THE DARKEST OF SADNESS

Chapters: one shot
Type: coda, drama, angst
Rating: PG
Main characters: Dean, Sam
Timeline: 1x01 – Pilot
Summary: Little coda to the pilot. Dean’s thoughts after they leave Stanford.
Beta Reader: none
Disclaimer: Don't own the show; don't own the brothers (sadly).
Title comes from the song ‘It Can’t Rain All The Time’.
Written: May, 2007

“We got work to do,”

That’s all Sam said. He then got in the car and Dean sat behind the wheel, driving off to another nameless motel to rest for the night before setting off for the place where their father was supposed to be.

Every time Dean would turn his head to look at his brother, Sam did as well, pretending to be staring at the scenery, to avoid meeting his brother’s gaze.
Dean knew that Sam wasn’t ready to face what had just happened, the kid’s mind was racing back and forth from denial to pure anger, avoiding carefully any kind of sadness. Dean tightened his grasp on the wheel, knowing too well the feelings himself.

When their mother had died, years ago, he had wanted nothing else than to find the monster who had done it. He wasn’t talking to anyone anymore. Brooding in his rage, wanting to smash everything that was at hand’s reach. Yes, he knew the feelings very well; the anger was still present at this very moment. He had kept it with him all along, preserving it for the day he’d find the bastard. Oh yes, the day would come Hell would feel the Winchesters’ wrath upon him.

As he stole another glance at his brother, Dean realized that life would have been really different without him by his side. Sammy had been the only good thing in his life, without him he would have given in in to his rage and anger a long time ago. But he could not, he had to make sure he’s brother had food, clothes. He also always made sure that Sammy never lacked of love. Of course this wasn’t the usual kind of love - the parental love normal children receive with lots of kisses, hugs and cuddling – but the best Dean could come off with had always been close enough. He made sure to always be there for his brother, reassuring him when he needed to, making him laugh when he needed to.

Dean silently watched as his brother got in bed, facing the wall so he wouldn’t face him. Seeing his baby brother hurt like that brought a large lump to his throat. This time he couldn’t find any reassuring words to say, or any funny jokes that would bring a large smile to his face and lights to his eyes. He sat on the ragged bed that was going to be his for the night and a silent tear raced down his cheek.

“We’ll find the bastard who did it Sammy. I swear to you we will,” he said in a low voice before turning the lights out and lying down.

Though no other words were spoken that night, none of the brothers slept. They remained in the shadows, knowing that even if life seemed to be totally fucked up at the moment, at least they had each other, and that made things a little bit better.

FIN