Author: geekgirl01 PM
Betelgeuse gets out of the waiting room and immediately takes to the living streets to enjoy his new freedom from the neitherworld. Unfortunately one thing is stopping him...his wife. Movieverse BjXLd M for language and probably sex.Rated: Fiction M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 5,991 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 35 - Updated: 08-23-07 - Published: 08-07-07 - id: 3710150
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Betelgeuse gets out of the waiting room and immediately takes to the living streets to enjoy his new freedom from the neitherworld. Unfortunately one thing is stopping him…his wife. Movieverse BL
Disclaimer: I own nothing Betelgeuse so please dont sue me! I am but a poor fangirl with nothing better to do with her time.
"Well, congratulations asshole, you finally did it. Now get the hell out of my sight before I decide to go digging around for loopholes in your marriage," the older lady in front of him puffed between cigarette drawls.
Betelgeuse blinked. "That marriage scam worked? I won't have to come back to this hell? Wow babes, it's like I died and went to heaven!" he grinned, nearly tripping over his chair as he attempted to vacate it. Juno rolled her eyes. "No, you died and now you're going to earth. Heaven would never take you," she gave him a final dismissive glance as he opened the door to her office, "but don't expect everything to be as you planned it will be, B."
Donned in his favorite striped suit and boots, the newly freed poltergeist strolled down the streets of New York City, every strip joint calling his name desperately as he passed, trying to figure out which would be the perfect place to relieve four years of stressful buildup. He finally chose the cheapest, sleaziest joint he had ever seen. Red lights flashed as florescent women moved provocatively in front of his eyes. Yes, this was the place.
It was when he entered and felt the STDs wafting gently in the smoke filled air that he knew he was home. He grinned devilishly when a couple of girls, no older than their late teens smiled at him from the corner.
"Hey double babes, what's a couple of girls like you doing in a place like this?" he drawled, pointing his dirt encrusted fingers around the room as he strolled over to them, making the girls giggle before they both grabbed his loose falling tie to pull him closer. "Same as you," one of them purred into his ear and the three of them made their way to the back rooms.
The girls undressed each other while Betelgeuse pulled his clothes off with all the manly force he could muster. It had been way too long. It took him a couple of seconds before he realized that his belt was stuck securely around his waist, rusted together at the metal.
"Well fuck me," he sighed, blinking one of his fingers into a knife. That belt was his favorite, too. His job was made even more difficult when of couple of long junky arms wrapped around him from behind. "Oh, that's what we intend to do baby…"
He sawed at the old belt for a few moments before realizing that it was just getting thicker and thicker the more he sawed. "What the hell?" he baffled just as a puff of smoke appeared beside the old nasty bed, revealing Juno.
"Should have thought more about that marriage thing before you did it," she scolded as she materialized. "You're a married man now and can only have sex with your wife by ghosting laws. No one else will be able to undo that buckle of yours for sexual reasons…unless you get a divorce."
And with a long drawl from her cigarette his case worker and old partner disappeared once more, leaving behind a moldy pack of papers.
Betelgeuse could have pulled his hair out, except he was busy trying to put his head back on his shoulders while it twirled furiously above his head in frustration. The girls were long gone. He secured his head firmly back onto his shoulders, took the packet, and marched out of the room. He was going to get laid if it was the last thing he did.
Lydia Deetz sighed as she stepped into her apartment and locked the door behind her. Being a professional photographer was more stress than she could ever have believed. Once her hauntingly bizarre shots hit the scene in New York her small business had skyrocketed from freelance to having scheduled appointments.
She was currently coming home from her last appointment of the day, and was exhausted. The thought of skipping her shower and just pulling her clothes off and going to bed crossed her mind briefly before she turned around and froze. Someone was in her house.
She followed dirt clotted boot prints with her glossy black eyes to the form sitting on her couch.
Lydia gasped and murmured with what little breath she could muster, "Betelgeuse Betelgeuse Betelgeuse," but to no effect.
"Heh, doesn't work like that anymore babes. Can't send me away like that…although," he grinned devilishly, "if you call my name I will come every time." He got up and snaked his arm around the gagging gothic woman to bring her closer, hoping to catch a peek down her low cut blouse.
His cold touch brought Lydia immediately back to her senses and she shoved the wondering fingers away from her tiny waist. "Get off me you pervert!" she screamed, taking a few steps away from him for good measure. The poltergeist cocked a mischievous eyebrow in her direction. "Now babes, is it so perverted for a man to crave his wife?"
Lydia had to stifle back another gag at the hideous concept. "Betelgeuse, you are NOT my husband! The marriage was not finished OR consummated!" There went another gag reflex. The specter poised next to her didn't seem perturbed in the least. On the contrary, he seemed rather pleased with himself.
"Ok, let's not be then."
The young woman blinked and narrowed her eyes. "Wh…what? You're agreeing with me now?" she glared at him. Something was up. "What do you want from me?"
Betelgeuse tried his best to look offended. "Lyds, babe, I'm just agreeing with you. Now, contrary to your belief we are married, or I would have been sent away by now. All you have to do is sign these divorce papers and I will let you go about your business. That's all."
Lydia's already narrow eyes narrowed even more in suspicion and she balled her hand into a fist, protecting the ring on her finger that he had given her four years ago. "No."
Fury and irritation blazed bright behind the poltergeist's green snakelike eyes and he seemed to grow a couple inches before he got himself back under control with a false grin. His voice shook when he finally let himself speak, "Now dear, this is what we both want isn't it? Just sign the fucking papers…"
But Lydia refused to back down. If she could live alone in New York City, an angry dead guy was nothing. She grinned back, though hers was genuine. "Ok, I will as soon as you let me see them and read through them."
Steam was now gently billowing out of his ears and he did not trust himself to come within grabbing distance of the pest of a girl, so Betelgeuse slammed them down on the coffee table next to him and turned down her hallway to get away. He was fucked, or he wish he was.