|So Hard to Make Them Fly
Author: Nicole Lo PM
It was like their bodies had their own special song—far away from their past mistakes, their failed high school romance—it was like their bodies were longing for some sort of … intimacy, a touch, shared thoughts, secrets, and everything in between.Rated: Fiction T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Angst - Chapters: 12 - Words: 27,512 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 01-08-12 - Published: 08-16-07 - Status: Complete - id: 3728503
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Chapter Twelve: When Wings Beat the Night Sky Above the Ground, Will I Unwillingly Shoot Them Down
(A/N: Oops. This story has been done for over 2 months now. I just forgot to post...Thanks for your support. Luv. -NL)
Angela found herself back where she customarily was with Jordan, in the passenger seat of his car, going along for the ride of wherever he decided to take them only, she didn't feel like she was just riding with him. Just there. She felt like she new Jordan more deeply than ever before and felt horrible about being so judgmental about the Rayanne thing.
They'd lost so much time together and worse … she felt bad for ever thinking for a moment that she liked Brian. He was never able to make her feel the way Jordan did. It was like she was the only girl in the universe.
Angela reached over to hold Jordan's hand as he started to explain how he got HIV.
"I got it from my mom." Jordan explained quickly, diverting his gaze from hers. He had never told anyone this, and by admitting this, another story was about to be revealed.
"So, you were born with it?" Angela guessed, looking at him with a flash of innocence, which is what Jordan had always liked about her most.
It was either agree with her assumption or tell him the truth. He wasn't born with it and he'd gotten it from his mother … It wouldn't take Angela too long to put it all together and to see that Jordan was a lot worse for her than she'd ever known.
"Yeah … something like that."
"So you've known all this time?"
"No." Jordan sighed. "I didn't know until … a few years ago there was this older girl I was seeing who thought she might have been pregnant. We got the pregnancy test and … I guess I found out from there."
"Why didn't you say anything to me?" Angela asked, feeling rejected. "You have something so serious going on with Jordan. How can we be together but you not say anything?"
"I-I didn't want to lose you again." He sighed. "It's selfish but-"
"Are you at least seeing a doctor? Maybe there's a way that you won't … die."
"I don't want to talk about this anymore." He sighed. "It's like really hard… but I am sorry. I promise not to keep important stuff from you again." Jordan swore.
"I'm glad you're okay." Jordan breathed a sigh of relief, one for still managing to keep Angela through all of this and second, because he didn't have to tell the real reason that he was HIV positive, the real reason that he'd spent so many nights at Tito's and the truth of why he hated her so much.
Jordan tried to shut it out of his mind, but it replayed itself over and over. The first time she'd ripped off his pants, touched him there and then forced herself onto him. He tried to seem interested in what Angela was saying, but all he wanted was to get high. To get high and forget the years of on-going abuse from his mom and to forget his father who'd forced him this lifestyle.
"Can you imagine what it must be like to not even be able to confide in anyone and for your mom to be the reason … He's so brave for telling me."
"Jordan has had such a hard life." Brian mumbled dryly. He came here so that he could be here with Angela, hold her hand and watch her. What he didn't want to hear about was Jordan Catalano.
"He's got no one. You don't have the best relationship with your parents and mine are in their own world, but they love us and we always can count on them."
"Can we … like not talk about Jordan?" Brian wondered thinking about the last time he kissed her and how she'd looked that day.
There was so much hope and everything was so easy. Now, she looked worried her eyes darting back and forth trying to figure Jordan out.
"I know you're jealous, but can you be my friend for a second?"
"I am your friend. Why else would I like listen to all of this without you even asking me about how I'm doing?" Brian wondered, thinking that no matter what, it would always be like this.
"I thought you were okay with the situation."
"It's been like a day Brian. Give yourself a chance to get used to this."
"I've been doing this since I was like nine Angela." He sighed. "You don't even realize how like … perfect you are to me. I don't want to hear about Jordan. I don't care about his HIV or his sadness. I only care about you."
There was silence for a while before Angela found the right words to say.
"I guess that's it."
"What do you mean?" Brian wondered, ready to back down at any moment. He'd do just about anything to have Angela.
"Jordan and I are together and I really love him. If I'm going to be in your life, then you have to learn how to deal with Jordan. I'm not going to stop talking about him or thinking about him-"
"Then like … let me know how that works out." Brian stood up, fed up with Angela playing his heart strings.
"I mean it. I think we should take a break from our friendship."
"You don't mean that." Angela answered back, by the swift and determined look from Brian Krakow said something different.
A few months had passed since Jordan's shocking secret was revealed, or partially revealed as the whole mom-molestation part had yet to surface. Angela was back to being wrapped up in Jordan so much so that he was skipping class to be with him.
She was sure that they were going to make it through the remaining years of high school torture and beyond. For now, though, she was super excited to hear his new song.
He'd been working on something amazing for Angela and here she was, at the club, the closest to the stage.
"We're Frozen Embryos here to rock your night!" Tito started as Angela laughed to herself. They'd changed back the band name again from Residue and Mystic Soul, which was what they'd decided on light night.
"I'd like to start off with one of our favorites. It's called 'Red.'" Jordan added, winking at Angela as they went through a collection of angsty, slow, fast, and random songs. When they'd gotten to the last one, Jordan spoke once again. "This is something new that I've been working on for someone special… Angela."
