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Those Little Moments
There are those moments when she fears losing him again.
It’s in those moments, that everything’s quiet - still. It’s in those moments that the fear hits hardest because he’s not speaking or moving and there’s no evidence that he’s even alive besides the warmth radiating beside her. It’s in those moments that she has to do a double take just to make sure that he’s still there - that he didn’t fade away and leave her alone again.
She scoops up a handful of sand and let’s the tiny white grains slip between her fingers. They fall swiftly and smoothly until the sand runs out - then it ends. She thinks she finally understands why hour glasses are made with sand. Each grain is a moment - those at the top are those that have not yet happened, those at the bottom are those that have become nothing but memories. Each moment slips and falls into the pile of memories until, eventually, those moments run out. The sand is all at the bottom and there is nothing left but memories.
She’s afraid that he’ll be the next thing to slip away. She’s afraid that her grains of sand are running dangerously low and that, if she doesn’t find a way to tip the hourglass over soon, she’ll lose everything. And not simply for a short amount of time, but forever. Two years seems like only moments in comparison.
He takes the hand that isn’t playing with the pale grains and brings it to his lips to kiss it lightly.
“You’re worried,” he says quietly, his azure gaze focused on the water before them, simply sparkling with the pale light from the moon, “Yuna, you don’t have to be afraid.”
“I’m just… worried,” she admits, her voice soft, weak in comparison to the confident way he speaks, “I’m worried that you’ll have to go away again.”
“I know,” he raises their hands, still clasped together, and brushes her cheek with the back of his own hand, “I can’t guarantee the future, Yuna, but I know that right now, I’m not going anywhere,” the corners of his lips turn upward in a smile and she can’t help but smile, herself, “Don’t fear it now, because it’s not going to happen now. It may never happen. We’ll just have to see, won’t we?”
“But if it does,” she closes her eyes and for a moment focuses only on the soft, warm breeze brushing past them, “If it does happen, what will I do? I wouldn’t imagine that the fayth would be so kind as to bring you back a second time. I had to save the world to get you back,” she giggles at the notion, “I’m not sure if I could handle saving the world a third time.”
“Stop it,” he commands, poking her playfully in the ribs, “I told you to stop worrying!”
Yuna sighs in defeat and runs the grains of sand through her free hand once more
It’s those moments when he gives her a kiss. It’s in those moments when he simply holds her and doesn’t say a word. Those moments lift her spirits and make her forget the moments when she’s afraid. It’s those moments when he whispers quietly in her ear that everything will be alright and then kisses the top of her head. That’s when she knows he’s there and feels like he’ll never leave her again.
“So, I’ve been thinking,” he swings her hand around playfully, forever clasped in his own, as they walk back to the village.
“About what?” she tilts her head to the side in curiosity, ready to listen to anything he has to say.
“About you - me,” his lips quirk upward and she can’t help but wonder what he’s getting at. After a brief pause, he continues, “Us.”
For a moment they walk silently and Yuna focuses nervously on the crunching of stones beneath her feet. The scents of the ocean, still water and salt, follow her along the trail as she walks, familiar and comforting. His her hand is warm in his. It’s safe.
“I’ve seen you in a wedding dress before, you know,” he says quietly, and her heart thuds with the realization of what he was getting at, “but I’ve always wondered something. I’ve sat down and thought before: What would Yuna look like in a wedding gown as my bride? How utterly radiant would she look with a smile on her face as she marched down the aisle, to meet me at the end?” he stops walking and her heart stops beating, “I’ve loved you from the moment I watched you dance in Kilika two years ago, Yuna, and if I end up fading away again - and hopefully that will never happen - I don’t want to leave without knowing what it’s like to have you as my wife.” Tidus gets down on one knee, freeing her hand and reaching into his pocket, eventually producing a small black box, “Yuna, I love you. Will you marry me?”
She wants to collapse. She wants to cry out in joy. She wants to giggle like a little school girl. She wants to scream, “YES!” As it is, however, she cannot will her vocal chords to work and instead watches utterly dumbfounded as he slides a very pretty diamond ring onto her finger. When he stands, her first instinct is to throw her arms around him and cry happily into the crook of his neck. He rubs her back lovingly for a moment before speaking.
“So I can take that as a yes?” He murmurs in her ear, afterward pressing a light kiss to it.
She simply nods and he tilts his head to capture her lips in a kiss.
She is scared to death.
It’s not that she does not want to marry Tidus, no, she wants nothing more. She is simply frightened. How much more will it hurt if he disappears now? She slams her eyes shut and doesn’t want to open them.
“Yunie…” Rikku whines, “Don’t get the heebie-jeebies now! You’re getting married!”
Yuna shakes her head furiously and opens her eyes, flat out lying as she says, “I’m fine, just a little nervous.”
She picks up the extravagant bouquet of flowers and continues to wring them until the tune starts playing. It’s now or never… She reminds herself. Tidus is smiling as she walks soundlessly down the aisle. All of her friends watch with the same smile and she feels the need to force one onto her own face just so that she will match. It’s her wedding day, after all. She should be the happiest one in the room.
As she walks, she contemplates. What pain would it bring if she had children with him? What pain would it bring if he just disappeared suddenly and she was left to raise them alone? What a horror… Yuna shakes her head again and finds herself standing at the alter.
Be strong for him, Yuna. Like he says, it may never even happen. She reminds herself of these things as they perform the ceremony.
Thirty minutes later, vows said and ceremony complete, Yuna clasps her hand with his, new ring in place.
She watches him fade away again.
“Yuna, I’m so sorry,” he had buried his head against her and that was the last thing she had felt of him, “I love you so much.”
He turns those familiar shades of blue and green and then disperse into a cloud of pyre flies. She had known it would happen. She had known it all too well. So why was it such a surprise that it was happening now? Her heart stops beating for a moment. She sees naught but black for a long while.
When she wakes up, she’s being shaken vigorously. She only prays that when she opens her eyes, it will have all been a horrible, horrible nightmare and none of this was really, truly happening. But when her eyes flutter open, it is Rikku and Wakka and Lulu and baby Vidina. They’re all whispering - all have the same sadness washed over their faces.
“He’s gone, isn’t he, Yunie?” Rikku whispers quietly, “You were screaming it. Yunie, I’m so sorry.” She’s hugged in that moment, but she doesn’t feel it.
It has really happened. He is really gone. All the grains of sand have slipped away, and she is left with nothing.
Because she is with him again. In a very different place. It is her own, personal heaven and though she has left behind everyone else, she feels naught. It is one of those feelings that makes you euphoric. She’s is happy to know that her grains will never slip away again.
A/N: Well, that’s it, really. I wrote this over a few days, so it’s not my best piece of work. I like it, though. I think I kept Yuna in character pretty well. Please review and let me know what you think. Remember that each review is utterly appreciated.
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