Kim Possible, Ron Stoppable, and all related characters are the property of the Disney Company. I own this work of fiction. I make no profit from this.

Author’s Note: This is a lighthearted screwball comedy to combat the recent angst storm I’ve been writing. This story basically takes the “Mind Games” premise and gives it a little… twist. Hope you enjoy.

A Mile in My Gloves
by Jonathan Harrison
aka beeftony

Chapter 1
Best Laid Plans

“SHEGO!”

It seemed an odd thing to yell, but Dr. Drakken did it so often he didn’t even notice the irregularity of the sound anymore.

That was because the sound corresponded to a name. A name that belonged to a woman clad in green and black, who sat filing her nails just a few feet away.

“What’s up, Doc?” she commented sardonically, doubting he would get the reference.

“Are you listening to me?!” he whined. She never listened to him. It hurt almost as much as her words.

“Uh-huh, sure I am, Doc,” she drawled.

“No you’re not! You’re just mocking me while you file your gloves! Why do you do that anyway?”

“To sharpen the claws built into my gloves. Claws that I use on people who are being especially annoying.”

Drakken gulped. “Er, yes…. Anyway, I'll go over it again in case you weren’t listening.” He puffed out his chest with the triumphant pride of a toddler who had just defeated the toilet.

“Behold, my latest invention!” He drew back a cloth.

For lack of anything better to do, and secretly hoping to get more ammunition with which to mock Drakken (which was always fun), Shego glanced up. The look on her face quickly twisted into one of confusion.

“Wait, isn’t that—”

“My new-and-improved brain-switch machine, Shego!” Drakken finished for her.

Still perplexed, Shego replied, “But I thought you liked your body.”

“I do!” the mad scientist insisted. “You can’t argue with God-given good looks like this.” He posed dramatically and pivoted in a way that made Shego seriously regret eating tuna for lunch as bile built up in the back of her throat.

“Besides,” he continued, “I would have been back to my own body in no time if someone hadn’t lost it!” He shot her a glare, which Shego defeated effortlessly with one of her own.

“Oh, don’t even think about pinning that one on me!” she exclaimed, standing to her feet. “We agreed no more pinning things on me after the Donkey Incident!”

“Last time I ever host a henchman appreciation banquet,” Drakken grumbled as he crossed his arms and looked to the side. “What kind of idiot wears a blindfold?”

“You,” Shego reminded him.

“Oh, right. Eh-heh.”

“Whatever. So how exactly is it ‘new-and-improved?’”

“Well, for one thing, the voices now stay with their original bodies,” Drakken replied. “I never could figure out why they switched as well last time around.”

“Lazy writers?” Shego suggested.

“Huh?”

“You ever get the feeling that your whole life is just following one big script?” the pale henchwoman asked.

“No, not really. Why?”

“Nevermind. What else is new?”

“Well, that’s pretty much it really. Though if I do say so myself, that’s quite an improvement.”

Shego thought about that for a second. “No more explaining why your voice is different after you switch,” she mused. “Pretty clever.”

“Precisely, Shego!” Drakken boasted. “No one will be able to tell the difference!”

“If you’re thinking about switching brains with me my claws have an appointment with your ass,” threatened Shego.

“Oh please, you think I’d lower myself to that level?” Drakken said without thinking.

“And what level is that?!” Shego’s entire body was illuminated with green fire as she stood up and clenched her fists. Her eyes were glowing a bright emerald.

Thinking quickly (for once), Drakken hastily excused, “Um… sidekick?”

The fire extinguished immediately and the henchwoman shrugged her shoulders. She sat down and went back to filing her nails. “So who’re you gonna use it on anyway?”

“Not me, that’s for certain. Ugh, to think of the time I spent in that other body last time.”

“Y’know, Private Dobbs was actually pretty cute,” Shego remarked. “Though I wasn’t really a fan of his voice. Especially in your body.”

Drakken muttered a few choice words under his breath (which really weren’t that vulgar; he just felt it was the appropriate thing to be doing at the moment) and continued: “Anyway, Shego, I’d like you to meet Sluggo.” He gestured to an obese henchman who sat devouring a box of donuts, then snapped to attention when he realized that Drakken said his name. Shego raised an eyebrow. Normally Drakken’s goons just sat around. Now that she realized it, they had been paying a lot more attention lately. They were actually starting to give Drakken a little more respect.

‘I can’t let this stand,’ she thought. ‘I'll have to dial up the mocking.’ “So you’re gonna switch his brain with a donut’s? That’s your great plan?”

“Ha! Shows what you know!” Drakken boasted as he pointed his finger at her. “Donuts don’t have brains! Why do you think they have those holes?”

