DISCLAIMER: I don’t own the Pirates of the Caribbean movie franchise or any of the characters or dialogue associated with the film. They are the property of the Walt Disney Corporation.

AN: EXTREMELY IMPORTANT! READ FIRST! This is a project between lionessrampant84 and myself. We have decided that she writes Liz well while I write Will well and hence we should join forces and write the ULTIMATE modern AU.

So, this is how this works: I will write all Will chapters (i.e.: all odd chapters) while lionessrampant84 will write all Liz chapters (i.e.: all even chapters). If you want to read all the even chapters! you must go to lionessrampant84’s profile. The story will be under the same title.

WARNING: This story is rated M for swearing, violence, substance abuse and explicit sexual detail. Anyone under the age of 16 should vacate the premises immediately.

What the fuck am I fucking doing? Get a Goddamn grip, Willy. A. Goddamn. Grip. I can hear the fucking quartet doing their fucking trite, repetitive, wedding, garbage, shite music. All that separates me from the mad masses of ancient, aristocratic, blue-blooded bastards (re: Liz’s extended family) is this shoddy piece of fucking canvas tent. I looked up at the gilded mirror which had been so carefully arranged for me. Fuck. I’m the Goddamn groom, not the bloody bride. Shit.

I heard scuffling outside my little tent and my heart started pounding. It was likely someone here to tell me that I had to go stand up front before everyone, enduring their critical eyes until Liz inevitably comes down the aisle…or doesn’t. Fuck. Nothing is set in stone, right? She could be running away, riding the fucking train back to London by now. Instead, Jack came tumbling into the tent. I swallowed as I watched him attempt to collect himself.

“Are you fucking drunk?” I asked, disbelievingly, my sodding voice cracking.

Jack rolled his eyes dramatically and trippingly made his way towards me. He dropped his hand on my shoulder heavily and began to speak. “Young William, when have you ever known me not to be drunk?”

I sighed. “Jesus, Jack.”

He smiled drunkenly, straightening out the lapel of my jacket which he himself had just ruffled. Then, he looked up at me as though seeing me for the first time even though he’d been with me all sodding day except for the last hour.

“Will?” he asked, seemingly confused.

“Yes?” I replied slowly. What the fuck was up with him? He started shaking his head and just staring at me.

“What?” I asked, irritated. I did not fucking need to deal with him like this. Not today.

“Your face…,” he muttered, reaching up to touch me. I grimaced at him and avoided his touch.

“What the fuck is wrong with my face?” I asked, turning to the mirror. It was still there, all my eyes and noses and mouths and ears. What the fuck was the problem?

“Your hair…,” he continued. Oh. Right. I turned back to him.

“Thought I’d look respectable, is all,” I muttered.

Jack blinked at me a couple of times and then burst into a hideous fit of laughter. The bloody guests must have thought us mad.

“Will, Will, Will. You haven’t been respectable in, oh, ten years. Besides, Elizabeth isn’t marrying a respectable man, is she?”

“She is!” I hissed defensively. I looked at my reflection again. Alright, maybe I’d gone overboard. What if she hated it? What if she took one look at me and turned around again? In the mirror, I could see Jack shrugging.

“You just look…,” he paused to snort again, “fifteen again.”

“Thanks, Jack,” I said sarcastically.

I decided to cut my hair yesterday in a panicky fit about the poshness of Liz’s family. I supposed they didn’t want Liz to marry some dirty chav with long, mad hair, now did they? Likewise, I had decided about half an hour ago that they likely wouldn’t appreciate my facial hair either, besides it looked odd with my short hair. Which was, oddly enough, rather straight.

“Is it bad?” I asked, absently running my hand through my hair.

Jack shrugged uselessly. Suddenly, his eyes widened.

“That’s it!” he almost shouted. I jumped a bit.

“What?”

“That music! It’s time for you to stand up front, mate!”

Bloody hell. I walked up the aisle, swallowing hard and nodding stiffly to guests. Jack was smiling broadly and waving at people as he went. I wondered if he would have been this friendly if he weren’t drunk. As we stood, waiting for the inevitable arrival of Liz, I turned to Jack.

“Do you have the ring?”

He patted his jacket lightly. “’Course!”

I was almost turned around and sighing in relief when I caught his face falling. I turned again.

“Jack.”

“What?” he asked defensively.

“Let me see it.”

“Uh...no, I can’t?”

“Why not?”

“Um...bad luck to see the ring before the wedding.”

I scowled at him. “You lost it.”

“Misplaced it is more like,” he replied skittishly.

I closed my eyes and sighed. “Now what am I supposed to do?” I was strangely calm about it, but lately I’d been strangely calm about a lot of things. I could always make her another. The wedding band was simply a very thin gold band with no adornment. I could see Jack fiddling around with his pockets in my peripheral and I closed my eyes. Whatever.

“Here it is!” he shouted loudly.

“Jesus, Jack!” I hissed. Suddenly I was very glad Liz had opted for an outdoor wedding as opposed to in a church. I imagine God would be none to pleased with a swearing chav who takes his name in vain minutely. My heart started pounding as I watched Hector (whom Liz had begrudgingly allowed in the wedding party) bring Teddy and Carol up to their seats. Carol was already crying. Bloody hell. Women. And this was it, I supposed. The music paused and then, without warning Lohengrin began.

The first up the aisle was Liz’s cousin, Rachel. Pretty girl. Next was Princess Cellist. Again, pretty girl. They looked like little pink…wotsits. Aw, how cute. Can we get on with the fucking wedding now? The music stopped abruptly and there was a moment of agonizing silence. The wedding march began and everyone stood up and stared expectantly down the aisle. Liz stepped onto the aisle, her hand resting in the crook of the guv’ner’s arm, eyes downcast. If the other two were just pretty girls, then Liz was a motherfucking goddess. Slowly, painfully, she raised her eyes to meet mine and I smiled involuntarily. She just stopped and stared at me, perfect mouth gaping. Oh God. Please move forward Liz. Please. The guv’ner gave her a tug and she smiled broadly before continuing further. Thank fucking God.

