Author’s Note: Sorry for the delay and no offence to anyone in Missouri for the quote I used

Author’s Note: Sorry for the delay and no offence to anyone in Missouri for the quotes I used! Please take it with good humor!

Disclaimer: I don’t own the Simpsons!

Care and Keeping of…Grandpa Abraham Simpson

Congratulations!

You are now the proud owner of a Grandpa Simpson! Be sure to read the manual thoroughly so that you know what to do when you are being told rambling old stories that have nothing to do with the present time.

What Have I Purchased?

Grandpa Simpson is a very old somewhat senile man who likes to tell annoying stories constantly for no apparent reason and hates the state of “Missourah”.

Your Grandpa Simpson comes with the following:

One forty-nine star flag

One pair of glasses

One radio

One set of denchers

One bottle of pills

Assembly Instructions

Open crate

Open bottle of pills (optional- depends whether or not you want to see him struggle)

Place pills in front of crate

Allow Grandpa to go over to pills

Feeding Instructions

Grandpa Simpson has fake teeth and cannot chew his own food. You have two choices for how to feed him, you can chew and regurgitate his food yourself (which is a lot of work and carries the risk of choking) or you can give him the pre-chewed Grandpa Gruel – Now With Extra Gruel which is sold separately.

WARNING

Grandpa is very old and doesn’t know how to work all our new kitchen technology like the microwave or the stove, so he can’t make his own food. If you do ATTEMPT to teach him how to cook you may loose your house.

Sleeping Habbits

Grandpa Simpson takes several naps throughout the day as well as sleeping for eight hours at night. It is not very important where he sleeps (a chair, a bed, the floor, standing up, ect.) but it is important that he is not woken up unless he is in a place that could be dangerous to his health, such as the middle of the street. If you do choose to wake him up you will have to be loud and be ready to deal with his blubbering when he takes in his surroundings.

WARNING

DO NOT mention the following:

Missouri

World War I

World War II

Mona Simpson

Montgomery Burns

Retirement Castle

Santa Clause

TV

England

Brazil

Gas Stations

Flying Hellfish

State Department

Kidneys

Organs

Europe

Asia

Antarctica

South America

North America

Ocean

Fishing

Modern Bride Magazine

On second thought…just don’t talk around him

FAQ’s

Q. My Grandpa Simpson doesn’t normally remember who I am or where he is. Is this normal?

A. Grandpa Simpson is somewhat senile and doesn’t always remember everything. This is normal and the only thing you can really do about it is keep reminding him where he is.

Q. Help! I mentioned one of the things I wasn’t supposed to and now Grandpa keeps going on and on about stories that make no sense. How do I make him stop!?

A. Give him one of his pills; it will knock him out for a few hours. Once he builds up immunity to the pills…well your warrantees up so you’re on your own!

If you enjoyed Grandpa Simpson you my also enjoy:

Homer Simpson

Marge Simpson

Bart Simpson

Maggie Simpson

Lisa Simpson

Herb Simpson

Cyrus Simpson

Grandpa Simpson is NOT compatible with:

Amber Simpson

Mona Simpson

Selma Bouvier

Montgomery Burns

Sorry it took me so long to update but I kind of forgot about this story. I’m trying to update my other ones and this is just one I do for kicks. I’ll try to update more often though, the wait won’t be as long as last time! Please review!