Harry Potter and the Clone War

Disclaimer: I don’t own this series or any other series. I am just floating an idea. I am making no money, nor plan to, off this venture. If you think of suing me over this, then grow up.

I would like to first personally thank all of those reviewing my stories. I enjoy reading your comments, and try to correct the grammatical errors I miss with my final read-through as well as my spell checkers. The suggestions you all make will help make this story better for everyone to enjoy, as well as allow my to fix some plot holes I may unintentionally leave. If you find any, let me know, and I will correct them and repost the chapters.

Harry just stumbled into the Great Hall, a smile seemingly carved onto his face, even though it held underlying confusion, as he made his way to his friends. He had no clue what was happening now, but he figured he would just enjoy it until it blew up in his face once more.

“Harry, are you okay?” asked Hermione, seeing her friend sit down beside her.

“I’m not quite certain,” he said, shaking his head. “Did I do anything last night?” he asked.

“Mate, we just studied, you and Hermione did a lesson plan, that’s about it,” Ron said, reaching for some more chicken. “Why?”

“Because several girls snogged me senseless on my way here thanking me for what I did last night,” he said, much to the shock of the others.

“What?” growled Ron, trying hard to suppress his jealousy.

“Who?” asked Hermione, not even trying to suppress her curiosity.

“Um … a few DA members and I think one or two Slytherin girls,” Harry said, trying to recall names to go with the faces that had given him many moments of pleasure on his way to dinner. The fact that Cho had not been among them hadn’t even entered his mind at the moment.

“Slytherin,” growled Ron once more, turning to glare at their table.

“Oh really Ron,” huffed Hermione, “they’re human too. And please recall that Voldemort didn’t just have one house helping him.”

The dig at his former pet calmed the boy down.

“Excuse me?”

The trio looked up, spotting the odd Ravenclaw girl standing before them.

“Yeah, Luna,” said Harry, still fighting to remove that smile from his face.

“Did you say that you were apparently thanked for doing stuff you do not recall doing?” she asked, her tone more serious than usual.

“Well … yeah,” said Harry.

“Oh dear,” said Luna, “it looks like a few got out again,” she mused. “I’ll have to change the safeguards once more. Then again, they can’t help but be clever.”

“Um Luna,” said Hermione, “what are you talking about?”

“Oh, an idea I made true,” smiled the blond. “I knew Harry needed help, so I borrowed an idea from a Muggle movie I saw.”

Hermione paled. She knew that no good could come from this.

“What’s a movie?” asked Ginny, sitting beside the group.

“A Muggle form of entertainment that is similar to a play,” replied Luna. “But I suppose I should fill you in now before things go too far.”

“Too far?” asked Ron.

Nodding, Luna motioned for them to follow her. “Harry,” she asked, seeing the smiling Boy-Who-Lived, “are you feeling okay?”

“Never better,” he said, as he followed her. Nothing could bring him down at the moment.

“Oh good,” said Luna, “I was worried you contracted marigold weaver sickness.”

Harry just shook his head. “Had a good day, always wondered what they were like.”

“Luna?”

“Yes Hermione?”

“This is the entrance to the Room of Requirements,” said Hermione.

“Of course it is,” said Luna. “It is also the entrance to my … lab,” she said, as lightning flashed through the corridors.

“Your lab?” asked Ron.

“No, my … lab,” she said, as lightning flashed once again.

“Stop that Luna,” said Ginny.

“Awww.”

“Can we get on with this?” asked Hermione, rubbing her forehead. She just knew this was going to give her a headache.

“Very well,” she said, as she walked in front of the entrance three times, causing the door she needed to form. “Welcome to … my lab.” Once again, lightning flashed.

“How’s she do that?” asked Ron, looking around.

“This way,” motioned Luna, as she opened the door, revealing a small room.

“Not much of a lab,” muttered Ginny.

“Oh, this is just the Balance Room,” said Luna, as she ushered everyone inside and closed the door.

“Balance Room?” asked Hermione.

“Well, time moves much faster in my … workspace,” she said, replacing the last word in her reply when she noticed sadly that there were no windows for any lightning to flash in front of, thus ruining the effect. “As such, this one speeds us up and slows us down when we’re coming and going.”

“The room can do that?” asked Harry. If they could speed up time, then he could teach more, and create less of a chance for Umbridge to find them.

Luna nodded.

“And why do you need time to go faster in your lab?” asked Hermione.

“Well, I needed the time to get the clones to grow up first,” said Luna as if it was obvious. “After all, we can’t have a bunch of little babies fight the Dark Lord, now can we Hermione.”

