Dragonflie: My god, what was I thinking?

Daisuke: That's the beauty of soda-induced fics, you never are thinking.

Ken: I have to admit, this time I am at a loss for words.

Miyako: Dragonflie doesn't own Digimon, Titanic (movie or boat), Cartman or South Park, Crazy Eights or Poker, Victoria's Secret, Wisconsin, New York, Pittsburgh, "Stayin' Alive," "All Star," Tylenol, "My Heart Will Go On," or Brittany Spears or her clothes or her songs-

Dragonflie: And I denounce all her works and all her ways... What? What's going on?

Daisuke: That is one scary list. I hate to see what you've done.

Miyako: Watch out for Kensuke and Taito, and incredible hyper stupidity.

Dragonflie: Hey!

TITANIC kinda...

Sora put her hands on her hips and yelled "Places, everyone!"

The opening scene of "Titanic" was about to filmed, and no one knew were Ken was. As the not-quite-female lead, he couldn't be replaced!

"I will NOT wear this in public!" Ken's voice was heard rising from the costuming room.

"You will, and you will LIKE IT!" Mimi screamed backed. Her motto had become alike to Cartman's- "Don't question my authority!"

"Come on, Ken, it can't be that bad," Daisuke wheedled, although he wasn't too thrilled about the crappy clothes Mimi had gowned him in.

Then Ken finally entered, and there was absolute silence. Ken was wearing a dress.

It was beautiful- long and lacey, the palest shade of voilet, and the hat set off Ken's eyes perfectly. His hair had been styled into tight curls, and even his expression of total and utter disgust was cute.

Sora coughed. "Uh, places, people!"

The bustle of the set resumed, as no one was about to anger the star. There were a few muffled snickers and several sighs of admiration and jealousy rising from the group, though.

"Come on, first scene! Daisuke, front and center!"

Daisuke was in a crappy bar, watching with interest as one man offered to bet his ticket aboard the H.M.S. Titanic.

"Hey, I'll try for that, deal me in," Daisuke said, sitting down at the man's table.

"Poker," the man declared, "Threes and sevens wild-"

"Hold it! I don't know how to play poker; can't we try Crazy Eights?"

"Cut!" Sora yelled. "Daisuke!"

"What?"

"Crazy Eights?"

"Well, I really don't know how to play poker!" Daisuke pouted, crossing his arms and glaring at the director.

Sora sighed. "All right, we'll just skip to where you win the ticket, ok?"

"Works for me!" So Daisuke had his ticket, and was going to New York on the Titanic.

In the meantime, a beautiful...um, woman... kind of... was being escorted onto the ship by ...her?... fiance. A.N. I can't find the accent things! Aargh!

"Shit!" Ken yelled as he tripped on the ridiculously high heels Mimi had forced him to wear.

"Cut!" Sora screamed. "Watch the language!"

"Screw you! I don't see you walking in ten inch high heels!"

"Costumes!"

Mimi walked onto the set, scanning Ken's prone body with interest. "You'll rip the dress, you know," she finally said.

"Someone help me up," Ken hissed. Takeru hurriedly pulled him up, and backed away when Ken made as if to slap him. "Now how do I walk in these things?"

Mimi frowned in thought. "Let's see how you were walking."

Ken managed a few wobbly steps before collapsing again, but Mimi had solved the problem.

"You have to swish! To strut! Move your ass, Ken!" Mimi cheered, demonstrating. Everyone stopped what they were doing to watch Ken strut his stuff across the stage.

Feeling as if he had been challenged, Ken stuck his nose in the air and strutted easily up the gang-plank. Every person nearby was entranced by the way he moved his hips.

"Wow, Ken," Daisuke murmured, staring in awe. Ken smirked.

"Ok people!" Sora yelled, breaking the spell. "Let's keep moving!"

The scene switched to Jyou, who was getting ready to go. "Pittsburgh, here we come!"

"Uh, captain, sir?" Miyako said, uncomfortably. She didn't like the bowtie Mimi had declared necessary to her outfit.

"Yes?"

"We're going to New York."

"What?" Jyou gave Miyako a funny look. "I was sure we were supposed to be heading to Pittsburgh..."

"No sir, we're in a boat, and Pittsburgh isn't exactly on the coast."

"Oh."

Sora finally skipped all the beginning scenes, and ordered them to start at the point where Rose is about to kill herself.

"This dress is too skimpy! I'm freezing!" Ken said, showing a lot of skin.

"That's because it's not a dress, it's lingerie," Mimi informed him.

"What?"

"Look, we couldn't find a decent cocktail dress, and you look just great in that, so what's the problem?"

"The problem is that I'm hanging off the back of a giant boat in woman's underwear!"

"It's not underwear, it's lingerie!"

"From Victoria's Secret, too," Yamato muttered. He hadn't liked giving up the present he'd just bought for Taichi.

"Let's roll!" Sora yelled, effectively shutting everyone up.

Daisuke wandered on the scene, looked at the cigarettes he had just been handed by Iori, and tossed them over the side. "Ick."

