ME: We’re back and we’re taking your guy’s hints. We’ll make the story a hell of a lot funnier if we want to get the reviews we asked for. Don’t worry though. With all of the sugar rushes and the boredom that befalls us we’re bound to have someone in stitches. (Although mind you this is going to get very OOC and stupid.)

Chidori-Angel: Yeah people can count on that much. We have problems and some of our friends say that we’re in need of mental hospitals soooooooo……

ME: Yeah but some of our friends say that were emo too. We’re pessimists not emo so why should we believe everything others say?

Chidori-Angel: You have a point. Ok but you have to agree with them when they say we’re more hyper than we need to be.

ME: Ok I agree there I guess. Oh yeah and I would like to thank the first reviewer of this story for reviewing AND doing the challenge I pasted in my profile. Thank you so much!

Chidori-Angel: I agree. NOW SAY THE DISCLAIMER SLACKER!

ME: Oh shiznet! Where the fudge did that come from?! Fine, Fine. We don’t own Naruto but I own Rino and Rini. Now let’s get on with the crack fic shall we?

Both: Chapter Start.

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Chapter 2: Let The Fun Begin

He hadn’t been with the twins for more than three hours and Itachi was already on the brink of murder. Before he went back to the Akatsuki to prep for the mission, Itachi took the twins to a local inn to rest. He allowed them to eat while he made his way up to the roof where his comrade Kisame, was waiting.

“What’s with the brats, Itachi?” Kisame asked as Itachi finally arrived on the roof.

“Call them the work of a guilty conscience,” Itachi answered dismissively. Kisame moved so he could make eye contact with his comrade as he continued, “Did you get information about the mission?”

“The Akatsuki want us to go back before we get information. It seems we’ll be taking those forms of guilty conscience back with us to the hideout,” Kisame answered with a slight smirk. Itachi slightly pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance and Kisame quickly amended, “Let’s go downstairs and get some rest.”

“Agreed,” Itachi answered emotionlessly. The two turned and made their way down to the dinning room. Kisame managed to get Itachi to tell him about the meeting of the twins and then about what Itachi promised them. A small smirk curled at Kisame’s lips and a glint came to his eyes but he kept himself silent. Kisame knew who the twins were; he just wasn’t going to give his partner the heads up. After all. Itachi needed a good wake up call every once in a while.

“There names are Rini and Rino, huh?” Kisame spoke calmly as they stopped just outside the doors. The shark looked to his comrade and said, “Just watch your back.”

“They’re two eleven year olds with mediocre skills. I think they’ll be easy enough to handle,” Itachi replied calmly as he opened the door. Rini and Rino were sitting back with satisfied smiles and full stomachs. The table they sat at was piled high with empty plates and bowls. The number of dishes that were piled on the table would’ve come from ten starving men rather than two eleven year olds. Itachi looked from the dishes to the twins saying, “Did you two eat all of this?”

Rino looked up happily and said, “Yes Itachi-Sensei! We ate ALL of this!”

“It was great!” Rini said smiling at the two ninja.

“They did indeed eat all of this and I trust that YOU are the one who’s going to be paying the bill?” the inn owner said walking up with a cold look in his eyes. He handed a slip of paper to Itachi, who took it with an emotionless face. The owner looked at the twins and said, “You’ll find that everything is properly marked and the price has been triple checked. That end total is everything they ate.”

Itachi ignored the man and began reading over all the items they ate. After a moment he just skipped straight to the end total. Itachi froze. He looked to the man and couldn’t hide that surprise that was all over his face as he slowly asked, “This……is their bill? There’s no way it could’ve been mixed up with someone else’s?”

“Do you see anyone else in this dinning room?” the owner asked cocking his eyebrow as he motioned around the empty room. Then he turned to face Itachi with his face full of impatience.

“One moment,” Itachi said stepping out of the room. They heard him walk down the hall and then silence. Kisame hesitated but then followed his comrade’s lead. He walked down the hall looking for Itachi but his comrade seemed to have disappeared. Kisame was debating on whether his comrade just stuck him with the bill but then he quickly heard a small sound.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

The sound was low and dull. Kisame listened and found that the low repetitive sound was just down the hall. He instantly ran to the room and opened the door. He found his comrade.

“Itachi……what are you doing?” he asked quietly.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

Itachi was repetitively slamming his head against the wall. Without stopping or looking up from the wall he answered in a flat monotone, “I’m waking myself up.”

“But……you’re not asleep,” Kisame said slightly confused.

