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Kaiju Moth
Author of 8 Stories |
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I do not own Teen Titans. All lyrics, songs, titles, and themes pertaining to "The Wall" are property of Roger Waters and Pink Floyd.
Raven wasn't sure quite how it happened. She wished it didn't happen, but it did. It started when her sixteenth birthday had come, and Slade had delivered her the message from her father. Robin had come to her rescue after Slade let her fall from the building.
After that, he barely left her side. He was always there, helping her out, consoling her, giving her hope. He had done more than be there for her, he hadconnected with her. He had been a brother to her. Then, in the ultimate display of courage, he almost literally went through hell to rescue her from her father. He had been there with her through her darkest hours, through thick and thin. And because of it all, Raven had felt something she swore she would never feel again. She felt desire for Robin.
Was it a crush? Was it love? Was it just lust? Raven wasn't sure what she was feeling. But whatever it was, she couldn't stop thinking about Robin after it. They had gotten so close, Raven was sure that their relationship had developed into something more. Maybe Robin really did view Raven as more than a friend.
But it didn't turn out that way. After Trigon had been defeated and the world restored, you wouldn't have guessed it happened. Robin went right back to the way things were now that the whole ordeal was over. All of his attention that had previously been on her went back to the original person: Starfire. Robin's time with Raven turned exactly back into what it had been before – a few talks here and there, some time spent together in the common room, this and that. But nothing more.
Raven was surprised, to say the least. Surprised and angry. Surely she deserved more than this? Surely all their time spent together meant something more to Robin, right?
And then, there was the kiss. In their mission together in Tokyo, when she wasn't hitting Beast Boy for some God-knows reason, she had been paying attention to him and Starfire. She heard about it from Cyborg, and when she did, something within her was crushed. Of course, Raven wouldn't let anyone know, not even Robin. They could never know that she had developed feelings for him. But that didn't make the pain any more bearable. Somebody whom she thought had loved her in return had betrayed her, again.
To fill the empty spaces
Where we used to talk?
Raven walked into the kitchen to prepare herself some tea. Cyborg and Beast Boy were in the common room playing some loud videogame, as usual. Despite their noise, Raven couldn't stop thinking about something else. Tonight Robin and Starfire were going on another date. Robin called it a "scouting mission", but everyone knew what they were really doing.
She turned on the stove and sat down to wait for the water to boil. With little else to do, she opened her book and tried to ignore the hollering coming from the common room. Unfortunately at that moment, the very person she didn't want to see walked in.
"Hi Raven," Robin said as he walked in, the door swishing behind him. He casually reached into the refrigerator and pulled out a water. He was sweating and breathing deeply, obviously having just been training. Go figure.
"Hello," she answered, not looking at him.
"Yo Robin!" Cyborg called from the common room. "When are you and Starfire going out?"
"About 8:00. Why?" he asked curiously.
"Cause Cyborg wants to know so he can slip a spycam into your R-cycle!" Beast Boy answered. A yelping sound could be heard as Cyborg attempted to throttle him.
Robin raised his hands defensively. "Guys, we're only doing a routine mission. It's not-"
"Don't even try it, Robin. We're not stupid," Cyborg interrupted. The human part of his face twisted into a cocky grin. "And you can stop trying to be so secretive about it. We all think it's great you and Star are finally together."
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean we won't tease you about it mercilessly," Beast Boy added while sticking his tongue out.
"Very funny guys," Robin growled. "But if you don't want a 3 AM training session tomorrow, I suggest you leave the funny comments to yourself for now.
"Yes, boss," Cyborg replied sarcastically. "Just don't bore her to death, alright? Fighting villains is harder with four people than with five." Next to him, Beast Boy suppressed a giggle.
Robin blushed and gritted his teeth. "Shut the hell up! That's none of your business!"
"Alright, alright. No need to get so defensive their, Robby-poo. Right, Raven?" Beast Boy asked.
Raven felt a lump in her throat. She didn't know what to say, so she responded the only way she knew how.
"Maybe you should just mind your own business and not act so childishly, ever think of that?" she asked angrily. "Besides, at least Robin has a girlfriend. That's more than I can say for you!"
"Ouch," Cyborg said playfully. Now, it was Beast Boy who blushed.
"Thank you, Raven," Robin said with a triumphant smirk.
"As for you," Raven shot back. "You should count your lucky stars that Starfire is willing to put up with you, because I guarantee not many girls would be able to. Heck, I'm surprised we're able to stand you half the time."
Robin blinked in shock. From the common room, Cyborg and Beast Boy did the same.
"Um…" Robin stuttered.
"Uh, Raven?" Beast Boy asked.
Raven sighed in frustration. She didn't understand why she had that outburst, but she needed to meditate now.
"I have to go," Raven said flatly. She shut her book and turned off the stove, not even bothering to empty the kettle. When she was gone, all three boys looked at each other in confusion.
"What was that about?" Cyborg asked. He looked at Robin as if expecting an answer.
"Don't look at me!" Robin replied, just as shocked as he was. He happened to glance at his watch, and his eyes widened under his mask.
"Woah! Look at the time! I gotta go."
"Bye, prince charming! Be sure to have her back by midnight!" Cyborg called as his leader left. A noise that sounded like "Shut up!" could be heard down the hall.
"Man, that was weird," Beast Boy said as he and Cyborg went back to the game.
"Who, Raven or Robin?" Cyborg asked.
Beast Boy rolled his eyes. "Both."
"Ah. Maybe Raven's just in a bad mood."
"Yeah, or something," Beast Boy said grumpily.
"Hey man, don't worry about. Besides, I'm sure you'll find a girl out there," he aid, referring to Raven's earlier comment.
