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Love
A/N: Set after episode 459 (Yvonne’s leaving do).
Summary: Oneshot: He loved her, and there was no way back. [SamPhil
The words left his mouth before he had time to think about the consequences that those three simple words could have. They were lying in her bed, both naked but for the pale pink sheets wrapped around them. She had been playing with the hairs on his chest whilst rambling on about work, and the words had just popped out. He’d loved her for ages, even more so after Romania, and ever since he’d been trying to find the right time to tell her.
Apparently, lying in bed, in each others arms after mind blowing sex wasn’t the right time.
He couldn’t bear to look at her shocked face right now, so instead he looked down at the bed sheets, because it was easier then seeing the expression on her face.
Sam stared at Phil in surprise, and slight horror. “Why?”
Why? That wasn’t quite the reaction he’d imagined.
“That’s not what I meant. I-” she seemed to sense that he was more than a little hurt by her reaction. “You love me?” Disbelief etched her features.
Phil hesitated for a second. He was well aware that confirming his confession would only cause her to become more wary of him, but there was no way back now.
“Yeah.”
Sam looked like she needed a moment to come to terms with this latest development in their relationship, and so he mumbled something about needing a drink, and headed down to her immaculate kitchen.
She stared at her hands, and pinched herself to make sure she wasn’t dreaming. In some ways she wished she was. Then she and Phil could go on pretending this was some casual fling, and she wouldn’t get sucked in, only to be let down a couple of weeks or months down the line.
He searched her cupboards for something strong, something that would wash away this feeling of fear. A deep-seated fear that he’d ruined anything that might have existed between them. He pulled a bottle of red wine from the cupboard, and poured it into a large glass in the hope that the alcohol would wash away his emotions, and then he could go back to being the guy that didn’t have any feelings as far as women and love were concerned.
Sam slowly made her way to the kitchen, and struggled to collect her thoughts together. He wasn’t the commitment type, and she knew better than anyone that those three words did not often emerge from his mouth.
He was standing with his back to her, clad only in his boxers, and drinking her wine. She coughed lightly, to alert him to her presence. “I’m sorry.” The words came out in a rush and she didn’t know what she meant by them, only that she needed to say them.
“What for?” Phil looked puzzled. “You don’t have to be sorry for -”
“For not being able to say it back? For being a cold hard bitch?” She sounded more bitter than she had intended to.
“Sam - ” he spoke softly, looking at her with something like acceptance in his eyes. “It’s okay.”
Her green eyes filled with something Phil had never seen in them before. Hurt. And fear. “I just.. I need time.”
“Yeah.” Phil agreed, although he couldn’t help but wonder if he was just the rebound guy after Stuart. “If you’re not going to chuck me out, maybe we should finish what we started?” He grinned at her cheekily, the type of smile that made most women, including her, fall at his feet.
Or maybe it was because it was Phil, and she couldn’t say those words and let herself trust him not to cheat.
Sam shut her eyes, and tried to sleep. It was impossible to sleep though, when she knew that Phil Hunter had said those three words. The three words she’d always thought he’d never say. Not to anyone.
Taking a deep breath, Sam let go of the niggle at the back of her mind which told her he wasn’t trustworthy “I love you.”
She opened her eyes, and looked at him. He was still sleeping soundly, although a slight smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. She let out the breath she didn’t know she’d been holding, and smiled.
Maybe next time she’d be able to say it when he was awake.