In Quest of a Proper Mate

AN-I feel about as happy as an enraged wasp. The first part of this one-shot sucks! The grammar is atrocious. Positively horrifying and bloodcurdlingly appalling. There are tense changes like how politicians change their ideals. There are countless repetitions, run-on sentences, senseless rambling. I’m just sorry. :sob:

But you see, I have had this idea for months now and I couldn’t resist writing it down. I was depressed as hell and angry like hell too. I felt cynical and jaded, so humor came out. The last part isn’t quite humorous but does the trick anyway. And oh, this is a vamp!fic. Everyone has to write at least one vamp!fic so here is mine.

Warnings-Terrible, terrible grammar! Bad writing! Weirdness! Shounen-ai! Warped version of vampires and whatnot! Some hints of het and Yuri! Plus pathetic attempts at humor! And not to forget OOC-ness! So if this is not up to your tastes, leave.

Pairings-:cough: NaruSasu, hints of NaruSaku, NaruIno, NaruTen, NaruHina, NaruTema, NaruTsu. And on the sidelines, some SakuIno and TemaTenHina. :another cough: but er, don’t worry, the main pairing is NaruSasu.

Ratings-T

Summary-Meet Count Uzumaki Naruto, the vampire who is a loser. He is on a quest to find a proper mate along with his cohorts across the entire world. What happens when he finds his mate in the form of an adorable dark-haired boy? NaruSasu. Vampfic.

Disclaimer-I don’t own Naruto, or the plot. However, I do own the absolutely sucky piece of writing this thing is!

Enjoy-

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Being a vampire had many perks—or so I had been told while I turned. Sure, you became an immortal, you could suck – as in blood – as much as you wanted, you could have innumerable women at your disposal and you were a droit de seigneur. However, like a red-herring, they never revealed anything until you were knee or waist deep inside the troubled waters. Or in my case, neck-deep. It so happens, that being a vampire of my level, for I was the great Count Uzumaki Naruto, one became a symbol of hope for vampire community and such shit.

I was the most powerful vampire in the world of vampires and let me tell you—it sucked to be so. While people would think that the almighty vampire, the blood sucking—wait, before I even elaborate on the downsides of being the supreme of all the vampires, I have to complain about the blood-sucking thing. Why people would think that blood-sucking is fun, was beyond me, it still is. I mean, first of all, that thing tastes like bilge or shit. Technically it tastes like licking a piece of rusted iron but that is another point altogether. If ever anyone has a fascination with drinking blood, try practicing that with a rusted iron rod, you’ll know what you’re getting into and will hopefully be jaded enough.

Blood-sucking didn’t not make us great or fearful for that matter. I mean, if that was so, people would have screamed in terror by just looking at a mosquito. It also sucks blood, and its sting is probably worst than ours. I hate it that our nutritional requirements liken us to arthropods. And let me assure you, while we drank blood for the honest purpose of survival, mosquitoes did not. It is just the females who suck blood to produce eggs. If I was not wrong, they need the some nutrient in the blood to hatch those eggs and fill the world with more parasites.

If there was ever a truly diabolical creature, it would be a mosquito. I mean, who needed more mosquitoes anyway? On the other hand, we, the vampires made our honest lunch and dinner out of people’s blood and disposed off the surplus population—it isn’t that bad.

Okay, well it is true that we could turn mortals into immortals but that is a rare occurrence nowadays. Neither me nor my followers wished to do so, we were happy the way we are. Only problem is, the current state of affairs couldn’t really continue like this.

That brings me back to the deluded ideas about the perks of being the supreme blood-sucker; it is so that since elder vampires must have been bored, so in order to allay their boredom they put this stupid rule that every supreme vampire must have a mate.

Even though I was the ruler, do not think for a moment that I was having fun in any conceivable way. My subjects did not respect me, the general populace found me a great source of amusement and believe me when I say this—I had heard this word in public. The women throughout the country told their children when they squalled that they would take them to me and I’ll entertain them for free. As if I was some sort of a jester. After all, it was not my fault that I was a tad bit clumsy and ended up botching everything.

