This is a One-Shot in relation to While You Were Sleeping, my most successful fanfiction ever. I decided that if I were to get 10,000 hits on WYWS, I’d write a One-Shot as a dedication. If you haven’t read WYWS, get out there and do it now.

Summary: Waiting up all night for his daddy was important to James. He wanted nothing more than to see his daddy; why didn’t his daddy want to see him?

Disclaimer: I have no talent as an author; therefore I do not own Harry Potter.

A Touch Before Dawn

Dedicated to the fans of While You Were Sleeping

Watching Harry and James had become a large part of his life. They didn’t know where he lived, or when he’d return, but he still managed to know them as much as possible, despite their distance.

Draco Malfoy once regarded himself as a good father. He once thought that he was a good lover, too. However, after losing his husband’s memories, and facing the hate from their child, he couldn’t survive. He left their home, in the middle of the night, and four years later, hadn’t returned. He had seen them from the shadows of the surrounding garden and through various spells used to check up on his family when they were inside, but they never actually saw him. He noticed, however, that his son, James, had begun to feel his presence.

He had also noted that James would wait for him.

Every Christmas and birthday that passed during the years of his absence, Draco left gifts for both Harry and James. The night before James’ ninth birthday, Harry cooked a wonderful dinner to be recognised as the party. Every year, this happened. There were never any school friends, only Harry, Severus, Ron, Hermione and their children. Harry knew that James never wanted anything big for his birthday, not when the greatest gift or present was waiting just outside their house, watching them.

After his dinner party, James decided that he would sit on the front doorstep of their large manor, waiting for his daddy to arrive, leaving the present for him to find the next morning. In his younger years, he had never even thought of this, but after staying up for the whole night a few months ago, he realised that he could stay and wait for his daddy the night before his birthday.

The plan, in little James’ mind, was foolproof.

And Draco watched the small boy. He hadn’t given himself the chance to watch his son grow. This same child was the one that successfully dug his way out of Draco’s stomach, and the one to save him from bleeding out from those wounds twice.

He was far from the manor when his family realised he was missing. He was far, far away. But coming back after a week, he realised that he still had an affect the two people he loved the most. He rode a broom up to James’ balcony, with the intentions of perhaps just taking a glance at his boy’s happy face. Instead, he saw James curled up in bed, shaking and sobbing. He heard his son’s pleas for his return with every breath the boy took. He saw the way he shuddered with each moment.

And yet, he could still hear what James had said to him. It was so clear in his mind.

“And you hate me, too! You want to kill yourself and leave me and Papa all alone. Well, I don’t care! If you’re gone then Papa wouldn’t have to cry like he did. I wouldn’t have to cry. I wish you were dead!”

The boy had spoken his mind in a rush of anger.

I wish you were dead!

Draco had heard that in his mind over and over again. Every time he envisioned his son, that’s what was coming out of the boy’s mouth.

“I love you, but I only like Daddy.”

It was nearly enough to make Draco look away, despite his want to hold James and never let him go. So he waited. He wanted to hold his son, and had decided that he would. But he had to wait, first. That first night, watching James cry himself to sleep, Draco felt like the worst person in the world. He knew that James would stop suffering if he just waltzed in there, begging his son to take him back into his life. Unfortunately, the pain wouldn’t allow him to. No matter how much he loved James, seeing him just reminded him of how much he was hurting. So, he instead waited until James had fallen asleep, entered the room, and cuddled the sleeping child close to him.

He hadn’t touched him since that night. And he hadn’t touched Harry since he had left.

But watching his son on his last day as an eight-year-old, Draco couldn’t help but smile lightly. The boy had grown at least another foot taller, and had even let his hair grow out. He was looking more and more like Harry, but it seemed that his eyesight was perfect. He didn’t have the same glasses covering his face that Harry had.

