In celebration of the new Chaos Space Marines Codex, the brilliant new Chaos Spawn models and also the new Daemon Codex coming sometime next year (disregard this after everything is out) I redid this story. Anyway, I got a lot of positive feedback about the humour so I’ve tried to do more of the same but as for an actual story, well there is one but for the moment lets just call this an introduction to the concept.

Abaddon has been driven mad…er, by all the singing in my other fic (The lighter side of the thirteenth Black Crusade) and has formed a new Chaos Force that will be led directly by the newly ascended (or descended) Daemon Prince, Daka’nal.

Begin Transmission++

Nameless world deep within the Eye of Terror+

Abaddon strode purposefully toward the cliff edge with the Daemon Prince Daka’nal keeping pace with him, a respectful three steps behind. At the cliff edge both Abaddon and Daka’nal looked down at the amassed Chaos force below, “What do you think of your new army, Commander?” Abaddon enquired with a self-satisfied smirk.

The Daemon Prince stood silent in the face of his new command for a moment before turning to his master to respond.

“Those are Chaos Spawn…with bolters?”

Below the cliff edge a large group of Chaos Spawn stood happily waving their shiny new…ah things, which they were told are fully loaded. Fully loaded was good, right?

Abaddon nodded knowingly, “Yes, but don’t worry these are just a single squad! The rest of the army is on the Planet Killer!” he explained.

“THOSE ARE CHAOS SPAWN…WITH BLOODY BOLTERS!”

Abaddon nodded again, “I understand what you’re saying, Commander. You want a demonstration of their abilities!” Abaddon pointed to several simple circular targets in the distance, “Spawn! Your Commander has ordered a weapons test!” with that the Chaos Spawn all turned in the general direction of the targets and began firing.

Unfortunately they neglected to stop randomly waving their bolters as they did so.

After the shooting stopped, because the bolters were out of ammo, Daka’nal hold his bolt-battered body of the floor and a thought entered his battered head, ‘This might not be the glorious command I envisioned…ouch’.

Planet Killer+

Bridge+

Daka’nal, Daemon Prince of the Black Legion, stood upon the bridge of the awesome Planet Killer with but two thoughts, ‘Why is there a Chaos Spawn at the helm? And why is it wearing a hat that has “Helmsmen” written on it?”

Before he could ask one of the Tech Adapts, who were all wearing similar hats that read “Tech A” on them. Abaddon entered with a Chaos Spawn following close behind, “This is the Sargent assigned to the squad you inspected earlier” Abaddon explained, gesturing to the Spawn who was wearing a hat that read “Sargent”.

As Daka’nal massaged the bridge of is nose a young Adapt walked up to Abaddon and presented a pen and notebook, “Can I have your autograph?” he requested. At this point Daka’nal noticed that the wires and metal plates on the youths body were not actually integrated into his flesh.

Abaddon sighed, “Oh not another one! Look it’s Tech A for Adapt! I don’t know what Star Trek is and I’m not holding a convention for people who do, so go away!” he demanded.

“All right, Tech Adapts don’t wear hats any more!” Abaddon commanded irritably.

“My Lord Abaddon, as Commander I feel I should point out that it troubles me that our security could be breached so easily. And by a mere boy no less!”

Abaddon scowled at the offending youth “You see? Thou hath troubled the Commander of my grand army…I cast thee out!” the boy paused for a moment before shuffling off dejectedly.

Daka’nal opened his fang-lined mouth to speak but seemed to lose the words before he could. Sighing defeated, he shuffled off the bridge muttering something about executing interlopers not telling them to leave, and why the Shakespearean speech…whoever that was?

+Holy Terra+

Secret meeting place of the ancient cult of TREK+

“So this isn’t the Tech Adapts assignment office?” a confused Tech Adapt asked a man in yellow after he had finished explaining to the Tech Adapt that he wasn’t a first Lieutenant but a Captain. (1)

Planet Killer+

Hanger Bay+

Daka’nal inspected the vehicles under his command. These, at lest, were all proper components of a Chaos force…except for the Chaos Spawn with its 'arms' sticking out the sides of a cardboard box that had “Dreadnought” written on it.

To the right of the Spawnought, two real Dreadnoughts stood, “Hey, is it just me or is there something weird about the new guy?” one asked.

“Weird how?”

“I don’t know there’s just something off about him”

“I don’t see it my self”

Daka’nal groaned to himself as he left the Dreadnoughts to their chat.

Just as he was about to leave the hanger a voice called after him.

“P-please don’t go!” the voice timidly cried from somewhere in the hanger. It was a soft young feminine voice, perhaps a girl in her early teens.

Daka’nal paused, ‘A girl here! With all the madness that has befallen me I shouldn’t be surprised. She’s probably a slave, sent to clean the small hard to reach parts of the vehicles, who has become enamoured of my awesome visage. Oh great now I’m doing it’ the Daemon Prince returned to the hanger bay to find his shy admirer. After all he was the Chaos Gods’ gift to women, and men if they happen to worship Slaanesh, standing at seven feet eight inches with sharp features and covered in armour/muscle with manly scars (thanks to the Spawn). With one horn blown of (Spawn) and huge bat-like, no dragon-like, wings that were tattered into a web-like design (Spawn again) he was the picture of perfection. Whoever this girl was she would soon find that being Daka’nal’s personal servant was a rewarding if short vocation, provided you had an open mind and strong bones.