“Then I’m knocking myself out. Now go away,” Itachi answered drawing his head back. He threw his head forward and slammed it against the wall. This time however he did not draw his head back and Kisame instantly smelled blood. Itachi slowly slid down the wall and collapsed on the ground in a twitching heap.

“I didn’t see anything,” Kisame sighed, slowly closing the door with a long, loud creak.

So Kisame was forced to pay the bill. Dun-dun-DUN!

Finally after resisting much of his own murderous intent, Kisame managed to pay the bill and get rooms for him, Itachi, and the twins. Itachi was moved to his own room and Kisame escorted the twins to their rooms. Just outside the room door though, he turned to them with a vicious glare, “I’m not as patient as Itachi so don’t try my nerves. So just go to your beds and stay there!”

“Yeah ok. Whatever Shark-boy,” Rino said waving a dismissive hand. He opened the door and walked in.

“See ya later Guppy-guy,” Rini smiled following her brother. She closed the door without another word.

“……Shark-boy……Guppy-guy……” Kisame repeated in a growl as a very pronounced vein came to his forehead. He let out a very low growl and stalked off to his own room. He met two young maids on the way there and they suspiciously disappeared only moments later. It was odd how no one noticed the blood dripping down from the ceiling. Then again who does? If it’s not clearly on the wall in front of them why should anyone worry?

Rini, instead of going to bed like she was told, was standing by her door listening to Kisame stalking off and the maids disappearing. Soon, she heard Kisame’s door close and she turned to her brother giving and evil cackle.

“What are you planning now sis?” Rino asked as a smile curled at his lips.

Rini put her pointer finger on the tip of her nose and smiled, “I think its time Weasel-Sensei learned how to play hard-ball!”

Rino smiled and reached into his pocket pulling out a black marker. He tossed it to her and then pulled out glue and fuzzy little ears that had been taken off of a stuffed animal. They both commenced in evil, maniacal laughter before running out the door and starting their master plan.

--

The next morning Itachi awoke to the sun shining through his window. He groaned and covered his eyes. ‘I hate mornings,’ he growled to himself. After lying there for a moment, Itachi got out of bed and walked over to the mirror. He gave a little twitch.

His face was covered in black marker. There were darkened circles around his eyes and five whisker marks spreading from the edge of his nose to his jaw bone on each side of his face. Then just above his temples, on each side of his head, were a pair of fuzzy little ears that greatly resembled a weasel. The very tip of his nose was completely colored in black. Needless to say it was clear what animal he was meant to look like.

“That’s nice,” he said with sarcastic monotone. (A/N: Is that even possible?)

After much effort Itachi finally wiped the marks clean from his face. He then immediately went off to confront the twins. The lines under his eyes were much darker than they usually were and Kisame was quick to realize that this was from anger.

“Hey look! Itachi-sensei is PMSing!” Rini exclaimed pointing at the ninja before her.

“Oh, he is a girl? No wonder why he kept having so many mood swings yesterday on the way here,” Rino said nodding with sudden understanding.

“No. He’s being a Psychotic Malicious Sensei………although it is his time of the month,” Rini said smiling.

Itachi tried to lunge at them in anger-(not very much of a morning person is he?)-but Kisame quickly grabbed him and held him back. The shark was really only thinking about the damages he would have to pay for if he let go of Itachi and could’ve cared less what might’ve happened to the twins. Itachi struggled in fury and growled, “Let me go damn it. It’ll all be over in a second.”

“But it’ll take longer for your conscience to get over it,” Kisame argued reasonably.

“Well maybe if I dress them up as rats I won’t feel so bad about skinning them!” Itachi snapped as he tried to lunge forward once again.

“Itachi-Sensei, how long have you been a girl?” Rini smiled innocently as Itachi went up into another rage. He began to shake his head in anger and began growling at them. Rini and Rino laughed as they ran away to safety.

“This is going to be one hell of a long day,” Kisame groaned as he fought against Itachi’s anger.

Finally after much grabbing away weapons and dodging attacks Kisame managed to get Itachi to calm down and the twins to leave him alone. So Kisame yet again was stuck with paying for everything and afterwards they made their way to the Akatsuki’s Base. The group of four was walking for only an hour and a half when the twins decided it was time to continue causing chaos.

“Weasel-kun, weasel-kun, weasel-kun, weasel-kun, ni-san, ni-san, ni-san, ni-san, ni-chan, ni-chan, ni-chan, ni-chan, weasel, weasel, weeeeeeaaaassseeeeellll!” Rini and Rino sing-songed to their sensei (A/N: Ah, youtoube. It’s a beautiful place to find stupid things like this. Thank you whoever posted this on youtube). He stopped walking and looked back at the twins with glaring eyes. He didn’t say anything and just glared at them but his inner mind was going crazy.

