A/N: Beta Read by the wonders that are BloodRayne and StringofPearls, and devised with the aid of Caith. Seriously, thank you so incredibly much for all your help! This story is heavily based on folklore and fairytales (which is particularly evident in this chappy).

Please visit Olafpriol on deviantart! Her Fred & George fanart always inspires me to write and any fan of the twins will love her stuff, so get your butts over there! ...er, well after you've read the fic...

EDIT: Check my profile page for fanart, movie trailers and gift art related to the story : )

‘There came a wind out o' the north
A sharp wind and a snell
A dead sleep it came o'er me
And frae my horse I fell
And the Queen o' the Faeries she took me
In yon green hill to dwell.'

- Tam Lin

Twin Vice Paranormal Detectives

Prologue

Stick, Stock, Stone Dead

oOo

“From The Tales of Beedle the Bard,” he read, peeling back the yellowed page with a sullen look. Then he began.

'Long, long ago, there lived a powerful witch who ruled a bare and barren land far in the North. The witch, who was called Gudrun, and sometimes the Snow Queen, lived in a large castle with only her mirrors and servants to amuse her; for Gudrun was a cold woman whose heart was as bitter and barren as the land she ruled, and she cared nought for the triviality of companionship.'

'On her twenty-first birthday, Gudrun was presented with the magical mirror Ouroboros, forged by the skilled fingers of Nogg the Nefarious. Nogg was a foul and wicked Goblin who hated Muggles with a passion, and spent his hours devising new and wicked charms in which he could trick them with. Amongst these charms was the sword Blackabar, who, in the midst of battle, would grow so heavy that his owner could no longer hold its weight and therefore perish in the fight; the silver bell Isil, whose sweet notes caused the listener to hear the death cries of loved ones who had suffered terrible fates; the ring Storge, whose wearer was turned pale with rage and envy, and saw only treachery and deceit in the actions of those around them.'

'But Nogg’s greatest treasure was the magic mirror, Ouroboros, whose silver frame was coiled to form the world serpent devouring its own tail. The mirror’s reflective surface was said to be composed of three scales stolen from the snake whose home was made in the legendary World Tree. Ouroboros was said to have so many spells cast upon it that even Nogg did not know its full wicked power.'

'Despite its beauty, the mirror was as rife with dark magic and mischief as its creator, for it trapped and fed upon the hearts of little Muggle girls and boys who had the unlucky misfortune to pass it. When these poor wretches caught their reflection in the mirror, they would feel so happy that they would dance, dance, dance, and dance some more until their little feet were bruised and raw. It was then, while their souls were tired and weary, that the mirror would seize the child’s heart, and leave them with the unhappy fate of seeing their gruesome deaths reflected.'

'Gudrun loved her gift at once and swore an oath that she would not marry less she find a man who matched the beauty of her mirror. Until then she would entertain herself with her reflection, for Gudrun was a very beautiful woman with hair as pale as snow and lips so red they looked painted with blood. But while there was no malice in her expression, her eyes were as hard and cold as black ice. And every time a suitor rode in from far and wide to ask her hand in marriage, the Goblins gathered on her order and cast him down to the rocks.'

'Every day the witch would go to the mirror Ouroboros and ask,

"Tell me glass,
Tell me of,
In all the worlds,
Who deserves my love?"'

'To which Ouroboros would always reply,

"Nae indeed,
Thou Queen may'st fair,
No love dost seed
in lands dwell there."'

'To this the witch would smile and retreat to her chambers, for she was happy in her cold heart. But as the years went by and her power grew, and grew, Gudrun began to wonder what would become of her after her death. What would be her legacy? And so she returned to the mirror and begged it to answer:'

'"Tell me glass,
and tell me true,
In all the worlds
In all the lands
Who deserves my love?
Tell me who!"'

'And this time the glass replied,

"Thou Queen may'st fair and beauteous bee,
The Knight Sinuous Slytherin, is he."'

'Soon thereafter, a magical portrait of Sinuous Slytherin appeared on the wall of Gudrun’s castle. Like the witch, the Knight was very handsome, but he had a dreadful face which looked very capable of dreadful things. The witch decided that she loved the man very deeply and so cut off her little finger and dropped it into a leather pouch all tied up in red string. Then she called to Nogg and said, "Make a wedding present of this to my Knight of Slytherin. And then, perhaps, I shall have a happy heart."'

'And so it was that the Knight of Slytherin and the witch Gudrun were married, and Gudrun soon bore them two twins: Sol and Salazar.'

'These twins were as different as the sun and moon. Where Salazar was proud and studious, Sol was kind and carefree, but his mother and father came to detest Sol for they saw in him a compassion for the race of Muggles which they so detested. Their rage was all the more so when Sol declared his love for a Muggle. When she heard this, Gudrun instructed Salazar to take Sol away into the dark fen, and take his life. And Salazar obliged his mother, for while he loved his twin dearly, he loved his mother all the more, and so led Sol deep into the fens and slit his throat so that it would appear the work of rogues.'

'The wicked deed was never spoken of and Salazar went on to found the first school of witchcraft and wizardry with the three greatest witches and wizard of the time. And with him, Salazar carried his family’s abhorrence for Muggles and Muggle-borns. But his beliefs clashed violently with that of Godric Gryffindor’s and he left the school in a rage.'

