|JK Rowling's Book of Practical Cats
Author: Blonde Shadowcat PM
In Harry's fifth year, Umbridge forces the students to perform their first and only school musical: Cats. We can only guess how that'll go over.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,093 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 09-16-07 - Published: 08-15-07 - id: 3726216
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
I just became obsessed with the musical "Cats", so I'm going to take it out on Harry Potter.
Everything takes place in Harry's fifth year. Take note of that, because a lot of the fifth book happenings are very important to the plot.
So here goes….
Ron's mouth fell open as stared at the decree that had been recently put upon the wall of the Entrance Hall. His eyebrows arched, his blue eyes flashed in the reflection of the early morning sunlight, and in a millisecond he was gone from the spot. He dashed into the Great Hall, heading straight for the Gryffindor table. He spotted Hermione's cloud of brown hair and the dark black-haired tuft next to it. He ran forth, grabbed hold of Harry's robes and pulled him backward, almost knocking him off his bench.
"Bloody hell--" he mouthed between bites of melba toast, "whatareya doin'??"
"You have to see this," Ron said impatiently.
"What's the matter?" Hermione asked worriedly, "Is something wrong?"
"Umbridge posted another decree," Ron said quickly.
"Well, what does it say?" Harry said, now fully finished chewing his toast.
"You don't know?" Harry looked incredulous, "You read it, didn't you?"
"Yes!" Ron's ears were beginning to change color, "Of course I read it! I just…" he stumbled for the right words, words that would make his statement seem less stupid. "I just…didn't know what it meant."
"Let me see it."
Hermione edged her way through a protruding Harry, who was only half-way off his seat, and nearly toppled him as well. Harry made a high screeching sound and flailed his arms to balance himself. He ended up grabbing hold of Hermione's arm and almost took her down with him. Before almost uttering her own 'eep!', she turned to Harry.
"Cool it," she said irritably and steadied him.
"Hey now," Harry shot back, "that's the second time in the past two minutes that I was almost pushed over."
"Want a third one?" Harry heard a snide voice say behind him. He turned, his annoyance in no mood for the Slytherin who he knew had been connected to the taunting voice that had called to them. Draco Malfoy was striding over, his smirk the same as it ever was; his arrogance overflowing through his loud, clear voice.
"I knew ginger had problems with reading, but this is just sad," he said, smiling wide.
"Fine then, ferret boy, you go read it! See if you know what the hell that insane woman's talking about!" Ron said hotly.
"Alright, I will." And with that, he gave Harry a little push, and glided between him and Hermione. He brushed against her as he passed, and got close to her face, smirking perversely. She growled menacingly, but was too busy preventing Harry from falling over again to hex him for it.
"What is it with you people?!" Harry yelled.
"Come on," Hermione said, ignoring the growing color in her face.
They watched Draco stalk off, and followed the haughty blond to the Entrance Hall. The trio made their way through the massive wooden doors to look out into the vast hall. They gazed at the long wall where the decrees stood one after the other, piled next to each other like awards in a trophy box. Hermione traced the air where the line of plaques lay before her, counting, seeing which one was the newest.
"Over there," Ron pointed.
The group followed Ron's fingerpoint, and found the plaque that was recently nailed in. It read, in its freshly gilded lettering:
"Decree Number Eighty-Five: Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, will perform a spring musical once a year."
Hermione looked at it blankly, confusedly. Harry gave a grunt of discontent. The two of them understood the decree, but were quite confused as to why it had been put there. It made no sense as to why magical people would do a musical…
"See?" Ron babbled, "It doesn't make any sense!"
"What the hell is a 'musical'?" Draco said, just as confused as Ron.
"You mean," Hermione smiled, looking at the two purebloods, "that you two have never heard of a musical?"
"Hermione," Harry nudged her arm with his elbow, "they wouldn't know."
"And why not?" Draco steamed.
"It's a muggle thing; you wouldn't understand." Harry said with a smug smile. Hermione giggled.
