|Just Kill Me Now
Author: ohwhatsherface PM
SasuSaku. Watching him take all her orders kind of made her wish she didn't throw out that whip she had gotten at her bachelorette party...Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor - Sasuke U. & Sakura H. - Words: 2,246 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 153 - Follows: 18 - Published: 07-26-07 - Status: Complete - id: 3683753
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Kill Me Now
written by: ohwhatsherface
Sakura Uchiha lay comfortably in the bed she shared with her husband, in an equally comfortably nightgown, and a probably even more comfortable stack of pillows behind her.
"You know, you can go train of whatever, if you want—"
"No, it's okay."
"Are you sure? I won't mind—"
"No, it's okay."
"But I can tell you don't want to be here—"
She (fake) grinned at her husband sheepishly, rubbing her swollen stomach. "Sasuke-kun…" The way her head was bent over and her pink bangs were covering her eyes he knew she was going to start crying any second now. "I'm sorry!" she wailed.
Sasuke sighed and vented his frustration by pulling one of the pillows she had in her mountain behind her, and fluffing it for her. "There is nothing to be sorry for, Sakura," he said tersely. "So stop apologizing." He gently pushed her forward to put the pillow back behind her head. "And stop crying."
"I—I…!" She wiped her tears with the back of her hand. "I—I can't help it!"
He rolled his eyes.
This was all the Hokage's fault.
"Sakura needs to be put on bed rest for the next two months of pregnancy," Tsunade had informed him while Sakura slept in her room at the hospital. She had come in a week before because of some bleeding, the cause of it, unknown. "Basically, until she has the baby, I don't want her to be doing any strenuous activities. And make sure that Sakura is absolutely stress-free. That means you can't have her doing the things she usually does, even household chores like cooking and cleaning, and make sure she doesn't come back to the hospital. I swear if I find her working I will kick your ass. I don't want Sakura in the hospital again, unless she's in labor."
He really hated Tsunade.
"Sakura, stop crying," he ordered (somewhat) gently. Sasuke sat on the bed, right beside her and rubbed her back soothingly. "Tsunade said she shouldn't stress yourself out—"
"Well it's your fault!" Sakura spat, mood swings raging. She slapped his comforting hand away with a huff.
Sasuke stared at her dryly. "My fault?"
"Y—You got me pregnant!" she screamed. "Now look at me! I'm fat, and I'm having mood swings, and I'm stuck doing nothing, and I'm fat, and I'm always getting sick, and I'm fat—"
"You can't blame your pregnancy on me," replied Sasuke. He was rather amused by the situation (he would never tell her, but watching her whine about the symptoms of her pregnancy was always pretty funny to see). He leaned on one side of her mountain of pillows, not budging when she tried to push him off of it. "It's partly your fault, as well."
Sakura glared at him. "Oh don't give me that!"
"Give you what? It's the truth."
"You manipulated me!" She used one of the smaller pillows and threw it at him. "It's your fault!"
"Well you're the one who had to be born with a uterus."
"Well you're the one who had to be born with a penis!"
It was about noon and they were still fighting about whose fault it was that Sakura was pregnant. With a tired sigh, Sasuke got off of the bed.
"Do you want lunch, Sakura?" he asked.
She blinked in surprise at his generous offer. Since when did Sasuke offer to be the one to cook? When it came to household matters, Sasuke never helped out (because in her opinion, he was a lazy bastard like that), so having him offer to make her lunch was a bit weird.
Sometimes precautions had to be made.
Sasuke rolled his eyes. What a bitch. "This isn't a genjutsu, you annoying woman. I'm not that heartless, you know. I can help you out once in a while."
A small blush made its way onto her cheeks and she smiled at him again (finally, stupid god damn mood swings). "Why are you suddenly being so generous, Sasuke-kun? It's not like you."
"Tsunade said that while you were on bed rest I'd have to do a lot of things for you, including cooking, because she didn't want you up and around," he explained. "She said it could be bad for you and the baby and you might end up in the hospital again."
Sakura blinked. "So… Are you saying you're like…my bitch?"
The smirk on her face made him want to break something.
"No, I am just helping you—"
"You are my bitch!"
Sakura clapped cheerfully.
"Oh! I've got my very own man slave!"
About half an hour after he left her alone, Sasuke finally returned with a tray in hand. On the tray he held was a bowl of tomato soup (because he liked tomato soup), a few slices of bread and a glass of milk. He put the food down on the night table beside her and sat down on the bed tiredly.
They sat in silence, Sakura staring at him hard, Sasuke ignoring his wife.
Eventually, she just got annoying.
"What?" he snapped. Sasuke, scowling, glanced at her from the corner of his eye.
"You made me tomato soup," Sakura hissed, pointing to the bowl. "I hate tomato soup."
He decided not to provoke her because she might throw the bowl at him, and the soup was very hot so he would probably get burnt.
Sakura glared at him hard and spoke through clenched teeth. "Don't you dare 'Hn' me, you bastard! I want… I want waffles!"
Sasuke stared at her dryly. "I don't know how to make waffles."
"Well learn how to, you incompetent fool!" Sakura screamed. She grabbed one of her pillows and through it at him. "Go!"
He crossed his arms stubbornly and took her soup, deciding that fine, if she was just going to waste his hard work, he might as well eat it.
Sakura had an appalled look on her face as she gaped at her husband. She twitched and pushed the dark blanket off of her legs, throwing them off of the bed side. "Fine! You know what? If you're not going to cook for me then I'll do it myself you jerk!"
Oh she was good.