“Shut the f up you brats! That’s why I killed my whole family damn it! They named Sasuke after this great warrior and they named me after a piece of shag carpet! How the hell is that fair?!” he ranted angrily as his hand reached for a kunai. He grabbed his wrist with his other hand and thought, “Calm down Itachi. Killing them won’t solve anything……THE HELL IT WON’T!!”

Somehow, someway, Kisame managed to get them walking again and before they knew it they were at the Akatsuki lair. Kisame was given the job of escorting the twins to their room while Itachi went to get specifics about his mission. Kisame pushed the brats in the room and left them with, “Stay in here or get various limbs cut from your body. Your choice.”

Of course this didn’t stop the twins from adventuring from their rooms and causing more mayhem than ever thought possible of two eleven year olds. Rini being the hyperactive little pest she was went on a tour of the base to find Itachi’s room. After ‘unlocking’ the door, she invited herself in and began rummaging around through his dresser. She pushed aside some human bones and some……dirty……magazines to come upon a webcam. As the young girl turned the webcam over in her hands her brother’s head appeared around the door.

“What the fudge are you doing?! Weasels don’t like enemies in their homes,” Rino said walking in. (A/N: I think they’re both missing that point.)

“I found a weird metal box. I think he uses it to steal people’s souls,” Rini said holding the webcam up.

“That’s a webcam you stupid son of a……never mind,” Rino pinched the bridge of his nose cursing his stupid sister. Why did she have to come from his parents? WHY?! Rino took the webcam from Rini and looked it over saying, “This is Sasori’s webcam. He let Zetsu borrow it to film some cooking show that he liked and Kisame stole it because it was teaching how to fry fish. Last I heard, Sasori went on a rampage and turned Zetsu into vegetable soup.”

“Yum soup……me likey the soup……weasel tail soup……yum!” Rini said dancing around like a little idiot.

“WTF?!” Rino nearly shouted in her ears. Then he thought about it for a moment and remembered the Rini hadn’t taken her medicine that morning. Figures.

“So why is the webcam in Itachi’s room then?” Rini asked finally deciding to say something intelligent.

“I have no frickin clue. Just turn it on,” Rino said walking over to his sister’s side. She turned it on and they froze. Images that not even the most warped teenagers could handle flipped on before then and tore at the twins minds. No wonder why Sasuke had so many issues. He saw the same tape and was never the same again.

“OMFG!! WTF is this?! ITACHI-SENSEI?!” Rino screamed in horror.

“AHHH!! It burns us!! It burns us!!” Rini screamed dropping the webcam into her brother’s hands. She began pulling her hair out and continued screaming.

“HOLY SHIT!! What is he doing?!” Rino screamed dropping the webcam onto the floor.

“Master is bad! He betrays us! No, master loves us! No, master caused the badness! The badness burns!” Rini screamed falling onto the ground twitching.

“This image says bad things…bad things…bad things I’m not supposed to hear!” Rino lay on the ground and pulled his knees to his chest. He began sobbing pathetically and saying, “I’ll be good mommy I promise. Just make the bad man go away. Make him go away! GO AWAY!”

“I don’t wanna! I don’t wanna!” Rini began crying as she rocked back in forth in a horrible state. She then commenced to claw her own eyes out. This went on for around twenty minutes or so and they still didn’t really calm down. They just regained their ability to speak.

“I didn’t know weasels could do that……the images…they’re baaaad!” Rino whined shaking his head.

“He’s not a weasel! He’s evil incarnate! I’m calling him Meany McMean Mean!” Rini cried shaking her head.

“More like Horny Mc……never mind,” Rino stopped himself before he ripped his own mind more apart than it already was.

“Horny McNevermind? I like that name!” Rini said with an idiotic smile.

“Rini, did you dump your medicine down the drain AGAIN?!” Rino hissed in annoyance.

“Maaaaaayyyyybbbbeeee!” she giggled happily.

Rino shook his head and hesitantly inched back over to the webcam. He reluctantly picked it up. (He was still afraid it might magically turn on and the bad man would come back to do……bad things……scary things…weasel-ish things that would torment him for the rest of his life.)

“I’m scarred for the rest of my life……and the after life for that matter,” Rino growled as he looked over the webcam carefully making sure his hand would not go near the ‘play’ button. He looked over at Rini and said, “That was scary as hell.”

Rini jumped away from her brother and hid her eyes, “Destroy it Rino! Destroy the badness!”

“I could just erase the tape……or I could use this for blackmail,” Rino cackled evilly as the devious wheels in his mind began to turn.