He also noticed that James had become really close to the Weasley mob. Spawned from Hermione and Ron, there were a total of six children, but a seventh was on the way. He knew that much from what he’d observed. Cody was the oldest, and the closest to James. There was only a year between them, but that also meant that there was only a year between James and Rani, Cody’s twin sister. Then there was another boy, Eskel, named by Hermione’s grandmother, Cleo, another girl, and Lidwina, a girl also named by Hermione’s grandmother. The seventh one was predicted to be a fourth baby girl from what Draco had overheard, but Hermione was only in her fifth month. Since Hermione’s grandmother passed a year earlier, she had no say in the name, but the child, if born a girl, was to have her name, instead. Draco personally hoped against the chances of it being a girl; Wysandra Weasley was an overload. It didn’t help that all the children, remarkably, carried on the Weasley freckles and red hair. That hair was mixed by Hermione’s untameable frizzy hair, and the children were never allowed to grow their hair too long.

These thoughts came to him as he saw the ten-year-old Cody come out of the house to sit next to his best friend. The older boy wrapped an arm around James, pulling him close to his chest, knowing that he was suffering. It eased Draco a little to know that someone else was able to hold and sooth James. Just the opposite, it frustrated him that it couldn’t be him.

“I can sense him out here,” James admitted to Cody. “He’s standing just out by the gardens. I’ll see him, finally. I’ll hug him and I’ll never let him go. I’m not gonna say anything stupid. He’ll be here and he’ll stay here. I’ll make sure of that.”

“My mum told me one time that your dad will be back. He just needs time,” Cody told him, always being the wise friend. “Eskel doesn’t think that he’s coming back, but he’s wrong.”

“I’m gonna have to bash him up for that,” James groaned. “How can he say that? My Daddy left because he loves me and Papa (he ignored Cody’s ‘Papa and me’). It’s because he loves us that what we did hurt him.”

“I know. Hey, I got a present for you.”

“You already gave me something.”

Cody shook his head, grinning. His freckled face glowed as pulled a small book out of his robes. It was a photo album he had put together. On the first page, James nearly burst out into tears. Staring up at him was the image of his daddy holding a tiny bundle and his papa standing, holding him from behind. He flicked through quickly, tearing, as each photo had his daddy in it.

“I stole them from all the photo albums mum and dad have, so don’t tell them about this, okay?”

James nodded his head, too choked up to say anything. He grabbed Cody, pulling him into a tight hug as thanks. When he pulled away, he returned to looking at his dad.

“I hope you see him tonight. It’ll be the best birthday present ever,” Cody continued. “I know I always say that I hope he comes back, but seeing him would be okay, right?” James nodded his head again. “I think mum and dad want to leave soon, so…”

“You’re the best, Cody,” James confessed. “You’re the best friend someone can have.”

“My dad was your papa’s best friend, after all.”

“You’re so much better than Eskel.”

Cody laughed at that. “Even when thinking about the name.” He turned around when he heard his mother start calling for him and stood off the step. “See ya some other time.”

“Of course.”

“Happy birthday for tomorrow, mate.”

“Thanks, and I can’t tell you how much your present means to me.”

Cody gave him a smile. “I’m expecting a huge present for my birthday.”

“Sure.”

Harry searched the manor for James, and settled for using his wand to do the job for him. He found James where Cody had sat with him before the Weasleys had left. Severus followed Harry out of the house, and joined what was left of their family.

“What’re you doing out here?” Harry asked, summoning a jacket for the small boy. The sun was setting, and the English nights were too cold for him to be sitting outside in a thin jumper.

“I’m waiting for my Dad,” James announced. “And I’ll make him stay.”

Harry let out a deep sigh at his son’s intentions. “Your dad will come back when he’s ready. We can’t force it, James, or else I would have done it a long time ago.”

“You don’t know where he is.”

That shocked Harry a little. “No, I don’t know where he is, but if I did, I couldn’t force him back here, no matter what. This was his decision; it’s a path he’s had to take because of our mistakes.”

James shook his head. “You’re wrong. He’ll stay. He has to.”

It was Severus who tried this time. “From what I know from your dad, which is a lot, I doubt he’ll be back this year. You two mean the world to him, and to hear such harmful words coming from the both of you hurt him so badly. No matter how much you apologise, he’ll be back when he’s really ready to be back.”

“My Dad will be back this year! He’ll be back tonight! And he’ll stay…he won’t just drop off the present and leave without us seeing him! I’ll see my Daddy tonight!” James argued, angry tears splashing down his cheeks.

“James, you’re being a petulant little brat,” Severus chided. “Do you really think your dad would be proud of you when you’re acting like this?”

