“Ranga? Where are you?” called Wench as she walked into her cousin’s home. She was carrying a box and looking around for Ranga. “Talk about a scatterbrain she gets me to come and she’s not even here”

“What?” Ranga said as she fell through a hole in the ceiling and landed on her bed “Oh, hey Wench”

“RANGA!” cried a voice as Ted came crashing down through the hole as well and fell on top of her “Ow…”

Wench smirked wickedly “Where have you two been anyway?”

“Well first we went to East Blue, then to Hailfire Peaks” laughed Ranga as she jumped from her bed

Ted pouted “Neither of them were fun”

“What do you mean? The East Blue was awesome! Remember all that treasure we found”

“How come you didn’t take any of it?”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Because treasure means nothing to us because we can’t spend it”

“Yeah, also I have different definition of treasure. But Hailfire Peaks was incredible! We mugged this fire dude and stole his magic carpet and we flew all over the seas of lava and then played kickball at the Colosseum!”

“She’s making it sound more fun than it actually was”

“And then we found an abandoned railroad that took us to the icicle grottos of the ice peaks. Then we had a snowball fight with a big dragon!”

Wench raised an eyebrow “Ice peaks? Lava? What the hell kinda crazy world was that!?”

“Hailfire Peaks, that awesome mountain that is half volcanic half sub zero snowfields”

“We really oughta go there one day, I wonder what I could make using lava”

“I doubt you’ll find any species capable of digesting lava” said Ted

“So what? I’m still gonna try” Wench passed Ranga the box “Well, here’s what you wanted. I gotta run, promised to meet up with my boyfriend”

“Cheers Wench” Ranga waved “See ya later”

“Bye Ranga” Wench left her cousin’s home through the crystal door

Ted looked at Ranga “So what’s in the box?”

“None of your business” she replied

“It’s gotta be some weird form of food if it came from Wench”

“I still cannot believe you’re freaking out over the time she served us human”

“THAT WAS DISTURBING!”

“Why does it matter? You’re a doll”

“But still, it was human! That’s disgusting!”

“Don’t you think it’s funny how we eat other meats without a second thought but when it comes to human there’s a stigma attached to it”

“Eww… stop talking, where did all the normal people go?”

“Well Victor’s at the Black Mage Village visiting Vivi”

“Damn, he won’t be back for a while”

“And for your information, in this box I have a Blood Mudcake. Alright?”

“Blood Mudcake, isn’t that Emma’s favourite cake?”

“Yeah, I asked Wench to make her one because it’s that time of the month”

“Oh… hey Ranga”

“Yeah?”

“What is that time of the month?”

“You know, that time of the month?”

“Which is?”

“You know, surfing the crimson wave? Red baron’s in town? Friends come to stay? Aunt Flow’s over?” Ranga noticed the vacant and clueless stare of Ted “I’m running out of euphemisms… well, Emma is currently menstruating”

“What’s that?”

“Hold up, you know what sex is but you don’t know anything about menstruation or periods?”

“Yeah, what is this thing you call a period?”

“Get Victor to explain”

“Do you menstruate?”

“That’s none of your business, really it isn’t” Ranga walked off through the door leading to the Garden of Delusions. Ted laid back on the bed and stared at the ceiling “Why are girls so weird about this menstruation thing anyway?”

---

Upon arrival home to the tree house, Oogie’s voice boomed through the Bug Pipe “Lock, get down here! I need to speak with you!”

“See ya later” the devil groaned to his cohorts as he went down into Oogie’s Lair. Shock got out of the bathtub nervously, who would or could do such a thing to Hazel? Fair enough she hated the teenage witch, but to see her laughing like an insane creature was terrifying.

“Barrel?” Shock asked as she noticed the skeleton impersonator about to run off to his room

He turned to her “Yeah Shock?”

“Why are you acting so weird? You’re all jumpy and scared, even before we saw Hazel. What’s wrong?”

“Alright, I’ll be honest, I feel like we’re caught in a rerun, everything up to this point has felt like we’ve done it before. But it’s gone now that we’re home again… it’s scaring me”

“Really? That’s weird. Then again I’m a little more worried about Hazel”

“She’s a bitch, I reckon we should be celebrating”

“No one deserves to become like that… she can’t tell what’s actually happening and what’s a dream”

“Well, she had it coming”

“Why are you so calm about all this? Barrel, what do you know!?”

He stared at her with a serious face “I don’t know anything” Barrel walked into his room and slammed the door.

“Liar” softly growled Shock

---

Lock felt better to be walking in the darkness, the light of day was stinging his eyes. He didn’t know why people got drunk, it made him wake up in a dress, feeling sick and like he had fallen out of a window. But he still couldn’t recall anything from the previous night. He walked out into Oogie’s Lair to find his master lying down on a couch.

“Yeah Oogie?” asked Lock

The burlap sack groaned “I’m hung over, I need magic fizzy make me feel good pills”

“Right” the devil stumbled over to a small cupboard in the corner and rummaged through it. He retrieved a container of pills, the label read ‘Magic fizzy make me feel good pills’. Lock wandered back over to Oogie and handed him the jar. The boogieman opened it and swallowed half a jar of strange little green pills with swirls of white on them.

“What are those pills anyway?” said Lock

“They’re for hangovers” Oogie informed “I made em myself ages ago”

“Do they work?”

“Yeah, they do but only on oogie people. No one else”

Lock frowned, he thought he’d found a way to overcome his hangover. He turned to leave “If you don’t need me then I’ll just be going”

“No, don’t go” Oogie picked Lock up with one and arm and hugged his henchman “I’m so lonely”

Lock gasped “Then why not get a girlfriend?” the stench of Oogie was unbelievable, who would’ve thought burlap, rotting bugs and other slimy congealed things could smell this rancid.

“A girlfriend? No, I need someone more, I need to beat Jack…” he dropped his henchman “I need a WIFE!”

“A wife?” said Lock as he quickly sat up “Who would marry you?”

“You saying I’m ugly?”

“No, not at all boss, but no girls around here will actually wed you”

“Well then, we’ll make them!”

“What?”

“I want you, Shock and Barrel to steal me a wife! You know my taste in women”

“Actually no”

“Oh, then take this down” Oogie threw a pad and pen at Lock as he recited the qualities he desired in a woman “She’s gotta be smoking hot, a real vixen! Curvy, but not too curvy this ain’t cattle country. With gorgeous eyes and big breasts! Also she’s gotta be willing to do whatever I want whenever I want. Now get to work!”

“Yeah alright” Lock quickly ran off, feeling a sense of nausea in his gut. He didn’t like this situation at all.