And this mate business, while it was true that I dethroned the last vampire, slaying him—had I known about the mate business, I’d have gladly spent my life as a normal vampire.

What this mate business entailed was that in order to rule over the vampire realm – talk about unoriginal names – and bring stability to the kingdom, I must have a mate beside me, to rule with me, be my partner in everything and anything. A soul mate in other words—sounds nice, right? The problem was, not only the mate person would be a human, she would be the owner of my heart and life once we were bonded. I could choose later on whether she stays human or vampire—she would become an immortal nevertheless.

She would be the owner of my soul—tainted as it was. If she died, so would I. If she was in pain, so would I be.

Now you see my reluctance? Why would I become someone’s bitch like that? Pfft. Not on your life.

But, it seemed that the elder vampires were some sort of sadists on crack and so they imposed this condition. A stupid condition in my opinion too—it was that unless I fond a mate, on the night every full moon, I would experience pain...of the excruciating kind. You know the pain, when you feel as if your skin is being peeled off, using a potato peeler. As if someone – presumably some old spinster – is poking you with needles, digging them in every pore of your body, transforming you into a vampire pincushion. And then there is some other sadistic bastard who is singeing every inch of your skin with burning flames and whatnot.

Basically, not a very happy state of affairs.

And why a full moon? – one would ask. Because rest of the days were hard to remember, I mean how could you remember that the day of the pain of the excruciating kind was three days after new moon? It would be very hassling, not to mention inconvenient.

So, unless I found a mate who’d whip my ass, I was stuck experiencing the aforementioned pain of the excruciating kind and endure it every bloody month. Stupid rules!

My first reaction was, of course, try to run away. But, since the plans and rules were so airtight, I couldn’t. I cannot abdicate the throne unless someone kills me and I’m happier alive, thank-you-very-much.

Though technically I wasn’t alive, but then, who cared for technicalities?

Forgive me, I tend to digress a bit. Our main concern was my mating—though I do not see why it is a concern to you, but I’ll elaborate on it regardless as I am laying my soul bare here.

Since the plan A of mine turned out to be a total catastrophe, I devised a plan B, for I was anything if not improvising. I adapt, I change and I survive. Simple thing really. So, I devised a second plan, which was relatively easy to follow, find a mate that is.

It was obnoxiously simple, find the suitable mate, love her for eternity and hope for the best. But, like everything in this world, there was a catch in this too. It was so that not any other woman could become a vampire’s intended, bonded soul mate. These things were apparently determined at birth and revealed at the most inopportune moments so as to speak. Only a girl of certain configuration and I use the term in loosest of ways, would be qualified for the much sought after position of my bonded mate.

So I was to search and search until I stumbled upon the mate of mine or keep on suffering the pain of the excruciating kind.

And so I haunted the four corners of the world, like a mooning ghost, looking for that mate-person-thing, who could soothe my pains and assuage the ache.

When I was a stripling, a newly crowned supreme vampire, I decided to act on impulse and turned the prettiest girls that I came across. People call them my companions—bitten as they were with the intention of mating, they turned into vampires—and I call them my errors. Mistakes, miscalculations, blunders—you name it, I did it.

First error was a pretty pink-haired girl, Sakura. While the girl looked as docile as a cow, she was as volatile as a rampaging elephant—only she would cause more damage than an enraged elephant on drugs.

Second, on the suggestion of Sakura-chan was Ino. True to her name, she was a wild boar; you couldn’t even turn your back to her. And believe me when I say, her bite is worse than her bark. If boars could bark, that is.

Since I had masochistic tendencies, the girl I turned next was known for her violent nature even as a mere human. Temari—was not someone to be messed with.

Next came TenTen with a deceptively mild and peaceful demeanour. Who knew that she would be a weapon expert and would do target practice on the company assembled? I am still stitching the ripped seams and patching the holes in my precious clothes.