Everyone blinked, as a chime went through the room, and the door on the opposite end of the room formed and opened.

“May I introduce my clone army!” cried Luna excitedly … followed by an insane laugh as she motioned towards the new room. “BWA HAHAHAHA!”

“Stop that Luna,” said Ginny, far more used to her friends eccentrics.

“Awww.”

The group exited the Balance Room, viewing a scene that shocked many of them.

Well not Luna, she always saw this. It just excited her a bit to see some many sweaty shirtless clones doing battle.

Not Harry either. Sure, what he saw shocked him a bit, but he was still recalling the tongues that had invaded his mouth not even an hour ago.

Before them was a room much larger than even the great hall, filled with battling teenagers, throwing powerful spells around with great ease, battling as if they were professionals.

“Are those…?” started Hermione, unable to form words at the images before her.

Luna just nodded. “I’ve created over one hundred clones of Harry Potter!” she cried, cackling loudly. “BWA HAHAHAHAHA!”

WHAP!

“Owie,” cried Luna, as she glared at Ginny.

“Luna,” the redhead said calmly, “why are there a bunch of Harry Potter clones in front of us?”

“Because they’re practicing,” said Luna. “Why else would they be in the practice arena? I can’t exactly have them tossing high level spells in the spawning facility, now can I?”

“She means why are there clones of Harry?” asked Hermione, feeling the predicted headache strike.

“Well he’s the only one I could successfully clone,” said Luna. “I suspect it might be because of his half-blood status. The Muggle-born clones and the pureblood clones didn’t work out too well.”

Hermione blinked at that. “Luna, who else did you try to clone?”

At the Granger home, the patriarch was watching television, enjoying a day off from his job, relaxing as his wife had gone off to visit her parents … or was it her sister.

“I probably should have been paying attention,” he mused, as he flipped through the channels, coming to rest on a commercial for a new video.

“Girls Gone Wild?” he asked, watching the screen.

He blinked. Those triplets flashing the camera looked very much like his daughter.

Four Ron clones stared in awe at the blinking light.

“How’s a blinking light supposed to hurt someone?” asked one of the clones.

“Don’t know,” said another. “But kind of wicked looking.”

Dobby sighed as he pushed a button and dropped the blast shield. As a small explosion was heard, Dobby signaled for a cleanup crew. Muggle explosives were always so messy. “Weasley clones not very bright, Dobby wonders what is missing?”

He paused at looking at the sheet before him. “Is something missing, Dobby wonders. Weasley friend of the Great Harry Potter isn’t very bright.”

“Just a few other useful individuals,” she admitted. “There were certain emotional issues I couldn’t resolve, so I had to discontinue their development,” said Luna politely. “But they are being useful,” she offered.

“Useful how?” asked Hermione.

“Are you sure they can help?” asked Luna.

“Oh I’m certain,” said Padma, smirking at what was before her. “It’ll help us ensure we know what these new spells and weapons we’re making can do.”

“Oh, okay then,” said Luna, as she turned around, preparing to skip out of the room. “Have fun.”

“Oh, I will,” said the Ravenclaw twin, as her lips turned into a cruel smile. Somehow, she was going to put this off as a therapeutic session, and not what it might appear to be.

Motioning for one of the Rons to step into the room, she prepared to cast the spell. After all, you never truly knew what a spell would do until you tried it out on someone. Plus, they had those cloned house elves to clean up after her.

Dismantling clones was so messy, but she had to do it … for research, not for revenge. It wasn’t like she was still upset over how Ron Weasley had treated her during the Yule Ball.

Luna just nodded. “Now I know you all are feeling a bit depressed,” she said. “Though I wonder if Harry is just made to be depressed,” she wondered.

“Anyway, I wanted to offer you an incentive to not be emo and to practice harder.”

“And that is?” asked Emo—er, Harry-12.

Luna waved her hand, as a door opened, allowing the scantily dressed Hermione clones to enter.

“Dude, girls!”

“Dude, boys!”

Luna just smiled as they all seemed so happy … and very naked. “Hmm, I should go find the original Harry,” she murmured as she turned around and left.

“They are doing what they can to help the war effort,” said Luna. Though it was obvious that she needed to make more female clones if the Harry clones were leaving the facility to find new women. Maybe I need to make some clones of the other girls; but who are the half-bloods again? We don’t need more flighty dumb clones.

Then again, it is just for sex, so maybe it’ll be okay.

“And where did they get their wands?” asked Ginny.

