The God's Must Be Crazy
By: Natalia Melissa Vronsky
Authors Note: Okay... so I was watching A Life Less Ordinary... and kinda got inspired by that for this story... just in case you were wondering.
Disclaimer: How I wish Gambit and Rogue (Remy and Marie) belonged to me... but they don't. Nor do any of the other characters in this story. They all belong to Marvel and 20th Century Fox... lucky them... 'cept they abuse and mis-use then characters.
Zoë and Moe are the only ones that belong to me... Gabriel doesn't even belong to me... he belongs to the bible or something.
Also... I ripped the title from the movie "The Gods Must Be Crazy" It doesn't really make since with the story and all... but it sounds good.
Also... forgive me for any mistakes I made with Remy's accent and the French words... I haven't had a chance to go to any translation sites to double check... and I know better Italian then French... :)
With all that said... here you go.
"So... wait a second... let me get this strait... you want us to go to this other world and get it's version of Rogue and Gambit together?"
"But... so far... nearly every version have ended up miserable or with other people."
"I want you two to make sure they meet, fall in love, and have no problems."
"But... that's like askin' Sigfreid and Roy to get rid of their kitties... it's impossible.
Rogue and Gambit just aren't meant to be!"
"The big guy upstairs wants them together. It's as simple as that."
"But... this version of Rogue... Marie... she and Wolverine are together!"
"So? Rogue's been with Magneto, Joseph, Bobby, Longshot, Scott, and one rare occasion, Ororo in different worlds. You are dismissed."
The two sullenly walked out of Gabriel's office.
"This is impossible."
"Moses did part the red seas."
"Oh please... we all know that he was a mutie."
"He didn't know that."
"I like the idea of Rogue and Gambit together... it's just... they always fight... and her powers... and his past..."
"Hey, Zoë, why don't we just make Rogue... Marie... have control of her powers... have Gambit tell her about his past... then they'll live happily ever after."
"Oh right, Moe. Like it would be that easy."
"None of the others have ever tried making their relationship so easy... maybe it'll work."
"Okay... come on... let's go see how hard this is gonna be."
"You know what I don't get..." Zoë started as she sat down.
"Life?" Moe joked.
"Hahahaha. No. Why all of the sudden the big guy is all for their relationship."
"Change of heart?" Moe suggested.
"Okay... here we go." Zoë started her computer and looked up Marie on it.
*Real name: Roxanna Marie Thompson
Height: 5' 5"
Hair: Brown with white streak
Basic Information: At age sixteen, her mutant ability that prevents her from having physical contact with other human beings without draining the life force and energy from that person emerged.
She left home and met up with Logan, Codename Wolverine and the X-Men.
Erik Lenscher, aka Magneto kidnapped her in an attempt to use her powers to transform humans into mutants.
She was successfully rescued, but the results of that left her with a crush on Logan.
He left and returned, starting a relationship with her.*
"I guess so. She doesn't have as much baggage as other Rogue's."
"Look up Gambie."
"All right." Zoë typed some more and the screen popped up with information.
*Name: Remy Etienne LeBeau
Height: 6' 7"
Basic information: At age two, Remy was kidnapped by Jean-Luc LeBeau for the Antiquary, but Jean-Luc took in the boy and adopted him.
His mutation, the ability to kinetically charge object at will emerged at age fifteen.
He also has latent telepathic abilities.
He left his home at age seventeen when his father tried to make him marry Belladonna Bordeaux.
He met Nathaniel Essex, who promised to help him control his powers, then forced him to lead a band of mutants into tunnels.
The other mutants then slaughtered a group of mutants who lived in the tunnels, called Morlocks.
Remy left, disgusted with himself for not being able to stop the killings.
He has been wandering the world, stealing when necessary, since then.
IMPORTANT NOTE: This world Ororo Monroe, or Storm will not be changed into a child by the Shadow King, and therefore will never meet Remy under those circumstances. *
"Okay... so we gotta get Remy to meet Rogue." Moe said with a sigh.
