Hello, I know people hate Mary Sues but the truth is they DO bring in reviews by the barrel load, I know from experience. Luckily this is NOT a Mary Sue; it is an anti-Mary Sue where all Mary Sues die and you Mary Sue haters can have a party about for months. Anyway, I’ll shut up know and leave to the story.

P.S. Be warned, I don’t like Frodo.

No I REALLY don’t like Frodo.

Set after the ring has been destroyed.

Deep within Mirkwood, in the Elvin Kings palace a young elf (known to his friends and family as Legolas) slept peacefully, his dreams were of the good old days, chasing orcs and fighting Mordor to protect Middle Earth. All of a sudden his dreams where somewhat interrupted, just as he was about to kill his 45th orc (to Gimli’s 6th) at the Battle of Helms Deep. He found himself in the middle of Mirkwood. It appeared to be a lovely spring day but of course it was hard to tell due to the dense tree cover. From behind him Legolas heard the tinkling sound of laughter. He spun around, bow drawn and ready. Out of the trees stepped a group of girls, beautiful yes, but somehow sickening in their perfect-ness because nobody could be THAT perfect. They were all tall, skinny with long, silky hair, mostly blond; they were all armed to the teeth with swords, daggers, bows (and quivers) and many other weapons (a little over done) but they didn’t look very dangerous. If they had really been faced by anything more dangerous than an angry ant they wouldn’t have stood a chance.

“Who are you?” Legolas asked cautiously.

“We are your worst nightmare!” one said laughingly.

Another giggled.

“No we’re not! We are here to help you.”

“With what?” Legolas queried.

“The quest”

Legolas looked blank.

“To destroy the ring” one girl prompted.

“Oh that,” Legolas said, “That was over LONG ago, sorry, just a little late.” And with that he turned his back on the girls and began to head back to the palace.

“Oh” the girls coursed, sounding rather sad but then they cheered all of a sudden. “In that case we’ll just have to marry you!” they shouted gleefully.

That stopped Legolas right in his tracks.

He spun around, “Yeah, right. Hmm. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!”

“But why not?” they moaned.

“Ok, where do I start? 1) You are freaky little girls who rob me of my dreams of glory and bring me to the middle of the woods to help me with something finished ages ago (actually I only got back two days ago but that’s besides the point) 2) I’ve never met you before and all of a sudden you want to marry me which leads to 3) How could I satisfy that many wives and still have time to do important things like chase random orcs and the like? Now do you get why I can’t marry you?” he almost shouted.

“No” it was barely a whisper, but it sounded dangerous. The girls reached for their various weapons and began to advance on Legolas.

Legolas swore, retreating as fast as he could but never turning his back on them, never blinking, bow drawn.

Then, before he knew it he was down, having tripped over a log rather inconveniently placed right in the way of his escape. The girls were drawing close evil grins distorting their previously beautiful faces.

Legolas screamed, then woke up, safely in bed, no random little girls in sight. He breathed a sigh of relief and sank back into a peaceful sleep.

Far away in the Shire Frodo slept peacefully. He had no nightmares of fan

girls because Frodo was lonely. Nobody likes Frodo.

What do you think?