|Climbing Steep, Falling Hard
Author: Ice Princess Xia PM
I’ve been given everything and taken advantage of it…I have nothing to give in return except a shell of a person and I just can’t do it anymore. warnings: trigger content, yaoi pairings 1x2 and previous 3x4, future citrus/lemon. dark content. OOCRated: Fiction T - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Wufei C. - Chapters: 3 - Words: 11,649 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 01-21-08 - Published: 07-27-07 - id: 3686138
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: I do not own the Gundam Wing boys and if I did…I wouldn't share.
Okay readers, here is the next chapter of Climbing Steep, Falling Hard! I know it's been a while since I've update and I hate to say it'll probably be another while until I update again but hopefully I haven't lost many readers. And, for those returning, here's a quick recap of what's happened.
Recap (if you need one): Wufei tried to kill himself only to be stopped by Quatre's empathy and Heero's quick thinking. The four follow Wufei to the hospital and wait for his updated status. We learned that Trowa and Wufei are partners at the Preventers under Lady Une's command, Quatre is head of Winner Enterprises, Duo is an amazing chef and currently dating Heero who is a photographer. We also learned that Quatre and Trowa are ex-boyfriends and that Heero still has a few secrets he's keeping. When they get a status update, it's revealed that Wufei's been cutting himself for years; at hearing this, Heero gets angry and storms off. And that's where this chapter picks up!
::: Author Note ::: Please Read!!! Writing this based on my own personal experiences, I think my hardest task for this chapter was finding the balance for Wufei's character. Because I am a woman ((cough-girl)) myself, at first I found myself writing Wufei very girly; crying a lot and indecisive. So, I went back through and rewrote some things because at the end of the day Wufei is a guy and not just that, he's freakin' Wufei and a real hot-head. However, then I remembered how broken Wufei is supposed to be in this story (hence, in the prologue) and I was really quite torn on what to do with him. I did the best that I could but I do apologize if his character seems especially shaky.
Another Small Note: I did change the rating of this story from Mature to Teen however, it will change back to mature a few chapters from now. I was just hoping that maybe if I changed it to Teen, I might attract more readers. We'll see.
I opened my eyes only to find that I needed to close them again; too much light, which was odd considering I thought I was dead for some reason. Attempting to open my eyes again, I looked at my surroundings and realized immediately that I was in a hospital. My mind drew a blank. I shifted uncomfortably trying to sit up in my bed and my attention flew to the lack of strength in my arms and the bandages on my wrists. Suddenly, it all came back to me in a flash.
Someone had found me. Someone had finally saved me. Tears began to brim my eyelids at the thought in both happiness and the slightest fear. Of course, I had wanted someone to find me; I did not want to die, but I had never expected it to actually happen…and now that it had? I wasn't so sure what I wanted anymore other than for everything to just be over with. I knew what would come next would be both good and bad; good because I didn't have to hide anymore but bad because I couldn't hide anymore…and also because of the look on Heero's face as he barged into my room.
"When and why did this start?" Reluctantly, I winced at his tone; not only was it loud but it was full of disappointment and pain. Feeling uncomfortable, I looked away and clutched my bed sheets tightly causing my wrists to hurt.
"Dammit Wufei! How long have I…" Heero clenched his fists in frustration and I almost thought he was going to punch something. Instead, he began to pace in front of me probably trying to decide on either what to ask me next or how to get me to answer him in the first place. I guess I should've known that Heero would feel strongly about the situation but honestly I didn't quite know what he was so mad about. Fortunately, I was sort-of saved as Quatre entered my room.
"Heero! Now is not the time or place to interrogate. Do you want to send him to the Trauma Center?" Quatre seemed almost furious as spoke through gritted teeth and walked to Heero a glare on his face; however, despite his menacing expression I still caught the red puffiness of his eyes and frowned. The two suddenly began a screaming match in my room causing me to cringe again.
"We have a right to know what the hell's been going on!"
"And he has a right to tell us when he's comfortable NOT when he's being screamed at!"
I jumped when I saw Duo at my bedside; he looked lost and sad and I lowered my eyes in disgrace only to feel Duo clutch my hand tightly. It was strange to feel Duo's hand in mine again after what seemed so long. Beyond Duo, I saw Trowa standing just beyond the doorway staring sadly at Quatre and Heero. He looked to me briefly catching my eye and showed his concern.
