“I’m sure I’ll find a way.”

“Find a way to regain your honor as captain of the Black Pearl and sail with the rest of your crew out at sea? While in your type of predicament, I don’t see that happening any time soon.”

“It’ll happen, love. A whole lot sooner than you think.”

“So, you’ll claim your pirate thrown…today?”

“Um, that’s a little too soon. I’d like to make time on proposing ideas for a master plan, not rush into things. That’s just how I work.”

“And when exactly do you plan on proposing these ideas, Jack?”

“When I get around to it.”

“Oh. So the thought of getting it done by year’s end is out of the question?”

“Well, you see, love. This vacation of mine is one of a permanent kind.”

“What?”

“Yes. I’ve heard a lot of people talk. Once you settle in, you’re in for life. You become just as timeless as all the other characters here.”

“I don’t follow, Jack. Characters?”

“Well, love. There’s a lot of things to explain, too many to count, but one thing is that once these characters stepped away from their world, their routine and life, they found themselves here, inside the walls of such a wonderful place. Some call it their magical kingdom.”

“Jack, you’ve clearly been drinking way too much rum. All this nonsense about a magical kingdom and vacations. Maybe it’s best that I just give you the Pearl, rather than fight over it.”

“Oh, by all means, keep the ship. I won’t be needing it for awhile.”

“Jack, you must be mad. It’s the Pearl! I’m practically giving it to you, no questions asked!”

“That’s very kind of you, but I have other things to tend to at the moment.”

“Captain Jack Sparrow!”

“That’s my cue, love. Wish me luck”

“Oh, you’re going to need more than just luck.”

“Jack! Jack! Jack! Jack!”

“Just wonderful! I thought I could bring him back, but noooooo. He wanted to stay here and make a fool out of himself instead. Just wait until I…”

“Welcome to Disney World, the happiest place on Earth. Would you care for a tour of…?”

“You would happen to know how to captain a crew, would you?”

“Uh..no, ma’am.”

“Then buzz off, unless such a fine lad as yourself wouldn’t mind fetching me a pint of rum?”

“We don’t serve rum, ma’am.”

“No rum?! Then what kind of place is this?”

“A happy place.”

“Well for such a happy place that doesn’t have rum, what else do you have?”

“We have pirates.”

“I’ve had enough of those wobbly-legged, rum soaked pirates!”

“Aren’t you a pirate?”

“That’s not the point. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a ship to sail.”

“Well, thanks for visiting Walt Disney World. We hope to see you…”

“Soon? With that Jack Sparrow running around here like a mad man, you will not see me again!”

“Oh that’s very unlikely, ma’am.”

“Oh? And why is that?”

“Well, were you in Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, Dead Man’s Chest or At World’s End?”

“Uh…no.”

“Oh, well in that case you’re free to go.”

“What? Free to go?”

“Yes. Since you weren’t in those three films, you can’t be a part of this magical experience.”

“Oh, I’m sure it’s magical. You have mad men drinking tea, a woman with bright blonde hair that thinks she can fly…and a pirate with a hook for a hand. What makes Jack so special to join such an elite crew?”

“Because he’s Captain Jack Sparrow. Savvy?”

“Oh please. I see he’s gotten to you too. Mr. Popularity.”

“Yes, he’s quite popular, I must say.”

“Jack Sparrow? Popular?”

“It’s Captain.”

“Oh, I’ll be sure not to forget that! Captain Jack Sparrow, famous pirate of the Caribbean!”

“What’s the deal with her, Frank?”

“I think she’s trying to audition for the role of a pirate character.”

“Like that’s going to happen. Jack’s too popular for another rum infested pirate.”

“That’s what I told her.”

“And how did she take it?”

“Well, observe.”

“Well confound it all! Dead Man’s Chest? At World’s End? What kind of place is this? If I want to be a part of such a magical king…oooh, look at all the pretty lights. And those rides and...oh look a giant mouse!"

“She's taking it rather well”

“I think we should recruit her.”

“What? And risk losing Jack's crowds? Not a good idea.”

“I didn't say she had to be a pirate.”

“Oh...I see. I have just the part.”

Two weeks later...

“Well hello, love. Fine day, isn't it?”

“Fine day? You call this a fine day? Thanks to you, I am now a part of all this mess! And I'm in blue! I'm clean! I'm girly! I'm a pompous princess! I'm…”

“Beautiful.”

“Ugh!”

“Ow! Not so hard, love. I've been slapped on that cheek too many times. Slap me on the other one and I’ll give you a kiss!”

“Oh, go lick something, Jack!”

“Oh, my pleasure. I actually had someone in mind.”

The End