RUBBER DUCK

Well, I was bored, and this came to me. And then spiraled out of proportion. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Rating: T. But everything is implied...

Gerald: Eh! Where the hell did THAT come from?!

Monica: Whoooo cares? Its so cute! I love it!

Gerald: Ah, don't SNUGGLE it! Who KNOWS where its been! I CERTAINLY do NOT own it, myself!

Martin: Would you like me to investigate, Mr. Montgumery?

Gerald: What are you doing here?

Martin: You told me to?

Gerald: I did not! In fact, I was called here to talk to Dr. Man!

Martin: But I got a note-

Gerald: Nevermind! Wouldn't you usually be insulted to do something so trivial, Gardner?

Martin: Er... No, of course not, sir!

Gerald: Mm-hmm...?

Martin: Of course not, sir.

Gerald: You're hiding something from me...

Martin: No, I'm not?

Gerald: Fine. Go investigate, then. And Monica, STOP SNUGGLING IT! I'll buy you a brand-shiny-new pink one, just cease your snuggling of that confounded piece of trash!

Monica: Oooo, really? You'd buy me one?!... hey, wait! This is NOT a piece of trash, its a CUTE widdle ducky thats been abandoned... see, he promised to give it to me if I came! And I did!!!... But why are you here? Did he promise YOU a duck? Cause THIS one is MINE!!!

Monica: Anyway, who was that gardener? Did he want a duck, too?

Gerald: Look, that doesn't matter right now, who promi-

Man: GeeeeerALD!!!!

Gerald: Eh-! Wh-what do you want, Dr. Man? I was quite busy asking Monica someth-

Man: I can't find Jatho.

Gerald: ...what?!

Man: Weeeell, I looked in the security cameras and he wasn't there; I com-ed him, but he didn't answer; I looked and looked and even sent SOME OF MY MEN to look for him... BUT WE COULDN'T FIND HIM at all! At all! Don't you get, don't you, how serious this could BE?! Mr. Jatho is, well, a bit of a LUNATIIIIIC, if you get my meaning, but--

Gerald: Quiet! So... he is missing.

Man: YESSSSSSSSS!!!!!

Monica: Squeee ducky!

Gerald: LEAVE THAT DUCK BE! And another thing! Why did you ask me to meet you in the BATHROOM, Doctor?

Man: I didn't ask you, I found you here. Oh, hello Garner...

Gerald: Mr. Gardner! You are back!

Martin: Yes, sir.

Gerald: Your findings?

Martin: That rubber duck is believed to be the property of a Mr. Jatho, first name unknown, under the employ of a Dr. Man, first name unknown, but believed to be 'Hugh', who is in the employ of you, Mr. Montgumery.

Gerald: Mr. Jatho's?

Man: Heh, that seems the kind of thing that Mr. Jathooo would own. Silly mannn.

Gerald: Really?

Martin: Interesting... weird.

Monica: Duckyyyy, you're so cute! Oh look! Your mouth opens!! How cuuuute! Whadda you have in your mouth ducky? Oooo, a button! Do you quack if I press it?

Gerald: Monicaaaa, don--

Man: STOP LITTLE GIRL! Do NOT press that button! It could be DANGEROUS! Very DANGEROUS!!!

Monica: What?

Gerald: Dangero-?

BANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Martin: She pushed it.

Gerald: Thank you, Mr. OBVIOUS. cough

Martin: Look, confetti.

Monica: OH NO, DUCKYYYYY! It, it, it... IT EXPLODED! Thats... thats so sad! Why would it do something... like that... like... yawn

Gerald: What's this? I'm feeling quite a bit... t-t-tired...

Martin: Grr... I'm-I'm f-f-falling asleep... What... the hell...

Man: ...sleeping... powder... told you... not... to press... it...

Monica: ...oh... zzzzz...

Gerald: ...stu...pid... Jatho... what... the heck... is wrong... with... him...zzzzzz...

Martin: ...heheh... a duck...shit...zzzzzz...

Man: ...zzZZZZZZZZZZZZ......

Jatho: Ducky! Oh my! Did you EsPLode?! AWWW, you made everybody SlEePy, didn'tcha, Ducky? You're a naughty, naughty Ducky! YOU STUPID FUCKING DUCK! I SHOULD BRUTALLY MURDER YOU IN THE FAAACE! Oooo! Sleepy people! Well, I must teach them their lesson for touching mysterious things that don't belong to them. Or, incredibly CUUUuUuUuTE things that belong to incredibly CUUUuUuUuTE me!

(an hour later)

Gerald: Mmmm... eh...

Man: ...E...equals...MC...7...

Martin: ...AH! I'm awa... Er... where am... Oh. Right... Shit.

Monica: ...mm... yawn... ah, good morning...?