"What in the…" Apparently, Quatre and Heero's screaming match had alerted other people because suddenly a portly red-headed nurse was in the doorway staring at them appalled at the sight. Taking a deep breath and puffing up her chest a little, the nurse began to storm into the room only to be stopped by Trowa's hand. She looked to him angrily but he stared back at her emotionless and straight-faced. I strained to hear as he spoke to her.
"I am terribly sorry for the noise but unless you have a death wish, you'll want to leave these two to me." I would have smirked at the nurse's shocked and frightened face as she turned to leave, or rather, as Trowa gently shoved her out the door but I was alerted again to Quatre and Heero's yelling.
"He tried to kill himself Quatre and you're not even wondering why!"
"Of course I am! I just want him to tell us when he's ready!"
"If he wanted to tell us he would've told us about this a long time ago and then we wouldn't be here right now, would we?"
At that, I wanted to scream back at them and tell everyone to just shut up. I felt tears stinging my eyes and I cursed myself for being weak in this particular moment. I struggled not to show it, but attempting to hold in my sobs only made it more obvious as my body shook uncontrollably. I knew that they were both only concerned for my health but they hadn't the slightest idea of why I even did this…I just wanted them to stop fighting about it. I felt Duo tighten his hold around my hand and heard as Trowa took some action and moved closer to the fight.
"Both of you shut up." Trowa hadn't even said it very loudly but within moments, Quatre and Heero had stopped yelling and were now looking to me regretfully. Quatre was looking extremely apologetic and stepped forward some.
"Wufei…" I closed my eyes for a moment, taking a few deep breaths, and opened them again once my mask was in place looking to my friends.
"You guys…I'm fine. Really, it's my concern I just…you shouldn't worry. It's my problem to deal with."
"Oh yeah, you're fine. Fine enough to try and kill yourself?" Trowa shot Heero a menacing look and I couldn't stop myself from wincing again. I was actually beginning to get quite annoyed with Heero's tone. You'd think that after going through the ordeal that I did, someone wouldn't talk to me like that but not Heero Yuy I guess. Quatre turned on Heero again heatedly but Trowa interjected before another fight could break out.
"Either you two need to leave the room right now or you need to shut your traps and stop upsetting everyone." That effectively shut them up. I took in a shaky breath, able to taste the tension in the air.
"Guys I…just had a moment of…it won't happen…I'm fine, I'll handle…" I fumbled with my words; I wanted so badly to break down and tell them that I needed help but yet again my pride was standing between me and my inner voice. No matter how much I truly wanted their comfort, I would not be caught needing them for it. There was an awkward silence before Quatre's small voice broke through.
"Wufei…the doctors told us they found the scars all over your body…you're not okay…" He sniffled and, feeling exposed, I released the shaky breath I hadn't realized I was holding in; I couldn't turn to face him or any of them in fact. My mind was still too mixed up to deal with questions. It was then that I heard Trowa sigh and speak, his voice sounding terribly tired.
"Obviously something isn't right…but we'll wait for you to come to us." I glanced up to Trowa briefly before lowering my gaze again. "The doctors want to keep you here overnight at least one night, if not more…so we'll be back tomorrow and we'll see how things are going, okay?"
I nodded feeling tears at the corners of my eyes and still did not face my friends. I listened as they all began to shuffle slowly out of the room and felt as Duo's hand left mine, a cold chill settling in its place. Once the door was closed, I whispered the words I could not share with them feeling tears fall down my face.
"Don't go…" My tears were flowing freely now and I was in no condition to stop them. I clutched my sheets in my fists even tighter becoming angry with myself. Why couldn't I just tell my friends that I needed them? I heard a sigh next to my bed and I was shocked to look up and find Trowa still in my room. I was about to wipe my eyes but what was the point now? He was looking at me with a sad expression but I tried my best to keep his gaze as he spoke to me.
"Look, Wufei. The doctor really wants to keep you here because he wants you to talk to someone about what's going on." I sighed a little and nodded, telling Trowa to go on. His expression changed from worried to curious. "My question for you though is do you think that's what you need? Or do you think that maybe you just need us?"
I stared at him a little shocked and it must've shown entirely on my face because Trowa raised his eyebrow in silent questioning. "Um, well, I guess I just didn't think I'd get an option." Trowa nodded understandingly.