In order to avoid more misleading appearances, I did research before turning the next one. And while the girl, Hinata was very sweet and kind, she was neither my type nor my mate.

Back then, I was so disheartened that I went to a human bar and drunk away my sorrows; unfortunately enough—since misfortune followed me like a hound—I managed to turn a fifty year old woman too. That was my biggest mistake. And I was so jaded after that I stopped turning girls. After all, even I wasn’t that stupid.

The finding of a mate was difficult, determining wasn’t. It was, in fact, ridiculously simple. While the blood of normal humans tasted like—exactly, a rusted iron rod, the blood of my mate would taste like sweet honey and manna dew.

Maudlin shit, if you’d ask me. But, that was the problem, wasn’t it? No one asked me.

So, accosted by females of varying degree of ferociousness, suffering pains which no woman would suffer every month, hounded by destiny—I, Count Uzumaki Naruto, was not only a broken man, but also a failure at life and being a vampire.

And so I continued to exist and thrive, pining day after day for my elusive mate, expertly dodging my companions’ wrath and evaded their attempts to chivvy me into getting the aforementioned mate.

:-:-:-:-:-:-:

As the purveyor of deliverance, the saviour, messiah of the vampire kind, I was supposed to be a busy man. And hence, I lounged day after day in my private chambers, enjoying the comforts of life—death, same thing. Words are trifling things, they can be mended and bent according to the needs. In my contradictory statements, I wished to convey that, I am about as busy as a snail.

My mistakes, i.e. my cohorts also lounged about the room, paying no attention to me. Not that I want them to, I wasn’t that dumb. The two with most vim, Sakura and Ino were always too busy exploring each other’s orifices, a term that may be used very widely in this context.

Similar activities could be witnessed from the other part of the room, where Temari, TenTen and Hinata were having—something that can be easily termed as a mass orgy. Though, they were more discreet in their ways, but it was visible nonetheless. A normal person would be ruffled by such open display of affections... I was a hardened man.

Everything remained well, until that is, the oldest, and with the most questionably sane woman I had turned, entered.

A cup of sake was hurtled at my head with such great speed that had I been someone else, my head would have split like a watermelon dropped from a tall building. That woman drinks sake in cups of steel it seemed.

“Brat!” Tsunade cried from the other end of the lavish room.

That was Tsunade, the last of my mistakes, a fifty year old grandma that I had the misfortune of meeting and turning. Appearances can be deceiving, she looked as if in her early twenties and in reality she was in her mid-fifties. I had been fooled, under the influence of the alcohol and her more than generous curves. That night she had seduced me, today, she whacks me around the head and treats me like a brat.

“What the hell are you doing here?” she screamed again, ostensibly not happy to see me alive and well.

“Resting?” I offered meekly, trying to stall the time.

To think that the great lord of vampires became a doddering, meek retard in front of this woman, how truly pitiful. But then, no one who had had the pleasure of experiencing the power-punch of Tsunade would think so. Now, don’t get me wrong here, but these women are supposed to be my slaves, one who would offer their minds and bodies at my every whim and fancy. But as I have stated again and again, nothing is what it seems. They would mother me and doted upon me. And they whipped me up too when it was required of them.

Tsunade picked me up by the collar and yelled in my face, giving me a whiff of her alcoholic fumes that one may classify as breath.

“Resting? The full moon is in five days. I suggest you start looking for your mate. Every time your pain gets worse. You can’t hold out much longer either, it is taking a toll on your sanity too.”

“I lost my sanity the day I bit you old hag!”

Apparently, I really had lost my sanity completely. Or well, so it seemed from the cracking punch I received at my face.

“Naruto!” she growled angrily.

Tsunade as a human had a nasty reputation of being a female bully, Tsunade as a powerful vampire is a force to be reckoned with.

I rubbed my bruised cheek and sat up, regarding her with an wounded gaze.

“Don’t give me those eyes,” she huffed and sat down beside me, “Naruto, it is for your own good. You need to find a mate—fast. It has been what—hundred years. If it goes on like this, you’ll wind up mad or worse dead. Don’t give me the immortal crap, you are weakening, soon someone would take advantage of that and defeat you.”