Daka’nal stopped roundabout where he thought the voice had come from, “So where are you? Show your self!” he demanded.

“I’m right in front of you” the voice replied in a shy sweet tone.

Daka’nal sighed defeated for what seemed like the millionth time today, “You’re a Land Raider…” he stated, realising that the voice was coming from the pink and black Land Raider in front of him.

“Y-yes, my name is Annabel. What’s yours?” she asked politely but with a slight nervous quiver in her voice.

Daka’nal was silent for a moment, the fact that a Land Raider had a young teenage girl’s voice, was named Annabel and apparently had a crush on him was a lot of unfamiliar madness for one Daemon Prince to process. Finally he spoke, “I am the Daemon Prince, Daka’nal, Commander of this Chaos force! And now I must retire to my quarters as I have a migraine…a statement I expect to make several times over the course of this ordeal” with that he left but not before his Land Raider admirer expressed the most sugar sweet wishes of speedy recovery imaginable upon him.

Planet Book Alpha (Homeworld of the One Space Marines Chapter+

Footer (Fortress-monastery of the One Space Marines Chapter+

The One chapter of Space Marines, the most devout and loyal servants of the God-Emperor, have congregated within the hallowed halls of their ancient fortress-monastery to be addressed by Chapter Master Simon Smith. After much debate and meditation upon pressing issues, at last the great Chapter Master will proclaim the wisdom gleamed from his prayers to the Battle-brothers.

Chapter Master Smith, famed for being as close to the level of divinity held by the Emperor then any mortal man has ever achieved before, stood before the devout Marines. Raising his noble melodic voice, speaks unto the gathered mass of righteous worriers, “After we convert to Chaos we’ll call our selves the Prologues!”

Yes well…

After making his announcement, the Bastard-Lord Simon “Slaughter your sons and daughters” Smith sank smugly into his throne and listened to the vulgar cheers of his murderous, death-mongering horde. (2)

Planet Killer+

Corridor outside Daka’nal’s privet quarters+

Daka’nal stood at the door marked “Commander Daka’nal’s room, keep out…unless you’re Daka’nal”. Opening the door to his room he was greeted by several Chaos Spawn wearing hats that read “Sorcerer”, one in particular was holding a very distinctive staff.

“No, it’s not possible…” Daka’nal insisted as the Spawn crackled with warp energy which was gathering into a massive Doom Bolt at the top of the Black Staff of Ahriman.

Abaddon was just passing the Sorcerer’s gathering room when a loud bang followed by Daka’nal flying out of the door and into the wall stopped him. Looking from the Daemon’s charred body sliding down the wall into a seated position to the door he realised what he had forgotten, “Oh that’s right! I meant to tell you your quarters were moved to the floor above!” he said as he peeled the door label off and handed it to Daka’nal. As he walked on Abaddon called back, “Your Commander hat will be ready by tomorrow!” Daka’nal looked at the door label in his hand and thought about what had just been said.

“Why me?”

An undisclosed location within the Eye of Terror+

Ahriman’s secret study+

The Thousand Sons Librarian opened boxes and swept scrolls from desks, “How could I lose my staff? It had my name on it and everything!” he complained to the Thousand Son marine standing by the door.

Ahriman scowled at him (not that he could tell with his helmet on), “Aren’t you going to help? Well answer my!” Ahriman jabbed the marine in the head with his finger. As the stylised helmet clanked on the floor Ahriman stood silent for a moment.

“FLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” he cried in an ever higher pitch as he ran from his study. (3)

The two Thousand Sons standing guard outside exchanged looks, “I wander why he was so freaked out about an empty suit of power armour?”

“All is dust…”

“That’s your answer for everything!”

End Transmission++

End Transmission, Please++

End Transmission, For the love of the God-Emperor++

End Transmission, MAKE IT STOP++

Transmission Ended+++

(1)I think that’s right? It’s been ages since I’ve seen the original Star Trek.

(2)In every chapter I’m going to do a little bit about a Space Marine Chapter. They won’t all be like this one.

(3)This is an obscure reference to the first series of Black Adder (British Historical comedy). In one of the episodes Edmund “Black Adder” Plantagenet is appointed as the Archbishop of Canterbury, which is extremely unfortunate as his father (Richard III) has a habit of killing whomever holds this position after wealthy men leave their estates to the Church instead of the Crown. Not being well liked by his father anyway, Black Adder attempts to escape before officially taking his new position in Canterbury, exclaiming ‘flee’ before packing up his various torture implements and preparing to make a brake for freedom.

If you’ve read the original version of this story I’d like to know how my second attempt shapes up and if you haven’t then let me know what you think of the story anyway. Like I said at the top there will be more of a story in following chapters, this one was just to set the scene and give you an idea of what to expect. Please review, thanks!