La Cienega Just Smiled

By Melissa Danielle

Rating: K

Characters: Ryan, Calleigh, Horatio

Pairing: H/C

Spoilers: None, AU

Summary: AU. It’s hard being the new guy. It’s even harder when it seems like everyone’s keeping a secret.

Author’s Notes: Completely AU. Keep that in mind. I can’t stress that enough. Of course, all fanfiction is to some extent AU but this piece is very AU.

Outside, the sun was shining, its golden rays highlighting and illuminating glossy surfaces and gritty neighbourhoods. It was an average September day, warm with just a slight breeze stirring leaves and locks of hair. It was Miami, just as it always was. A city full of sunshine and warm weather that hide the seedy underbelly pulsing just underneath the surface.

The building Ryan Wolfe strode into was modern in structural style, perfectly fitting in with the Miami demand for everything new and shiny. Large windows and a somewhat bluish tinge dominated the inside of the CSI building, giving it a somewhat cold feeling. On the surface, the beige outer walls of the building conveyed a much different sense, but Ryan was used to the ironies of life.

While having wanted the job of being a CSI for several months now, the actual reality of being a CSI was much different than he had imagined. These days he can’t even say just exactly what he had been expecting, but he knows that it wasn’t what he ended up getting. His complaint as a patrol officer had been the lack of follow-through, of getting to do more than just be a side agent for the people with the more important jobs. Being a CSI had seemed like a way of escaping the monotony of patrol, of really being able to make a difference and distinguish himself. Now he’s not so sure.

In the week that he’s been working as a CSI, the overwhelming feeling Ryan has is one of frustration. He had never really been close to any of the other officers in patrol and Ryan had hoped that this new environment would allow for him to, at the very least, become more comfortable and friendly with his colleagues. It’s only been a week, he knows, but he doesn’t feel welcome. He feels like he’s being treated with a tinge of suspicion, and that no one really wants him there. He feels excluded and unwelcomed.

His frustration is also emerging from the cases. He gets to see the cases from start to finish but it’s a lot harder than he ever imagined. He went to the seminars, listened intently, but he can’t seem to get a handle on it. He tells himself, again, that it’s only been a week, but frustration, tension and anxiety are building up inside him. He’s judging himself harshly, as per usual. He is a perfectionist, of course. But he can also feel the judging glances his coworkers are giving him, and it’s just escalating everything that he’s already feeling.

On the first day of work, Ryan had entered the building with a spring in his step. Now, he’s dreading the day. The last case he was working on is finished, so he’ll be working on a new case today. Once they get into a case, Ryan can remove himself from the situation but before a case comes in and at the very beginning, all he can feel is that cold shoulder that everyone’s been giving him, along with the polite indifference.

Entering the building, heading towards the elevator, Ryan is lost in his own musings. It’s hard not to be but he mentally reminds himself that he needs to focus his attention, and that he needs to just distance himself from his current feelings of unhappiness. The air-conditioning and the bluish lights are helping with this, reinforcing that he’s at work and no longer in the parking lot, dreading the beginning of another workday.

People pass him by he walks to the elevator and heads up to the reception area of the crime lab. He leaves the elevator, having ridden the thing in complete silence with two young men Ryan’s pretty sure are lab techs. They don’t talk to him and he doesn’t talk to them. He just studies the elevator panel and feels like he’s back in high school, where he was the social outcast that walked with his head down through the hallways.

People are buzzing about, heading to their respective offices or labs. Like before, no one acknowledges his presence and Ryan takes this per course. He perfected the ability to show a mask to the world years ago and he exercises that ability now. He stares straight ahead, walking purposely towards the reception desk, to check to see if he has any messages. He won’t, he knows. There’s a red-headed man there, taller than Ryan is, dressed nicely in a grey suit. Ryan pays him a passing glance before asking Claudia if he has any messages.

Claudia, the receptionist, smiles and says no, nothing today Ryan. He nods and prepares to take off, to head to the break room to get a cup of coffee and pray that a new case come in soon. He finished the last case’s paperwork last night when he had stayed late, hoping to show his dedication to his new job.

“So you’re Ryan Wolfe, the newest CSI,” the red-haired stranger says, interrupting Ryan’s musings. It’s more of a statement than a question, and Ryan turns to the stranger, noting the pale red hair and skin. The man’s eyes are hidden by dark sunglasses, but Ryan guesses his age to be about 45. If Ryan were a girl, he’d probably call this man ‘handsome’ but he’s not so he won’t.

The stranger shifts his body slightly, leaning lightly on the front desk, towards Ryan. He’s wearing an impeccable grey suit and a silk green shirt, unbuttoned at the top. The man looks composed, relaxed, casual even. Ryan envies the man’s statue, the ease at which the man seems to be at.

“Yes, I’m Ryan Wolfe,” Ryan answers after a belated second. He had been studying the man and got distracted. He wonders if the man will introduce himself. Obviously the stranger knows who he is but Ryan has no clue as to the identity of this man.