“NO! DESTROY THE CAM! IT CREATES THE BADNESS!! WE HATES THE BADNESS!” Rini screamed dramatically, (Two words. Chill Pills!)

“Maybe instead we could just film Itachi and gather more blackmail. Then we cause him as much pain as he’s caused us,” Rino suggested still cackling evilly.

“NO! THE EVIL MUST DIE!” Rini screamed grabbing the evil webcam.

“Let GO!”

“NO!”

The twins fought over the webcam like utter idiots until Rini’s finger accidentally pushed the delete button. Rino shouted profanity at his younger sister as she smiled and said, “Evil go bye-bye.”

But, the evil didn’t go bye-bye. Suddenly the webcam turned back on and replayed the ‘disturbing video’. The twins screamed and threw the webcam onto the bed and they fell to the ground.

“The badness! It burns us!” Rino shouted twitching on the floor. (Great now he’s doing it too.) Rini on the other hand was on the ground twitching and having a seizure. She began foaming at the mouth and was twitching more than humanly possible. Rino screamed about escaping from the badness but just as he crawled to the door and invisible force wrapped itself around his ankle and pulled him back. The door closed on him as he screamed, “No! The badness will eat me!! HELP!”

Rino’s screams were heard throughout the hideout but most of the members dismissed it as a new torturing technique. Nothing new for them. Kisame however was reading the newspaper from the room below Itachi’s and heard all too clearly what was going on. He put the newspaper down and banged the ceiling with a broomstick calling, “Shut the hell up!” Then in a quite undertone the shark muttered, “Bunch of crazy ass kids, think they own the place.”

With that he sat back down and began reading once again. Yet, the screaming continued and he stood up throwing the paper to the floor, “A couple swings from my Tamehada outta shut them up. Who needs exterminators?”

With that said he grabbed his weapon and made his way up to the room as the blood curdling screams continued. As he walked he began to think that the screams sounded a lot like Itachi when he found that mouse scurrying around his room. Kisame opened the door and said, “Don’t worry Itachi. I’ll get the scary mouse and……uh…what the heck happened here?”

Kisame stared at the disgusting scene before him on Itachi’s floor. Rino was lying in a pool of his own drool and his tongue was hanging out of the side of his mouth. His eyes were wide open in horror but there was no way possible that he was conscious. Rini was still foaming at the mouth and twitching with a terrified look on her face. Kisame dragged them out of the room and took them to the living room. After giving them ‘medical attention’-which consisted of bitch-slapping them until they came to-he ‘calmly’ asked them what happened to them.

“What in god’s name happened to you two idiots?” Kisame growled.

“What happened to us? Some scary shit happened to us that’s what!” Rino shrieked handing the shark the webcam. Kisame played the video and twitched. He DID NOT want to see any of that.

“It’s the worse thing you’ve ever seen, yes?” Rini asked slightly cowering from it.

“Not really. It’s not as bad as what he tried to do on New Years. After twenty or so beers a guy gets pretty crazy,” Kisame said nodding.

“Wait……Itachi drinks?” Rino asked cocking his head to the side.

“Only after he’s seen Sasuke. Don’t ask!” Kisame growled after seeing their questioning eyes. Kisame handed them the webcam and said, “Go ahead and keep the camera. Good bye.”

“Arigatou!” Rino ran out of the room thinking of the evil possibilities. Since sleep was out of the question-for fear of having weasel nightmares-the twins went to their room and sat on the bed thinking about what they could do with the camera. Rino looked at Rini and said, “If Itachi-Sensei will do THAT when there’s a camera around him, imagine what he must do when he thinks he’s alone.”

Evil lightbulbs suddenly flickered over their little heads.

“Oooooo! This will be so much fun! It’ll be like a documentary! And we can cal it ‘The Weasel’s Hole!” Rini said clapping.

Rino looked at his little sister like she was an idiot before saying, “We’ll work in a name later. OK! Starting tomorrow we film everything embarrassing that sensei does and then we show the world what the REAL Itachi’s like!”

The twins smiled happily and thought of the pain Itachi would soon endure.

Poor unsuspecting Itachi wouldn’t even know what hit him.

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To be continued…

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ME: (Rereads what was posted) WTF? Did I seriously post this? Maybe I should try to stay away from anymore sugar rushes.

Chidori-Angel: Embrace the sugar! (Hands me a Butterfinger.)

ME: Darn you temptation! (Runs off to go get sugar high)

Chidori-Angel: Well, my job’s done here. So tell us what you think! REVIEW! Oh and if you have any crack ideas that you might want to add go ahead and tell us. We’ll be happy to put them in. Until next time! Ja ne!