“Are you implying the donuts were alive at some point?” Shego questioned.

Drakken’s face fell as he realized the idiocy of his rebuke. “That’s beside the point! My plan is to lure Kim Possible into my brain-switch machine, and switch her brain with Sluggo’s.”

Shego sighed. “I know I’m gonna regret asking this, Doc, but why?”

“Think about it, Shego! What’s the one reason Kim Possible always defeats you?”

“Uh, she doesn’t defeat me. She defeats you.”

“You’re the one who always loses the fistfights,” Drakken pointed out.

“And it’s your plan that always goes down the drain whenever she shows up.”

“Gnn, fine! Whatever! Anyway, the reason she always defeats us is because of her amazing athletic ability.” He grumbled to himself, “Stupid cheerleading. If she’d have been in the chess club I would’ve vaporized her years ago.”

“I thought the first rule of chess club was never to talk about chess club,” Shego mocked.

Drakken ignored her. “As I was saying, the girl is even more agile than you. But what if she wasn’t?”

Shego began to see the meaning behind Drakken’s words. “So you’re saying….”

“Precisely, Shego! We trap her mind in Sluggo’s body and she won’t be able to stop us from taking over the world! It’s foolproof!”

“I gotta admit, Dr. D, that’s a pretty good plan. So what about Stoppable?”

“Who now?”

Shego rolled her eyes. “The buffoon,” she clarified.

“Oh yes, him. What about him?”

“How are you gonna deal with him? More importantly, how are you gonna deal with that naked rodent he always carries around?”

“Why would I need to deal with them once I’ve dealt with Kim Possible? They’re not a threat to my plans.”

“They’re the ones who always blow up your machines,” Shego pointed out. “What’re you gonna do about that?”

“Absolutely nothing!” Drakken declared. “As long as I’m able to use the machine successfully, it will actually work in my favor if they blow it up! It saves me the trouble!”

“So the switch’ll be permanent?” asked Shego. Drakken nodded. “I gotta say, that could actually—”

“NO SHEGO, DON’T!”

Shego’s face twisted with confusion. “Huh?”

“Every time you say that, the plan always fails,” he explained.

She sighed. “As much as I hate to admit it, you actually have a point there. Alright, this is a pretty solid plan. Now what makes you think Kimmie’ll be stupid enough to get in your brain-switch machine when she knows what it does?”

Drakken just stared at her.

“Of course,” Shego muttered. “Lemme guess; I’m supposed to lure her over there?”

He nodded. “And could you use some of that innuendo too? That always distracts her.”

Shego’s eyes widened in anger. “Innuendo?! What the hell is that supposed to mean?!”

Drakken flinched from his position ten feet away. “Oh, you know: the nicknames, the flirting, all the usual things you say when you’re fighting her.”

A low growl escaped Shego’s lips. “You make it sound like I’m coming on to her when we fight!”

“Oh no, nothing like that,” Drakken explained. “I know you just do it to goad her into doing something stupid. Do you think you could lay it on a little thicker, though? I really want to make sure this plan works.”

Shego began to rub her temples. “Okay, fine,” she said finally. “But only flirting! Don’t expect me to kiss her!”

Drakken looked at her blankly. “Why would I expect that?”

Her already green cheeks darkened as Shego blushed. ‘Where the hell did that come from?’

“You don’t actually like her, do you?”

“Well, I’m not opposed to the idea of kissing a woman,” Shego admitted. “It’s just… Kimmie’s a little young, isn’t she? Plus she’s always trying to take my head off whenever we meet. Not exactly the best time to ask her out.”

“Well, all you need to do is make her feel uncomfortable,” Drakken reiterated. “Maybe drop a few lines in here and there? Just make her lose her focus enough to get trapped in my brain switch machine and then everything will go as planned.”

Shego, still blushing, finally said, “Uh, yeah, you’re right, Dr. D. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

The admission only made Drakken’s eyes grow wider in shock. “Did you just say I was ri-ri—”

Shego sighed and ran a gloved hand down her face. “Yes, Dr. D. I said you were right. For once.” She added, “And for your sake, you’d better be right about Kimmie falling for the plan instead of me. Last thing I need is a clingy cheerleader in my life.”

“Last thing anyone needs, really,” Drakken remarked off-hand.

The nail file was pulled from Shego’s pocket once more as the pale woman sat down and crossed her legs. “And now we wait, I suppose.”

“Yes,” the mad scientist sneered as he rubbed his hands together and grinned evilly. “Yes, now we wait.”

“Uh, Ron?” called a voice from his left.

“What’s up, KP?”

“When I said I would drop by and we could ‘play,’ this isn’t exactly what I meant.”

