To Date A Yautja

By, Sonsasu

Chapter One

The First Signs of Trouble

Walking over the obstacles of two giant glass mugs, a bowl with a spoon in it, and wads of used clothing scattered about the floor, I nudged things with a bare foot, sliding them aside before sitting down at the mahogany desk. As the only thing that was nearly clean in my room, it had a few sheets of finished homework piled beneath drawings of Predators, Xenomorphs and a few dragons. Running a hand through black hair with bright purple dye tipping its ends, I removed the white band from my wrist, sliding it on the shoulder length locks, turning it into a simple ponytail. Once that was finished, I pressed a button on my keyboard, bringing one of the laziest computers back from a nap. The same old screensaver greeted me with a black smiling vampire bunny head on a crimson background.

Placing a hand on the mouse, I moved the cursor to pull up the start menu, clicking on yahoo messenger, I quickly signed in, partly expecting no one to be on at this late hour. A grin spread on my face as I spied the name, Predy in my minor lineup of online friends, I happily clicked on his name.

“Didn’t think anyone was on,” I fought to get rid of my smile.

“Ah, and yet here I am Sasu.”

The smile came back on its own. “So, what’cha been up to oh great Predator?”

“Looking for worthy Oomans to hunt, know any?”

“Ooooo so sorry, I’m not on the hunting list fella.”

I leaned back in my soft chair of brown leather, tossing a leg over its armrest, hand still on the mouse, tan fingers ready to dance over the keyboard.

“How saddening, I would love to hunt you instead of these weak Ooman males.”

I snorted. “I’d be the ultimate challenge. You’d never be able to catch me, lol.” Just for good measure, I sent a smiling face with its tongue stinking out.

“Is that an offer?”

I bit my lip to keep from laughing. “Err, yeah sure...” I sent a smiley face with its eyes rolling that time.

“It is accepted.”

Now I rolled my own gray eyes. “Okay now you’re acting creepy dude. I don’t want to be hunted. Personally I like my skull right where it is thank you…”

“…”

Pursing my lips, I knew that from watching CSI constantly had turned me leery of people, mainly because some nuts really do hunt humans for the heck of it…

“I would not harm you Sasu, you are female. Such a thing would bruise a hunter's reputation and honor. When we do hunt females, it is for entirely different reasons.”

A faint blush accompanied my chuckle. “Okay change of subject…what state do you live in?” That seemed like a safer ground to be on.

“You have already asked me this before. Thus, my answer will be the same. I am orbiting your planet in space, speaking to you from my ship…”

A real live Predator with a yahoo messenger…sure, why not, at least he could stay in character.

“If you say so… It’s too bad you’re in space. I would have loved to meet a real live Yautja, always thought you people were sexy. All those big strong muscles, tall, unique skin that just begs to be explored, and I especially love the dreadlocks.”

If he actually was a Predator, then this had to be by far the biggest ego stroke.

“This is deeply pleasing to hear! Many of your females fear my race.”

I had to remove my hand from the mouse and seal it over my lips, least I start laughing aloud. It was with one hand I replied, still snickering.

“They’re probably scared because of the trophy thing. Girls don’t often enjoy the idea of seeing other human skulls.”

“Ah, a pity.”

I finally regained control over my laugher, but before he could finish whatever he was typing on the other end, I sent him another message.

“Don’t worry big guy, I would love to see your trophies, skulls don’t scare me. And I bet you have more then any hunter around.”

A little nagging voice began hissing warnings of going to far in this playful banter of speaking. I shut it up with simple logic. Predy didn’t know where I lived or what I looked like, heck, he didn’t even know my real name.

“I do not think you can fully grasp how delighted I am to hear you say that.”

I was sorely tempted to correct him, there was no way he could hear me say anything.

“May I ask you a question Sasu?”

“Uh, sure.”

“You do not fear the Yautja, as you have claimed before, why?”

I blinked slowly, and then a grin split my face in half.

“When I younger, six years old I think, I saw a Predator during his hunt.”

I didn’t bother to add that it was a movie I had seen, not the real thing.

“Even though he killed so many, I was whole heartedly fascinated with him.”

A tongue-curling yawn escaped before I could smother it.

“Do you have a mate?”

That one came way out of left field, “err, no…I tend to scare off most guys who even consider me date worthy material.”

“That is good, I shall find you tomorrow evening then.”

I blinked; obviously, this fella didn’t know sarcasm, when he was the butt of a joke, or how to step out of role-play.

Hey wait a second…he was going to find me?!

Now that sounded seriously creepy, he didn’t know what I looked like…

“Err…now wait a second, two fair questions. How do you know I’m not some crazy, insane freak of a person? For all you know I could be diseased, or with some government agency… And better yet, exactly how are you going to find me?”

“And three perfectly fine answers in return. Even if you are insane, you do not pose a great threat physically. If you are diseased, my ship’s medical lab has many ways to cure such sicknesses. Now, if you are apart of those who would seek to steal Yautja technologies, I would first hunt you down, and gather the needed information. Afterwards, I would go to wherever these insects reside and remove them.”

I guess I was a glutton for punishment, “what happens to me…?”

“You would not suffer death, if that is what troubles you. Instead you become a personal slave to me.”

I should’ve listened to that damn nagging voice…

“Now as for locating you, I can track any creature, so do not worry, I will find you.”

Before I could persuade him with different horrible conditions, he signed off…

“Shit, shitty, shit, shit…”

Great…now I got an insane stalker after me, can this week get any better? I’d only been talking to Predy for scarcely a month and still don’t know his name. He always says, “Only proven warriors or those honored by brave deeds could know a Yautja’s name,” the jerk.

Oh even better, I’m starting to ramble about nothing!

Sighing in aggravation, I logged off, cleaning out the system before shutting it down, which took a full minute because the computer hates me… Nibbling on my lower lip, I began to consider how to wiggle out of this. He didn’t know what I looked like or where I lived, yea. So maybe he was just joking, probably shouldn’t be worrying about this. Running a hand down my face, I untangled from the chair and got up, crawling onto the small, unmade bed across from the desk.

Mumbling in bliss, I reclined upon my side, head pillowed on my folded arm. Set underneath a low solitary window, my comforting view of an outside world, meaning the ebony sky, consisted of three pleasant details. Skeletal branches of a dead tree resting against the edge of the night, dissecting it with the wraithlike appearance of shattered glass. Whilst overhead, hundreds of stars winked gleefully, shining their brilliance upon mortal earth. Yet one thing beguiled my unhindered sight, binding me in an enchantment of sleepy content. Hovering just beyond a pinkish horizon, the glowing sphere of ivory barely remained in the squared corner of my screened frame.

In addition to watching the moon, almost absentmindedly, a dim thought rekindled itself, along with a violent shiver. I really needed to turn off the air conditioner. Luckily, the wrinkled blue sheets contained the scant warmth absorbed out of the night air, giving me a moment’s repose from the cold. The dang aqua blue pajamas’ I normally wore couldn’t contain any kind of heat within the freezing room. I forced weary eyelids to fall shut, and in the small stretch of seconds, quickly turning to minutes, I did nothing but listen to distant hoots of owls and soft chirping crickets.

All the while struggling to think of how Predy could possibly find me…

Disclaimer-I do not own Predator

© 2007-I own Sasu and I claim the Predator characters

Hope you enjoyed this

Though read and review please

Tell me what you thought of this idea

And what you think the Predator should look like

P.S.

This is sadly a sickeningly lighthearted story, as mentioned by Ange De Mort when speaking to him