only to be replaced by Kate, who had handed her basket of sandwitches to Sai.
"Excuse Liz, she's not very good at introductions." Kate smiled, "I'm Kate, that was Liz. You must be the son-of-a-bitch who sealed a demonic nine-tailed fox into Naruto as a new-born, leaving him to be the object of hatered and scorn in this village and a target for psycho's trying to take over the world, right?" She slapped him as hard as she could on the other cheek before making room for Abe, who had entere4d the room in time to hear her rundown.
Minato looked at the blue man before him warely, watching as he blinked both sets of eyelids, seeming to be deep in thought. "Are you going to slap me, too?"
Abe held up a had, showing the webbed fingers, "No, I'm a touch-empath, so I don't slap." Minato sighed in relief before Abe continued, "My partner, however, doesn't have that problem."
Hellboy had been standing in the hall, leaning against the wall. His hearing meant that he had heard Liz slap this guy, and he had defiantly heard Kate's rundown. She'd done that so he and Abe would know what they were walking into, as well as tell this Minato that they new Exactly who he was. In fact, she had left out the most important fact.
When they had seen the fourth's carving on the montain, they'd joked amongst themselves that other then it being the wrong color, it looked just like Naruto. Of course in a small enclosed population, that wasn't too unusual. When Kate had found a picture of the fourth in the archives while looking for a way to help Naruto, the joke didn't seem so funny anymore.
He entered the room at the end of Abe's statement. Minato had to admit, this man was scary. He was huge, red, had a massive stone-arm, a tail and what seemed like horns. that wasn't what made him scary though. The man was PISSED, oozing a killing aura despite his obvious attempt to control it. Calmly he pushed past the teens to stand before Minato.
"Now, Abe, you know I don't slap people. Slapping is for girls." The giant grinned evilly, raising his stone hand and grabbing the front of the hospital gown, "I like to punch things. Or sometimes, I like to shoot 'um. But I definatly don't slap things."
"I See." Crap, I'm dead.
"The reason I'm NOT going to do so, even though I really, REALLY want to is simple. You're already dead, and in tryin' to hurt your sorry abandoning-prick-ass, I'd just hurt Naruto here. Maybe the fox too." He picked up Minato so they were eye to eye, "Now the fox, he'd deserve it, but your son has been though enough shit, don't you think?"
Sakura's legs gave out only to be caught by Abe while Kate and Liz retrieved the food before it fell from numbed fingers, "I see. So you know that Naruto's my son. Who told you?"
"No one, asshole. It's not like it's particuarlly difficult to figure out. You looked just like him, which explained the decided lack of photos of the 'village hero' doesn't it?" Hellboy put Minato down, "Just gotta know why."
"Because I was trying to help him, believe it or not. Saving the village was nice too."