That was one of the possibilities that didn’t worry me. I don’t really care about life and death—they are relative terms. But for my cohorts, it was a matter of great unrest and so they chivvied me to get my ass into the gear and find myself my mate.

Women, seriously.

And so, that was how we came about the great search that led me where I am today. I left Tsunade in charge of the vampire kingdom and set out at the world in large, looking for that particular person. This time it wasn’t a blind search, a groping in the dark. It had a basis, as I have mentioned earlier, the taste of my intended’s blood. In the decayed old texts that are strewn around the castle wherein I reside, it wass stated clearly that the intended of a vampire lord will have the blood that tastes like honeyed wine and manna dew. With the fragrance of vernal flowers. The skin as pale as the moon and as smooth as the pearls. The hair of the colour of darkest, starless nights, eyes like jewels. With a body as lithe and graceful like a feline.

A vampire’s mate would be a sight to behold and no mortal can reproduce that beauty.

When I looked at this, I wonder why the hell did I not read these books earlier—even though I had been advised to do so. It would have saved a hell of a trouble and headaches.

So armed with that knowledge, accompanied by five of my escorts—chaperones as Tsunade hailed them gleefully, I set out to travel the world, looking for my soul mate and hoping that I have to, just have to find her or else I was doomed.

Another very disconcerting fact that came to our knowledge was: that the mate, regardless of the supreme vampire’s gender can be both male and female. Hence, a poor, straight as arrow vampire like me could be sic-ed by man. Here I would always pause to shudder.

Therefore, having ascertained my need for a soul mate, of unknown gender – I hope it won’t be androgynous though as we were really fumbling in the dark – the great Count Uzumaki and his companions prowled around the earth, looking for one single person. Just one.

:-:-:-:-:-:-:

After giving a fair précis of the events that led up to here, my companions and I found ourselves back in our hometown where we were the denizens of, after a gap of about ten years. The feverish expressions, the corrugated knotting of our brows was enough proof that our search had met with little or no success at all. Albeit we had managed to travel around the world completely—but the bad points outshone the rays of optimism any time.

Thusly cheated by life, and thoroughly discontented with the general world, I had totally given up on the hope of ever finding my mate. The pain had become worse with time and had come to a point where I lost all humanity and ran amok amongst the voiceless beasts.

Fortunately, Tsunade had proved to be a good administrator and the vampire realm had not perished in my absence. The another plus point of my wandering could be that no one could have taken the throne from Tsunade as she was not the real owner of it and my weakened state had not become a problem—until now that is.

When presented in front of Tsunade, a good ten years later—the wrath of the woman was still fresh in my mind and I had no desire to invoke it upon my person again.

“So you’ve failed.” Were the first words the woman emitted, her tone harsher than I remembered.

It was Sakura who answered, being the boldest in front of Tsunade.

“Regrettably so, Tsunade-sama.”

“Did you check thoroughly?” she asked next.

There are things in this world that strike a nerve, especially when uttered at a specific time—the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back—and usually the results are never pretty. Tsunade’s words struck something inside me like a red-hot iron brand.

“No you old hag! We were mooning about the earth having fun!”

Such outbursts in the presence of the blonde-haired menace, i.e. Tsunade only meant one thing—I was reacquainted with her knuckles after ten years. Hello knuckles, I missed you!

“Don’t get cocky brat. Now then, this sounds bad. But, it is not as if we are totally out of luck.” Tsunade commented meditatively, tapping her knuckles on the chair she sat upon.

“How so?” Ino inquired, backed by inquisitive stares of Hinata and TenTen. Temari merely looked bored.

She leaned forward and said, “One thing is certain, Naruto's soul mate is out there as the craving of his soul has increased over the years. Now it is to the point of being unbearable, right?”

I nodded.

“I think, we can scour the homeland again, who knows? His mate might have been born recently. After all, it has been so many years.”