Man: GAH! TERANTULAAAS!!!! Hmm? Oh, I'm awake... stupid Jatho...

Gerald: ...zzzzzzzzzzz...

Monica: Oh! Your face! Its funny! Hee hee!

Martin: Excuse me?

Monica: Your face! You have a drawn-on mustache! And other things, erm, here. Look in my compact mirror.

Martin: Thank-- Oh. I see.

Monica: Hee hee!

Martin: Here, have it ba...

Monica: Thanks... er, whats wrong?

Martin: Um, just look in the mirror...

Monica: Hm?... OH MY GOODNESS!!! MY FACE!!! SOMEONE DREW ON MY FACE!

Man: ...stupid Jatho...

Gerald: ..hmm? Someone there...?

Man: Wake up, Massssssterrrr...

Gerald: ...dr... man?

Martin: You're really a slow waker, aren't you, sir?

Gerald: ...gard...ner? What are... you guys doing in... my room...

Man: We are not IN your ROOOOM, Masssterr...

Gerald: Nonsense... I wanna pony... for my birthday... not a car... Mommy...BOOBS!...

Man: ...he's still sleeping.

Monica: MY FAAACE Oh, this is bad! Now I'm even MORE uglyyyy...!

Man: How much stuff can so SMALL a purse CARRY?! I am a SCIENTIST dearie, and thats just imposssssible!

Monica: Its not THAT small... I don't think... OH! It won't come off!!!

Martin: It that a baby wipe?

Monica: All girls carry these! My FACE!

Man: I think you look rather DASHING with a mustache, Miss Babbington...

Martin: Its 'Babbings', I think...

Monica: Oh! sniffle this is sooo mean! Why would anyone do this to meeee?! Maybe they just thought I wouldn't care 'cause I'm already so ugly! But they were WRONG!!!

Gerald: ...don't... be silly... of course I like chocolates...

Monica: I'm going home! I'll be able to wash this... MEANIE'S marker from my face!

Martin: She left.

Man: No, REALLY?!

Martin: I don't think she's ugly.

Man: Girls these days all hate themselves.

Gerald: ...don't... stop... keep going... uhn... more...

Martin: I should get going too.

Man: Where?

Martin: Get some food. I'm hungry.

Man: Hmm... I reckon I'm rather peccish myself... I'll come WIIIIITH you. But YOU'RE paying.

Martin: Excuse me? With my paycheck the way it is?! You make more money than me!

Man: I WILL NOT excuse you. I am the one who most certainly is SUPERIOR and DESERVE all that extra money. So, you'll pay.

Martin: No!

Man: I'll buy you a rubber duck.

Martin: Ha ha, very funny.

Man: I AM, rather, aren't I?

Martin: ...sarcasm.

Gerald: MORE! MONICA! AAAHHHhhhh... MORE!!! CALL ME A JOCK! A JOCK!!!

Martin: ...what the hell?

Man: He's a screamer.

Martin: I REALLY don't need to know this...

Gerald: Nnnnnh! Moooooooooooore!!!!!!!

Man: I have an ominous feeling that this is going to be a weeeeet dreeeeam...

Martin: Shit! We... we should leave!

Man: Lets go then. Shall we have Chinese?

(an hour later)

Gerald: ...mmm... yawn Hmm...

Gerald: THAT was a good dream.

Gerald: Where... WHY THE HELL AM I HERE?!

Gerald: Why... why am I sleeping... in a BATHTUB?!

(an hour later)

Martin: Why are these always spaced at hour intervals?

Man: Heeheehee... ignore it...

Jatho: Hey!!! Good morning campers!!!

Man: Very mature, Jatho.

Jatho: Eh? What EVER are you TaLKiNg about?

Man: The marker, JaaaaTHO. On our faces.

Martin: We've been getting weird looks all day. Want to explain the twisted logic behind this?

Man: Don't question his LOGIC, Gardner. He has the LOGIC of a two-year-old.

Jatho: It was FUNNY! Did you see that girl's face?!?! SHE WAS CRYING!!! IT WAS FUNNNNY!

Man: ...see?

Martin: Not really.

Jatho: Aww, poor boy... you don't geddit?

Martin: Am I supposed to?

Jatho: ...are you? ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO? LOOOOK!!!

Passerby: OW! You threw a rock a me! Why the hell did you throw a rock a me?!

Jatho: GET THE FUCK AWAY BEFORE I DEVOUR YOUR INNARDS, YOU PUSS-FACED NAVE!!!

Martin: What the hell is wrong with you?!

Jatho: Ooo lookie, they ran away! Isn't that delightful?

Martin: You did that for FUN?!

Man: Look, he's learning.

Jatho: LeARniNg iS FUn!!!