Hermione walked over to one of the resting Harrys, and looked over the wand. After checking several, she turned towards Luna once again. “Luna, you cloned his wand?”

“Of course not,” said Luna. “Cloning a wand is pure fantasy and it simply can’t be done. That would be like asking you not to study or a Crumpled-horned Snorkack not to dance during mating season.”

“Then where did you get exact copies of Harry’s wand?” asked Hermione.

Harry blinked at that, as he borrowed one of the wands and tried it out, producing a corporeal Patronis.

“Oh, I had them specially made.”

“Made by who?” asked Harry.

“I pulled in a favor and got Ollivander to make them for us,” said Luna with her smile. “He usually doesn’t do much work during the school year, so he was happy to help.”

Said wand maker looked up from his table, glaring at a red phoenix sitting across from him. “I don’t know why you’re angry. I have to do all the work; you just need to drop tail feathers.”

Fawkes glared at him, wishing he could leave. But that woman just seemed to know the right spots to pet him. Besides, it wasn’t like he could run out of feathers … right?

Ollivander just sighed. If only he could get those photos away from the girl. “Damn her and damn me for doing such things to get blackmailed with in the first place.”

“I’m never vacationing in America ever again,” he grumbled. “‘Stays in Vegas’ my ass.”

“You did all of this?” asked Ginny in awe.

“Well no,” said Luna. “I had help from a few Ravenclaws that aren’t mean to me,” she said. “Plus, we had help from a few of the house elves to pull this off. Why one was even so helpful that we cloned him as well. He insisted on it in fact, to help all of the Harrys.”

Snape’s glare didn’t remove that smile, Umbridge’s sneer didn’t remove it, and neither did Malfoy’s usual antics.

But this statement from Luna removed it. “Uh-oh,” he whispered, afraid of what was to come next.

“Calling all Dobbys!” yelled Luna.

There was a loud pop as many very familiar looking house elves arrived on the scene. Not noticed by most, many of the cloned Harry Potters quickly made an exit, leaving the original standing in front of the Dobby clones.

“Oh sweet Merlin,” Harry gasped out, feeling pale.

“The Great Wizard Harry Potter comes to see Dobby!” they cried in unison before tackling their perceived hero.

“Strangely, house elf clones end up as exact duplicates of the original, even down to the memories,” said Luna with a smile. “I hope to have similar results with cloning Blibbering Humdingers. They are rare as it is.”

“Okay Luna, explain this one more time,” said the slightly tense Harry Potter—the original, not one of the clones.

“Well, you needed help and at a level to match you,” said Luna. “While the DA is improving, you’ll need more help than what we can offer. Plus you have this nasty habit of wanting to face death and danger by yourself. You know, it’s not a friendly thing to do to refuse to let your friends risk their lives with you.”

“She’s got a point there,” said Hermione, trying to ignore some of the stares she was receiving from the Harry clones. “You do tend to try and carry the weight of the world by yourself.”

“But he’s after me,” said Harry.

“Right,” snorted Ginny. “Like when he’s finished with you, he’ll ignore the rest of us and go off to die in a desert.”

“Safety in numbers mate,” said Ron.

“Anyway,” interrupted Luna, not wanting to see the original Harry go emo—though she wondered if what made the clones all normal might also snap him out of his perpetual funk, “I thought of a movie I saw. I think it was called Bio-dome.”

“I think you mean Star Wars, Attack of the Clones,” said Hermione.

“No, I’m pretty sure it was Bio-dome.”

“And?” asked Harry, very nervous being surrounded by trained clones of himself and the excited stares of dozens of Dobby clones.

“Well, I thought since Voldemort had an army, and the Ministry has an army—including the ninja house elves—”

“Dobby is like gas, silent but deadly,” said the original elf, as the others magically produced small swords.

“Oh my God,” muttered Hermione, trying not to moan at the small word play Dobby had unwittingly made.

“I figured it was only fitting that Harry have an army as well.”

“But what about the DA?” asked Ron.

“They are the leaders, the clones are the troops,” replied Luna.

“So I can command a small group of Harry Potters?” asked Ginny, a small smile forming on her lips.

Ron just smiled. “Can I make a Quidditch team from mine?”

“WHAT?” yelled Harry.

As this was going on, an interesting scene was taking place inside the Headmaster’s Office.

“I demand he be expelled!” yelled Snape, glaring at the son of his hated foe.

“I find it hard to believe, Severus,” said Dumbledore. “How could Mr. Potter assault you and Madam Umbridge while he has been chatting with me as well as Professors Sinestra and McGonagall for the last half hour discussing future career plans?”

