Chapter 23 - Left with Nothing

The Tobacco Council wants to remind you that smoking is dangerous. Dangerously expensive! You'll use up money best spent on video games and manga! If you want cigarettes, trade them for sex or steal them from your folks.

Atoli is missing, so let’s go do the most logical thing and check out the forums to see if we can get any leads on her whereabouts, because honestly, we have absolutely no idea where she ran off to. Maybe she decided to leave a suicide note. Better yet, let’s check that suicidal webpage that she used to frequent. I heard it’s a good place to pick up chicks. Not that Hawtseo is interested in that. That’s a job we can leave up to Kuhn.

“I’ve gotten pretty close to my goal. My score so far is 925 phone numbers.” Kuhn informs us.

//Don’t forget to write your last will and testament when you try to get that 1,000th// Magus reminds him. //I’ve been gathering flowers in preparation for your grave.// Because we all know Pie would rather murder him then give him her digits.

//Unless your reading Fanfiction.// Skeith corrects. I wonder if that’s what he’s spending his free time on nowadays.

//I also compose poems for Hawtseo, which I read to him at inappropriate times.//

…Let’s just take a look at those forums, shall we?

***

[Posted by: xxsephirothcloudxx:]

I hope they invent a machine where you can make anime and video game characters become real so you can fsck them.

[Posted by: Nakaskawa]

This is the single most depressing thing I've ever read.

[Posted by: XxXkeybladelover74832xXx]

agreed.

[Posted by: Eluria]

It'd be cheaper to find someone to cosplay them.

***

[Posted by: Yumi]

Here! Take my internet! Take it all!

[Posted by: somegal]

Wow, he is really good-looking in these. Weird.

[Posted by: fireballspamingcentar]

It's been a whole year since then. He's been exfoliating regularly.

***

[Posted by: TGCid]

Somebody explain to me why "what is a man..." is funny.

[Posted by: Ravine]

Because it's weird and the voice work is so... well, you'd have to hear it.

[Posted by: dumdumheeho]

What is a faggot?

[Posted by: Anonymous]

You.

[Posted by: dumdumheeho]

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

***

[Posted by: Brent]

I hate waiting for consoles. Even if Playstation has a reputation for the launch hardware breaking I still gotta get one.

[Posted by: Takeshi]

I think you're in the demographic that's known as "Corporate Sheep".

[Posted by: Brent]

Capitalist actually.

***

Well, that certainly was productive... Let's move on with the game shall we?

"I couldn’t find any leads, but I did get thirty more phone numbers from that suicide webpage." Kuhn informs us. "I also got five dates next week." Kuhn further brags.

"I hope not all on the same day." Pie responds.

Throughout the game there a sense between these two that is almost like they know each other IRL or close enough to be good online friends, and at the same time, act as though they are total strangers. You’re only fooling yourselves! I think they would make a good couple. Hell, the game forces them both on you enough that it just becomes natural habit, a habit which I carried out for as much as I possible could.

Kuhn goes nowhere without his beloved Pi. Except on disc 2 because Kuhn is a total dick and tells me he’s always busy. Who, who am I gonna take with me that’s even good? There is only so much entertainment to be had by Sillybus and flufflywafflebutternuts. I can’t even use Atoli some of the time, and she is supposed to be my heal bitch. Oh, why do you punish me so much 2nd game? At least I get the joy of 3rd form to make up for everything. Yes, I mean it when I say everything. Even that horrible awful Spider!AIDA battle that pwns everyone a few times.

//Someone doesn’t have pent up frustration.// Skeith replies whilst polishing his awesome horns.

//Leave me alone, my disc broke okay? I am so sad about it you don’t even know.// The author whines.

Getting back to the story… //Finally…//

"Oh snap." Kuhn replies because he actually did set up all those dates on the same day. However, he planned it that way, because they are all at different times of the day. Good luck with that Kuhn-kun.

"Yata says the last place Atoli was seen was at Triangle Hidden Forbidden Bulwark." Pie informs us. She also leans forward. I... don’t know why, it looks strangely odd. She's also doing the 'pee pee' dance. You know, with one leg clenched tightly against the other slightly crossed. Either she’s sexually frustrated or really needs to use the latrine.

What the hell, we don’t get even a little loading screen telling us where we are going, making me sit and wait 5 seconds? I want a refund! All of a sudden we are faced with a brightly glowing letter A. Along with everyone standing by it looking amazed. Surely, this means something!

Wait, wut....

We are again instantly teleported. Where’s all the lag time? Is this game in that much of a hurry to finish? Well good, because I’m sick of 2nd form already.

//What I am not sick of is Hawtseo using his big, long, hard broadsword. The way he slams it onto the ground is---//

We find ourselves in a place with white nothingness, with the exception of some lockers, which are locked just like every door in Silent Hill.

*click*

*click*

*click*

Everyone is extremely surprised. I’m sure I’d be to. It reminds me of how you walk into a dark room and you can’t see anything at all. This is somewhat similar.

*click*

*click*

*click*

With a frustrated squeal Atoli falls on her cute bottom.

"Stupid lockers, now I'll never be able to read those Hawtseo dojinshi." Atoli says pouting.

