As Red as the Blood that Beethoven Cries

Author: pratz

Disclaimer: why would I write a fanfic if Gundam Seed is mine? Blah.

Note: Considering the temptation to put withdrawn!Athrun regarding Nicol in Being Athrun Zala, I decided to make it into a Nicol-centered fic. I honestly think he’s less-appreciated despite his death being a turning point in G-Seed. But yeah. Bite me.

The first time Nicol Amarfi wears the red uniform of ZAFT Special Unit, his mother looks like she is going to cry all day long. His parents are proud; he is their only child and he has made it into the Special Unit. It is the first time in ZAFT’s history that ZAFT Military Academy graduates can directly join the Special Unit. Moreover, he is one of the top four cadets going to be in Raww Le Creuze’s unit, and said man is rumoured to be ZAFT’s youngest general in the future.

Nicol cannot help being proud, too. He will be the man he always promises himself to be; one of the Red, the sword and shield of his people, the one who fights so that others will be spared of the pain.

His first comrade in the Special Unit is Yzak Jule, former class captain of their year in the Academy. As a cadet, Yzak is the best field leader. A tactician, he keeps his eyes sharp of both internal and external movement. Yzak gains his notoriety from his short temperance, making him dangerous to mess with, but nevertheless he is a proud Red. Yzak stands on Nicol’s defence when a group of their seniors make fun of Nicol in a swimming session, saying that he is lacking masculinity to join ZAFT.

“We’re never taught to measure a ZAFT soldier by his penis,” Yzak says after he seizes a fist intended for Nicol.

The scathing remark is somewhat hilarious, but the cold anger in Yzak’s eyes silences all cadets in the pool, including Nicol. He will never forget it.

His second comrade in the Special Unit is Dearka Elthman, also a former classmate. Loud-mouthed, brash and much too confident in his skill, he is the kind of soldier who will hit first and ask later. He elbows Nicol’s shoulder quite hard in a martial art session as Nicol slips behind him. He intends to show off a little, but Dearka immediately goes into panic mode as he finds that he has dislocated Nicol’s shoulder. Dearka does not apologize, but later Nicol finds a copy of Defend Yourself: Easily Practiced Jujitsu, the first and second volume of it, and a pack an adult-rated porn videos in his locker the next morning.

Dearka flushes when Nicol thanks him afterward. “Forget it, buddy. You keep them. I don’t need them anyway. I’m waaay more advanced than you are.”

Despite the talent of being a bully in his blood, Dearka is always awkward in showing his feeling, but it is not enough to make Nicol want to forget him.

Nicol’s last and most unforgettable comrade is Athrun Zala. Recluse, quiet and solemn, Athrun is known as a loner. Some instructors have a high expectation of Athrun simply because he is General Patrick Zala’s only son; some cadets really hate him because the instructors tend to favour him. Yzak has never taken a liking of Athrun. Dearka sometimes throws sarcastic joke at Athrun. Worse, Athrun does not bother either to respond to people’s erroneous ideas about him or to make a lot of friends.

Yet being Athrun’s roommate, Nicol is one of a few people who know that what people think about Athrun is wrong. They have never seen Athrun’s expression in the morning when he gazes out at the window, the wistful looking on his face telling how much he has lost before he comes to the Academy. They have never seen the glints in Athrun’s eyes as Yzak says that Athrun is his rival, the contentment of finally being acknowledged. They have never seen how Athrun tries to hide a grin as Dearka gives him his treasured limited edition of Playboy #100 in exchange for Athrun’s handmade Haro—a present for his newest girlfriend. Dearka and Athrun still tries to slam each other onto the floor in martial art sessions, and Yzak still fumes whenever Athrun scores higher than him in shooting sessions, but now there is something like a bond between them.

One of Nicol’s wishes is to see the three of his friends get along with each other, but considering their stubbornness, it seems that said wish will not come true so soon. But it does not really matter. He can—and will—wait.

Athrun is there when one day he goes to the Hall of Honour, much to Nicol’s surprise. Piano is his first love, and he cannot let go of it even after he joins the military. There is only one piano in the Academy, in the Hall of Honour, and the only chance Nicol can get there is during weekend break. His roommate blinks as he enters the hall, a bundle of folders in his hand. Surprised, Nicol stops his play. Athrun quickly turns to leave, but Nicol stops him. He wants to know more about his roommate.