‘You think?” there was skepticism in Sakura’s voice, along with a tiny ray of hope.

“Are you up to it, Naruto?” Tsunade asked, fixing me with a solemn gaze. She knew that I had all but given up. Though the idea seemed tedious, the tiny flicker of hope blossomed in my chest too. If I could find my mate, this horrible pain would really go away.

So thus braced, once again we set out in the darkness of the nights. Against common belief, we vampires were not only nocturnal but we also meandered during daytime. It was just that nighttime excursions made us look ‘hip’.

For months we wandered about, smacked by failure on every step but, as they say, luck turns sometime or the other—we came to one fateful night when cicadas cried in the night, creating a harsh, grating music. We were wandering through the forest, tired to the last bone. The last meal – i.e. last hunt had been a few days ago and so our energy levels had decreased enormously.

As the moon hung overhead, Sakura said, “It’s no good, we have to rest and find some food.”

Everyone agreed and we settled down beside a tree. There was a small castle and a township just round the corner and we might be able to make it there by tomorrow. Consoled by the knowledge, the girls drifted off in a slumber, leaving me to guard.

The night wore on slowly, with no means of entertainment and I found myself drifting into short naps every now and then. Until that is—I heard a small crunch of leaves, alerting me about the presence of an intruder.

It was in the wee hours of the morning, the sky had begun colouring with dashes of pink and purple. The light colours streaking and cutting across the nighttime darkness like a hot knife cuts through butter. I stood up and decided to investigate. I woke up Sakura and Ino, leaving the latter to do the guard duty, Sakura and I set off.

Walking towards the source of the sound, I discovered that we were closer to the castle than we had originally suspected. Just a few hundred meters away, the towers of castle loomed over the horizon. The jungle was most probably on the outskirt of the castle garden and someone from inside might have strayed a bit far. By now, my curiosity was piqued and the expression on Sakura’s face looked positively hungry.

As we stepped out of the grove, we were greeted by the sound of very soft snuffling. I looked around and it was then I saw him. A small, dark figure all huddled up, sat under a tree, hugging the knees to his chest. We drew closer, and the boy raised his head, it was a boy, I could smell it.

He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Even in the dim light of the morning, the pasty, somewhat ashen features stood out starkly against the dark background. The face of the young boy was like a porcelain doll, smooth, expressionless and perfect. His silky raven bangs fluttered in the morning breeze, framing the soft contours of his face. The huge midnight black eyes blinked, letting a stray tear roll down the supple cheek. He looked adorably rumpled and bedraggled, his face was smudged with dirt and dry leaves stuck to his hair. He must have been lost.

“Who are you?” he asked, his tone scratchy but melodious. The voice was deeper than what could be considered normal for a boy of his age—he certainly didn’t look older than seven or eight.

“We’re travelers,” Sakura said cheerfully, absolutely smitten by the boy’s adorable look and cute face. She asked sweetly, “Are you lost?”

The boy nodded with uncertainty in his movements. He was probably debating whether or not to trust us. The scrunched up nose and the contemplative look was so endearing that Sakura couldn’t help but coo at him.

He walked forward and looked at us with large, pitiful eyes, “I ran away from home, because I was angry at nii-san. B-but, I got lost in the forest—and I ca-can’t find my way back.”

His eyes were fixed on mine and I felt an involuntary shudder run down my spine. Something was calling me closer to the boy, an unnatural force pulling me towards him. It was agonizingly strong and irresistible. I walked forward and laid my right hand upon his clothed shoulder. A jolt of electricity ran down my body, making me feel lightheaded.

I crouched down to get to his eyelevel. He licked his chapped lips and peered at me questioningly, fluttering downy dark lashes.

“Are you from the castle?” I asked, my voice husky. The boy merely nodded. The closer I got, the stronger his fragrance became. It was intoxicating and enthralling. I was feeling high due to it already.

Out of its own accord, my left hand reached up and wiped the almost dry tears, smudging the dirt a little further. The absolutely velvety and baby soft skin came in contact with my rough fingertips.

