CHALLENGE 9: THE FINAL CHALLENE

Evey and Jade S. were the last Sues on the island.
At the moment, Evey was running in slow motion down the beach, carrying a surf board. It was just like a scene in Bay Watch, which was what she was going for.

// Jade S.'s cam//

"This is so weird! I've never been in the final challenge! Now I know what it feels like to be the most Sueish Sue... I thought it'd be more for filling ."

//normal cam//

"This is so fun!" Evey said happily. "I'm so glad I get to share this with my best Sue friend! Course, I'm going to destroy you, but still"
"Sure, Evey," Jade S. said dully. She really doubted she would win, but Evey didn't have to be annoying.

"What's the first thing you're gonna do when we get home?" Jade S. asked to change the subject.
"I'm gonna put highlights in my hair!" Evey said excitedly.
"You mean you don't have natural highlights"
"Ummmm...yes... What about you"
"I just wanna play the Role Play game Adventure Quest! I could be doing Mage Quests right now," Jade S. sighed sadly.
Evey gave her a pitying look. "Jade, try not to be so dorky when you're a Sue"
"You're just jealous that you're still a level 3 and I'm a 26"
"Hey! Those monsters are hard to kill!!!" Evey shrieked.
"Whatever."

They sat in silence for a while. Evey was angsting and Jade S. was trying to ignore it.
Finally Evey got board and went to pack her stuff, since they would be going home and all.

//Evey's cam//

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'll win. How can I not? Most Sues are Beach!Sues and I don't think I'll get any arguments when I say I'm the blondest of them all."

//normal cam//

Thanks to the magic of TV, we don't have to spend an hour watching Evey pack.
It was now magically night time.
"This is so sad!" Evey sobbed theatrically. "All our friends our gone! And now I'm going to win and you have to go back to doing whatever it was you were doing"
Jade S. looked at her like this: -.- "Evey..."

Suddenly Evey threw her arms around her, still sobbing.
"Um, it's OK...I'm sad, too. But you know, I'll be on next season whether I want to be or not, so I'm kinda alright with all this," Jade S. said.
"Yeah, but I still have to go home and figure out what to do with my winnings!" Evey cried, like it was so depressing.
Jade S. said nothing. She was just glad she wouldn't have to deal with Evey's whining all the time.

So Jade S. and the still wailing Evey made their way through the dark jungle.
They didn't have to worry about the Others, for even the Others feared their Sueishness.
When they reached the caves, they found there was a light glowing from the inside and went in.

The inside of the cave had totally changed.
Now, instead of looking all dark and cave-y, it was all bright and filled with lights, TV cameras, and screaming fans.
The Sues looked different, too. Their hair and make up was all done, so you couldn't even tell they'd been on an island for nine weeks (well, longer than that because of the author's laziness, but you get the point).

Jade S. and Evey went up to the stage and sat down.
Jade H. was standing in front of them, being host-y. "Welcome to the season finale of SUEvivor: Lost! Today one Sue will go down in history as the most Sueish Lost Mary Sue of them all! Lets meet our constants! Here we have the blond and beautiful Evey the Beach!Sue"
Cheers and screams rose up for Evey. At first she didn't realize what was happening, so she cheered too. Then some told her what was going on and she stopped.

"And my favorite Sue of all...JADE S., THE AUTHOR!SUE"
And people cheered for Jade S., who smiled at them happily. People didn't cheer for her like that all the time. I don't know why. People should be applauding me all the time.

"Now, before we start voting, lets meet some of our special guest!" Jade H. said. She turned to the red curtain behind them and watched as it was dramatically swept aside.
All the Lost Sues who had been voted off took their seats, glaring at the successful ones.

"Sues, welcome back. Now, Alex, you were the first person voted off the island. How do you feel now?" Jade H. asked.
"Well, I still think I am the most Sueish of all! I deserve to be up there! Not those little poser Sues!" Alex screamed, pointing to Jade S. and Evey.
"But...we already know who the real Alex is...There's really no point for you anymore," Jade H. pointed out.
"Well that's true," Alex shrugged, sitting back down.