Man: You're not as dumb as you look, kid. Not that thats saying much.

Martin: You know what? I'm leaving.

Man: So soon?

Jatho: PLaY wItH Ussss! Play with us, you FUCKING BASTARD!!! We love you!

Martin: What the HELL is WRONG WITH YOU?!

Jatho: Aww... I'm SORRIE!!! I'll stop, I'll stop... I swear! Pinkie promise?

Martin: No! I'm leaving!

Man: Not so soon, look who's coming.

Gerald: Hello everyone.

Martin: Oh, shit. Now I'm DEFINITELY leaving.

Man: But look, he's coming... remember?

Martin: I. Hate. You. I'm leaving.

Gerald: Gardner!

Martin: Shit.

Gerald: Dr. Man!

Man: Howdy!

Gerald: MR. JATHO!

Jatho: Bonjour! Ca va?

Gerald: What kind of prank did you think you were pulling with that duck?

Martin: mutters

Gerald: Excuse me?

Martin: He's a friggin psycho!

Jatho: I do not appreciate that at all, Mr. Gardner. Speaking out of turn to your employer, questioning MY sanity, and making a claim that could jeopardize your career. I'd be very careful, Mr. Gardner.

Gerald: He's right, Gardner.

Martin: Are you kidding me? Dr. Man! Tell him!

Man: Tell him what? Oh! Gardner fed me questionably good Chinese food today, though if I die of food poisoning, he would be to blame.

Martin: I hate my life.

Gerald: Anyway, about the duck...

Jatho: It is no fault of mine, if someone decides to push a mysterious button on a piece of my property.

Gerald: Why was it in my bathtub?

Jatho: Where else does one PUT a rubber duck, Mr. Jock?

Gerald: Well, you could've put it in you OWN ba-- WHAT?!

Jatho: What?

Gerald: What did, er, what was it that you called me?

Man: snickers I believe he called you 'Mr. Jock'...

Gerald: YOU WERE WATCHING ME SLEEP?!

Jatho: I'm sure they were avoiding you as much as I was... but I'm afraid that even your next-door neighbors could hear you shouting, Mr. Jock.

Gerald: DON'T CALL ME THAT!

Martin: I HATE my life...

Man: Thats nice, because we hate your life too, Gardner.

Monica: I'm back everyone! See, look, it all came off! All it took was a bottle of my grandmother's-

Jatho: Hey! Are you the little miss who exploded my duck?

Monica: Hunh?

Jatho: Nevermind, your Jocky-poo's been wait for you.

Gerald: SHUT UP!

Man: No need to raise your voice.

Jatho: I want full compensation for that duck, miss.

Monica: Wh-what?

Jatho: Now.

Monica: H-how do I- MMF!

Gerald: MISTER JATHO!!!

Man: Ooh!

Martin: Wow.

Monica: Mmf!!!

Jatho: Mm, compensation. Thank you. I'll be on my way now.

Gerald: NOW WAIT JUST A MINUTE!!!

Man: Wow.

Martin: What a jerk.

Monica: ...

Martin: Hey, are you oka-

Monica: Wh-what? Why did he k-kiss me? I d-don't get it...

Man: She's okay.

Gerald: I'll hurt him for you, Monica!

Gerald: ...where did he go?

Man: He left already.

Gerald: Oh. Um... Hey look: grass. Interesting...

Martin: I'm going home.

Man: Bye

BANG!!!

Martin: Ow!

Man: Hmm?

Martin: Nothing. I just stubbed my toe.

Man: Hm.

Martin: Oh, SHIT.

Man: Hmm?

Martin: I STUBBED my TOE...

Man: We went over this already.

Martin: ...on THAT.

Gerald: On what, now?

Monica: He... he KISSED me...

Martin: I STUBBED my TOE...

Man: Yes, yes, we got that already!

Martin: You guys-

Monica: Girl.

Martin: Look guys! When I stubbed my toe-

Man: How many times are you gonna say that...?!

Martin: ...I pressed the button.

Gerald: What button... yawn... Oh... CRAP... the one... on that... FUCKING DUCK?!

Man: Ooooh... thats... what those... colorful... papers are...

Monica: ...you... you... mean confetti...?

Martin: ...shit...

Gerald: ...we... hate your life... too...

(an hour later)

Martin: Shit.

Man: ...Hmm? yawn

Martin: Shit.

Man: You really need a new word, Gardner.

Martin: Shit, shit, shit.

Man: What is it already?

Martin: Open you eyes, Doctor.

Martin: ...we're all wearing french maid's outfits.

I am terribly sorry if you read this. I had a little tiny plot bunny growling at me. It was a bit scary.

And Mr. Jatho is like Jiggly Puff! ...or however you spell that. A very evil one.