"Well... why don't we just send him to Westchester and have him try and rob the X-Mansion... and have it so that only Rogue is there... they meet... fall in love... end of story." Zoë suggested.
"Sounds simple enough. Let's hope it works."
So Zoë and Moe headed to Madrid, Spain, where Remy was currently trying to steal a gem called, The Bulls Eye.
"All right... all we have to do is make sure he sees this newspaper with a picture of Xavier and he'll head there next."
"Yup. Humans are so easy to control."
Remy sat, watching a guard, as he made his rounds. "Easy as pie." He muttered with a half smile.
"Hump..." Zoë groaned. "Well see how easy this'll be for you."
Moe smiled. "He wont make it down the street."
As the guard turned down a street, Remy moved from his perch and ran towards the museum.
The guard came back, causing Remy to skid to a stop.
"Mon dieu..." He hissed, running as the guard started chasing him. "Dis is not happenin'..."
"You'd better believe it, Buddy." Moe laughed as they followed.
Remy made it to an old building and hid on the roof.
"I mus' be losin' my touch..." He groaned.
Just then a strong gust of wind blew and a few papers scattered around.
One caught on Remy's booted foot.
He looked at it and held it up.
"Professor Charles Xavier donates fifty million to geneticist Moira Mac Taggert." The headline read.
"One of de richest men in de world, neh?" Remy said, folding the piece of paper and putting it in his trench coats pocket. "De he could do wit'out some of de paintin's and jewels dat he's sure t'have at his house."
"Goodie gum-drops." Zoë said.
"Now for our pretty little Marie..." Moe said. "Her life is too content."
"Infidelity for Logan?" Zoë asked, noting the twinkle in Moe's eyes.
"Oh yeah... big time baby."
Marie watched as Logan watched a brunette about her height and weight.
She bit her lip, trying to mask her anger to her friends.
"...so, like, he was telling me how pretty he thought I was... and I was like... yeah... sure..." Kitty was babbling about one of the hundreds of boys she'd met.
The brunette smiled at Logan and wiggled her finger for him to join her.
Without even thinking of Rogue he stood up and moved towards her.
"Where's Logan going?" Jubilee asked Rogue.
"Dunno... don't care." Rogue said with a shrug.
"Uh... Rogue... he left with some girl..." Kitty said after a few minutes.
"Good for him." She stood up. "Ah'm goin' home. See ya'll later."
Zoë and Moe felt a small pang of guilt for Marie... but I the end, she'd be happy.
She walked into the mansion a few minutes later and headed for the kitchen. "Hell... why should Ah care?" She said aloud, knowing everyone was out for the night. "It's not like Ah can do anything with him... why deny him or some girl from getting' it on?"
She heard a noise as she got to the dining room. "Somebody's here." She thought, panicked.
Because of her powers and size, Scott had told her he didn't want her on missions. It was too much of a risk.
She hadn't dealt with any sort of threat since what had happened on the Statue of Liberty... and that was almost two years ago.
Remy held his breath as he quickly went into the pantry.
When he'd heard the soft feminine voice he'd panicked and ran through a large dining room and into the kitchen.
He heard the door slam open. "So what... let whomever it is do whatever they want to this hellhole... right? Not like Ah care... everyone treats me like Ah'm some simple moron... might as well play up on that." She opened the fridge and pulled out peanut butter and jelly... then prayed that the bread wasn't in the pantry... not wanting to show her visitor that she knew he was there.
She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw the bread on a counter.
She started making her sandwich, whistling as she did.
Remy leaned against the door and pressed his ear against it... hearing whoever was out there whistling.
"I'm gonna be stuck in here..." He thought angry with himself for having taken that door.
She went and poured herself some milk, then hopped up on the counter and ate there... trying to figure out what to do.
Whoever it was, didn't seem to be a threat to her.
"You can come out, Sugah." She called. "Ah know you're in there."
The door opened and Remy stepped out. "Twice." He muttered.
Then looked up at the girl who sat complacently, eating a sandwich. "Ah'm Marie." She said. "And you are?"
