Disclaimer: Smallville and its characters are owned and copyrighted by DC Comics and Tollin/Robbins Productions.

Warnings: Mpreg, slash and squickiness

A/N: I swear I wasn't high when I wrote this. It's just that recent fics and discussions about pink kryptonite (Yes, I blame Supercaptain 182 and svgurl for this) and Bobby talking about "Falling Pregnant" (Yep, Rose bares some of the fault here too) got my mind going and unfortunately it went here.

"I knew this would happen," Jonathan grumbled, casting an accusatory glance towards his wife. "I knew some boy would look past his you know what and find his you know who.

Frustrated, Martha pursed her lips and began to scold her son. "How could you let this happen? Haven't we discussed letting boys into your special place?" Having an alien son with both male and female anatomy had been a big concern for the Kents.

"But I didn't," Clark answered back, hurt that his parents didn't trust him and relieved that they hadn't an inkling who the father might be.

"Clark Jerome Kent, how can you sit there and lie to your mother after you've just told us that you're in the family way." Jonathan could feel his face flushing redder than his son's. "We should have done something about this when we had the chance."

"Like what?" Martha half whined. "It's not like we could march him into a doctor's office and had something removed."

Clark hated when they talked about him like he wasn't even there. It mostly happened when he screwed up royally and he supposed getting himself pregnant counted.

"Don't you think I know that?" Jonathan barked, flashing a disappointed look over at his alien son. "I mean for crying out loud Martha, we kept him out of gym to prevent the other boys from finding out. Oh god, was it one of the boys at school?" Jonathan worried.

"No dad….it,"

"It was Lex, wasn't it," Martha nodded.

Clark was a little surprised that it was his mom that blamed Lex and not his dad.

"No mom, it wasn't Lex."

Jonathan's face grew dark and angry. "Was it Lionel?"

"God no," Clark protested. "He's…old."

"Whitney?"

Clark wasn't sure, but his mother almost sounded hopeful.

"Whitney is dead, remember?" Clark answered flatly.

"Please tell me it's not one of those meteor freaks," Jonathan pleaded.

Clark opened his mouth to speak but his parents continued.

"Pete Ross. I knew you two boys were spending too much time in the barn together."

"Mom," Clark whined, "Pete's my best friend."

"A colored grandson, that wouldn't be so bad," Jonathan nodded, "better than a meteor freak."

Clark wanted to tell his dad that no one said colored anymore. Before his mom and dad could take more guesses, Clark decided it was time to lay their suspicions to rest. He polished of his milk and began to speak.

"Mom, dad, I know from since I was little, you told me about my um…specialness and how it was private and no one should see because they wouldn't understand but lately, I've been having these urges…"

Jonathan and Martha looked at each other knowingly.

"…and at lunch time, all the guys talk about is doing it." Clark looked down at the floral patterned table cloth his mother just purchased.

"Oh my poor baby," she cried. "Did they…did they hurt you? I'll kill the bastards that violated my baby."

Martha smothered her child in her arms.

Although Clark was shocked to hear his mother curse he spoke up. "The baby's mine," Clark choked out.

"Of course it is and no one can take it from you son," Jonathan said, clapping his son on the shoulder.

"No, you don't understand. I put my boy part into my girly place and…and…," Clark broke down, tearfully confessing his transgression.

Martha and Jonathan drew away from their son horrified. Of all the scenarios they'd imagined when they first realized how different their son was, this was one never imagined. They'd been so careful keeping him away from other boys; they hadn't thought to keep him away from himself.