Then he noticed the pretty... um... well, the pretty guy in lingerie hanging off the back of the ship.

"May I ask what you're doing?" Daisuke stepped closer, eyeing Ken with worry.

"I'm about to throw myself off this boat, can't you tell?" Ken replied waspishly.

Daisuke sneaked a peek at his script, and asked, "Have you ever been to Wisconsin?"

"What kind of question is that?" Ken screamed, enraged. "I'm trying to kill myself and you're asking me about travelling! Damn you, tell me not to do it! Offer to make sweet, passionate love to me if I don't kill myself!"

Daisuke blinked, Sora threw her hands into the air, and Iori, the props manager, tried to get the cigarettes back because he had only been issued one carton and fell over the side of the boat.

Ken climbed back over the railing and said loudly, "Let's skip to the sex scene."

"STAYIN' ALIVE, STAYIN' ALIVE-"

The cast all screamed and covered their ears as a disco ball lowered from the ceiling and disco music blared from all the speakers.

"PROPS! GET THE TECHNICAL ADVISER A TISSUE!" Sora shrieked, knowing that Koushiro was probably in the fetal position about now and wondering how he was going to last through all the hentai Ken was likely to instigate.

The music stopped, and Ken began dragging Daisuke towards the State Room where Takeru was currently staying.

"Um, I think we're supposed to steam up a car," Daisuke said, confused.

"A car? Like hell! Imagine how uncomfortable that would be." Ken continued to drag his costar towards the biggest bed on the ship.

"But what about the sexy hand scene? Where you smear the window?"

"It can wait."

Unfortunately, Sora sent Taichi and Yamato to break up this little mutiny after she managed to get them to stop making out in her director's chair.

"Ok, people, places!" Sora called again, meaning to have them act out the scene after the church service in which Ken would discover Daisuke's drawing talent.

"These are amazing," Ken breathed. "But- But this one is a nude! You are so FICKLE!"

"Ken, this notebook was given to me by Iori. It's a prop."

"Iori, you little hentai!"

"Cut! Stick with your lines, Ken!" Sora yelled.

"These are amazing," Ken breathed. "But why did you draw this girl so much? Did you love her? And you had best say no."

Daisuke blinked at that little addition, but rallied and followed his lines. "No, it's because of her hands. I love hands-"

"Oh, me too," Ken said in as sexy a voice as he could muster, and leaned close to Daisuke. He started to grope the poor confused redhead when-

"HEY NOW, YOU'RE AN ALL-STAR, GET YOUR GAME ON, GO PLAY-"

"Aaaahhhh!"

"Props! Tissue to the Technical Advisor! Ken, STICK WITH YOUR LINES!"

"I couldn't help it! You heard what he said! God, that was SUCH an invitation!"

"Let's go to another scene, ok?" Sora sighed in defeat.

For some reason, the party scene went off without a hitch. Ken, still in the lingerie because all the other dresses had been sold to keep production costs low, was very good at jigging.

"Um, we're skipping the car scene for now," Sora said quickly as Ken prepared to drag Daisuke off.

"Why?" Ken cast a truly horrified glance her way.

"Because... because we had to sell the car. Next scene!"

"Pssst! Jyou!"

The captain looked over the side of the ship to catch sight of Gomamon.

"What are you doing here?"

"Actually, I'm hiding because Mimi couldn't get Gabumon's fur to make a new coat so she wants to skin me. But I also wanted to warn you about this big ice berg out that way-"

"My lookout is keeping watch for that kind of thing. No need to worry,"Jyou said, brushing off the danger.

"But-" Gomamon looked confused. "You do know that your lookout is making out with Yamato right now?"

"Doesn't matter. I never let anyone down! I will make it to my destination! Onward, to Pittsburgh!"

"New York, sir!"

"Thank you, Miyako! Onward, to New York!"

"Oh boy," Gomamon whispered as he quickly swam off.

"Where did Ken and Daisuke go?" Sora asked, searching for her stars. At long last they were found in the State Room, and Takeru had a fit.

"You were CENSORED in my bed! I have to sleep in there! You CENSORED sickos!"

"Calm down," Ken muttered, pulling his lingerie back on.

Amazingly, Koushiro didn't have a fit and accidently hit the music again. This might be because Jyou was bribing him with a bunch of new computer discs to do something, but no one knew what. Jyou refused to say.

"Next scene," Sora said, "Props! Get me some Tylenol!"

Iori hurried off to do her bidding, and Sora directed Takeru to finally play his part.

"This is the bit where you find out Ken's been cheating on you, and you're really pissed," Sora prompted.

Takeru looked at his lines and blanched. "I don't really have to say that, do I?"

"Yes. But first, you have to slap Ken."

"Stunt double!" Ken yelled, stepping out of the way. Hikari was brought out by Jyou and Miyako.

"Why am I the stunt double? I would've made a better Rose than him! After all, I am a girl!" Hikari complained, glaring at everyone. Iori handed Sora her Tylenol.

"Thanks. Hikari, Ken has better star quality than you. Places!" Sora yelled.

Takeru looked around and saw Taichi watching with murder written in his eyes.

