6. Lose

I don’t remember losing him.

Tahu,

I mean.

There was a numb sting that I couldn’t quite touch.

That’s all I know.

It was like a shot given by a needle.

The kind that hurts…or at least you think it hurts, but you aren’t quite sure.

A shot of Novocain really.

Complete with the spreading numbness and that subconscious pain that you know is there.

None of this is real.

Not now.

Not ever again.

Not anymore…

Ugh. I’m really VERY sorry, I seem to have just disappeared and flown straight off the earth for all anyone’s actually seen of me lately…I will say this, my school system is FAR too gone to be healthy :(. IE: we have finals after break and I have to study for all of them. But really though, you the reader obviously came to read, not listen to some sob story compliments of me, so read on ;).

P.S. yes, the spacing is entirely intentional, it makes you set a pace during reading through it, thus giving it a different feel than if you just sped read through it all.

Of that day.

That’s the truth.

Entire and unadultured.

And those that say you always remember the most important day in your life,

No.

Existence.

They’re wrong.

Or lying.

One or the other.

Or both.

I only remember the second most important day in my existence,

and not my first.

I remember kissing him.

That much I can say.

That day.

I remember.

The hot, humid air, swirling around in lazy drifts.

The muggish swamp that surrounded us, compressing all inside a stale air bubble.

The flies that feasted undisturbed on us.

The muted chirping of bugs.

The sun overhead.

Our grasping hands.

Our gasping breath.

Remember...

Remember?

I remember.

All of it.

That...

that day,

why,

why,

why do I,

remember,

only,

the second most important day,

Of my life?

or is it,

existence?

I don’t know.

I never do.

Not anymore.

It’s crushing either way.

To know that I only remember the insignificant pieces of my life.

Existence,

is that,

a more fitting word?

It hurts.

Either way.

It hurts.

No matter what words you use,

it hurts.

And I was even,

warned beforehand.

I was warned.

Be careful,

that’s what he said,

once,

Onua said that.

I tried...

And I was,

for a while.

Careful not to fall too in love.

I wasn’t careful enough.

Apparently.

It seems.

Not in the matters of the heart,

At least.

But,

that time,

that other time,

I remember none of it.

And that’s my fault completely.

My fault that I can’t handle…

Remembering it.

That I can’t handle remembering any of it but…

But, a mere touch.

A mere whisper.

The rain.

I might,

remember ,

the rain.

I remember the rain?

Maybe?

The acidity of it.

smoldering the whole lot around it?

Except for me?

Why never me…?

I remember?

Did,

did I,

cry that day?

Did no one come?

Do I remember?

That the ground was hard?

Maybe stone is like that.

Maybe.

Will I remember,

someday?

That the blood stayed there?

That it soaked the ground?

Staining it?

Covering it,

covering me,

With him?

Will I,

remember,

now?

That when someone finally came…

That he reached out?

Don't I remember?

That he touched my shoulder?

I think,

I remember?

Didn't I walk away?

Finally,

I think,

I might,

I might just,

...remember.

I think I remember it.

Finally,

I think,

I remember.

Um...yeah, I think that's that. It looks like more of a poem than anything, but really, it's meant to be disjointed thoughts. Kind of like Gali feels like she's drowning. :D I dunno.

Written when I was feeling depressed. Obviously. Only it's about the stupidest thing ever, that was my fault completely.(Let's just say, I suck balls at swimming, and I decided to try out for swim team, causing a chemical reaction, thus creating the result of me landing, let's say, in club swimming, not the high school team...and kind of in the elementary level...yeah...a freshman girl in the elementary school level swimming group...I should so quit while I'm ahead...but really, it's so basic, I think I might just ignore it.)

Credit to, Sylla Shadowfrost once more for the theme: Lose, thank you so much once again!

As always, please review, maybe leave a theme as you go, whatever floats your boat. Also, happy new years people:D