Chapter Five - Arnel

“Forgive me Mr. Arnel, but did you completely lose your mind just then?!”

“I know, I know. I don’t know what came over me - don’t go on about it,” Arnel moaned. David munched his food solemnly as they squabbled. “Don’t you want to know what she wanted?” he said, desperate for someone to give him support and more preferably a solution.

“We overheard,” Kryten said, sheepishly. “So, erm… Good luck!”

“I don’t want luck! I want to get out of this!”

“I’m sure it won’t be so bad, sir.”

“I don’t even know the guy. I don’t shag anyone I don’t know. Not unless I’m drunk.” Kryten tried to reassure David that the King would probably allow him to get drunk. “But I’m just not… prepared,” David wailed back. “And only practice makes perfect, and who would I practice with?!”

Kryten’s line of vision wandered over to Arnel, “Well…”

“No! Absolutely not,” said David.

“I concur,” Arnel griped to himself quietly.

“But the King kills unworthy lovers. It’s a well-documented factual rumour.”

Why, why, WHY, David’s mind screamed at him. If you hadn’t played your guitar in the town square on St. George’s day, the Queen would never have shipped you off as a slave as punishment. You wouldn’t be in Felisanya on the brink of becoming a rent-boy. “I suppose I don’t have much of a choice.”

“I do. I’m not getting involved in any of this.” Arnel folded his arms defiantly. But David just smiled secretly to himself. “Ah but you see, Arnie, you have to do what I tell you.”

“What?”

“You and Kryten are mine, and I can do what I want with you. Or I’ll tell the King that you disobeyed me and then it’d be chop-chop for you!” David sliced his hand through the air for emphasis. Arnel stamped his foot like a moody child and let out a short vocal exclamation to sum up his severe dislike for David.

“But the King likes virgin lovers, sir. If he found out what you did, then you would be sentenced to death,” Kryten pointed out.

“Yes! Exactly!” Arnel roared in delight. “You’d die either way.”

“But you’d go down with me.”

“The King would never execute me. And you wouldn’t dare turn me in,” Arnel growled.

“Try me, mate,” David growled in return. Kryten looked on as they stood nose-to-nose, throwing threats at each other. “Well,” he mumbled shyly, “they say angry sex is the best sex.”

“WE ARE NOT GOING TO HAVE SEX!” Arnel shrieked at him. Kryten burst into tears. “Ah! I didn’t mean to…” he began to explain but David pushed him aside and patted the bawling elfman. “He’s just trying to help you, you smeg.”

“What’s a ‘smeg’?”

“It’s… never mind.” David chuckled. Arnel frowned at him, thinKing that he was being mocked. “Come on, tell me.”

“I’ll just say it’s related to the previous convo’, and leave it at that.” David led Kryten to the bathroom and poured him a glass of water. Arnel followed them, watching David with utmost contempt. Kryten sipped the water demurely until his crying-induced hiccoughs subsided. “Thank you, sir,” he said, smiling widely at David.

“No prob, Kryts. We’re sorry for fighting. Right, Arnel?”

“Yes…” he answered, noncommittally. David sighed. “Don’t worry sir,” Kryten beamed at him, “We’ll think of something. I only wish I could help but… well, I’m a bit lacking in that department.” Arnel had watched them with a mixed feeling. They were looking out for one another, even though they barely knew each other. He couldn’t understand it. He’d only ever experienced compassion once before, and that was from the King. It was why he dedicated himself to making the King happy. Yes… he had almost forgotten that.

“I’ll do it,” he sighed. Kryten and David stared at him. “Seriously?” David asked.

“But not because I want to!”

David grinned, “I would never, ever imply that.”

“It’s because of the King. He’s my master and it’s my job to make him happy. And if having you for a lover makes him happy then so be it.”

“Someone’s got a master-complex, eh?” David whispered to Kryten. Arnel didn’t snap at him for the remark. He just stood there in his own quiet reverie.