"The way I see it, all of us have been through a lot in our lives and while your actions are still surprising, I guess that I can understand where the roots might be coming from. I, and I'm sure the others too, just don't want you to feel forced into something you don't need." His lips curled into the slightest smile and I nodded my thanks. "We'll talk more about it tomorrow. I can talk to the doctor about it." After seeing my nod, Trowa silently left me to my thoughts.
Replaying Trowa's words in my mind, I realized how much Trowa was really doing for me when it seemed that the others were preoccupied. I guess I shouldn't be surprised though; underneath his emotionless clown mask, Trowa really was like a mother hen keeping us all in line. Plus, who better to deal with these sorts of matters then my partner at Preventers; even though we didn't talk often about personal matters, I felt like I was closest to Trowa out of all the pilots. Breathing deeply, my thoughts wandered on.
Now that the initial shock of it all was over with, I do honestly feel some relief now that the pilots know my secret. I think that a big part of my more recent turmoil was in actuality caused by that simple fact of my keeping it from them; however, that was only the first half of the hardest part in all this. Revealing the secret was unintentionally dealt with but now it was time to handle the barrage of questions, hopefully with no more yelling involved though and hopefully not any random therapist either. It's going to be hard enough to explain all this to the guys but they've at least experienced war and horrors of the sort that anyone else wouldn't really understand. I sighed though still, beginning to feel numb once more.
Trying to distract myself, I stared out of my room window hoping for something interesting to happen.
Probably around lunch time, I watched Trowa approach my door and looked over to him longingly, telling him that I wanted out. I was half expecting him to ignore it and convince me otherwise but, without speaking a word, Trowa read my expression and walked away. I sighed in relief that Trowa knew what I had wanted and accepted it. Feeling a bit better, I sat up more in my bed and glanced over as Trowa and a doctor walked back into my room. The doctor smiled at me and I nodded back to him.
"Hey Wufei, I'm just going to give you a small check-up before you go, if that's okay with you." I nodded to him noting the not-so-happy tone in his voice and cooperated as he checked me over, asking me questions and writing my stats down on a chart. Once that was finished, the doctor turned to me again.
"Well, that's all. Now Wufei," He paused, raising his eyebrows at me for emphasis. "I'm going to release you from the hospital; normally I wouldn't allow that but Dr. Po seems to think that's what's best for you and assures me that this young man is capable of handling things so I'm all but forced to leave you in his care. Do realize though that after injuries like these, you'll be weak for the next few days, so take it easy, all right?" I nodded to the doctor resisting the urge to roll my eyes and he forced a smile before turning to Trowa and telling him something probably having to do with if I tried anything else. At this point though, I didn't really care because I was going home; hospitals just made me uncomfortable for more than one reason. The doctor spoke to both of us then.
"Dr. Po has already set up an appointment for you to see her when you need your stitches out; the nurse at the check-out station will give you the time for that. Take care now."
Once the doctor had left the room, Trowa moved to the edge of my bed. I looked to him; I was confused about one thing.
"Sally's here?" I spoke quietly to him, still not exactly sure how he (or even I) felt about the situation. Trowa nodded to my question.
"She was actually here last night; I talked to her on my way out. She really is the reason that you're being released early; apparently, her conversation with your doctor almost turned ugly. She wanted to stop by but she said she's been swamped between her job here and the Preventers as well."
"What did she say when you told her why I'm here?" I was hesitant to ask; who honestly wants to know the answer to that question?
"I didn't go into detail about it…she was shocked and probably would've dropped everything to come down here and slap you but I told her you'd already heard enough from Heero." I nodded in agreement to that, my thoughts drifting back to Heero's yelling voice. Before I got too absorbed though, I shook my head and turned to Trowa again.
"Thank you Trowa, you have no idea." He nodded to me but I could see the sternness in his features; I waited for him to speak.
"It's not a problem Wufei, just, don't make me regret it." Trowa blinked at me and I lowered my eyes from his; I guess I deserved that. My slightly good mood killed, I sighed remembering that even though I was leaving the hospital therapist I would still be talking to someone…four someones, about what's going on. I took some clothes from Trowa as he handed them to me and slowly slid from my bed. It took me a moment to regain my balance but eventually I made my way to the in-room bathroom to change from my hospital gown; I left the door open a crack as Trowa spoke again.
