MISSED YOU

Chapters: one shot
Type: coda, drama, angst
Rating: PG
Main characters: Dean, Sam
Timeline: 1x02 – Wendigo
Summary: Little coda for episode 1x02 Wendigo. Dean and Sam talk.
Beta Reader: none
Disclaimer: Don't own the show; don't own the brothers (sadly).
Written: May, 2007

"So what do we do now?" Sam asked as he took a left turn to make it back to their Motel.

"We get some sleep and then we hit the road." Dean replied.

"And then what, where do we go?" Sam asked again, trying to keep his voice neutral. "We take another job and another, until we finally find Dad?"

"Yep, that's about it." Dean replied almost matter-of-factly. Sam tightened his grip on the wheel and kept his angry thoughts to himself.

They got to the Motel and Sam parked the car in front of their room. Dean had almost made his way to the door when Sam called for him. He turned back to his brother and saw he had his back to the car, head held low. Dean took a few steps back towards him and waited.

After a long sigh Sam finally asked in a dry voice "How do you do it Dean?" he had not raised his head and was deliberately avoiding meeting his brothers' eyes.

"What?" The older brother retorted, failing to see what Sam had meant.

"All this; the hunting I mean. How can you go on risking your life like that all the time?"

Dean was a little unsettled by the question. He had no idea where this was going and he mumbled a sort of 'I'm used to it' as a reply.

"But don't you sometimes want to do something else, have fun?" Sam asked

"Well, I'm having plenty of fun like that, thank you." Dean replied

"I meant having fun like normal people. Going to the cinema, hanging out with friends. That sort of things."

"Well you tell me." Dean bitterly retorted. He didn't like where this was going a bit. "You're the one who's done it all, back at Stanford."

Sam sighed heavily. Yes, Dean was definitely still angry because he had left. He wondered if he would ever get over it. And why was he so angry. Sam had just wanted a little bit of normality in his life. Going in class instead of hunting. Hanging out instead of cleaning guns. Having fun with friends instead of taking with his brother orders from their father. Why was Dean so angry for him wanting to be happy anyway? And then it hit him in the face real hard. He had abandoned his brother to all the things he had ran away from. Leaving him alone to battle daemons, while he lived the perfect college-life at Stanford. How could he have been so selfish and not even realizing it?

"I'm sorry," Sam said in a sad voice.

Dean frowned, not understanding what his brother was sorry for. He stepped a little forward and Sam raised his head, looking straight in Dean's eyes, repeating his last words. Dean's heart missed a beat when he saw the sadness in his brother's eyes. He had always hated to see him sad and his voice was a little cracked when he asked his brother what he was sorry for.

"I'm sorry I left you. I was so angry with life at the time and I just wanted to feel normal for a little while. It was so selfish to abandon you like that, I'm sorry." He said battling to hold back the tears.

Dean was completely unsettled. He really was not expecting this. Of course the departure of his brother had been hard on him. He had resented him a little for leaving him alone with their father, but if it was what Sam wanted then it was okay. Dean shook his head, searching for the right words to phrase his thoughts, in his usual macho demeanour. Failing to do so, he hissed a 'fuck', shrugged and then let his hand fall to his side in defeat before replying.

"You haven't abandoned me Sammy. I let you go." He paused, cursing mentally at his brother for having him going all girly like that. "I let you go because I knew that it was what you wanted. And damn, you had the right to be happy. And as long as you were, so was I. So stop going all worked up like that because you think you've hurt me. I'm all okay, not angry a bit."

Sam was touched by his brother's words. Dean rarely talked like that and he smiled a little at the thought before saying "It was all a façade you know. Stanford and my friends: I've never really fitted in. Somehow, I think I've always known that I did not really belong and that it would end." He paused, looking at the bag of guns in Dean's hand, contemplating what his life now was. "And it didn't feel right because… because you weren't there."

Dean smirked at that and said "Yeah I missed you to, especially the girly whining. You do it so well,"

Sam gently hit him in the shoulder to protest but couldn't not help smiling as he did so. The chick-flick moment was over and Dean was back to his usual self.

"I'm not a girl." Sam said as he passed in front of his brother, making his way to the door, feeling better that he had for the past days.

"Well, sometimes you have me wondering," Dean replied as he followed him inside, a large smile lighting his face.

FIN