Sheppard had no choice but to lie helplessly as the nurse removed his uniform, placing it into bio-hazard bags along with his boots and tactical vest. She quickly went to work, gently cleaning the substance from Sheppard’s smooth skin, ensuring he was spared any indignity. However Sheppard felt the flush of humiliation burn across his cheeks as the nurse continued with her task. He felt hands lift him slightly as the bedding was removed and replaced with new. A clean crisp sheet covered his body to the waist.

Carson made his final checks of the Colonel’s condition before he signed off, leaving comments on John’s chart ready for the doctor taking the night shift. Sheppard’s eyes followed Carson’s every move, hoping the doctor would snap out of it and realise what was happening. Sheppard watched as Carson placed a reassuring hand on his arm, blind to the real situation, before he silently turned and walked away.

oOo

Dr Biro entered the infirmary a little earlier than usual. Carson had contacted her by radio to inform her that yet again Colonel Sheppard had ended up in the infirmary in a serious condition. He was to be her first port of call as she began her early evening rounds. As she headed over to Sheppard’s area she was surprised to find the chair usually occupied by a team member empty. She picked up John’s chart, reading the notes as she approached the side of his bed. She was shocked to discover the Colonel lying conscious, in restraints, and weakly gasping and struggling against the vent. She shouted for a nurse as she began to reassure the Colonel he was fine, and that she would help him. A nearby nurse answered the Doctor’s call, entering the curtained off area at a brisk walk.

“Imogen, can you try and keep the Colonel calm for a moment, I need to check his blood work results.” Imogen gasped as she realised the Colonel was awake.

“I thought he was sedated! Vicky told me he should be out for several more hours.” Imogen moved beside the Colonel, stroking his arm, and began talking quietly and calmly to him.

Dr Biro returned a few minutes later with a white sheet of paper.

“His blood work is clear. I don’t understand why Carson has done this. Let’s get him off the vent.” Dr Biro moved to Sheppard’s side and urged him to focus on her voice.

“Colonel, I need you to stay calm. When I say so, I need you to cough for me, okay? Can you do that?” Sheppard nodded as Dr Biro disconnected the tubing from the ventilator housing.

“Okay Colonel, now.” Sheppard tried to cough, which turned into more gagging as Dr Biro swiftly removed the tubing. Imogen quickly placed an oxygen mask over Sheppard’s nose and mouth, and he pulled in lungfuls of blessed oxygen. Dr Biro and Imogen worked to remove the restraints and make the Colonel more comfortable. Imogen took a new blood sample to be re-tested, as Dr Biro thoroughly checked the now calm and drowsy soldier’s vitals.

“Colonel... can you hear me?” Sheppard opened his eyes as best he could, but he was exhausted from the constant battle against the ventilator.

“Do you remember what happened? Did you have difficulty breathing?” Dr Biro was urgent in her questioning. Sheppard’s whisper was barely audible above the hiss of the oxygen mask, but Dr Biro moved in closer and heard his answer.

“No... Carson... something’s wrong...” Sheppard’s eyes slid closed and the heart monitor settled into a rhythmical beat. Dr Biro activated her radio.

“Dr Weir... Can you come to the infirmary immediately?”

“On my way Dr Biro... is there a problem?” Elizabeth had been unaware of any patients in the infirmary; she was curious as to what was so urgent.

“I will explain when you arrive.” Dr Biro was unsure how secure the channel was and she didn’t believe this kind of thing should be broadcast for the city to hear.

Five minutes later Elizabeth entered the infirmary. Searching out Dr Biro, she found her standing by an occupied bed. As Elizabeth drew closer to the bed she realised the identity of its occupant. Colonel Sheppard lay shifting restlessly in sleep, pale and clammy.

“What happened? Why wasn’t I informed that the Colonel had been injured?” Dr Weir was angry at being kept out of the loop.