"Well, Gambit... what brings you here?"
He raised an eyebrow, confused. "You really expect me t'tell you?"
"Well... judging by that sack... Ah'd say you came ta rob this place... and you wont find much... all of the paintings and vases and stuff are fake... you see this is a school and the owner... he's kind of afraid ta leave the students in the same house as his stuff." She took a sip of milk.
"Well, he sure is handsome." She thought absentmindedly. Then said. "Ah can show you where you can find some pretty expensive stuff."
"An' why would y'do dat?" He asked. Then thought. "Mon dieu... she's an beautiful angel."
"I'm treated like some second class citizen here. My supposed boyfriend is cheatin' on me... no body believes in me...Ah hate it here... take your pick. She hopped off the counter. "Come on."
He dumbfoundedly followed her. "Don' know why y'r' petite ami would want t'cheat on you."
She laughed. "Sweet." Was all she said.
After several minutes of walking upstairs, they reached a door. "There are a few paintings in here." She opened the door.
"No problem." She watched as he examined the fifteen or so paintings, taking only three down. "So... you only steal the best of the best?"
"Somethin' like dat... 'sides what I need t'survive." He took the paintings out of the frame and rolled them up before putting them in the sack.
"Must be fun." She said, with a sigh.
"It can be." He shrugged, looking at a few knickknacks, taking a couple.
"Better than sittin' in this place all day doin' nothin'."
"Tell me somethin', Chere... if y'know dat y'r' boyfriend is cheatin' on you... den why are y'wit' him?"
"Ah dunno... Ah guess 'cause everyone expects us ta be together."
"Y'don' love him?"
"Ah love the idea of bein' in love." She said truthfully.
"This is going so well. Who'd of thought she'd just welcome him into her personal life like she is!" Zoë exclaimed.
Remy sat down on a sofa and patted next to him so that she would sit there.
"Come wit' me."
"And where would we go?" She asked, smiling.
"Travel de world, Chere. Y'said dat y'didn' want t'be here... dat y'r'not treated right here..."
"That's true..." She considered it for a minute. "All right."
"Bon." He said, standing up.
"Uh... Ah should get some of my stuff..." She got up and pulled him up more stairs and into her room. "Listen... Ah should tell you somethin' before Ah get ta likin' the idea of goin'... 'cause you might change your mind about me goin'..."
"What is it?"
"Ah'm a mutant."
"So?" He shrugged, taking off his glasses. "I'm one, aussi."
"But... you don't understand... Ah can't touch people... when Ah do they get hurt."
"Dat explains de gloves?" He asked, taking one of her dainty hands in his, then looking at the dresser drawer she'd opened, full of different colored gloves.
"So? Y'think dat bothers me?" Gambit thought for a second, then it clicked. "Dat's why y'r'homme cheats on you? 'Cause he can' touch you?"
"Can you blame him?" She asked.
"Oui. If he was here I'd kick his ass for bein' a moron. If y'were my femme I wouldn' cheat on you... after all, dere are other ways t'touch den skin ta skin." His comment made her blush.
After she was finished packing a backpack full of stuff they left on his Harley.
"Mission accomplished!" Moe cried excitedly. "That was so easy!"
"Were not quite done... we have to make sure that they'll live happily ever after... which means we have to get the big guy to green light us fixing Marie's powers."
"He will." Moe said, still elated over the fact that Marie and Gambit had taken so well to each other.
Gambit told Marie his real name when they had stopped at a gas station just on the outskirts of New York City.
"Oh... and Ah want a hotdog..." She told him as he headed in to pay and get them something to eat. "Oh! Remy and chips."
He turned back and nodded, smiling.
He was paying for the things at the counter when she ran in. "Remy..." She said, out of breath. "The people from the school... Ah saw them drivin' by..."
"Dey're probably lookin' for you, Petite... by de way... how old are you?"
She laughed nervously. "Don't worry... Ah'm nineteen. But... still... we should go."
