Thank you, those who have reviewed. :D Here's another 'mile marker' set of drabbles, 14 in this one. :)

Disclaimers:

Bleach does not belong to me, nor do its characters. They belong to Tite Kubo.

MarioKart, and the characters and items within, also do not belong to me. They belong to Nintendo.

The punchline of Omaeda's drabble is related to a line from a rather popular Monty Python sketch, and that doesn't belong to me either.

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Once upon a time, there was a game that made addicts of each and every fukataichou in Soul Society. It captured their minds, hearts, and energy. Their meetings became mere excuses to try to beat each other, and claim bragging rights. The battle grounds were marked with devastation from turtle shells and lightning bolts, stars and banana peels.

The game: MarioKart Double Dash.

The place: Hisagi’s apartment.

These are the stories of their bravery and struggles, of vicious conflicts, heart-rending speeches upon loss…

Oh, forget it. Giant monkeys, giggling princesses, and baby Luigi. Those are what this story is about.

---

Sasakibe was not entirely sure why he allowed the weekly fukataichou meeting to change formats from actual meeting to a vicious game. There was little elegance or precision to this game. Hurling objects was not his style.

The unpredictable nature of thrown projectiles irked him. There was nothing quite so frustrating as lining up a green turtle shell, figuring out where his opponent would be, and firing, only to have it rebound randomly off the wall and strike him instead.

However, the thrill of adrenaline from racing a blue turtle shell across the finish line sold him on the game.

---

Omaeda had an affinity for spiked objects. The spikier, the better, in his books. That’s why he always used ‘the giant spiked turtle monster’ when they played MarioKart, no matter how many times Hisagi told him the guy’s name was Bowser.

There was something very satisfying about hurling gigantic spiked shells at his opponents, especially when they got squished multiple times.

He also enjoyed lightning bolts, because it meant he could run over and crush anyone in his path.

Size mattered most to him. And spikes. Size and spikes mattered most. And winning. Size and spikes and winning mattered most.

---

Kira was not polite when racing.

His demure ‘boku’ became a harsh ‘ore.’ His shy half-smile transformed into gleeful, leaping-around triumph when he won a heat. He’d argue with Omaeda whether to use 100 or 150cc, debate about the best specials, laugh at Matsumoto’s princesses, and cheer when someone else blew up.

Kira raced with Luigi and Waluigi, and told everyone that would listen that they were really one person, just changing guises based on surroundings. No one paid attention. He didn’t mind, simply smiling with his eyes as he selected the pair. Sometimes, after winning, Kira hugged his controller.

---

In Isane’s dreams, whenever she was attacked by food, eggs would fly in to rescue her. This comforted her on nights when Unohana wasn’t awake on the rooftop, and this was the reason she used Birdo every time she played.

Of course, she didn’t tell anyone this.

The others were informed that Birdo represented help and danger, because you never knew what three items would come from the eggs, and this was a perfect representation of why they shouldn’t look down on the Fourth.

She took great pleasure in egging Renji whether he was in front of her or behind.

---

Hinamori did a perfect Toadette impression whenever she got a golden mushroom. She bounced on her heels and grinned while speeding past her opponents. And then she’d apologize, and speed past more.

She’d giggle when someone hit one of her banana peels, and apologize. She asked forgiveness before using lightning, but her eyes would sparkle.

When Hinamori won, which she did surprisingly often, she’d beg forgiveness.

Once, Matsumoto took Toad and Toadette. The rest of the day, Hinamori stayed behind Matsumoto, pegging Matsumoto with every item she got.

Since then, no one else has tried to take them from Hinamori.

---

At first glance, Renji and Yoshi weren’t a logical pair.

But then Renji yelled “Howl, Zabimaru” every time Yoshi’s tongue extended, and it started to make sense.