“He doesn’t need to be proud of me! He needs to be here!”

“James…”

“What would you know?” James snapped, looking at Severus through wet eyes. “When have you ever loved anyone? You don’t love your dad! I heard you say it! You don’t have anyone to love! You know nothing!”

Harry pulled James in close to him, smacking him lightly on his arm. “Apologise to your uncle right now. He has different circumstances that made him the way he was.” He was recalling the memories he had seen at the age of fifteen. “His dad was nothing like yours.”

Severus scoffed. “They both left, didn’t they? My father left my mother and me when I was a teenager; Draco left you and James. You two fought in front of your child. There isn’t much of a difference.”

Harry sent the Potions Master a glare whilst James squirmed in his arms.

“Are you saying that I should hate my Dad like you hate yours? I’m not like you, Mister Snape. My parents mean something to me,” James hissed.

Severus narrowed his eyes at the child, giving him a glare that sent most of his students to change their now-soiled pants. It didn’t have any effect on James, though.

“Severus, you know how he gets when he’s emotional,” Harry claimed in his attempt to apologise.

Severus shook his head. “I can see why Draco left him.”

After speaking those deadly words, he stood, prepared to make his leave. James burst out into tears at the statement, whilst Harry stood also. Only, Harry punched the man who made his Hogwarts life hell, rather than taking it. Severus was knocked off balance, and found himself pinned against the outside wall of the manor. Harry had grabbed the front of Severus’ robes and was holding him up.

“How dare you?” Harry hissed. “This is a traumatised boy you’re talking to. Draco…he…James isn’t the best at what he says when he’s like this, but he didn’t deserve that.”

“That boy caused Draco to leave all of our lives…”

“It wasn’t just James! I pushed him away, also. And we both regret it everyday. The love of my life is gone from my life; I can’t expect you to know what that feels like…”

This time, Severus shoved Harry against the stone. “No, I had to watch as the love of my life ran off with my enemy,” Severus hissed, and Harry’s green eyes widened. Draco had mentioned something about Severus being in love with Lily, he had just never really thought much of it. “The person I loved the most in this world was taken from me. You and your son were selfish-you didn’t see what you were doing to your loved one. Draco would be better off finding another lover to be with. You’re lucky he’s loyal to you and your child. He’s now been given the chance to be happy.”

Harry paused. “What do you know?” he breathed. “Has D-has he talked to you? Does he have someone else?” He choked on his own words, his breath hitching at the idea. Tears formed.

Severus knew that look. It was the look of someone who had just lost the most important person to someone who couldn’t possibly love him or her as much as they did. He removed his hands from Harry, watching as Harry fell down the stone wall. James sobbed harder.

Not too far off, Draco stood behind his tree, in tears, watching as his family cried over him.

Draco had expected Severus to leave after the incident, but his godfather stayed by James’ side. When night fell around the manor, Severus left only to grab a blanket to wrap the sleepy boy in, and even held him close when the did actually doze off to sleep. Draco was surprised by his son’s will. After such an emotionally draining day, he nearly made it to midnight, only fifteen minutes off, actually.

That was when Draco approached the household.

Harry was nowhere in sight, and it wasn’t as if he and Severus weren’t talking, so Draco walked right up to the front door, wordlessly pulling a gift for James from his robes. It was only a small trinket in a wrapped box, but he knew his son would adore it.

Severus barely acknowledged him, and he knew why. His disappearance had caused so many problems for his godfather. Severus used to get along just fine with James; he loved him like a grandson, but as of late, James was testy around the much older man. It also put his once fiery relationship with Harry back on thin ice.

Draco knelt by his son, gently brushing stray hairs away from his eyes before kissing him atop his forehead like he had done years ago. He handed Severus the gift, only to have Severus stand up, taking James with him. He entered the house, put James down on a couch, and then returned to Draco.

The first thing he did was backhand the blonde across the face.

“Are you insane?” Severus snapped. “Your family loves you more than your previous family did, and you abandon them like this?”

“I know…”

“No, you don’t. I know you watch them; everyone knows that you watch them, but that just hurts them even more.”

“Severus…”

“Draco! You’re so stupid!”