At the sound of footsteps Atoli stands up and turns around. "I AM JEALOUS OF A FICTIONAL CHARACTER'S RELATIONSHIP WITH THE FICTIONAL CHARACTER THAT I HAVE A CRUSH ON!!!”

Everyone stares at her... giving her a strange what the hell look while they process what she just said.

"Let’s say your favorite color is orange, alright?" Atoli says.

"It’s not. It’s red." Hawtseo corrects her. As if that wasn’t an obvious fact.

I think that’s Skeith’s favorite as well come to think of it… Then again maybe Haseo is made to like it, because someone inserted into his brain the suggestion that he does. Or by merging with someone, their likes and dislikes basically became the same. They both end up as jerks either way.

"Okay fine its red. So most people’s instinct would be to separate them out and eat the red ones last." Atoli continues on.

"Well, yeah. Who doesn’t save the best for last?"

"Wrong! What you want to do is eat them third or fourth!" Atoli says fervently. "You have to build up to the red ones, and then once you’ve enjoyed them, you have to have another flavor so you can cool off. If you eat the red ones last, you’re just going to be bummed when you run out because you want more red and there are no more Skittles of any kind!"

"That’s... a good point." Hawtseo says; hand on hip in his usual cool manner.

"But if you eat the reds ones and then you eat a flavor you don’t like as much, like green or purple, you’re going to feel like you’re all done and you’re stopping at a logical place, right? It makes sense in my head."

"I see... You’re an idiot." Hawtseo says.

"Of course I am. Tell me something I don’t know."

Then Hawtseo touches Atoli, which makes a Ping sound.

So, whenever two people with avatars touch, it goes Ping?

//But I touched Kuhn and that never happened.// Skeith corrects.

Okay, well...

//We also touched Pi without any pings.//

"Then why did you ping at me?" Hawtseo asks.

//Because I don’t like her.//

...

//I’m letting you know my disapproval.//

Ok-ay…

//My, my! Someone's had a bad day. Have the other children been stealing your cookies again?// Az...err..Tri-edge appears making me use the 'inner voice' backslash command.

"Hello sailor! Hello sailor." Tri-edge says out loud. //Dammit, why am I so much better speaking internally?// Tri-edge wonders to himself.

Pie and Kuhn nod at Hawtseo as if giving him permission. Because obviously after that whole 'letting Skeith do whatever he wants' debacle, he couldn’t use his avatar/epitaph unless Pie said otherwise.

"I won’t let you get away." Hawtseo says, fist clenched up close to his face, making me have a fangirl squeal moment.

Then everyone beats him up normally.

That finished the Zombie AI shatters into bits and pieces with sexual moaning and screaming. Then Data Drains everything and comes back to life, exactly like a zombie would.

Azure Kite (it’s not a spoiler cause it says so now, but what do I care about spoilers?) transforms into Fake avatar mode!

//"It's designed for combat and brings out my maximum strength."// Azure Kite tells us as the floor disappears (because he DD’ed that to) and everyone falls into the psychedelic background graphic which has the filename . Don't ask me why the background is god, I don't do drugs.

“Pain! Without love! Pain! Can’t get enough!” sings Skeith with headphones on, oblivious to Hawtseo's screams. “Pain, I like it rough! Cause I rather feel pain than nothing at all!”

Skeith makes Hawtseo wait until the end of the song before responding. It’s kind of like how you’d take your sweet time doing something on purpose just to spite them.

The greatest gift in life is not the laughter of a child, bur rather his or her sweet, sweet data fragments, which we shall now partake.

//Om nom nom.//

That finished the Zombie AI shatters into bits and pieces without the sexual moaning and screaming.

Hawtseo looks pissed, because they are 'left with nothing’.

Pai also says this, her boobs bouncing around like it was poked with a stick.

"Tch!" Is all Hawtseo has to say.

"Ahhhnn~" Atoli moans for some reason. This makes the lockers open. Oh, so that’s the trick.

A bunch of Ovan faces fly out. Uh, I mean AIDA. But the former is way scarier if you think about it.

Atoli thinks to herself as she approaches the now open lockers. //Finally! Now I can read all the dojinshi in The World!//

GIGANTIC WHALE! Wow those lockers are like a bag of holding.

"No, get away from there!" Hawtseo warns. The pairing madness of those dojinshi would drive anyone insane, and not in the good way.

Atoli freaks out, covering her text boxes with her own screams, or would if this wasn’t a cut scene.

After AIDA finishes surprise sexing her in a tentacle rape manner (or would that be Ink Blot Rape?) she passes out into Coma land.

In some kind of strange irony, the screen cracks, and a single name is screamed out.

Then the game ends.

Will Hawtseo ever save The Lost Ones? Will we ever find out who Tri-edge really is? Will we meet Ovan again? Will someone else get Coma'd? Will we ever care about Atoli? Will there be anything else I can pervert and turn into sexual connotations?

Will I ever write the rest of this game?

//Nevar!// Skeith replies.

But then we'll never get to talk about the hawtness of Hawtseo's 3rd form.

//And the hotness of my other forms?//

Shhhh... no one needs to know about that yet, and yes.

The end

- Of Rebirth...