"And I called Lady Une by the way." I groaned a little on that note; I had forgotten about work entirely.
"Oh great…how did that go?"
"Well, I didn't exactly tell her the truth…but she still told me to tell you that 'you work too hard, no wonder you're sick' and 'to take at least a week off if not longer.'" Emerging from the bathroom ready to go, I looked to Trowa gratefully again; a week off from work might actually be nice for once.
"Thanks again Trowa…though, that must double your work load for the week." He shook his head at me nonchalantly.
"Yeah but it's not a big deal. You usually do all the tough stuff anyway; it's probably my turn anyhow." Thinking about it for a moment, I nodded to him in agreement but I still felt pretty bad about it; I just kept piling on the burden.
"Well, let me know if I can do anything from home to help. And thanks again." Nodding once more, Trowa asked me if I was ready and I quickly followed him out the door; I was more then ready to get out of this hospital.
The drive home was silent, the impending conversation awaiting me on my mind the whole trip home. I wondered briefly if Heero was still as angry as he was the night before and how everyone else was doing. I could only hope that everything was calm or at least that if things got bad that someone was calm enough to step in and save me. As we approached the mansion, I took a deep breath in preparation. After we got out of the car, I walked with Trowa toward the front door and waited as he opened it before letting me walk inside first. Immediately I saw Quatre, Heero and Duo sitting in the living room waiting. They all looked back upon hearing the door close again and Quatre eventually got up and walked towards Trowa and I. He looked to me sympathetically.
"Glad to be home?" I nodded to him choosing not to speak in that moment. "Well, take a minute to yourself and then we'd all like to talk if you wouldn't mind. I set up a guest room for you just in case…but stay wherever you're most relaxed."
I nodded again to him appreciating his kindness in the matter before turning and making my way down the hall to my own room. I pushed against the door gently and sighed in relief at the familiarity of my own space; my comfort and safety all in one package. I quickly moved toward my bed, deftly straining my eyes away from a certain portion of my floor. (Although my carpet just happens to be dark red in shade, that's not an event I'm likely to forget in the near future.) I sat down on the edge of my bed trying to gather my thoughts the best that I could, unconsciously fidgeting with the bandages still around my wrists. I knew the questions that they would ask; why, how long, with what and yet I still had no idea how to explain the answers in a way that they could understand. Despite the fact that I know all the others have been through so much like me, it's quite hard to explain my exact situation. Still, I had to face them sometime and I guess it had to be now.
Taking a deep breath, I gathered my strength and calmly made my way back to the living room where the other four awaited. I could feel my stomach doing flips as I grew closer and closer; my throat closed completely when I walked through the doorway to the living room. Everyone looked up at me abruptly but I turned away from their stares opting to head toward the kitchen. I muttered something about getting some water and quickly took refuge in front of the fridge.
I'm supposed to be stronger than this…why is this so hard? I released a few shaky breaths but felt no different; nothing would be able to release this tension. When I felt a hand on my shoulder, it took all I had not to completely incapacitate the owner. Instead, I jumped and turned on them finding it to be Quatre. He looked at me apologetically but I just shook my head, it was my own fault for being so jumpy. I opened the fridge and grabbed a bottled water looking back to Quatre as he spoke.
"Wufei, if you're not ready…" He trailed off; I'm sure, as he saw my expression drop. He silently questioned me and I saw his eyes shine with sympathy and genuine concern. I found that I had to pull myself away from his eyes. Trying to shake it off, I took a deep breath.
"Honestly…I'll never be ready for this conversation. I just…I don't know what to tell you." Quatre nodded pensively but I knew that somehow he understood what I meant. Still, I lowered my head feeling ashamed somehow; I couldn't even talk to my closest friends for crying out loud. As I silently berated myself, I didn't notice Quatre trying to get my attention.
"Do you think we can try?" I finally glanced at Quatre again and he continued.