"I hope so," Beast Boy said. By now, he was ready to move on after Terra's departure. However, not many chicks seemed into the green skin.
"Just out of curiosity, would you date Starfire if it meant being teased mercilessly by Robin and me?" the metal man asked.
Beast Boy smiled widely at him and winked. "You bet."
The two Titans chuckled.
The final places?
How should I complete the wall?
"Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos," Raven chanted, with eyes shut in concentration. She had to get these feelings out of her head. She had to forget about any feelings she may have had for Robin.
Meanwhile, in Nevermore…
A girl walked across a beautiful, sunlit beach. Said girl looked exactly like Raven, only she wore a purple cloak. Not only that, her facial expressions were softer and more tender.
Affection sat down on a nearby rock. Reaching down, she picked up a flower and began plucking off its petals one by one.
"He loves me…he loves me not…he loves me…he loves me not…" she continued until the last petal was pulled.
"He loves me." Affection smiled and looked at the flower one last time before setting it down. Bored with the beach, she decided to take a walk. She walked further inland until the beach turned into a rather lush forest, yet spacious forest. To her left, a picturesque brook flowed, and birds chirped happily in the air. Affection took off her boots and sat down at the stream's shore, letting the cool water cascade over her feet.
"What am I going to do? When will she ever let me out?" Affection thought aloud.
"Good question," a voice said behind her, shocking the purple-clad emotion.
Affection spun around and beheld another Raven clone wearing a brown cloak.
"Oh, hello Wisdom," said Affection.
"You seem troubled," Wisdom stated, right as always. "May I ask what is the problem?"
"Oh," Affection breathed. "It's Raven again. She's up to her old habits."
"Old habits are not so easily broken, especially ones years old," Wisdom observed. "Are you curious as to why she is blocking you out again?"
"Yes. Why is she doing this to herself?" Affection asked.
"Raven has been doing this her whole life. Now, she feels she has been betrayed by someone she thought she loved AND loved her in return. She'll deal with it the only way she knows how – by blocking it out. I'm afraid this will not help her emotional state at all."
"But what about hope? I thought Raven was stronger than that?" Affection asked desperately.
"Raven is strong, and she still has her hope. There will always be hope as long as the wall is not complete."
"The wall?" Affection asked curiously.
Wisdom nodded. "The barrier she has been building ever since birth. She was told her whole life that she was not allowed to feel, so she started shutting herself off from others. Every bad experience, every betrayal, and every person who has ever hurt her has contributed to it. Brick by brick, Raven made it herself."
"How come I never knew about this?" Affection asked curiously.
"The last time Raven used you, it was with Malchior, and then the wall had not yet been fully built. After he betrayed Raven, she built it up even more and only let some emotions slip past it a little at a time."
"Oh," Affection said as she stared at the stream.
"Do you wish to see it?" Wisdom asked.
Affection spun around again. "What?"
"Do you wish to see it? I think it's best if you do," Wisdom offered.
"Yes! Yes I would!" Affection swiftly agreed. She even stood up and started putting on her boots.
Wisdom nodded again. "Very well. Come with me."
"Where are we?" Affection asked.
"The outskirts of Raven's mind. It's not much further," Wisdom answered.
The two emotions cleared a hill, and finally what they were seeking came into view. Upon seeing it, Affection's eyes widened.
"What is that?" she asked.
"It's Raven's wall," Wisdom answered plainly. Slowly, carefully, the two emotions approached the structure.
The structure was huge! It was several stories and extended toward the horizon on both sides, so Affection couldn't even see the end. The brick was a solid black, with streaks of dark gray occasionally interspersed.
As they neared the structure, Affection noticed the sky grow darker. A large cloud loomed over the wall, blocking out the light. Below, the grass gradually browned and stiffened as they got closer.
"The grass - it's dying," Affection observed. To her right, Wisdom nodded sadly.
"The wall kills the mind. It strangles. Nothing can exist around it."
They at last came to the base of the huge edifice. By the time they reached it, the grass was gone, leaving only dry, bare ground. Slowly, affection reached out and touched the large, dark brick. Even though the air was relatively warm, the wall was icy to the touch.
"Can't we do something about it?" Affection asked.
"Only Raven can break it down. It is her decision alone. The wall is the very thing that hurts her and yet could be the one thing that has preserved her very sanity."
"And what's beyond it?" Affection asked.
"The world," Wisdom answered simply.
It was at this moment Affection noticed beams of light piercing through the wall. There were cracks. Empty spaces.
"There are spaces!" Affection observed hopefully.
Wisdom sighed. "Yes, there are. As I said, the wall is unfinished, but I still haven't found any big enough to pass through."
"I see. And if I can't find any either?"
"Then you'll have to go over it. Only, that will not be easy," Wisdom answered.
Affection hung her head sadly. "I see."
Wisdom placed a hand on her shoulder. "I know this makes you uncomfortable. Do you wish to leave?"
Affection shook her head, and politely brushed the hand off. "No thank you. I have to stay for…a little while longer. You can go without me."
"I understand," Wisdom said. Before she left, she gave Affection one more encouraging squeeze on the shoulder. "If you try to break through, you have my best wishes."
"Thank you Wisdom," Affection whispered, not looking back. Behind her, Wisdom flew off, leaving her alone. No matter how hard she tried, Affection couldn't keep her eyes away off the structure.
She looked left, then right, then straight up. In that moment, Affection resolved to break free once and for all. She would find a space and escape. She had to find a way out. She had to find a way to break through.
She hoped.
But so there's no confusion: it's ONE-SIDED RobxRae. Robin does not love Raven like that; he loves Starfire. But does Raven truly love Robin? Was affection talking about him or Beast Boy? Only time will tell.
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