"Anyway, Teresa was voted out next, but she's in prison right now. The next one was Moxie.
Moxie, do you have any idea why you were voted out"
"Of course not! I mean, the only logical reason would be that the others were too threatened by my beauty," Moxie said as if it were just a fact.
"Uh huh. And you don't think it has anything to do with the fact that you're one of the Others?" Jade H. asked, raising her eyebrows.
"W-what ever gave you that idea?" Moxie cried, smiling innocently.
"You said so"
"Oh. Damn. I thought I lied about that."

"Riiiiiiight. Anyway, since the other Sues that got voted out really weren't that interesting, I'm just going to skip to Amber!" Jade H. said. All the other Sues looked outraged.
"Kay, Amber. You were the typical Fangirl!Sue. Why do you think you aren't up as one of the finalists?"

"I lyk, have no idea, lol!" Amber giggled. "Maybe it's ma constant use of chat speak, lol"
Jade H. was giving her a disgusted look. "Yeah, I'd say that's it. Natasha. You were the last one voted out, and the only smart Sue on this season. Do you think that had something to do with why you were voted off?"

"Well, Jade H., I think it does, yes. You see, I had it all. Brains and beauty. They others couldn't handle this," Natasha answered, gesturing to herself.
"Please!" Evey cried. "We didn't care about your smartyness! All Mary Sues care about are looks, duh!" She turned to the camera. "Remember kids: People only like you if you're pretty!"

Jade H. groaned.
"Evey! Don't tell the kids that! I mean, what about inner beauty"
Evey blinked slowly. "Inner beauty? What is this 'inner beauty' you speak of"
Jade H. rolled her eyes. "Yeah, what ever. Now, before we can start the voting, we have a very important guest: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome... Mia Andromeda Raven Yareena Sayana Uzhanay Ebony, the last Ultimate Lost Mary Sue!!! She was a Beach!Sue who also ended up being an Other and a Flashback!Sue!"

A beautiful woman walked out from behind the curtain.
Her hair was long, wavy, and a perfectly sun bleached blond. She was perfectly tan, and her eyes were swirling sea green and blue. She was wearing a very tight tank top and incredibly small cut off shorts.

"Welcome, Mia Andromeda Raven Yareena Sayana Uzhanay Ebony!" Jade H. cried.
Mia Andromeda Raven Yareena Sayana Uzhanay Ebony flashed her a dazzling smile that actually flashed and gave a small wave. "It's my pleasure! You all know how much I have to be the center of attention"
The crowd laughed hysterically.

"Well, isn't that the truth? Anyway, we just want to know if you have any advice for our finalists?" Jade H. asked, this time putting on sun glasses to protect herself from the blinding smile.
And the Sue did smile again. "Why, yes I do! I just want to tell each of you that there's more to being a Mary Sue than good looks. Remember. You also have to be better than everyone around you. And you want to know how to tell if you're a really good Sue? It all depends on how many guys you can get," she said wisely.

"Wow, that's...just wow. And can you tell us which Sue you're voting for?" Jade H. asked.
"Of course not! I can't decide between either of these wonderful young Sues!" Mia Andromeda Raven Yareena Sayana Uzhanay Ebony cried, beaming at the other Sues.

"Well, now that all THAT is out of they way, we can start talking to our finalists!" Jade H. cried.
The Sues groaned. They just wanted to get on with the voting!
"Evey. In the first challenge, you gave a very Sueish answer, but Sarah won. How did you feel"
"Cheated! My answer was WAY better than hers!" Evey snapped.
"Uh huh. But you did win the second challenge, which was the angst off. Did that make up for it"
"Well...sort of," Evey answered.

"Alright. Jade S. In the third challenge, you won immunity. Course, you were on a team with Evey and Amber, but we'll give this one to you. How did you think you managed that win?" Jade H. asked her.
"It seems pretty obvious. Seducing people goes a long way," Jade S. shrugged.

"Right. Well, in the fourth challenge, Evey won yet again for her faint-inducing S.O.S.
Evey, what inspired you to do that?" Jade H. questioned.
"Well, I knew no man can resist a naked Sue," Evey explained.

"Mmm hmm. And the fifth challenge was the Boar Run. Natasha won that one, but it was very close. Jade S., did you feel you were cheated out of a victory?" Jade H. asked.
"Not really. All I did was let a boar lose on the camera crew," Jade S. answered.