Ryan sees something twitch in the jaw of the man, something that occurs for a brief second before it’s gone. A part of him wonders if he imagined it. He blinks hard for a moment, hoping to clear his eyes.

“I’m Horatio Caine,” the man says, introducing himself as he raises his head. Ryan takes it and shakes it, the grasp of the other man firm but not overly so. It meshes perfectly with the cool as a cucumber attitude that this man, Horatio, is excluding. Then he notices the white cane lying on the counter, resting near where Horatio’s other hand is and it suddenly hits him.

While he’s wondering what to say next, a petite blonde comes in. Although she’s told him several times during the week to not refer to as Lieutenant Duquesne, he still can’t fathom calling her Calleigh. She said the words to him smiling, but the smile was just a bit too big, a bit too tight. It was a false smile, meant to welcome him. All it did was reinforce that no one wanted him here. It was her way of extending a welcome, Ryan knew, but it fell flat, so he calls her by her formal title, taking comfort in that small thing that he still has control over.

Her long blonde hair falls loosely around her shoulders in a mess of tousled curls. She’s wearing a white blouse, opened at the collar, and fitted dark grey trousers. The smile on her face, through, is genuine, unlike the smile Ryan’s seen on her face during the present week. It’s a soft smile and it’s directed at his red-headed companion, the one who can’t see.

“Horatio,” she calls out in that soft accented voice of hers. She’s Southern but Ryan’s not sure where exactly she’s from. It could be any of the Southern states. Horatio turns towards her voice and smiles, and Ryan can’t help but wonder just exactly what relationship exists between these two. She’s gorgeous and he’s definitely handsome so they would strike a lovely picture.

When Calleigh reaches them, she hugs Horatio. Ryan’s pretty sure she hasn’t noticed who Horatio is talking to yet. He’s merely scenery, blending into the background. It’s okay, though, because he’s enjoying watching the happiness on his boss’s face. He hasn’t seen it, not since he started working here. He feels like a bit of an intruder, though, watching this intimate moment that is really just a simple hug but, with the two of them, is something more. He can’t place a finger on just what it is but it’s undeniably there.

It’s a private moment and he’s jealous of it. He’s never had a partner like that, for he can tell that they’re partners. It’s written in their actions, in the simple gestures that are just so full of love. It makes him long for things he’s never longed for before. Love, affection, devotion, all combined and mixed with a dozen other emotions.

They part but stand closely together, scant millimetres separating their bodies. Ryan stands a bit to the side, and he wonders how to extract himself from this situation. He doesn’t want to make a scene and if he could slip away unnoticed by either of the pair, he’d die a happy man. But he was never a suave kind of guy and he never had the grace of a cat. Startling them would be worse than looking on, he thinks, so he stands still, looking on, watching the movie unfold before his eyes. He’s a spectator, and he doesn’t want to disturb the tranquility of what he’s observing.

They’re talking now.

“Just thought you stop by for a visit?” Calleigh asks, and Ryan can hear the slight laughter in her voice. He’s watching them in profile; they turned just a tad after the hug and the subsequent separation that really isn’t much of a separation.

He can see Horatio smile in response, a small smile that seems full of mischief in nature. It’s a satisfied smile, not some huge production of a smile but one that appears, sometimes, on people’s faces in certain moments. A part of Ryan wants Horatio to remove the sunglasses, so that Ryan can see if the smile reaches Horatio’s eyes. Another part of him is scared of the man removing his glasses, for Ryan can imagine what lies behind those dark sunglasses that prevent any sort of penetration on Ryan’s part.

He thinks that maybe this is why no one wants him around. Maybe Horatio was an officer, injured on the job? Maybe Calleigh was promoted to replace Horatio and then had to hire someone to replace her, which just so happens to be this one Ryan Wolfe. It’s a horrible thing to imagine and he hopes that he’s wrong but, in the pit of his stomach, this story that he just concocted would explain so much.

Perhaps a part of him would like it to be true because then it means that it’s really just that people are having a hard time adjusting to a new situation. After they adjust, they’ll be friendlier and maybe he’ll find what he was searching for in the first place. It’s selfish, Ryan realizes that, but it’s explicable and something that he can’t stop. Feelings are feelings; we can’t just escape them, no matter how much we’d like to.

No one speaks about why there was a position open. He had never paid that much attention to the going-on’s over at the crime lab. He merely mentioned, to a detective Salas, that he had just finished his masters in Chemistry and that he was hoping to nab a job in the crime lab next time he saw a posting. He hadn’t seen a posting but the next thing he knew he was being interviewed, not by Calleigh but by another detective, and then he got the job. He hadn’t really questioned anything, just attributed it to luck for once going his way. Now it seems like he might have been benefiting from someone’s misfortunate, only he’s no longer sure he really benefited. It’s such a fine line, he’s found.