It turns out that Athrun has always used his free time to study military tactics and leadership skills, the hall being his chosen place. A serious hard-worker, but still very much a problem-keeper. Nicol wonders what else that Athrun is still hiding. Since that time, Athrun is always there whenever he holds his so-called private recital. Not even once Athrun complains about the length of Nicol’s play; not even as he repeatedly loses the battles against sleep.

Nicol once counters him, saying that Athrun does not have to force himself to stay when he does not really like classics and he is more tired than any cadets due to his extra hours of studying. Yet Athrun apologizes and says that he wants to. He knows that Nicol plays the piano to remind him of his home, of his parents, of the people he promises to protect. He says that he can understand Nicol’s feeling, because it is exactly what he wants to do, too.

Guilt forces Nicol to look away. He cannot stand the raw pain in Athrun’s eyes as his roommate talks about parents and home. He knows that Athrun comes into the Academy right after the Bloody Valentine tragedy. To Naturals, it is an incident. To Coordinators, it is a massacre.

To Athrun, it is a wound that never heals.

So he plays a symphony from Beethoven and asks if Athrun likes Beethoven.

Athrun looks bewildered. “Uh—no,” he answers timidly, but Nicol is glad that at least Athrun is honest. “But I know a little, though. You know, when my mother’s still around...” His voice is carried away a moment. “Sometimes my father listened to his pieces.”

“Really?” His fingers continues to dance over the ebony and ivory keys. “I didn’t know that General Zala’s fond of classics.” He smiles a little. It seems that he has been a little unfair in his judgment of Patrick Zala; it seems that the general is not as simple as he appears.

“I don’t understand Beethoven,” Athrun admits. “He’s too... noisy.”

“Noisy?” He laughs, amused. In all his career playing piano, this is the first time someone has ever called Beethoven noisy. The dead composer may revive from death if he hears Athrun, really. “Well, he’s different from other composers, I admit. And it’s difficult to play him perfectly. You know, the emotion’s so difficult to grasp. Beethoven’s sophisticated. Complicated.”

“But you play well; it won’t be that difficult, will it?”

He shifts in his seat. “Beethoven always has something in his mind when he plays. Thus, it’s reflected in his pieces. I’m not surprised that I should generate anger when I play a sad piece or sadness in a troubled one.”

“Maybe—” Athrun hesitates before continuing in a small voice, “maybe it’s because he’s robbed of something precious to him.” He looks away. “And I feel sorry for him. A genius but deaf. A maestro suffering from manic depression. He’s lost something that really matters to him, and he’s too powerless to do anything to prevent it. If I were him, I’d have cried blood.”

The bitterness in Athrun’s voice gets Nicol. Once again Athrun proves that he often looks at things from different angles. Nicol does not think that Beethoven is crying from disappointment or despair. Beethoven does not surrender just like that. He is a fighter, and he will always be fighting even if, borrowing Athrun’s own words, he has to cry blood for that.

Now, as Strike looming over Aegis, Nicol knows why he suddenly remembers his time in the Academy. Ever since Strike appears, their teamwork has fallen apart. Blinded by fury and hatred, Yzak is driven to seek for vengeance. Dearka, as usual, does not care much about how the war is going and how it will end. And Athrun... Nicol is worried the most about him. Ever since Athrun knows that his childhood friend is with the Archangel, he is not quite the same. It seems that Athrun retreats back to his old self in the Academy. Worse, he is more withdrawn, restless and upset than anyone.

If they all continue going like this, they will stray. They should not forget why they are in this war, why they taint their hands with blood, why they become a sword and shield, why they are the Red.

A wistful smile grazes his lips. The Strike’s pilot and they have a same reason. It is too bad, too sad, too ironic that they all have to fight each other because of it.

Strike raises its massive sword, ready to strike Aegis down. Nicol opens his eyes, determined. There is no room for hesitation. This is his reason, his dream, his life. He has chosen it long time ago. Beethoven has his own reason to fight, and so do they. They do not become the Red for nothing.

They will not stray. Nicol will protect them.