“I assumed Carson would have informed you, I have just arrived on shift Dr Weir. However there is a more pressing matter that I need to share.” Elizabeth sat beside John, as Dr Biro explained finding Sheppard awake and in obvious distress at being intubated and restrained. She also showed the notes Carson had made on John’s chart explaining that John had presented with breathing difficulties after exposure to an unknown type of plant. Carson had noted that blood work showed the presence of high levels of toxin, leading to the Colonel’s deterioration and ultimate sedation and the necessity of placing him on a ventilator.

Elizabeth absorbed the evidence with building shock as Dr Biro further explained that John’s original results had actually been clear and that subsequent blood tests had conclusively proven this. The second blood test had also shown that only a small amount of sedative and muscle relaxant had been administered, which resulted in the Colonel’s complete awareness of his entire time on the ventilator.

Elizabeth was close to tears; she couldn’t believe that Carson would do such a thing. Elizabeth radioed for a security detail to collect Dr Beckett and the nurse who had also signed off on the chart, and bring them to the infirmary. Ten minutes later, Dr Beckett entered the infirmary protesting at the security detail and complaining at being woken up for no reason.

“Carson!” Elizabeth was in no mood for patience she wanted answers. Carson ceased talking instantly and turned to look at Elizabeth standing beside the Colonel’s bed. He also registered that the Colonel was no longer intubated.

“What the bloody hell is going on? Why has Colonel Sheppard been taken off the vent? He had serious breathing difficulties, he needed to be allowed to heal.” He headed towards the prone man, only to be brought up short by one of the guards.

“Carson. John is not ill. Why did you do this to him?” Elizabeth tried to hide the anger that was bubbling in her veins.

“Elizabeth, love, you are not a medical doctor. You do not understand, the Colonel was exposed to a very dangerous toxin, he was dying. I had no choice but to intervene.”

“Carson, there is no toxin, the blood work was clear. The Colonel himself told me he was not ill.” As Dr Biro began to explain, John began to stir and slowly opened his eyes, taking in the people surrounding him. As his eyes fell on Carson, they widened in panic and he began to try and back away up the bed and onto the pillows, his back pressing against the cold wall of Atlantis.

“John its okay, no one is going to hurt you. You’re fine.” Elizabeth was by his side rubbing his arm reassuringly. John grabbed her hand and held firm.

“What the bloody hell is going on?” Carson asked in shock at his friend’s reaction to him.

“He was awake Carson. He was awake as you intubated him.” Dr Biro’s words hit Carson like a steam train.

“No, he can’t have been! We administered a sedative, he was unconscious. I checked. Everything was happening quickly - he couldn’t breathe... Oh my God, what did I do?” Carson had been in medical emergencies more times than he cared to count and he was confident in his ability, but the look on John’s face told him what he didn’t want to believe. He had made a dreadful mistake.

“John, I am so sorry... I thought you were sedated... I am so sorry.” Carson placed his head in his hands. John seemed to hear and calmed down slightly. Dr Biro and Elizabeth helped him to get settled back into a more comfortable position. John’s firm grip on Elizabeth’s hand never relented.

Imogen entered the infirmary and passed another sheet of paper to Dr Biro.

“I had Imogen take a sample of the substance on the Colonel’s uniform to be tested. The results are conclusive. There is no evidence of any toxin or poison of any sort, however it shows the presence of a strong hallucinogen.” Dr Biro’s face calmed in realisation.

“Carson, you and Vicky touched the Colonel when you completed his post mission check up, you must have absorbed the toxin and some how it caused your perception of the situation to become distorted. What do you remember happening from the moment the Colonel arrived in the infirmary?” Dr Biro probed gently, she needed to find out who else may have been exposed to the toxin.

“He was okay when he first arrived. He was last as usual. I checked over Teyla and Ronon and released them to their quarters. McKay was agitated, he told me that the Colonel had been sprayed by some kind of mist from a plant on the mission. He was overreacting as usual, complaining that he was ill, that he had been close by and was worried that he had also been exposed and might die. I reassured Rodney, did a blood test to humour him and sent him on his way. I then headed over to complete Colonel Sheppard’s check. I was thinking about what Rodney said. I knew Sheppard wouldn’t volunteer the information, and I was getting a little steamed up.” Carson paused for a second.

