|He doesn't Know
Author: Slash4Femme PM
McCoy things about his feeling for SpockRated: Fiction M - English - Romance - L. McCoy & Spock - Words: 648 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 2 - Published: 07-20-07 - Status: Complete - id: 3670498
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
This is a slash fanfiction story using the world and characters of Star Trek the original series. The two main characters are Spock and McCoy. I do not own anything used in this story, nor do I make money from any of this. This is also my first attempt at Star Trek fanfiction so bare with me.
//It ain't wise to need someone/As much as I depended on you//
//It's a heartache/Nothing but a heartache/Hits you when it's too late/Hits you when you're down// (It's a Heartache by Bonnie Tyler)
He Doesn't Know
I need him. Something I wouldn't say to anyone, about anyone, most particularly not him. Hell it's taken me years to admit it to myself, but I need him. There isn't any man for me but him, there I said it, God damn us both. And I know he'll never know, because he doesn't need me. Vulcans don't love, don't even feel, how many time have I heard that one, and even if he did I know I wouldn't be at the top of the list. There's Jim, I've seen the way he looks at him, and I could swear . . . but no, if Spock has feeling he'll never admit it, and if he has feelings it most certainly won't be for me. After all we've been at each other's throats for years. The fighting it's become second nature to me, not just because he's the most irritating creature this side of the galaxy, but because I need it, I need him. Our fights keep me alive, keep me sane, if you can believe that, and are just a good way to blow off steam, and every time we have one I remember how much I need him, how much I want him.
It's been a long time since I admitted to myself that I am a man who likes men, not an easy thing to do in Star Fleet were the woman aren't even allowed to dress in trousers. Star Fleet holds on to far too many aspects of old Earth's armies, to be a completely comfortable place for men like me, but this is my life, this is what I love doing, where I'm needed and where I friends are, so I've learned to be discrete. He's the only weak link. When I look at him I can feel my resolve and self-control waver. There are the times he asks one of his never-ending, idiotic, questions about human emotions and I try to explain, and he doesn't get it. When he does that thing with his eyebrow, staring at me intensely and tells me I'm not making sense or my answer is illogical, I want to both scream and kiss him. He's the one I dream of at night. The one, who in my dreams, holds me in his arms, kisses me, makes love to me and to whom I admit all the things I want to say to him but can't. Sometimes after an argument or conversation he'll leave me dry mouthed and shaking like a damned schoolgirl. Oh don't get me wrong he irritates me like no one else can, I get so mad at him I want to shake him until that damnable Vulcan control of his snaps, but I love him too. I am fool, I know, I tell myself so constantly, over and over again and it doesn't change anything. I love the one man I can never have. The one who will never be mine for so many reasons, but maybe one day, in some way, some small gesture, he will learn to care for me too.