(A/N: Next chappie up!!!!)

Case Three: Capt. Jack Sparrow

“Get on ya, scurvy dogs!” Jack barked, the crew darting about as they raised anchor, and filled the sails.

“Yo ho, yo a pirate’s life for me…” he sang to himself, a small smirk on his lips as he took a swig of rum…only to spit it immediately out again.

Juice!

Someone had had the audacity to switch out his beverage of choice with (sniff test) cider?!

Someone was going to pay dearly for this. With their LIVES if he had his way about it.

“Alright then!” he bellowed, hurling the bottle in his hand to the deck, causing shards of glass to fly everywhere, “Whose the yellow bellied bilge rat who swapped out my rum for this pig swill?”

A silence fell over the ship and puzzled looks were exchanged between the crew of the Black Pearl. Nobody on board was stupid enough to touch the Captain’s rum…we’re they?

“It was me.” A confiden-timi-sultry?! voice said, the owner of whom shoved Elizabeth Swan so hard she almost fell over board (thank god for Will)

It was a woman…a cute-scratch that, breath tak-uh…goddess like creature. She was dressed appropriately enough, in loos-skin tigh-comfort fit trousers, with calf length…shoes?! And a frilly, revealing sleeveless white top-excuse me, short sl-long?!

Her skin was a healthy tan, um sorry make that peach…milk white? OH MAKE UP YOUR MIND! Her hair was shuh-long and stra-curly and was jet black, no wait, it was dark red…blonde? Oh I give up. And her eyes were pale gray…pink? black…I need asprin.

“Oh Jack, I know how long you’ve wanted to nip your alcoholism in the bud, so I decided to help you, my dear and I took the liberty of dumping that vile rum over the side.” She said sweetly-cheerful-stoically, not noticing the flash of metal as Jack leveled his rapier to her throat.

“You’d best be joking, love.” He said coolly, “Because if there’s one thing I don’t take kindly to…its stowaways…especially if they throw away one of my only sources of pleasure.”

The girl blinked, her ivory/pink/gray orbs filling with tears, “So you’re saying that when you said you loved me it was a lie?”

“What are you on?” Jack asked, looking seriously confused, but not confused enough to drop his sword.

“So that night in Port was just a game to you?” she sobbed, her voice mournful enough to stir even the hardest of hearts, “What would our SON think?”

“She’s off her rocker.” Will said incredulously, hand flitting nervously to his sword, “We haven’t to port in ages.”

“That settles it then.” Jack said cheerfully, grabbing one of the woman’s spindly/thin/tapered wrists and twisting her around so her back was to him and his blade was pressed against her throat, “All in favor of keel hauling say aye.”

“Aye.” Said the majority of the crew (Elizabeth included – she’s a bit ticked the wench nearly threw her over the starboard side)

“What? Wait! What about the baby?” the girl shrieked, fighting with unbelievable strength to get free.

“You say something, love?” Jack drawled listlessly as the ropes were tied around the stowaway, pinning her arms at her side, “SHOVE OFF!”

As soon as the command was given, she was hurled over the side screaming.

“Why is the rum…always gone?” Jack sighed irritably, scratching the back of his head.

“Its not entirely gone Jack. She missed your kegs in the hold I’m willing to bet.” Elizabeth offered helpfully. At the words, kegs, hold, rum, Jack was sprinting down the stairs.

Meanwhile, below the surface, the “girl” beating up against the barnacles of the ship, melted into an oozy substance and drifted away with the tide…

(A/N: By request!!! Case Four: Uchiha Itachi!!! R&R!)