'After her second son’s failing, Gudrun flew into a terrible fury. Her legacy was lost, and her youth was spent, and all that remained were her cold, hard eyes of black ice. So Gudrun returned to the mirror, Ouroboros, and begged for help. The mirror obliged and a bargain was struck where by the witch’s soul was split into seven equal parts and hidden away for a thousand years-'

“Hang on, Perce!”

"That’s your tale?"

The twins folded their arms in one synchronized movement and snorted, scornfully.

"What a rotten story," said Fred and George nodded his agreement.

"A troll with a boulder in its gob could tell a better tale than that."

Percy huffed impatiently and dropped the picture book with its moving illustrations onto his lap. "I don't see what you two are griping about. I've read this to Ginny plenty of times and I never hear her complaining."

"Yeah, but Ginny's a girl, isn't she?"

"Do you see pigtails on our heads, Perce?"

"We like battles -"

"- and giants -"

"- and werewolves -"

"- and Dark Wizards!"

"Well, the Snow Queen was a Dark Wizard," Percy retorted with annoyance, but the twins were ignoring him in favour of jumping enthusiastically up and down on their beds.

"Tell us one about Robin Hood!"

"Nah, give us one of Puck Hufflepuff's ballads, Perce!"

"The Fox's trick!"

"The Vampire Cat of York!"

"The Hand of Glory!"

"You've had your story, you ungrateful wretches!" Percy hollered, leaping to his feet. "Now stop jumping on your beds and be done with it, otherwise I'll send Mother up and she can put you to sleep!" Without another word, Percy snatched up his book and stormed towards the door in a terrible sulk, flicking the light switch off on his way out the room.

The twins sat cross-legged on their beds, facing each other in the dark.

"Merlin, Percy is such a stick in the mud," said Fred sullenly. "We should take it upon ourselves to teach him how to loosen up a bit, right, George?"

"Absolutely, Fred. I reckon a couple of garden gnomes in his pants will do the trick."

Grinning wickedly, they each slid under their bed covers and closed their eyes. But it wasn't long before the cold night and the snow falling outside on the window ledge began to fill George's highly imaginative mind with ghastly images of the spindly Snow Queen and her goblins. A shadow passed close to the door and he let out a little cry of fright.

"…George? That you squeaking like a little girl?" asked Fred in a tone of amusement.

"Sod off," George muttered ruefully, but nonetheless he crawled out of bed and over to his twin's, creeping underneath the covers.

"You think all that's true, Fred?" George asked once they were both settled in Fred's bed.

"What's true? Percy being a total and utter git?"

"No, we know that's true," said George. "I mean about the Snow Queen."

"Don't know." Fred shrugged. "There's loads of stories about her flying around. Suppose they've got to come from somewhere, haven't they?"

"Charlie told me that she rides a chariot pulled by seven white stags."

Fred scoffed. "That's just stupid. You're getting mixed up with Santa Claus."

"No, it's true!" George said adamantly. "And she nicks little kids from their beds, too. Probably feeds them to that mirror of hers." He shivered a bit at the image it provoked. The darkness of their shared bedroom suddenly seemed impenetrable. He edged closer to his twin.

"You're not scared are you, Forge?" asked Fred, mockingly.

"Fat chance!" George snapped, but he didn't sound all that convincing. After a moment he turned around to face his twin. Fred's arms were crossed behind his head and he was staring out the window at the softly falling snow. His brow was slightly furrowed and he looked deep in thought. Fred rarely looked so intense as this, but George found him fascinating to watch when he did and wondered if anyone else in the world had ever been lucky enough to glimpse that marvellous look on his brother's face.

"I'd give her hell if she tried to nick you, you know," said Fred abruptly.

George looked at his twin in amazement then, slowly, the corner of his mouth twitched into a smile. "Good.” George pressed his finger into his twin's cheek and grinned toothily. “Otherwise, you know, I’d have to come back and haunt you until you’d grown old, and bearded, and stinking of mothballs like Auntie Muriel.”

“Well that’d be better than nothing at all, right?” said Fred seriously. “I mean it’s not like I can be without you, is it? Us being twins and stuff...”

George thought about it for a moment, but the idea of being one twin, and not two, left an unpleasant taste in his mouth (rather like the time he’d fallen face first into a pile of gnome dung in the garden), so he decided to push the thought along with the story of Gudrun, the Snow Queen, and her mirror, far out of his mind. He’d leave those kinds of thoughts for another time and place, years and years in the future when they were both bearded and wrinkled like prunes, and smelling of mothballs like Auntie Muriel.

He slung a lazy arm across Fred's chest, who grumbled irritably but didn't bother to move him off, so George tucked his head under his chin and said, because he felt it was suddenly necessary to say out loud, "Ahluvyoo Fred."

There was a pause, then a small chuckle, and a hand moved to ruffle his red hair.

“G'night, Forge.”

oOo

A/N: Next chapter is much longer, and thankfully less emo, and takes place five years in the future. Again, don't miss out on Olafpriol’s HP fanart on Deviantart. It'll cheer you up immensely!