“Oh my God, when I started the check he seemed okay. I questioned him about his exposure to the substance, and I was checking him over and his lungs sounded wheezy and then he began to have trouble breathing. That was after I touched him. You’re right! Oh God, no wonder he struggled. Ronon had to help me hold him down until we got him sedated. I must have some how projected my anger into a visual hallucination of Sheppard’s exposure. Oh God. I did this.” Carson sat down heavily on the chair beside Sheppard’s bed.

Elizabeth’s free hand reached her radio and she activated it asking Ronon to come to the infirmary. Within minutes he arrived at a run.

“Is Sheppard okay?” He looked concerned, as though he was expecting bad news. Sheppard reacted the same way toward Ronon as he had with Dr Beckett.

Ronon however, reacted to the news of what he had helped to do by punching a dent into the nearest wall.

“I helped torture him,” was all he said before turning to leave, only to find his path blocked by two nervous looking guards. He growled at them menacingly.

“Ronon. Wait! You need to be checked over, you where exposed to the substance,” Dr Weir called, attempting to de-fuse the situation.

Dr Biro thoroughly checked over anyone exposed to the substance. Given that Carson had had the knowledge to ensure that everyone had showered and changed, the exposure had not had a lasting effect. However the implication of what each of them had done to a man who had put his life on the line for them on so many occasions had devastating effect.

oOo

Sheppard had recovered quickly once he had been taken off the ventilator. Two days later, after much complaining and two escape attempts, he was finally released to his quarters. He had not seen either Ronon or Carson since he regained consciousness and his constant requests to Teyla and Rodney to find them had not been successful, hence the two escape attempts. He picked up his radio and secured his holstered hand gun around his waist and was about to head out of the door in search of both men when someone knocked at his door.

Sheppard opened the door to find a pale and uneasy Carson turning to leave, having had second thoughts.

“Carson, wait. I want to talk to you.” Sheppard couldn’t quite shake the feeling of unease. He knew Carson had been ill and hadn’t meant to cause any pain, in fact he realised Carson had been battling to save his life. Carson stopped and turned back to face Sheppard.

“Colonel, I am so sorry. I understand completely if you wish that your medical care be dealt with by another medic. I can’t begin to make amends for what I did.”

“Carson, stop. Its okay, I know what happened now, Dr Biro told me about the hallucinogen. It’s not your fault, you where just trying to save my life.” Sheppard was sincere. Carson paused for a moment as the words sunk in and sighed in relief, although he did not look completely at ease.

“Just so you know. You are officially banned from sticking anything down my throat ever again!” Sheppard’s face cracked into a broad grin as he patted Carson on the shoulder.

“Look Doc, it wasn’t pleasant, and I am in no hurry for a repeat performance, in fact if I never find myself on a ventilator again, it will be too soon! Now help me find Ronon, he is avoiding me too.” The two men headed off to the most likely hideout of the large Satedan. They knew they had found the right place as two marines limped out of the gym.

“Oh bloody hell, it’s a good job I came along. Ronon seems to be releasing his anger through a spot of marine bashing.” Carson looked worried. Sheppard just grinned; some of those marines needed to be knocked down a peg or two.

The conversation with Ronon was shorter than with Carson. Ronon did not say much at the best of times. He just listened to Sheppard and seemed to accept what he said.

“Sheppard, what I did was unforgiveable. I caused pain and suffering; what I did was no better than the Wraith.”

“Hey, don’t go there big guy. I am still here, I recovered. This is not even close to what the Wraith do.” He clasped Ronon on the shoulder. Ronon simply stared at John showing neither acceptance nor disagreement.

“You feel like a run?” Sheppard was wired; too much time in the infirmary did that to him. There was a moments pause before Ronon responded.

“Think you will keep up?” Ronon grinned.

“Is that a challenge?” Sheppard replied. Ronon responded by shoving a water bottle into Sheppard’s hand and taking off at a sprint out of the gym.

“We’re good.” Sheppard whispered, smiling to himself as he took off after the Satedan, leaving Carson tending to a handful of battered and bruised marines.

“Bloody idiots will never learn.” Carson grinned. Everything would be just fine.

The End