“What’s your name?” I asked drunkenly, leaning forward. To Sakura it might have looked like coming over with bloodlust but it wasn’t so.

The boy wasn’t frightened, instead he seemed oddly fascinated with me. Tilting his head, he answered, his warm breath hitting my lips in the process, “I’m Sasuke.”

The name sounded incredibly melodic to my hungry ears. Unable to control myself, I closed the remaining distance and revealed my fangs out of his sight. His small, soft hands came to rest upon my shoulder uncertainly, as if inquiring my close proximity.

The pointed canines bit into the soft skin of his shoulder and the boy cried out in dismay—however, soon the panic died from his face and ecstasy took its place. And me?

I was addicted. The blood tasted so sweet and delicious that my head began to spin. I would have sucked the boy dry, had not Sakura noticed the dark marks that formed swiftly across the boy’s shoulder where I had punctured the skin.

Sakura pulled me back and the boy slumped to the ground. As I snarled in anger and hunger, she pointed towards the marked shoulder.

The realization struck like lightning. This boy was—this boy was my mate.

Sakura picked him up, cradling him delicately against her chest, I watched with apparent jealousy as she smoothed his bangs.

“He’s your mate, Naruto-sama. But he is too young. We will have to wait for a few years before we can officially bond him to you. Nonetheless, his blood runs in your veins now and it should be enough to dull the pain. And since he has been marked, your powers would return too. We must drop him somewhere near his home for now and when the time comes, we will take him away.”

I couldn’t reply, my mind was buzzing with a pleasant sensation that was not unlike feeling drunk. I was drunk, drunk on the honeyed wine that was Sasuke's blood. Lust and something akin to fierce protectiveness and yearning bloomed inside me, making me feel dizzy.

Sakura left the unconscious boy near the castle gates and we made our way back.

As we turned, I couldn’t help but kiss the pale brow of my intended, softy murmuring, “I’ll come for you, Sasuke. Wait for me.”

The haziness of my brain fading with the growing distance, only to be replaces by an unyielding hunger. My heart was torn—calling out for him.

I really didn’t know when; but suddenly the world tinted black and I fell to the ground, unconscious. When I did wake up, I was back in my own castle, and it took days for me to calm down. Though, the pain of the excruciating kind lessened to a remarkable degree, the pain in my heart grew and grew until it felt ready to burst.

Failure as a vampire I may be, I wasn’t that dumb.

I knew that I had to wait. Wait for the day we meet again... Sasuke.

:-:-:-:-:-:-:

Some ten years later, there was a furor in the Uchiha castle. Men ran about panicking and searching, their brows beaded with sweat. The mistress of the castle was inconsolable, the master tense and distressed. The young lord was stoic on the outside but the lines of worry deepened on his pensive features.

The youngest lord, Uchiha Sasuke had disappeared on his seventeenth birthday without a trace.

And no matter how far or wide they searched, he was nowhere to be found.

:-:-:-:-:-:-:

“I’ve come for you Sasuke. Thanks for waiting!”

-End-

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Hm, though I do like the ending somewhat. I am still angry! Really, really depressed and angry. The emo-angst angry. I’m so mad that I wish to kill something, someone. Grr...

Anyway, this was a one-shot, and so it ended here. I have way too many projects to write another. However, does anyone want a sequel? That is, if anyone would even read this piece of crap and then review it... but, seriously, if anyone wants, there is a chance of a sequel (psst-or a chance of a full-fledged multi-chaptered story) but it depends. I have so many things to finish. My classes will begin in a month and so much... workload. T-T

I’ll go and dunk my head in water to dissipate some anger. Please leave some comments, I’d really, really appreciate it. I mean, really, really, REALLY appreciate it!

Edit-I have re-checked the entire thing, fixed every possible mistake I chanced upon, however there were few tense discrepancies there were out of my depth. I cannot do anything about them and also, I have a distinct impression that I've left one or two mistakes uncorrected, but since this is the nth edit I'm making I am unable to see it! Forgive me! T-T