“It hurts!” Draco objected. “It hurts having their voices in my head, telling me over and over again that they hate me, and that they could never love me! You don’t know what it’s like to be me right about now, so don’t you dare judge my decision. I’m off worse than they’ll ever be. I have to live with the fact that I willingly left my lover and my child, hurting every single day because I’m not with them, but dying inside because my other option is being there.”

“I’m no father…”

“Exactly. You don’t have any children, Severus. You don’t have a life partner whom you expected to be your lover until death. I have both. And I’ve ruined both of their lives.”

“You haven’t ruined the life of anyone.”

Draco fell silent.

“James became seriously sick last year,” Severus informed him. They were still on a talking basis; they just hardly ever got around to doing so.

“I know. I saw through that spell. He was in bed for a week, coughing and whatnot. I’ve never felt so useless in my life.” Draco shuddered at the memory of his son’s physical sickness. It was a disease that struck few Veela, and once obtained, it stays with them for the rest of their lives. “He’ll be fine, though. He’s strong.”

“No, he’s not. He’s breaking. You lost your parents at a much later age. He’s not like you, Draco.”

Draco’s eyes widened. “I haven’t left him permanently. He knows that I’m always here, and that I’m going to come back.”

“How does he know that for sure?” Severus asked, watching as Draco looked around him, trying to take a peek at his son. He could just see the tuff of black hair over the arm of a couch through the opened door.

“I’m not going to leave him, Severus. He’s my son. I gave birth to him…”

Severus felt like hitting him again. “You’ve already left him, Draco! He’s a mere child, and you left him with Harry Potter of all people…I understand that he’s his father, but surely there was a better person to procreate with.” Draco glared at him. “James isn’t James anymore. He used to smile a lot. And he’s stopped asking questions about you. A nine-year-old shouldn’t have this on his shoulders. Especially when there’s no closure to this. For all we know, you’re never going to return to them.”

Draco shook his head. “No! You have to tell them that I’ll be back when I’m ready. I’m working on it. I talk to a psychiatrist weekly, my house doesn’t look as if anyone’s lived in it, I only have a single bed, I’m getting better.”

Severus gave him a dark look. “No more suicide attempts?”

That had Draco pausing. “There was only ever that other time…”

“And that happened while you were staying with me. I can’t stop thinking about what you’re doing to yourself when you’re alone. It’s not as if you live with anyone, or if you really talk to anyone on a daily basis.”

Draco objected. “I live next door to a young couple. She just recently had a baby boy. I help them with him. We have lunch everyday…my psychiatrist asked them if they could, just to make sure that I’m still living. And I’m on Muggle medicine. My psychiatrist isn’t a Muggle; she just thinks they work better than anything wizards have come up with. My dosage has gone down this past year alone, so I’m getting healthier. I can deal with things now.”

Severus sighed again. “You’re really on medication?”

“Anti-depressants. I’ve been on them after the suicide attempt, but they really help…” Draco stopped as he saw a light turn on somewhere in the house. “I have to go.” He had started to move back before he spoke. “Give them both my love.”

He was gone before Harry made it down the stairs.

Harry eyed James once before joining Severus outside.

“Draco?” he asked, looking around wildly. “He was here, right?”

“He told me to tell you that he loves you.”

Harry fell against the wall, tearing up. “He was here. My Draco…he was here…” He started to cry, and all Severus could do was stand and watch.

James couldn’t understand why his papa didn’t allow him to stay out all night. It was his papa’s birthday, and they had already celebrated. So why wasn’t he allowed to stay out and wait for his daddy to drop off the present like Draco usually did? It annoyed him and confused him.

Later that night, Draco moved up to the front door like usual. He had put a tracing spell on Harry’s Invisibility Cloak, so he knew his ex-husband wasn’t wearing it, watching him, and he had seen James crawl into bed earlier. Everything was safe.

And then he saw it. Pinned to the door was a photo. The images of Harry and James moved with excitement as they saw him, and Draco could barely hold back the tears. He grabbed the photo, holding it close to his chest, when he noticed the writing on the back of it.

He placed Harry’s present on the doorstep, like he had for the past few years, and left the premises. All he could think about were the words.

We love you.

Another one ending on a sappy note…Thanks for reading…and hopefully reviewing…