He chanted random kidou spells when using lightning and turtle shells, announced gifts from the baboon-monkey when dropping banana peels, and made ‘vroom, vroom’ noises as he aimed for Iba whenever star-protected. In short, Renji was easily the noisiest player.

Yoshi, when too close to another character, automatically lashed out with his tongue and hit them more often than not. He was the most obnoxious character.

Renji and Yoshi were a perfect match.

---

Iba played MarioKart with his shades on. They didn’t hide his smirk whenever anyone hit a giant banana peel left behind by Donkey Kong. Or when he aimed the banana-crate car at Renji while using a star.

They couldn’t hide the way he frowned when he fell off of the Rainbow Road, either. Or when Kira blew him up with a bob-omb.

He didn’t wear them to hide, in fact. He wore them to look cool.

Granted, looking cool was difficult when careening a giant monkey down a steep mountain’s slope.

But the shades did the trick.

Iba looked cool.

---

Every time someone hit or was blown up by something Bowser Jr. dropped, there was a loud evil giggle on screen and a silent evil giggle bubbling in Nanao.

This game was her only way to get out her frustration, and huge spiked shells worked perfectly. Stuck with all of the paperwork again? Red-turtle-shell Sasakibe, who set the deadlines for handing it in. Tired of over-the-top flirtation? Shove Renji off the Donkey Kong Country bridge. Weary of dealing with a hung-over Captain? Star-power through Yachiru who encouraged Kyouraku to drink with her Ken-chan.

It was evil, and Nanao loved it.

---

Hisagi considered himself to be a hero, someone who rose against adversity to save the day. He liked to play with Mario. Of course, he told everyone he just liked the fire and flames.

(Renji called him the Flamer Racer. Hisagi set Renji’s butt on fire every chance he got.)

At first, Hisagi had been gallant, trying not to hit the females. The he realized the most lethal MarioKart combatants were Hinamori and Yachiru, and stopped holding back. It didn’t help; he lost most of the time.

But he pretended he saved the day when crossing the finish line, anyways.

---

It was no secret that Matsumoto was very feminine, so it came as no surprise that she tended to use the princesses. It also was no secret that she was fond of manipulating men. She hadn’t expected, though, that her cries of “you just took out two helpless women!” were often met with snickers and more weapons.

She won the least out of the fukataichous, but she liked to point out that she had more fun.

The others conceded the point. After all, her normal eighth place meant that she got more lightning and chances to squish than anyone else.

---

Dangerous things come in small packages. Case in point: Yachiru.

The others were ashamed to use Baby Mario and Baby Luigi in a baby carriage. They were soon even more ashamed when they got plowed over by said infants.

She would echo the character’s baby talk when crossing the finish line.

Some had started to flinch whenever she said “Baby Luigi number not one,” because it meant someone was doomed next race.

The opposite, “Woohoo! Baby Mario win!” galvanized the others into foolishly racing towards their aforementioned doom.

Whatever the outcome, Yachiru simply enjoyed an excuse to blow things up.

---

Freaky. That was often the first word to come to mind when someone mentioned Nemu. It also fit Piranha Pete and King Boo, the two characters Nemu liked to rampage pell-mell through the courses with.

She wasn’t very reliant on items, focusing instead on the largeness of her characters to get her to the finish line. Though she admitted the fact that Boo and Pete could get every characters’ special item was very twelfth-division-ish.

What freaked some out, though, was how she referred to them as specimens when racing. This was why she was the most blown-up fukataichou in game.

---

In every race, every heat, someone picked Diddy Kong as their second character. It didn’t matter who selected him, but that he was there. It wasn’t just that Kaien had preferred Diddy; the impish smile reminded many of him.

Of course, nostalgia wasn’t the only reason people symbolically kept Kaien around. It also meant that if they got turtle-shelled, or star-powered-through, they could guilt-trip the other. Commonly heard was “You just knocked Kaien off the track!”

This was ritual, though, and always met with a smile. And often another weapon. Because Kaien had always known it was just a game.