Ever oblivious, Ron replied, “Well then what did you mean?”

“Ron,” Kim stressed, “I meant….” She whispered something in his ear.

Ron’s eyes grew as wide as dinner plates. “BOOYAH!” he exclaimed.

“So, big boy,” Kim closed her eyes halfway and began to massage Ron’s shoulders, “What do you say we turn off the silly game and have some real fun?”

“I’d say—”

BEEP BEEP BE BEEP!

“That isn’t what I’d say! I’ve been misquoted!”

“Ron, it’s the Kimmunicator,” Kim groaned as she moved to his side and picked up the device. “Go, Wade.”

“Hit on your site, Kim,” the chubby computer guy said. “And… it’s kinda funny.”

“‘Ha ha’ funny or ‘weird’ funny?” Ron inquired.

“Why don’t you just see for yourself?”

Wade’s image was replaced with blue. There was something familiar about the blue, but Kim didn’t quite place it until she heard a voice.

“No close-ups, Jason! I don’t care if you learned it in film school! Just get a view of my face and upper torso!”

“Sorry, boss.”

The camera panned backward to reveal the face of Dr. Drakken. Standing next to him was a less-than-enthused (as usual) Shego.

“Hello, Kim Possible!” the cerulean scientist greeted. “Long time no see!”

“Didn’t we just foil their plan last Saturday?” Ron asked Kim.

“Sunday,” Possible corrected.

“Not like it matters anyway; it’s probably a recording.”

“It’s a pity we can’t see each other more often,” Drakken continued.

“Yup, recording.”

“I’ve got a new plan that needs foiling,” the mad scientist sneered into the camera. “Would you be so kind as to stop in?”

Kim and Ron just looked at each other, confused.

“Yeah, that’ll bring ‘em running,” Shego remarked.

“I’m tired of her always dropping in uninvited, Shego!” Drakken ranted. “This way at least I'll have time to prepare!”

The pale woman shrugged. “Makes sense, I guess.” She looked directly at the camera. “Oh, and Kimmie,” she said saucily, “I promise I’ve got a little… ‘surprise’ for you when you show up.”

Drakken turned to her with a completely bewildered expression. “What the hell was that for?”

“Well you weren’t specific on when I should start with the flirting. I was just trying to help sell it.”

“I sold it well enough! And don’t say that! She’s supposed to be distracted by your flirting because it’s so unexpected!”

“But you said I used it all the time.”

“Gnn, yes, but you were supposed to—” He looked at the camera. “Is that thing still on?” The camera moved up and down, as though whoever held it was nodding. “Well then turn it off, you idiot!” Wade’s image popped back on the screen.

“Like I said, funny.”

“Yeah, and it actually satisfied both definitions,” Ron observed.

Wade shrugged.

“Think it’s a trap, Wade?” Kim interjected.

“Hard to say, Kim…. Actually, scratch that. Pretty easy to say. Definitely a trap.”

“Yeah, it doesn’t really take a supergenius to figure that one out,” remarked Ron.

“Well, if we know it’s a trap, he can’t catch us,” Kim reasoned. “And for God’s sake, Ron, if you start with that ‘trap-trap’ nonsense again I won’t let you ‘play’ when we get back!”

“Aww, but I waited forever to buy Zombie Mayhem XVIIII,” he whined, making sure to list every Roman Numeral.

“Ron,” Kim growled, “Not that.”

“Oh, right! Gotcha, KP.”

“Anyway,” said Wade, “I’m sending you a ride as we speak. Go get ‘em, guys.”

“Later, Wade.” Kim shut off the device. “Let’s go, Ron,” she said as she turned to face him again. “We’ll change on the—” She stopped when he saw that he was already in his mission clothes.

“Okay, what’s with the instant changing?”

“Velcro, KP,” explained Ron as he tore open the sleeve of his shirt, then secured it again. “Just like strippers use.”

“Okay, I so didn’t need to know that,” Kim gagged. “And you have enough of a problem losing your pants as it is. Won’t this just make it worse?”

“Never fear, KP,” he said proudly. “This stuff was designed by Wade. It’s stronger than duct tape.”

“How much stronger?” Kim said with doubt as she crossed her arms.

“A lot,” was the vague response.

She rolled her eyes. “Whatever, let’s just go.” She started to walk toward the door.

“Right behind ya, KP!” Ron started to move after her when suddenly….

RIIIIIP!

“Aw man!”

Kim giggled. “C’mon, we’ll get you some regular mission clothes on the ride.” Softly, she added, “But keep those for later. I like a man who can get out of his clothes quickly.”

Ron smiled. “Ah booyah.”

beeftony