Title: Secrets
Rating: T, bordering on M, methinks.
Genre: Angst/drama
Fandom: Mai-HiME
Summary: Everyone has secrets; she wouldn't tell hers.
Warnings: dark themes. If you are vulnerable to reality, you shouldn't read. Romance died and left the real world to take care of things.
Disclaimer: Do you really think this would be here if I did?

A/N: This might or might not be slightly tied with my other oneshots Simple Moves, Draw and Eight seconds. But definetly with that kind of atmosphere.

Enjoy.

Secrets

Everyone has secrets, but she wouldn't tell hers. Never to her (now thankfully deceased) Mother, not to her -false- friends and definitely not to Natsuki.

She couldn't afford telling anyone for they could use everything –every aspect of her life- against her in many ways. And then, Natsuki would really hate her.

Maybe she'd get the courage to tell them sometime, if not to Natsuki then to her psychologist.

But until then she wouldn't tell about how she was (had been?), for lack of a better word, a bastard child. Her biological father had left her and her Mother early on, when she was barely two years old. And then, Fujino Kyoji had taken them both under his wing, seducing her mother with pretty, shallow words that promised a better life and redemption. All false.

She wouldn't tell about how, at night and when no one was watching, he would abuse her into submission in fits of rage. How his cold hands felt against her pure porcelain skin, sometimes slapping her across the face when she struggled or screamed, and how his rough body felt against her own innocent one. How she cried everytime until she learned that crying wouldn't solve a thing. She had been five, she hadn't known any better.

She wouldn't explain about the day when she'd seen him die at her hands. How he begged and begged for his life to be spared. How his eyes threatened to fall out of their sockets from both the surprise and pain and how she'd enjoyed each and every second of it, and how she licked her hands clean after. She'd been eight, and liked the taste of blood.

She wouldn't tell about her relationship with Kanzaki Reito and how before and even after the carnival, he would come to her seeking comfort (or was it the other way around?) and how she'd provided him with it. It being long sessions in the council room, sometimes at his place, and rarely in a hotel. She was a human, no matter how you saw it.

She wouldn't speak of Fujino Marluxia – Her step brother- and how she visited him more often than not for, what he called, 'A piece of heaven' also known as Crystal Meth, or sometimes cocaine or marijuana. She didn't care as long as it made her feel something, anything. It was free of charge, she was a Fujino after all.

She definetly did not want to talk about how she cut. They wouldn't understand. It was the only pain she could control, it was another way to take her mind off things she did not want to think about: her past, present and future. It hurt to live.

She also couldn't let Natsuki know how what Kikukawa said she'd seen had been real. How she had, indeed, taken advantage of her body. How she has been delighted in running her hands across the blue-haired girl's body, pressing down in the right places and licking every part of flesh in sight. She desired her, there was no question of it.

She wouldn't let anyone know about how she'd leave soon either. She would. For a better place. She wanted to get help. She needed help. And then, after all was right again, she might deserve Natsuki's love. She hated reality sometimes.

And still, she wouldn't tell if no one asked. And so far, no one had. Because they didn't care.

… Because everyone must have secrets.