Well, didn’t she just look like some sort of magazine pull-out goddess from beyond? I had a moment, a moment of sheer disbelief. What the fuck was she thinking, marrying me? Never, since the day that I met her, had a felt like more of a chav. She grinned at me and mouthed ‘what happened to your hair?’. Well, Liz, darling, I decided that I have been too much of a fucking filthy chav and decided to pretend for the day that I am not said chav. Instead, I smiled apprehensively. Suddenly, as I looked at her perfect, lovely face in the sunlight, thoughts started to flood my head. Would we be alright? Would I be able to care for her as she needed? As she deserved? Ours was a quick union, in every sodding respect. What if that mad inertia were to die? Did we have enough to sustain us beyond passion? A half-smile played on her lips as we grew closer to the vows and I had a moment of maddening clarity – I heard nothing, saw nothing, other than Liz, and I knew I would love her until the day I died.

Everything came rushing back to me as she started her vows. One of the pink wotits handed her a little card. She glanced at it once and then I saw the ‘fuck it’ glare in her eye. She was winging it.

“Will, I love you. You know that, and I want the world to know that. I love you, and this isn’t just any old kind of love. I love you in such a way that I promise to work for this, every day of my life. I promise to stay forever by your side when we’ve hit a rough patch. I’ll…I’ll act with empathy. And be compassionate always.” She paused. “I’ll laugh with you and…we’ll have so much fun growing together. Will, I’m going to love the man you’ll become as well as the man you are. That’s all.” She paused again, looking right into me. “I love you.”

I smiled slightly. My vows were…as non-existant as the lost ring. Winging it is what I fucking do. Alright, truthfully every time I sat down to write some, it came out all wrong. So, now here I fucking was with nothing to say.

“ Elizabeth,” I said, she smiled and watched me expectantly. My heart was hammering away in my chest as I looked back at her. “I can’t promise you anything.”

Did I just fucking say that? No brain, Goddamn git! There was an audible gasp. “I mean…,” I was faltering. God, may as well just come out with it. I took a deep breath, Elizabeth’s eyes were wide with unspoken horror. “I love you. I love when you tell me not to speak. I mean, I love those moments when not speaking says more than words ever could. I love how you know me, and how I know you. I…,” I paused. This was a bloody confession, not a vow. Jesus, Will.

“Allegro agitato e appassionato assai,” I whispered. Liz smiled slightly. “I promise you that I will live by that. I promise you that I will cherish every mad moment we have together.”

I could have promised her the world right there, but then we had one of those moments that I had rambled on about. I didn’t need to say anything, really. Neither did she. Her hands tightened on mine and I felt instantly relieved, somehow. We would be alright. We would make it. It wouldn’t be bloody easy, but we would make it. Somehow in my overjoyed zen state, I heard the officiant say that we would have to exchange rings. Sodding hell. Elizabeth slid my ring on and said all the right things. Now what the bloody hell would I do? Fucking Jack. I turned slightly to catch his wide, ridiculous smile. Wanker. Wait? Was that the ring in his hand? Fuck me. Thank God. I glared at him. Either he was a drunk idiot, or he had been fucking with me from the get go – or both. Who knows? I slid the ring on Liz’s finger and heard the officiant give us the go ahead to kiss.

Everything that had worked in our relationship had been madly physical. But, this time, this kiss would mark the first time that I was safe to say my Elizabeth. Truly.

Elizabeth and I had shared hundreds, thousands even, of kisses. I knew every sodding avenue of her body, and yet kissing her now was unlike any time before. She was mine and I was hers and there were no boundaries. There was no definition between princess and punk; we simply existed as one in this mad kiss. I was a little shocked to be slipped the tongue in front of all Liz’s relatives, or had I slipped her the tongue? God, how is it that I could never bloody well tell? I felt her hands run up the side of my smooth face and felt her smile into the kiss. Well at least she liked that.

We were announced and we made our way down the aisle, smiling like idiots and being assaulted by everyone who we passed. We made it past the doors for the millisecond we’d have alone before the end of the night. She threw her arms around my neck and I lifted her and her bloody three million pound dress off the ground. I set her back down, unable to hold back my ridiculous smiles anymore.

“You look beautiful.”

And, she did. Marvellously so. She beamed back at me and I wondered if this wasn’t just some really lovely dream. I then realized that there was no Katrina in the corner cutting up my shirts and knew that it wasn’t a dream.

“You don’t look too bad yourself,” she said coyly. I smiled like an idiot and then, BAM, we were dragged off in every direction and run mad all night. Honestly, the three minutes of slow dancing we were allotted was the only time we were together for the rest of the night. Guests started to filter off in the early morning and Hector started requesting the ska music. I couldn’t NOT skank on my wedding day…and apparently neither could Liz. She lifted her monstrous skirts to reveal a pair of white chucks. I shook my head and smiled at her. Perfect. Bloody perfect.

The morning sun filtered through the windows and for once I didn’t reach for a pillow to bury my head under; instead I turned to my wife – my fucking wife – who was still fast asleep. The light caught the gold band on her finger and reflected back at me in shining brilliance. I don’t know why or how or if I’m just fucking nutters, but that shard of reflected light seemed to encompass everything that had happened within the last year. Perfect, naked, pure brilliance. And, love – love like I had never expected to feel in my life. Music brought us together and glued us together – Liz was my music, my music when the lights go out and nothing else is left. As long as I have Liz, I’ll always have music. As long as I have music, I’ll always be complete.