"I know that this is hard…but maybe if we can just try to understand, we could help you, Wufei we want to help you…if it becomes too much, you can walk away. I promise." He smiled and I couldn't help but feel a little at ease; Quatre just tended to have that affect on everyone. Defeated by his offer, I nodded and let him pull me back into the living room. I felt the pressure again as three sets of eyes turned on me but a small squeeze to my shoulder reminded me that they all just wanted the best for me. I can do this; I tried to assure myself as I sat in the armchair to the left of the couch. The others stared at me seemingly as uncomfortable as I was until Quatre sat down as well and cleared his throat.
"All right, well, obviously we're all here for Wufei because we simply want what's best for him by understanding what he's going through, so let's all try to keep a lid on any anger okay?" Quatre looked to me reassuringly, pressing for me to say something. Extremely nervous, I stared down at my hands.
"Um…well, I don't really know…why don't you guys ask questions?"
"When did it start?" Oh yeah, Heero jumped on that opportunity. I saw Duo elbow his boyfriend but Heero didn't bother reacting focusing instead on watching me. Realizing that I could either face the music now or later, I decided to get this over with.
"It started during the war, I don't remember exactly when though."
"Do you remember why?" I didn't have to look up to recognize Trowa's voice; his question only made me sigh more.
"It initially started for obvious reasons; the war, the killing, losing my entire colony and home. I was angry for all of those things and angry at myself for not handling it."
"But the war is over and it's still happening?" I nodded in response glancing at everyone's pensive expressions.
"How often does it happen?" I grimaced at Quatre's question; let the shame begin.
"Sometimes once a month, other times more than twice a week; it all depends on what's going on." I waited for the shock to settle before more questions continued.
"Well, why did it carry over after the war?" I shrugged shyly at that; I didn't think that any answer I would give could suffice. Could I really expect the others to accept 'I just wanted to feel real' as my excuse?
"Answer the question Wufei." Heero's tone was stern again but this time it immediately got on my nerves. I sighed heavily on purpose but Heero was unfazed.
"It's not one constant reason; something just triggers it like a domino effect. You feel worthless and upset, you go off to be alone and you cut yourself just to watch something bleed. Sometimes I just get so upset with myself or angry and I feel like I can't take it out any other way. It's almost a sense of calm and control you gain when nothing else is making any sense."
"Oh, so that's what this is; you just need to hurt something enough to see it bleed and feel like you're in control?"
"No, Heero, it's not as simple as that, that's only one component of it all.You just, you can't fully understand unless you've been there."
"Then how are we supposed to understand?" I released an aggravated sigh and stared over at Heero.
"You're supposed to fucking listen."
In a split second decision, I shot up out of my chair and started to leave the room. Sure, I was being stubborn and over-dramatic but honestly how was I supposed to talk about something like this in that kind of atmosphere?
"Chang…" I turned around again at Heero's voice and I could feel my fingernails digging into my palms.
"What do you want from me Heero? It is fine if you want to be angry with me, or if you don't like my answers but the situation is what it is and I can't do much more to explain it. So don't treat me like I'm not trying because I'm not going to take it." I probably should've felt bad as I saw Heero's guilt-ridden face but I didn't care. Before anything else was said, I walked away entirely and out of the living room.
My blood was almost boiling with the anger I was feeling as I closed myself in my room. Leaning my back against the door, I tilted my head back and tried to calm myself down. Sadly, my first instinct was that I wanted to cut myself and after a moment I started walking toward my bathroom only to stop as I heard a few taps on the door.
"Wufei…are you okay?" Quatre's shy voice called through the wood and I couldn't help but push myself back toward the door and open it. Quatre's face lit up some at seeing me but he was obviously still timid about it. I stepped out of the way and invited him at least out of hallway. Once my door was only slightly open still, I turned to face him.
"I'm not going back out there, not if he's going to talk to me like that." I tried to keep my voice low but I had no power over how angry I sounded. When Quatre put his hand on my shoulder, I realized that I was quivering all over with the emotions I was feeling. I stopped and took a deep breath.
"Wufei you know that Heero just can't control himself sometimes, please don't let that stop you. He's just as concerned as the rest of us."
"Yeah? Well he's doing a damn good job of showing it." When Quatre frowned, I closed my eyes and sighed heavily, "I'm sorry Quatre, I just…I don't know if any answers I have for you will ever make sense enough to show you why…not right now at least."