“I was just introducing myself to your new CSI,” Horatio is saying, interrupting Ryan’s thoughts and dragging him back to the present. His mind’s been drifting later, perhaps because he knew that he should try to minimize his interruption in this case. Now he’s back in the picture, with Calleigh and Horatio both looking at him.

He knows he has that deer-in-the-headlights, wide-eyed look. He feels like a blushing schoolboy, caught staring at a girl instead of paying attention to the math lesson on the board. Ryan knows it’s ridiculous but he can’t help the feeling. He knew he was invading a private moment, even Claudia has managed to make herself sparse. While it feels like time has stopped moving, he knows it hasn’t and the world is passing the three of them by, moving along at its normal pace while he feels like time has slowed down as the two of them direct their attention of him.

“Are you enjoying the job?” Horatio asks, his tone full of genuine curiosity. His hands are at his hips, resting there in a relaxed stance that speaks of natural habit to Ryan’s untrained, or perhaps trained, eye.

Ryan feels his throat close up. He wants to cough to clear his throat but he doesn’t want to look like a fool in front of these people, even if that’s not possible in Horatio’s case. It’s not a complex question and yet he feels like he’s taking the SAT again, the pressure threatening to make him collapse. Such a simple question, meant in such a good-hearted way, and he apparently can’t come up with a answer. He feels like a child playing dress-up in daddy’s clothing.

“It’s going good, sir,” he finally stammers out, the ‘sir’ tacking itself on to the end of his statement without his consent. It feels right through, in a way. Like he should be saying ‘sir’ to this Horatio Caine. It’s not exactly rational but still it feels right. He’s had too few of these ‘feel-right’ moments and he wants to savor it, but he knows he can’t.

“Ryan is proving to be an asset to the lab,” Calleigh says and Ryan fights the urge to blush at her words. She’s not looking at him, through. Her attention, albeit discreetly, is on Horatio. He’d bet his paycheck that she could read the emotions on Horatio’s face when she said those few words of praise. Ryan can’t.

It’s such a simple praise, really more demanded by the situation than by whether he really is proving to be an asset to the team. He feels happy at the thought that Calleigh may just mean it but there’s also an inexplicable sadness weighing him down. He can’t place his finger on what it is. It’s just beyond him, out of reach, like clouds that seem so close on early spring days but are really far, far away.

“That’s good,” Horatio states and Ryan feels like he’s been dismissed, so he excuses himself, mumbling something about unfinished paperwork. Calleigh nods so he scurries off, resisting the urge to glance back at the couple he is leaving. He’s glad for the escape, glad that Horatio gave him the means. He wonders if Horatio is really that perceptive, but decides it doesn’t matter. He’s left them behind. The urge to look back, even for just a brief second, fades as he gets closer and closer to the trace lab.

One of the techs asks for some assistance and Ryan gratefully lends it, using work to distract himself from any thoughts of Calleigh and Horatio. Throughout the day, through, they escape and come to the forefront of his subconscious. Random thoughts about how long they’ve been together, for instance. While they never really said they were, he’s pretty sure that they are. The love that he saw between them was palpable. Other thoughts surface but he pushes them down and away.

When he leaves for the day, he’s even managed to convince himself that what he saw today was nothing, that it was of no consequence. He pushes the thoughts of Calleigh and Horatio away from his brain, locking them in a compartment of things he’s envied but doesn’t want to think about. It’s easy that way.

A couple of weeks later, he’s walking along the beach promenade. The air is heavy and thick; the sunlight a bright orange, the color that appears just before sunset. There are children playing, dogs barking, people jogging. It’s a normal evening, nothing out of the ordinary.

He walks, lost in thought. After a while, he finds an on-the-beach coffee shop and goes in, ordering himself a drink. He sits at a table on the patio that lines the boardwalk. He absently drinks it as the sky changes color, the formerly golden sky becoming tinged with glorious blues and pinks and purples.

It’s then that he sees them. She’s in a white sundress, her blonde hair in loose waves. He’s wearing dress pants and a silk shirt. They’re walking hand in hand along the promenade, and she leans a bit into him. They’re talking and laughing slightly, completely oblivious to their audience of one.

Ryan watches Calleigh and Horatio as they walk, until they’ve disappeared from his sight. Again he saw the love between the two and figures that he was right about them being involved. That brings a smile to his face, even if the situation at work is still tense and slightly uncomfortable. At least they’re finding some happiness in the world, a world which seems to produce too little happiness for Ryan’s taste.

He takes one last sip of coffee before he stands and walks in the opposite direction. He won’t intrude anymore on Calleigh and Horatio. He heads back to his car, the smile still on his face. He dreams that night of love, light and airy, hanging on by a gossamer thread, beautiful and subjective. He imagines couples overcoming difficulties and when his sister talks of love the next time he speaks to her, he thinks about Calleigh and Horatio.

The End