"All right, Marie... don' worry." He grabbed the stuff and they went out to his bike.
"You don't understand... they're mutants too..."
"Bon dieu, woman... y'll be de death of me." He said, in an exasperated manner.
"Ah didn't think they'd follow me..." She said softly. "Ah'm sorry."
"It's all right, Petite. Let's just get outta here."
They drove for several hours, Remy not daring to stop.
He was surprised at the fact that he so desperately wanted to keep Marie with him.
He was afraid that she'd willingly leave if she had the chance to talk to her friends.
Marie held on tightly to Remy's waist, afraid the X-Men would find her... afraid Logan would hurt Remy.
They stopped when they ran out of gas.
"De last gas station I saw was a few miles back." Remy said apologetically as they walked his bike over to the side of the road. "I'll go... and try t'be back as soon as I can, okay?"
"All right." She said, sitting on the railing on the side of the road. "Be careful."
"Don' worry, Petite. Wit' y't'come back to... I will." He flashed her a smile as he walked down the road and out of sight.
When he reached the gas station, there was only a black van there.
He walked in and got a container and filled it with gas... then paid for it.
As he walked outside, a red-head stopped him, concern filled her eyes. "I'm sorry to bother you, sir, but I was wondering if you've seen this girl?" She held up a picture of... Marie.
Remy swallowed then shook his head no. "Why? She run away?"
"We believe she was kidnapped." She said sadly, pocketing the picture and pulling out a business card. "If you see her... could you call this number?"
He took the card and nodded. "Yeah... sure. Hope y'find her." He said, walking away.
"Merde." He muttered under his breath. "Damn it, damn it, damn it."
He turned back to see the red-head talking to a man with glasses and a shorter man.
The short man eyed him suspiciously, then started after him.
"Hey, Bub!" He called... well... sort of growled.
"Oh dear..." Zoë said.
"I hope he doesn't hurt him..."
Remy stopped and turned around, setting the gas can down.
"Where the hell is she?" He closed the space between then and grabbed Remy by the shirt.
"Marie! I smell her all over you!"
"Don' know what y'r'talkin' about... now put me down 'fore I make you..." Remy reached into his pocket, pulling out some cards.
"She'd better not be hurt!" The man with red glasses yelled, running over.
"Which one of you is de lousy boyfriend dat cheated on her?" He asked, eyeing the two.
The short mans eyes widened, letting go of Remy.
"She didn' want t'be dere anymore... at dat mansion... an' she didn' want t'be with you." He looked pointedly at the short man. "She's a beautiful an' sweet girl... how could y'do somethin' like dat t'her?"
"Listen, Bub... just take us to Marie..."
"'Course." Remy said as they dragged him to the van.
"Hurry up Remy..." Marie though over and over again as she watched car after car pass.
She panicked when she saw a familiar black van pull up alongside the road. "Oh... shit..." She hopped off of the railing and started running down the road.
"Chere! Wait!" Remy called, as he was tossed out of the van, Logan and Jean behind him.
"Remy?" She looked at him, then at Logan and Jean.
"Got de gas." He said with a half laugh.
"Are you all right?" She asked as he stood up.
"Sure, Petite." He started filling up the Harley with the gas. "Can' believe y'd of abandoned her, though..." He patted the bike affectionately.
"Sorry." She said sheepishly, looking at Logan.
He looked at her apologetically.
She glared hard at him.
Remy tossed the can off the side of the road. "Let's go Remy." She said.
"Rogue..." Jean started.
"No... Ah feel so trapped at the mansion. Like Ah can't breathe! All of you treat me like my powers... and ya'll treat me like Ah'm a baby. And Ah'm not. Ah just want ta be free."
"Marie... Darlin'..." Logan made a start for her.
"No... Logan." She turned away from them. "Tell Professor Xavier that Ah said thank you... for everything he's done for me."
"Y'okay?" Remy asked as she got on the Harley.
"Yeah. Ah'm fine." She said softly, wrapping her arms around his waist.
The End... for Now.