Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, etc, etc. -insert standard disclaimer here- Inspired by the various offshoots of Skippy's list.

Things Team Nineteen Are No Longer Allowed To Do

(Rules 1-30)

1. Team Nineteen is banned from any missions involving cats. Ever. Just because you're curious whether a cat really will always land on its feet, Iruka, doesn't mean you can drop it off the Hokage monument. Kotetsu, Izumo, stop encouraging him. And Ibiki, your name is now down as one of the four jounin-instructors who've managed to fail a D-rank. Ever. In the entire historyof Konoha.

2. No, Kotetsu, it is not funny to attack the ANBU headquarters with paint balls.

3. Nor is it funny to attack the Intelligence headquarters with paint balls. Ibiki, your genin should not know where either of these headquarters are, so stop telling them classified information. Please.

4. Which ever one of you stole the Hokage's robe, congratulations on your stealth skills. Now give it back – the Hokage's supposed to be meeting the Mizukage tomorrow.

5. Morino Ibiki is not allowed to take another genin team, ever.

6. All establishments in Konoha are hereby banned from selling alcohol to any of the members of Team Nineteen, including Morino Ibiki.

7. Kotetsu, please stop cross-dressing where the other villages can see you.

8. The same goes for the other members of Team Nineteen.

9. Screaming “ARGH, THE ZOMBIES ARE COMING!” will not endear you to the ANBU population, Iruka. Especially not if you actually sound convincing.

10. The Hyuuga Clan does not collectively have a stick that needs to be removed from certain places. Nor do they appreciate graffiti plastered over their homes informing them of such.

11. Flirting with Uchihas will not get them to remove the handcuffs.

12. Izumo, don't set Maito Gai on fire so you “can see his flames of youth more clearly”. Even if he seems to think this is a good idea. Especially if he thinks this a good idea.

13. Team Nineteen is banned from associating with Mitarashi Anko.

14. Whoever stole all of Hatake Kakashi's underwear to sell on the black market, give it back to him. He's paranoid enough without his belongings going missing.

15. If any of you find summoning scrolls only mentioned in ancient legends, involving some sort of “savior”, the “protection of mankind” and “big, out-of-control flying lizards that breathe fire and destroy any buildings within a five mile radius of where they were summoned,” don't sign them. Even if the creepy old man you bought it off tells you it's a good idea.

16. You do not have the authority to declare war on any nation, even if their genin teams are annoying brats. You are annoying brats, and they don't try to declare war on you.

17. Iruka is banned from making, buying, touching and coming within ten metres of any explosive device. We needed that building.

18. Hengeing into the opposite gender and trying to seduce the jounin from Suna is not a good plan. Even if they fall for it. Ibiki, what is with your team and transvestite tendencies?

19. Opposite gender and anyone from any other village, ever, banned. NO MORE.

20. 'Kinky Kunoichis' is not a good name for a magazine. The aforementioned 'kinky kunoichis' do not appreciate having their photos plastered anywhere, especially not when they have been 'edited'. Kotetsu, you aren't funny.

21. Sending unsuspecting academy students on a twenty mile 'fun run' is not funny either. Especially not when you've set up traps all along the course.

22. One Jiraiya is more than enough. Stop trying to emulate him.

23. Farmyard animals are not meant to be used in that way. For the sake of our minds, get them out.

24. Iruka, stop addressing the Hokage as your “Pimpmasta”. Especially when you're in front of clients. We've already got one complaint of pedophilia in.

25. Painting on fake wounds and pretending to die on the Mission Room floor endears you to no one. Especially not the person who has to mop up the fake blood.

26. You are not mutations aimed at destroying the race of humans, created in Orochimaru's lab. Stop telling people you are.

27. Whoever thought it would be funny to send in porn disguised as mission reports, it wasn't. It's hard enough to get the Intelligence officers to do work without you doing that.

28. Same goes for the tapes. Ibiki, why are your students trying to create a porn industry?

29. Izumo, you are not allowed to cheer Anko on when she has 'crazy bitch fights in the mud' with Kurenai. We don't care if the jounins were cheering with you.

30. Signing official documents as Princess Yuki is not fooling anyone, Iruka.