The Harry clone tilted his head, smiling. He was glad that he had gotten the fake scar on his head; otherwise they would claim he was a polyjuice impersonator. “I do believe I might be being framed,” said Harry-81. “After all, I can’t be in three places at once, can I?”

Snape could only growl.

“I will discover how you pulled this off, Mr. Potter,” said Umbridge, sneering at the boy again.

Harry just tilted his head again. “I’m afraid I haven’t done anything for you to discover, Ma’am,” said Harry, before a smile formed on his face. “Though I would be surprised at what you might discover. I would hate to be blamed for something I didn’t do … once again.”

He just ignored the glares from the targets that had been labeled ‘Greasy-Git-1’ and ‘Frog-Bitch’. They would be dealt with soon enough.

Harry just sighed as he arrived at the Ministry with the other DA members. “I don’t get it,” said Harry. “We know Sirius is not caught, there is no reason to be here. Why’d we come?”

Luna just smiled as she waved her wand at the multiple Floos in the entrance. “Because it is always fun to surprise the enemy by springing their trap with one of your own.”

“Besides,” said Ron, “if we didn’t do this, you’d slip out and try to do it by yourself … again.”

“You do have a nasty habit of running off to face danger on your own, Harry,” admonished Ginny.

“Was it really necessary to bring the entire DA though?” asked the Boy-Who-Lived.

“Ickle Harrykins running off foolishly…”

“And not wanting to bring us along?” asked the familiar Weasley Twins.

“I know brother-dear, and after all we did for him.”

“Too true, why the sacrifices we make for our friends.”

“So what now?” asked Cho, looking around the empty Ministry.

“You think there was an alarm or something we need to know about?” asked Colin.

“I’m sure the nargles just started mating and their calls frightened the staff,” said Luna, as she pulled out a special DA coin and activated.

“What’s Luna doing?” asked Parvati.

“Calling for assistance,” said Luna, as the Floo System flared to live, and the clones of war entered.

“…”

Harry sighed. “I hope this works.”

“I can’t believe that worked,” Harry said in awe, looking at the unconscious, dead, or heavily maimed Death Eaters.

“I told you it would,” said Luna with a bright smile as she looked at the babbling Minister, still in shock not just at the Harry Potter Army, but that Voldemort really was back.

“Harry, may I speak to you?”

The duo turned to spot the arrival of the Headmaster, looking both worried for his students, upset that they broke the rules, and confused at the sight of so many Harry Potters interrogating the captured Death Eaters.

“You know,” said Harry-56, “the Aurors really need to lock their Potions Closet.”

“Yeah, but we got so many nice toys,” said Harry-34, holding several Time Turners.

“He really is back,” mumbled Fudge.

Harry just shrugged as he looked at Luna. “Need me for anything else?” he asked, surprised at how different the battle had felt. He was actually … somewhat relieved there had been no deaths.

Luna had yet to tell him about several Suicide Rons that had been lost attacking Voldemort. “No, but I will need to meet with you later on tonight. I have another project I need to try out. I really believe it will help you.”

Harry just smiled, thus missing the highly perverted smile forming on Luna’s face. It was nice to have people helping him in the open and not force him into it. “Okay then.”

“EEEP!”

The group turned to watch Hermione slap one of the Harry clones.

“I wonder what that was about?” asked Harry, as Luna rushed towards the group.

“Um, yes, about these other … yous,” Dumbledore said uncomfortably.

“What about them?” asked Harry. “You did say we needed every bit of help against Voldemort.”

“Well yes…”

“And they are battle-trained, unlike many of the current Auror force.

“Kid’s got a point,” said Moody as he walked up. “Potter, ask Lovegood if her program can work for the new recruits; I’d like to have one damned raid where a newbie didn’t yell out their arrival.”

“Sure!”

Dumbledore sighed; this was definitely not going to plan. “What about the Prophecy, Harry? What happened to it?”

Harry could only blink at that. “I think I gave it to Ron.”

“Gave me what, mate?” asked Ron, trying to back away from Padma Patil. That look she was giving him creeped him out.

“The Prophecy Orb,” said Harry.

“It wasn’t me, mate.”

A quick scan of the redhead’s mind confirmed that he hadn’t had the Prophecy, leaving the aged Headmaster confused as to who had it now.

“Wow,” said one of the escaped Ron clones, allowed free because one of the Harry clones had not shut the door correctly.

“It’s all shiny and stuff,” said the other, as the small group stared at the pilfered prophecy orbs.

“I hate this one,” said another Ron. “It keeps talking about some guy named Bush.”