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Evocation
'I'm looking for something too.'
I knew I'd find him, not from the impression of his face, which I had never known before, but from the pleasant feeling that crept through my insides each time the vision overcame me: it was always the same, always the same vision when he was involved. And it wasn't even a vision, it was just a voice in the dark, a faded whisper into my exhausted conscience, the small breath of a hope that kept me going, kept me sane.
I can't put in words how that small figment of eagerness pushed me forwards. It's hard even now, when it's all already over and OK. I've never been the kind of girl to dwell in the past too much, and seeing my situation it's understandable. But sometimes it's nice to remember that moment, because the memories that are not exercised are lost, and I don't want to lose that memory. Not that one. Whichever, but that one.
I clearly recall the smell of rain and salt, and his impressive figure, outlined by lightning, defying the deafening roaring of thunder. He looked like a viking, no, a Norse god from afar, with his long, wild blonde hair oozing in the wind, soaked by the harsh downpour. Meters below, the maddened waves attacked the cliff wall hysterically.
He could and couldn't at the same time, be the one I had heard in my head during all those years, the one that spoke like he was whispering so tenderly and whose evocation lulled me to a pleasant sopor- never to sleep.
His demeanor wasn't quite hostile, but from afar he seemed smug, insensitive even. In his defiant attitude I recognized none of the qualities I had been alert for. But even so, he fascinated me at first glance, and there was no point in retracing my steps when I could be so near the voice of my sanity- a couple of meters away, in fact.
My feelings to that point were condensed in my chest, and I wasn't entirely sure if what I was feeling was the right thing to feel- after all, feeling is and was always a confusing thing for an immortal. I am only certain of one thing: I watched him with all the awe I could muster, all the pent-up expectation.
And then he looked at me, he turned round calmly, having known all the way I had been by the withered tree since the storm was just a faint drizzle. For the longest time, we just looked at each other in silence, in individual contemplation. Ever since I had been able to sense him, or rather, smell him earlier that day, my visions had gradually stopped, as if the intense eagerness-anxiety had put them off for the while. I had the feeling they'd come back, eventually.
'You seem listless. What are you doing here?'
He asked, carefully stepping down the natural platform of marine rocks he was perched upon. As I saw his feline way of walking, gracious beyond possible, and the tone of his voice started ringing in my head, I started to feel comfortable, at ease. As if he were stirring those feelings from the pit where they'd ended right after he came into my life and triggered nervous waves of tension.
'I don't know,' I answered sincerely, never losing my calm. He had beautiful eyes, that glistened an indefinite color with every new surge of lightning. He was a beautiful creature, indeed.
'You don't know?' He said, serene, and I couldn't quite make out if he'd quirked his eyebrow, or if it had been a game of lights. The storm had both of us drenched, leaving almost no physical feature hidden to the other's eyes. It seemed to me as if somehow, a lot of barriers were pulled down the moment he took a couple of steps towards me, examining me with an unreadable look in his eyes. I thought I could make out he was slightly puzzled, to say the least. Not that I wasn't, it was just I felt... prepared. As if I had been subconsciously expecting that moment. Either way, it provided me with a calm, a peace of mind, I didn't know I could have.
I shook my head, trying again, 'I'm looking for something.'
Slowly, a reassuring smile made its way to his lips.
And then, I heard him speak again. I heard him say -and oh, my heart seemed to freeze in its place, if that could be even possible- those words I had ran over and over in my head, trying to make them lead me to their source, the source of my existence.
'I'm looking for something too.'
It was then I knew I'd found it.
Him.
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