Her cheeks now rose up higher than before. Angela was gushing. Jordan's lyrics were unbelievable and she was once again mesmerized by everything he did. He was just too beautiful.
As they were wrapping up, Jordan rushed off the stage immediately. People were reaching for him and praising him for his talent, but he was only looking at Angela this time.
Their hands met as electricity boomed between them. They should never had been apart for so long. Angela looked up at him with wide-eyed innocence, so convinced that he would be everything that she needed forever.
Jordan held onto her, keeping her close knowing that once she knew everything, he could lose Angela Chase forever. And for someone like Jordan, who never really any relationship of substance with a girl, that would be too hard to bear.
Their moment was perfect. It was a dream and then … there was Sharon Cherjewski's mom to bring them back to reality.
"You knew! You little bastard. You knew you had HIV the entire time!" She poked him angrily with Sharon wide-eyed in the background, unaware that her mother would do this once she'd finally told her that he had a show tonight.
"Ms. Cherjewski, Jordan never meant…" Angela's voice trailed off as she started to defend him blindly. Jordan had mentioned a girl who was pregnant, but if that's how he found out … then he must've been sleeping with someone while he was with Angela. Because otherwise … her head started to spin.
"I'm sorry." He apologized, taking Angela's hand again as they fled from the drama.
"Did you know?"
"What?" Jordan wondered once they were both inside of his car.
"I can't take anymore surprises Jordan. Please, tell me everything about your past and I promise after that it'll be forgotten. Just … no more lies." She begged as Jordan sighed and then recounted the entire story, this time fully explaining the parent situation and admitting that yes, he had known he had HIV when he'd slept with all of those women.
Sharon had no other choice. She had to tell Ms. Chase what kind of guy Angela was dating, and with Brian by her side to corroborate the story, Ms. Chase had to listen.
And she did. Today was week two of the Angela-Jordan probation and by now, Angela was tired. Tired of crying and running through his story in her mind.
She hadn't even had a chance to talk to him, not with Sharon playing watchdog at school and her dad safeguarding the house. Jordan probably thought that she hated them, when all she wanted to do was hold him and tell him everything would be fine.
If nothing else, the two weeks had given Angela time to think about getting a place for just her and Jordan, so he didn't have to be around his sick parents and so that she didn't need her mom's permission to go out and see him.
Didn't they see Romeo and Juliet and how the both died from the pain of being apart? Angela wasn't there yet, but being locked in her room was getting to her.
But tonight was going to be a good night. Jordan had slipped a note into her locker about meeting up at her house. Well, actually it said … 'Let's talk,' in true, Jordan Catalano curtness.
She watched the clock, waiting until the designated hour before she asked permission to go over to Brian's house to work on a school project.
Meanwhile, Brian was rapidly figuring out that fate was trying to bring him and Angela together. Plus, now Angela was forbidden to see Jordan, which was even better.
But, the HIV thing was essentially a death wish to anyone who wasn't loaded enough to pay for the meds. And Jordan definitely wasn't.
Brian didn't want him to die, but Angela would no longer be able to use Jordan as the excuse for why they couldn't be together … and Danielle? He'd stopped taking her out on dates as soon as he had gotten Angela's note.
But Brian also knew that the way to Angela's heart was not just to say things or show her that he cared about her deeply, but it was through writing, through a song.
She liked that. He carefully folded up a copy of his latest attempts at being Jordan Catalano, lyrics that came straight from his heart. Brian, jolly off of the high of knowing he'd finally have her, walked across the street to the Chase house, but only made it halfway before he saw Angela and Jordan making out, like nothing had happened.
Brian was angry. He was hurt. But most of all, he was done with this. Crumbling up the lyrics about his love for Angela, he rushed back across the street, hoping that no one had noticed his embarrassment.
He slammed the door and rushed to his room where he was free to cry and let out his frustrations. Yes, boys do cry.
And those poor, thoughtful lyrics continued on their path to Angela, blowing in the wind until they made it to Jordan's feet, just as he bent down to pick up that candy necklace that Angela had worn around her neck.
"What's that?" She wondered, the egg-white paper standing out on a street that was litter-free and spotless.
"Lyrics." Jordan opened it up as Angela read them out loud:
Come to my window
Crawl inside, wait by the light
of the moon
Come to my window
I'll be home soon
I would dial the numbers
Just to listen to your breath
I would stand inside my hell
And hold the hand of death
You don't know how far I'd go
To ease this precious ache
You don't know how much I'd give
Or how much I can take
Just to reach you
"You wrote this, didn't you?" Angela asked, not believing that the lyrics would just pop out of nowhere. "I love it. It's beautiful."
"I like … love you too." Jordan answered in his hauntingly beautiful raspy voice that Angela was sure she wouldn't mind hearing for the rest of her life.
She held onto Jordan tightly knowing that she was in love with this, with him, that she would fight with him and she was actually starting to like the fact that their relationship could endure anything.
Most of all, she was able to keep her dream of Angela and Jordan alive.
(A/N: After years of pining over this story, not really … I just forgot to keep writing or got too busy … I've finally put it to rest. I don't plan on starting anymore for this TV show, sadly but thank you all again! Luv. –NL)
Oh, here are some of my other MSCL fics you should check out:
I Shouldn't Still Love You
*There is one more, but these are the best!