"Uh, stunt double?"

"Cut! You don't have a stunt double."

"I need one."

"Uh... Yamato?"

"Hell no!"

"We need a tall blond!"

"I know just the person!" Mimi called out, and darted back into the costumes area. She pulled out a very confused looking Michael.

"What were you doing back there?" Daisuke asked.

"I was helping to fix the sewing machine," Michael said, "What's up?"

"Will you be Takeru's stunt double?" Sora asked.

"Sure!"

"Ok, slap Hikari."

"What?"

"This is the scene where Takeru is supposed to slap Hikari."

"I can't. I quit. I have to fix the sewing machine." Michael ran.

Ken sighed. "Give me a wig and I'll slap her!"

"Ok," Sora said. They had to settle for a mop, because there were no wigs (yes, they had been sold) and Ken slapped Hikari so hard she fell.

"You bitch!" Hikari yelled.

Ken smirked and strutted back over to Daisuke, who had covered his face with his hands for the entire scene.

"It's ok now, Dai-chan," Ken whispered.

"Quit it before Koushiro goes insane again!" Miyako yelled.

"Now Takeru! Read your line!" Sora ordered, and Ken stepped into place. Takeru looked at his line, winced, and took a deep breath.

"You good for nothing whore! All women-" And then Miyako had tackled him, and Hikari was punching him in the gut.

"Oh, I forgot about that," Sora murmured.

Yamato grinned. "You have a lot to learn about women, TK!"

"Damn dubbed lines," Daisuke muttered.

Ken laughed. "Oh, some of them were very good..."

"Shall we skip to the drawing scene?" Sora asked, and had Mimi and Taichi help her pull the irate females off of Takeru.

Iori began searching through his bag of props. "I can't find the necklace..."

"What necklace?" Daisuke asked.

"The one Ken's supposed to be wearing when you sketch him."

"Yeah," Taichi laughed, "That's all he'll be wearing!"

All the cast members prepared to be assaulted by loud music again, but nothing happened.

"I gave him the tissue box," Iori explained. "I lost the necklace!"

"No, no," Mimi said. "He's supposed to have the whip instead of the necklace, remember?"

"Whip?" Daisuke asked nervously.

"Excellent," Ken purred.

"Here it is!" Iori said, holding it up. "It's caught in the handcuffs-"

"Handcuffs?" Ken interrupted, his eyes brightening. In a super fast dash, he grabbed Daisuke, the whip, and the handcuffs and ran like mad for the State Room.

"Aaaaahhhhhh! They're going to CENSORED in my bed again!" Takeru screamed. "You have to have something in that little bag to stop them!"

Iori looked through it. "Well, here's a whistle-"

"Thanks!" Takeru ran after the disappearing stars.

"And a gun..."

After chasing Ken down and stealing the star and props from him, Sora decided it was time to crash the ship into the ice berg.

However, the movie was out of her control.

"You two can have each other, just stay out of my bed when you do it!" Takeru yelled at Ken and Daisuke.

"Fine! Get a new bed and we won't go in it," Ken snarled back.

Daisuke stared wide-eyed at the huge lump of ice approaching. "Uh, guys?"

"What?" Both boys turned to see the ice berg right in their faces, almost.

"Where's Taichi? Why hasn't he called out the alarm?" Daisuke shrieked.

"I thought Yamato was the lookout," Takeru said, confused.

"No, it's Taichi," Ken replied.

"But I just saw Yamato go up there-"

Understanding.

"ICE BERG!" the three boys screamed together. Taichi managed to pull out of Yamato's embrace long enough to sound the alarm, and then he and Yamato returned to their activity.

"Like hell this ice cube is going to stop me!" Jyou yelled, a strange glint in his eye.

"Captain, the ship is supposed to sink," Miyako reminded him patiently.

"No! I have never let anyone down! We are making it to Pittsburgh!"

"New York, sir, and-"

Jyou pushed a blinking red button near the window and laughed maniacally as the rocket boosters kicked in and lifted the ship into the air.

"Uh... have we entered a sci-fi flick? What the hell is going on?" Miyako demanded.

"I had Koushiro install these babies... We are heading for Pittsburgh!"

Sora threw her director's hat on the ground. "That's it, I quit!"

"Yamato, you're supposed to sing 'My Heart Will Go On,' for the ending," Taichi reminded his lover.

"Oh, right..."

Yamato straightened his new outfit, which had a suspicious resemblance to the one Brittany Spears wore to the music awards- well, almost wore, as there wasn't much there to wear.

"See? You're not the only one who can look good crossdressing," he smirked in Ken's direction, and the star growled.

Instead of the theme, however, Yamato began to sing-

"Hit me baby one more time!"

Ken: My god, what were you thinking?

Dragonflie: I wasn't. But I'm running on caffiene and despair at the moment, and needed something to cheer me up.

Daisuke: What's wrong?

Dragonflie: My car died again. But that's what you get when you get your grandma's car for $200.

Miyako: You... drive?

Dragonflie: Better than I used to.

Daisuke: Review please!