I glanced back to Quatre hopefully; maybe if some time went by we could all relax a little and handle things better. When he nodded to me, I silently thanked him as he turned to walk away. Shutting my door again, I approached my bed and felt oddly calmer compared to how I felt when Quatre first came in. I glanced at the clock and saw that I still a couple more hours until dinner so, after getting no sleep at the hospital, I decided to take a nap.
"We're ordering some pizza; do you have a preference on toppings?" I blinked for a moment; I guess I figured that Duo would cook as usual but apparently not. I decided to voice my question.
"Duo's not cooking?" Trowa shook his head.
"No; he's actually already gone straight to bed or his room at least. And Heero went off to get some work done so it'll probably be just you, Quatre and I." I furrowed my brow at this. When I noticed Trowa still waiting for my answer, I replied.
"Oh, no preference. I'm fine with whatever you guys decide. Thanks." Trowa nodded to me before walking away. I on the other hand didn't move just yet, my mind currently swirling with thoughts.
Duo was denying himself dinner and all by himself in his room while Heero, who on any normal day would've been at Duo's side comforting him, was secluding himself as well…and there was only one difference between today and any normal day. I cursed a little to myself as I thought about it and decided that I was going to try and talk to Duo. Heero right now I could care less, but Duo hadn't spoken a word since I'd seen him and that was just wrong.
As I quietly made my way down the hallway, I passed by the living room where Quatre and Trowa seemed to be talking. I might've stopped in to say something but I realized they were talking about me and immediately quieted my footsteps listening in.
"I'm just saying that for his own good, if he's not going to talk to us then maybe he should go back to the hospital therapist. I want to be able to help him to the best of my abilities but until we know the details of all this, how are we supposed to handle anything?" Trowa's quiet voice stung but Quatre's interrupted with some hope.
"Don't act like you haven't known Wufei for all this time. Have you ever thought of him to be suicidal before now? Look, let's just give him some time to sort things out for himself before we make any decisions. We're all upset but we're not the ones who ultimately have to deal with all of it; he'll come to us eventually in his own way."
"I know…I just don't want him hurting himself again…" I walked away after that remembering my original destination. I tried not to think too much about what I had heard as I approached Duo's room. I knocked on the door but getting no response, I tried the handle and found it was open. I stuck my head in to see if Duo was actually sleeping but almost immediately saw the bathroom light on. I headed toward the door and quickened my pace when I heard Duo sniffling.
"Duo?" I tapped on the door to make sure I got his attention and I heard him rustling around. "Duo, it's Wufei; are you all right?"
"I'm fine. Leave me alone." He didn't really sound very convincing so I tried the handle but it was locked.
"You're obviously upset about something."
"Wufei, I said go away." I glared at his response and tried the handle again.
"Maxwell, just let me - ." I jolted forward as the door swung open revealing an upset and angry Duo. He glared right through me and spoke.
"I said that I wanted to be left alone. If you can have your privacy to do whatever you want, so can I. Why do you care anyway?" I blinked at Duo's attitude and furrowed my brow worriedly.
"I only wanted to see if you were okay." I stopped talking as Duo sighed. I thought he was going to concede to talking about whatever was bothering him but instead he just rolled his eyes at me.
"Look Wufei, things don't just go right back to normal after something bad happens, you of all people should know that by now."
Okay, that stung. I turned my gaze away from him and eventually turned completely and walked away without saying another word. I heard him slam the door behind me but I felt too numb to respond. I briefly heard Trowa paying the pizza guy and I walked toward the kitchen but only to grab a few slices and excuse myself to my room where I didn't even eat them.
I'd never seen Duo so angry in my life, at least not toward any of his closest friends. And for him to purposely say something to hurt me; my brain simply wouldn't accept it yet there I sat staring blankly at my wall trying to figure it out. Eventually I went looking for my knife but remembered that I had dropped it and it had probably been taken and hidden away somewhere. Ultimately, I found myself lying in bed slowly going crazy as Duo's words kept replaying themselves in my head. Thankfully I finally passed out from exhaustion.
"Oh good, you're awake."
I'm still not 100 in love with this chapter but overall, I feel it serves its purpose to keep the story going. Over the course of this fan-fiction, I hope to reveal more and more about Wufei's issues and how he handles things. There are many many more secrets to come, don't worry. This story is just one massive tangled web of secrets!!
Please review! More reviewsMore inspiration and happiness in a certain fanfic author!!!
Thank you so much for reading!