Random Pointless Akatsuki Drabbles 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Akatsuki. But Akatsuki owns!!

squee!

Itachi, who was passing by, made a face. "Deidara, just how many dust bunnies did you explode in there??"

With a grin, Deidara grabbed a feather duster and swung it wildly for emphasis. "Lots, un!" Itachi rolled his eyes, and then ran at an almost inhuman speed as Deidara and the feather duster wreaked havoc by kicking up dust, and lots of it. Oblivious to the sufferings of the rest of Akatsuki, Deidara happily continued sweeping his dust out the window. Outside Deidara's window, the wind blew the dust due east. Zetsu's garden was promptly smothered.

Itachi, now safely in his room, began to go through his nail polish collection. He told himself he had to get down to 275 bottles. However, he found it very hard to get down past 462. His only escape had been taking walks, but now thanks to Deidara's dusting that was no longer anything short of hazardous. Closing his eyes, Itachi tremblingly dropped a hot pink into the trash can. Then, with a sob, he pulled it right back out.

Sasori, passing Deidara's room, let out a loud whistle. "Hey, Deidara, you should really become the maid! All you need is a skimpy dress and a lacy apron, and- aaaaaaahhhh!" Sasori ran for his life as Deidara, explosives forgotten, charged at him brandishing the precious feather duster.

"NOT FUNNY, HMMM!"

Once locked in his room, Sasori began to organize his puppet repair kit. Then, he got a very bad idea. At risk of his own life, he wrote it down. Then, he slid it under Itachi's door.

Kisame was lovingly polishing his sword. Then, suddenly, the cloth was gone. Kisame, surprised, looked up. Then down. "Meh." groaned Kisame, picking up the cloth fragments. "I forgot this thing cuts things to ribbons." Alas, poor Kisame had just lost a good cloth for no reason. Shark skin swords don't need polishing anyway. Then, Itachi appeared in his doorway.

"Hi, Itachi-san!" Kisame grinned. In reply, Itachi handed him a piece of paper with both Sasori's and Itachi's handwriting on it. Kisame opened it, and began to read.

Hidan was scrubbing the cover of his leather bible, as he had been doing for the past 20 minutes. By now, the gesture was completely unnecessary, but this did not damper Hidan's enthusiasm at all. In fact, it seemed to make him even happier that it was shiny. Suddenly, someone knocked on his door. Angry at being disturbed, Hidan let out a long and colorful stream of profanities enough to make any self respecting person clamp their hands over their ears. He continued spouting random curses as he flung open the door. Kisame was revealed to be standing there. He slipped a piece of paper to Hidan in a conspiratorial manner, and then vanished. Hidan opened the paper and followed the instructions on it.

Zetsu was crying over his garden and attempting to clear the dust off of it. With a depressed sniffle he attempted to wash off the dust with water, only to realize that this turned the dust to a suffocating mud. Suddenly, he felt a tap on his shoulder. He whirled around to see Hidan leaning out his window, holding out a piece of paper. He took it quickly, scanned it, and did what it said.

Kakuzu was counting his money for probably the 294,784,391,581,039,382,395,193rd time that day. If he got another dollar every time he counted his money he would be very, very, very, VERY rich. Snuggling his money bag, he continued to drop money on the floor while making marks on a piece of paper next to him. Then, he reached the bottom of his money bag. In it was a piece of paper. He opened it.

Deidara was now waltzing around the room gleefully with the feather duster. He had named it Feather. Suddenly, a piece of paper fell on his head. He looked up to see a hand quickly closing the hole in the ceiling. Deidara opened the paper. And began to read.

Sweet Love

By Sasori, Itachi, Kisame, Hidan, Zetsu, and Kakuzu

Pairing: Deidara x Feather Duster

With a scream, Deidara let the paper fall. Only when he had breathed several times into a nearby paper bag did he pick it up again.

Deidara was a strange sort. For one, he had long blonde hair that made him look female.

"I DO NOT LOOK FEMALE!" Deidara hollered. The would-be writers huddled outside his door snickered.

For another, he had unhealthy obsessions with two things: explosives. And a feather duster.

Deidara growled. "I am not obsessed with a feather duster, hmm."

The feather duster in question was always by Deidara's side. He cleaned with it. He talked to it. He even danced with it.

"Dirty, sneaking spies!" hissed Deidara.

On a regular basis, Deidara the &$#$# took the &#!#&!# duster on dates so he could &#!#&!# kiss it and snuggle the &#!#&!# thing.

"Hidan and his dirty mouth!" Deidara snarled. The crouching writers cowered.

Finally, Deidara decided he had to be married to the feather duster. He planned an elegant wedding.

"……………..!!!!!!!"

He paid Kakuzu lots to play the piano and sing for the wedding.

"I think I'd pay Kakuzu lots NOT to play the piano and sing." Deidara muttered. Itachi and Kisame were restraining Kakuzu, who was attempting to break into Deidara's room and kill him.

The End

Deidara sighed in relief. The horror was over. He flipped over to the back.

Instructions: Read the story so far. Then add your name to the by-line and write some. When it's all over we'll deliver it to Deidara and his bride and see what happens!

XOXOXO Sasori

"SAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

Sasori ran like his life depended on it, because it probably did.

Fin