SPOILERS FOR DEATHLY HALLOWS! APPROACH WITH CAUTION, MY FRIENDS!

Kay, so, this is just something I had the urge to do… and it does nothing to help my “get a life, you obsessed Harry Potter FREAK!” image, HAHA. But I don’t mind.

Anywho, on with the legal crap. On no accounts do I claim any copyrights on anything Harry Potter. As I said in my latest fanfiction, J.K Rowling is the Queen of the Universe, and is not to be trifled with.

Oops, forgot to mention… Harry is 17 years old in this interview. Why? Cuz I feel better if he’s close to my age. That’s right.

Me: Alrighty! We have with us today Mr. Harry Potter! You are Harry Potter, am I correct?

Harry: Er, yeah.

Me: Splendid. So, it’s all over now. How do you feel? About having finally defeating Lord Voldemort and making the world a better place?

Harry: Um, well, really good I suppose.

Me: But you must also feel terribly sad. I mean, a lot of your friends died during the War.

Harry: … (pause) Yeah, that does happen in Wars, unfortunately. A lot of people died, but they won’t be forgotten, and I’ll miss them.

Me: How touching. You did do a spectacular job though, of Voldemort.

Harry: Thanks. Where are you going with this?

Me: Oh, right, well, how about we start from the beginning of your life?

Harry: …

Me: So, here we have the classic tale of an infant dropped onto the door-step of an innocent and unsuspecting civilian’s home. But no, this is no ordinary baby, as can be observed from the abnormal scar slashed onto his forehead. Tell me Harry, do you like your scar?

Harry: Not really.

Me: Oh come now. Even though it is a living reminder of the source which destroyed your chances of having a normal life, it is cool, don’t you think?

Harry: Er, possibly.

Me: Exactly. So anyways. Harry Potter, Saviour of the Wizarding World, living a cupboard. Tell me what that was like, hm?

Harry: Cramped. And dark.

Me: And the spiders?

Harry: Ugh… some of them went down my shirt. (shudders)

Me: Lovely. Now, this is a question that I’ve been absolutely dying to know the answer to. At what age, if you remember, did your eye sight require the aid of glasses?

Harry: Hm. Must’ve been around the time I started bumping into inanimate objects. (sarcastic tone) Around the age of three, I think.

Me: (laughs) And wherever did you get your signature glasses? From what we’ve heard, the Dursley’s can’t possibly have been generous enough to have bought you them.

Harry: See, that’s why they’re so ugly. The Dursley’s made sure to buy me the cheapest, most revolting glasses they could find. I think the Muggle salesman at the counter even took pity on me…

Me: Interesting, and just a bit sad, too. What’s your favourite colour?

Harry: What? Oh, I dunno, (pause) Red.

Me: Haha, how predictable. Anyways, moving on. What did you first think of Hagrid?

Harry: I thought he was crazy, and a madman or something, coming to kidnap me. He was huge.

Me: Well, he is half-giant.

Harry: …

Me: And when he first told you that you were a wizard? You special, special boy you?

Harry: Again, crazy. Madman.

Me: Are you talking about you now, or Hagrid again?

Harry: What? No-

Me: HAH just kidding. Seriously though, I bet you were excited at that prospect.

Harry: Yeah, terribly, once I figured Hagrid wasn’t joking.

Me: Well, you should have suspected something was wrong with you when you found you could talk to snakes.

Harry: Not really… I never really knew in the first place anyways. I thought every kid could do it.

Me: Indeed! So, now, you’ve embarked on your adventures at the tender age of eleven. But wait, Hagrid, your rescuer from the Dursleys, has just informed you that the most powerful Dark Wizard of ALL TIME tried to kill you, and was the one responsible for the deaths of your parents, and quite possible, is after you to finish the job! How did that make you feel?

Harry: I was ELEVEN.

Me: Yes, of course. I understand. You were traumatized.

Harry: I was not traumati-

Me: Right. Anyways, moving on. laughs good naturedly Let’s skip ahead to when you board the Hogwart’s Express. You know, I once tried to jump through to the Platform, but it didn’t work for me…

Harry: Wow, you’re smart. (sarcasm)

Me: I know, aren’t I? Thank you. Anyways, as you run panicking through the station, seeking help to the absurd obstacle you have been given to find an impossible platform, you see an army of redheads walking by, which light your way. The Weasley’s! And, once on the train, amazed at everything you see through your hideous glasses, you immediately become best mates with Ronald Weasley.

Harry: Ron’s awesome, so are the rest of the Weasley’s.

Me: Yes, it was a terrible blow to their family to have lost Fred in the War. But more of the later. Soon after you met and befriended Ron, came along young Hermione Granger! What was your first impression of her?

Harry: Ron and me both thought she was mental. (laughs)

Me: Haha, mental indeed. Quite the little know-it-all, wasn’t she?

Harry: Yeah. Still is. Gotta love Hermione.

Me: Now, the scraggly-looking rat that was accompanying Ron. You must feel really annoyed, know that Wormtail was right in front of you for so many years, the perfect opportunity to kill Voldemort’s right-hand man sitting near you all that time. Doesn’t that make you livid?

Harry: Well, how could I have known that rat was him?

Me: Time-turner, obviously. Wait, can those even go into the future? Or just to the past? Hm.

Harry: We didn’t bloody have one there with us, now did we? And how the hell should I know, I’ve only used one once. (annoyed)

Me: Now Harry, there’s no need to make such a fuss. That’s all in the past now.

Harry: …

Me: Moving onward! I’d like to now bring up the subject of Draco Malfoy. What of him?

Harry: Don’t even get me started. He was the most ‘foul, loathsome, evil little cock roach’, as Hermione would put it, to have ever lived. Stupid, pointy-faced, ferrety little git.

Me: Ah, but you used the past tense!

Harry: Well, he’s okay now. I mean, I don’t really see much of him, so he doesn’t really bother me much anymore. He’s out of my life.

Me: Aw, go make friends with him.

Harry: … (angry stare)

Me: Haha, moving on. So I take it you were happy being at Hogwarts, learning magic, and away from the Dursley’s?

Harry: That’s an understatement. Though, the homework was bothersome… that’s where Hermione came in most of the time, though.

Me: And Quidditch. How was it, learning to fly a broom? (I wish I could do that… SO badly).

Harry: Quidditch is the most wonderful thing in the world. I love my Firebolt like a son. And beating Malfoy for Neville’s Remembrall only makes it better. (smiles)

Me: And then you became the youngest Quidditch player in a century! You were a busy little school-jock.

Harry: Sure.

Me: But then came along Voldemort and all his dark nastiness, mysteries and rumours of something important hidden in Hogwarts; the Philosopher’s Stone. That was all quite exciting!

Harry: I guess so. Once you get past the killer three-headed dog, the random dragon, the murderous plants, the giant chess pieces and Voldemort trying to kill me, then it was all in good fun.

Me: Glad you’re so forgiving about all of this.

Harry: …

Woot, first year is done. I might get around to doing all seven years. Dunno. Seeing as I have like, only three more days of computer time until I go off to camp for a whole month, it may take a while. Anyways… stay tuned for year two!!