|Bill Nye's Disastrous Wedding
Author: Manquer Avril PM
Bill Nye is about to get married when he and his betrothed suddenly get into a fight at the altar! Then the Hogwarts wizards fly in, and it's a battle of magic vs science, beakers vs bunsen burners, and white boards vs chalk boards! REALLY RANDOM!Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor - Words: 981 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 2 - Published: 08-19-07 - Status: Complete - id: 3733384
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Note: don't even ask. Seriously. I'm a very random, weird person. Yeah. Just..this came out of an idea I had one day of a Jill Hurl the science girl. And now that I'm writing something about her, it sort of spun out of control. I don't know how Hogwarts came in, I really don't, I guess something about science defying magic, I dunno…
Tears formed on Bill's eyes. He felt like the luckiest 40 year old virgin ever. That was one of his favorite movies-he could really relate to the guy, actually.
And now, well, he had finally found the woman of his dreams.
He made his way down the aisle, with several of his friends in the seats. There was his favorite poster of Albert Einstein on the left; on his right, the color spectrum; and of course, ahead of him was his best man, the glass beaker. He whispered to the beaker, "I never could have gotten this far without you, buddy." The beaker stood motionless, a tie with blue bubbles on it wrapped around its neck.
And then he saw the most beautiful woman walk down the aisle.
She was a picture of everything science of perfect proportions. Her hair stood out at a perfect right angle on both sides; her glasses were tilted at a 45 degree angle, and, of course, her train made a perfect equilateral triangle on the ground. Science was never so beautiful to Bill.
She made her way up to Bill, then took his hand into hers, and he could see a light, 100 watts of perfection, glowing in their midst. Life was good.
"Do you, Bill Nye, the science guy, take Jill Hurl, the science girl, as your wife?"
Bill was choking with tears. "I just…yes!" he exclaimed, looking into Jill's eyes.
Jill also gazed into his eyes as well.
"And do you, Jill Hurl, the science girl, take Bill Nye, the science guy, as your husband?"
"I do! I do! But on one exception-" she pronounced.
"And what's that, Jill, anything for you!" Bill smiled.
"We're taking my last name. I don't want people to know I'm married to THE Bill Nye. After all, everyone knows I'm too smart for you!"
"Wha-what? I AM NOT STUPID!" Bill screamed.
"Oh yes you are!" Jill taunted.
"NO I AM NOT!"
"Well I bet I can create a better science show than you!" Jill challenged.
Suddenly the whole room came into chaos. The wizards from Hogwarts came in on their broomsticks and began to attack each other as well as the muggles with their wands, and then Bill argued with them that it simply was not possible that that sort of magic was possible on Earth, and he began doing equations on his fellow chalk board that was seated in the second row.
Then the glass beaker fought the Bunsen Burner, who taunted the beaker, teasing him to touch the burner. When the beaker gave in, the burner said, "Haha! You got burned!"
Jill was arguing with the cameraman who was filming the wedding, because he wanted to work for Bill Nye, not Jill Hurl.
Then Harry Potter screamed, "STOP IT!"
Everybody paused what they were doing and looked at the boy who lived.
"Look, first off, magic exists. Watch this." Harry pointed at the chalk board, and much to Bill's dislike, changed it into a white board.
'NOOOOOOOOO! My magical, amazing, chalk board! It's goneeeeee!" Bill began to cry.
Next, Harry reasoned, "Look, everybody can have a science show. Fair enough?"
Bill was still crying about the loss of his chalk board, but Jill nodded. "Okay, fine, but I'm still not marrying Bill. Too many..differences…However, I don't see the big deal about losing your chalk board. White boards are fine!" Jill laughed.
'WHAT!!!! YOU THINK CHALK BOARDS BEAT WHITE BOARDS, YOU NON TRADITIONAL SO CALLED SCIENTIST-"
"Bill, calm down." Harry put a muffling charm on Bill. When Bill stopped struggling against it, Harry lifted the charm.
"I'm sorry, it just gets me so mad, I mean, what would we do without our chalk boards?' Bill sobbed.
"Do you wanna talk about this later?" Bill's counselor, Sally, came up to him, offering a tissue.
"Yeah, that would help. I mean, losing the love of your life at the marriage alter, that's one thing, who cares? But, I mean, when my chalk board, Chalkie, gets insulted, and Harry Potter turns it into a white board, that is just plain RUDE.I'll get YOU, Harry Potter!" Bill cried harder.
"Look, sorry, Bill, I'd change it back, but it's a non reversible spell, sorry…"Harry muttered.
"It wouldn't be the same, anyway. Me and Chalkie, we've gone through a lot. And nothing can change that!" Bill walked out of the Sciencetarian Church with Sally.
Jill turned to Harry. So, you like white boards better, eh?" she grinned.
"Yeah, well, they are more efficient…"
The two struck up a conversation, as the Bunsen burner and the beaker apologized to each other.
One week later, a new Bill Nye episode aired. Boys and girls across the planet Earth as well as various other planets too, watched as Bill debated the use of chalk boards versus white boards, and finally decided that white boards weren't so bad. The Bunsen burner and beaker live in peace now. Jill and Harry dated for awhile, but Harry also refused to change his last name, so Jill is looking for a man who will change his last name for her. The saddest part of this story, however, is that Chalkie never was a chalk board again, unfortunately. However, he and Bill are still the best of friends and nothing will ever change that.