"Oh, that's right!" she turned to Ron, "You really wouldn't know…"
"Oh come off it!" Ron said impatiently, "What is it?!"
"It's just a play," Hermione shrugged, "a play that has singing and dancing in it."
"We call those 'operas', mudblood," Draco said coldy.
"It's not the same, dimwit," she snapped, "It's like an opera, but has some speaking parts in it, and doesn't sing in the same style. The subject matter's quite different, too."
"Does it still have all the fat people with horns in them?" Ron looked worried.
"No," Harry laughed imprudently, "musicals and operas are totally different. But I guess that would be an easier way of describing them."
Ron and Draco looked at one another, the same stupid look on either face. As if on cue, the two boys immediately broke character, looking away from each other, and went into choruses of "I knew that…".
"It really isn't a problem, Ron," Hermione said kindly, putting a hand on his shoulder, "we wouldn't expect you to know what it is. It's just a muggle thing."
"Oh, okay." He sighed, smiling weakly. She turned him on his shoulder, and the three began to file back through the huge wooden doors. They reentered the Great Hall and reached their house tables, only to see the dreaded Professor Umbridge beginning to stand. They quickly sat down as she gave her audacious little 'ahem' that signified that she was about to say something out of line and ridiculous.
The Hall became quiet, all eyes exasperatedly turned toward the squat pink-ridden woman. She batted her eyelashes robotically and tiptoed her way down the several large steps that separated the staff table from those of the pupils. When in closer earshot, and with less of an excuse to ignore her, she began.
"I assume you've seen my most recent decree." She said brightly. Her audience gave a groggy reply; some rolled their eyes, others muttered a vague "yeah", and still others just resumed eating while facing her, eyes wide with confusion.
"How many of you have auditioned for a play before?" she asked merrily. Most of the muggle-borns raised their hands limply, having already read and understood the decree, knowing what was coming next.
"Wonderful. About half of you. You can help those who don't quite get it as well as you." She resumed.
"We are going to be performing the first musical to be held at Hogwarts. The minister wants us to be more…in touch with our muggle neighbors, and what better way to do it than to adopt one of their customs!" she grinned maniacally as the crowd winced.
"A musical is a muggle tradition that involves a play with music, singing, and dance. Every musical needs a full orchestra, but considering as we probably won't be able to find players of every instrument in a full orchestra here," she looked from one table to the other, her high-pitched voice crooning into a sigh, "it will be done magically instead. Any students who can play an instrument fluently can participate." She began to walk down the hall in little paces.
Only some of the students looked interested. They consisted of about a fourth of the muggle-borns who had raised their hand. Only this select few were major theatre fans, and actually actively participated in the performing arts. They didn't exactly jump for joy though, since each and every student had their suspicions: anything brewed up by the current Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher usually ended in disaster for the students.
"Oh, and I forgot to mention," she said, upon noticing the looks on the many faces who read clearly 'in your dreams, toad-face,' "those who perform in the production, whether instrumentally, acting, or in set and crew, won't have to spend their class time attending to Hagrid's fresh batch of blast-ended skrewts." She saw each expression change with the drop of a pin, and she smiled wickedly.
"The musical we will be performing is called "Cats"," she said, with her nose held high. Many of you muggle-borns will know that it's a very popular show on Broadway, very highly accredited, and because of that, it is quite suitable for our standards."
"Yeah right," Harry muttered in Ron's ear, "she just wants to do that one because it's all about her favorite teacup decoration." Ron sniggered, biting his lip sharply so to prevent him from being heard.
"An overall description of the characters and plotline will be posted in front of my room. Sheet music for the auditions will be passed out to students who wish to try out," she looked around, satisfied that she had everyone's attention, "which will be next Monday." Her eye twitched under its vast and wrinkling forehead. After her insane smile reached its peak, the devilish stare melted into a false look of polite calm.
"That is all," she piped. And with a roundabout on her clunky heel, the rosy toad returned to her seat, leaving a startled student body in her wake.
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