Grunting, Sasuke gently pushed her back down to her mountain of pillows.
"Just stay," he spat out. "I'll make your stupid waffles." Sasuke then got off the bed and walked out the door to get down to the kitchen.
When Sakura felt he was about three or four steps out the door, she called him back.
"Wait, Sasuke-kun!" she yelled. He stomped back with a disgruntled and questioning frown on his face. "Can you put ice cream on my waffle, please?" she asked sweetly.
Sasuke scowled even more.
He turned back around and almost made it to the stairs—
He clenched his hands and went back to their bedroom.
"What?" he hissed.
"I need you to put chocolate syrup as well," she requested, smiling at him adoringly (but he knew better).
Sasuke nodded briskly and turned around once more, ready to make her stupid waffle—
He bit down on his lip hard to keep himself from yelling at her.
"What now, Sakura?"
"Um…" She giggled sheepishly. "Sasuke-kun, could you cut up the strawberries I bought at the market a few days ago and put them on the waffle as well?"
Apparently, she was finally done calling him back and forth. He finally got to the door to the kitchen when—
"Oh, wait, Sasuke-kun!"
He stomped back to her with a furious expression.
Sakura's lower lip quivered and her eyes watered as the pregnant woman trembled.
"I—I just wanted to say thank you!"
He briefly wondered if restoring his clan was worth it ('it' meaning cooking whatever his wife wanted and listening to her whine all day)—
"Sasuke-kun, could you give me a foot massage, please?" Sakura asked.
Sasuke knew better though, and beneath that oh-so sweet and kind tone she was using was the threat to torture him and slowly kill him if he refused her request.
He could only grunt because damnit, it was one in the morning. And besides, if one of them deserved a food massage, it was him! She had him running around all day with her, 'Oh, Sasuke-kun, I said I wanted pineapples on my waffles, not strawberries!', to which he was forced to go to the market and learn how to cut one of those, then there was her 'Sasuke-kun, could fluff my pillows for me, they're getting kind of flat', when really, she had a stupid mountain of them.
But he was so tired.
This was like some S-ranked mission—
"Sasuke-kun!" she repeated loudly. "Please give me a foot massage!"
He opened his eyes and glanced at her.
(Damnit, he was trying to sleep and there she was, annoying him.)
"Sakura, you've been lying in bed all day. The only reason you ever get up is to go to the bathroom," he reasoned in an oh-so tired voice. "Why would you need a foot massage?"
"B—Because my ankles are s—swollen, and my f—feet are swollen and t—they hurt!" she cried, wiping her tears with the blanket. She sobbed and then turned to the fight, facing away from him, pulling the blanket away from him as well. "I get it. You think I'm fat. You don't want to touch me."
Sasuke felt like pulling at his hair because they had that fight about fourteen times since her pregnancy began.
And he always proved her wrong (wink).
"Sakura, you are not fat," he said slowly.
She pulled more of the blanket, leaving only half of his body covered. "Yes you do! You don't even want to touch my feet to give me a massage because you think they're fat!"
He rolled his eyes.
"Sakura, you are pregnant, not fat—"
"Oh shut up, Sasuke-kun, I don't need your stupid excuses!" Sakura wailed, taking the entire blanket away from him. "I understand now, thank you very much! I'm pregnant, therefore I am fat, and therefore you no longer think I'm attractive!"
Immediately, her face crumpled up.
"And you don't want me anymore!"
Never had he been so annoyed with Sakura.
Sasuke sighed, and finally spoke after a few minutes of the silence that was only interrupted ever so often by Sakura's miserable sobs.
"Do you still want a foot massage?"
She turned over and smiled brightly.
It was about five in the morning when Sasuke felt a harsh poke to his ribs (that was what Sakura considered to be 'gentle').
"Sasuke-kun," she whispered, poking him a few more times. "Sasuke-kun, are you awake?"
He tried to feign sleep but with the way she was poking him, he eventually let out a small grunt.
"What is it Sakura?" he asked tiredly.
Sakura moved over to him from under the blanket (they were under sharing terms now) and leaned her head on his chest. "Sasuke-kun, we haven't picked any names out yet!" she whined. "We already know it's a boy, so why haven't we been choosing?"
"Sakura, can we talk about this later?" Sasuke yawned. "I'm tired—"
"Sasuke-kun, our son's name is a lot more important than your sleep!" she yelled into his ear. "We can't just let him go unnamed!"
He breathed in deeply. "It's five in the damn morning, Sakura. Do we really need to discuss this now?"
"Okay." He took another deep (calming) breath. "What do you want to name him?"
Sakura shrugged, smiling up at him innocently.
"I don't know…" She poked him again. "What do you want to name him?"
"Well you're the one giving birth to him," he reasoned, with the words 'yet I'm still the one suffering' lingering in the air. "So it's only fair that you pick." Well, he really did want to name the boy something special, but really, he'd say anything to make her just shut the hell up.
He recognized the stuttering.
What did he say wrong now?!
"I want you to be a part of the choosing!" Sakura whined, sniffling (because of the mood swings, duh). "D—Do you not want the baby now?"
He rolled his eyes.
He had had enough of this.
Sasuke hugged her (which wasn't hard since she was already cuddling with him) closely.
"Sakura, I love you, and I want this baby, okay?" he said, withholding his ever growing annoyance. "I love our son. And I'm okay with doing whatever you tell me to do because you are pregnant with him right now, but do we really need to talk about this stuff now?"
She opened her mouth to speak (whine)—
But he immediately sealed her lips with his own.