|Corpse God Bar Fight!
Author: KennySheep PM
Mantorok vs. The Forgotten One in the bar fight of the century!Rated: Fiction T - English - Parody/Humor - Words: 1,227 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Updated: 08-07-07 - Published: 07-19-07 - id: 3667680
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Author's notes: First of all, I do not own Eternal Darkness. I do not own Warcraft. I do not own Disney. I do not own NASA. I do not own a boat. All I own is this computer, which I use to steal old Super Nintendo games from the Internet to play since it's cheaper than buying new games. This was made for 2 reasons. 1: The 'List Stories' button isn't working, so I can't update the story I wanted to but still desperately wanted to post something for reasons I don't understand and 2: I was looking in the Eternal Darkness section and couldn't find any random, crappy stories. Now, that is in no way a bad thing, Eternal Darkness is a reasonably serious game after all (although watching a fat guy inflate until he bursts is really funny) so you can assume most people wouldn't write a retarded piece of crap about it. That would be like insulting the game… Sorry game! Please don't hurt me! Anyways, now Eternal Darkness has a bad, mostly worthless story about it, festering on it like a cancer that will one day spread to all new additions to it's stories. It should be so proud!
Once upon a time, in a bar in some crazy parallel dimension, Mantorok the corpse god was getting drunk. He was getting some odd looks (he was a giant, purple amorphous pile of eyeballs and tentacle filled mouths and was about the same size of a good sized city, after all), but he didn't really care. He had had a hard life, and was at that bar to celebrate being one of the only people to survive being in Eternal Darkness. Alex was there to, but she was getting a lot less looks because most people were distracted by the giant purple thing.
Now that I think about it, how the hell do you fit Mantarok into a bar in the first place? He can't move! More importantly, he stretches on as far as the eye can see! This must be one huge bar!
Anyways, after downing a few beers (or, in the corpse god's case, downing a few Olympic sized swimming pools filled with vodka), everyone was having a good time (or, at least Alex and Mantorok were having a good time, everyone else was scared half to death because of Mantorok's ugliness). These good times could never last, though. That's why you should never be in a game where every other character dies. It just isn't good for happy endings.
Somehow, in a move that defied all logic, another giant, purple, eye-mouth-and-tentacle covered, amorphous, ungodly, city sized blob entered the bar (for the love of god, how big is this bar!?). This one was the forgotten one, the greatest boss ever to be in a Warcraft game. Sure, due to Warcraft's game play there are barely any bosses, but the forgotten one still is great.
As soon as it walked (slid? Oozed? Blobed? I have no idea how these things move!) into the bar, it noticed the corpse god. Then, they both stared at each other. Sure, they would have been staring at each other anyways since they are both completely covered in eyeballs, but you get the point.
Mantorok tried to say something along the lines of "I believe you are an obvious ripoff of my character, and I resent you for that", but giant, amorphous blobs can't speak to good so it came out as something like "WALLLLRUGZURT!!!11!!" followed by a large amount of bile shooting out of thousands of mouths, melting everyone in the room (except for Alex, since no-one can kill her!).
The forgotten one understood what Mantorok had been trying to say (which is amazing since neither of them have ears) and tried to respond with "I understand your grievance, but feel you are mistaken". This came out in the form of a lot of random screaming, then eating all the corpses that Mantorok had just made with his bile.
Mantorok didn't understand this (which really makes a lot of sense, since it was just a lot of random screaming), so the forgotten one tried to make his point by hand gestures (which would actually end up being tentacle gestures, but oh well). This looked a lot like he was trying to flip Mantorok off, so Mantorok slapped the forgotten one with a tentacle. This made the forgotten one mad, so he shot a fireball at Mantorok. Then they both called in all their little minions and began a giant bar fight between 2 city sized sins against god and a good sized mass of zombies and people with tentacles for faces.
Alex decided it would be better not getting involved, so she went back to drinking. The bartender was already dead, so she was getting drinks for free! Life is good!
The bar fight raged on, with Mantorok's zombies and the forgotten one's tentacle face people almost perfectly matched. Sure, the tentacle faced people were bigger, stronger, had clubs and could do crazy magic stuff, but there were just so many more zombies that it all balanced out.
Ok, so we now have 2 city-sized blobs and 2 armies all in one bar. I know it's a dimensional bar and all, but must it really be so big? It would take like, 3 days just to find the bathrooms. That's not what I look for in a bar…
The fighting raged on for a week with neither side gaining ground. Alex had been drinking this whole time, so by now she was blind drunk and falling down a lot. One of the tentacle-faced people took some time off fighting to laugh at her, but a zombie used that brief moment of distraction to bite his head off. After that no one noticed her.
The only downside to the constant fighting was that every time anyone from either side looked at the giant blobs in the room (which was constantly, since they were so huge), the blobs would be a little more insane. Good old insanity effects, how I love you so. By the end of the fighting, Mantorok was pretty sure he was a banana split and the forgotten one kept screaming "This isn't happening" (although it literally was just a scream, since that's how he talks) and every once and a while tried to beat his own troops to death with a spoon he found.
In the interests of keeping this train wreck moving, all the troops ended up killing each other at the exact same time in some really amazing coincidence the likes of which are rarely seen outside stories just like this one. So now we have 2 completely insane blobs in a bar and one really drunk chick. Needless to say, the words "Tentacle rape" were thrown around a lot that day, but no one got around to it since everyone had a headache from too much drinking, fighting and being completely crazy.
And that, boys and girls, is what happens if you happen to be a giant blob and try to fight another blob for copyright infringement.