"OK, now the sixth challenge was the debate. In a special twist, Amber and Natasha both won. Evey, I'm not even gonna ask you how that made you feel. I know. Cheated. Now, on the seventh challenge, Evey won because of her tragic flash back. Evey, did you see that coming"
"Well duh!" Evey giggled. "I mean, come on! Nothing can beat a tragical disease!"

"Uh huh. Then in your last challenge, it was very hard to decide who won. Both of you almost killed some hot guys, which is not cool. But in the end, Evey won AGAIN. Jade S., were you beginning to lose hope about winning"
"Considering I've never won before, I didn't expect to win at all," Jade S. told her.

"Well, that's great, ladies! But unfortunately for you, you both still have one challenge: You have 1 minute to convince us all who to vote for!" Jade H. announced.
"OH! OH! I wanna go first!" Evey cried. "OK... And your time starts now!"

Evey cleared her throat. "Ahem. Friends. Sues. Countrymen. For nine weeks you've watched me win challenge after challenge, never breaking a nail or having my shift places at all. At this moment, I implore you to look into your hearts and see the truth: Who is the blondest Sue of all? Whose won the most challenges? Who uses the most Sue logic? Me, that's who. So I want YOU to vote for me!"

Evey fans around the globe cheered and applauded, while Jade H. and S. stared opened mouthed at her. Did she just make an intelligent sentence?
"Umm...wow, Evey. Didn't know you had it in ya...OK, Jade S., lets hear your argument," Jade H. said, slowly backing away from this new, strange Evey.

Jade S. took a deep breath. "OK peoples. Think about this: How many fics do you think featured Author!Sues? Well, almost all of them. That's right. Billions of people put themselves right in the fics. So I'm not just here for me. No, I'm here representing every Lost Author!Sue ever written"
Fans of Jade S. started screaming happily, like fans do.

"Alrighty then! As you can see, we've had a great few weeks. But now that we've heard the Sues' cases, it's come to an end. Let's start the voting," Jade H. said solemnly.
Dramatic music played in the back ground as everyone in the audience voted. It took a ridiculously long time. The camera went slowly from Jade S.'s face to Evey's. Mia Andromeda Raven Yareena Sayana Uzhanay Ebony kept trying to get in front of the camera, but it didn't work.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, the music abruptly stopped.
"I'll tally up the votes," Jade H. said, standing behind the coconut that held the votes.
"The viewers at home have voted. And the winner of SUEvivor: Lost, the Ultimate Lost Mary Sue is...

A LOT OF DOTS LATER

"...Jade S.!!!!!!!!!!!"

Jade S. looked something like this: O.O Fans around the world cheered for the Author!Sue, who had gone through like, three other season and had finally won!
As cheery music played in the background, random people placed a blindingly sparkly tiara on her head.
Then they gave her a sash that said Ultimate Lost Mary Sue in fancy writing, a bunch of roses, and an oversized check.

"Congratulations, Jade S.!!! You will now win a bizillion dollars!!! And you will go down in history as the most annoying, unrealistic, ultimate Lost Mary Sue!!!" Jade H. cried.
She turned to the camera as Jade S. waved at people. "Well, that's all for this season of SUEvivor! I hope everybody liked it and we'll see you next time for the new season!"

AFTER SUEvivor:

Jade S. went on to be in future seasons of the show, as well as a billion other Lost fics, where she made out with Sawyer a whole lot. She then went on to be the spokeswoman for SOFFAM (Save Our Fandom From All the Morons), an organization dedicated to keeping Mary Sues and other crappy things off the Internet.

Evey is also still doing fan fiction, only she now models for dirty magazines on the side. You know, for fun. She's also used in SOFFAM's campaign on why you shouldn't write Sues.

Being the 'smart' one, Natasha now travels to foreign countries teaching good OC's how to be Sueish.
She makes appearances in Lost fan fics from time to time.

THE END!!!

A/N: Hope that chapter was good! Now, what should the next season be??? I thought of a couple more things, so go to my SUEvivor forum and read about it, kay?
And thank you so much, Elphaba the Wicked Witch for offering to make SUEvivor into a YouTube vid! That's the best idea I've heard...well, ever!
Please review!!